No Middle-Aged Man with the Mind of a Forty-Year-Old Would Cry Over Something Like That
So that was it. Not being able to see brought on a terror far greater than I had ever imagined, and only after the staff helped me pull myself together could I admit as much.
Thinking about it, the whole thing was painfully simple. What I had reached into the box with, trying to grab whatever was inside, was obviously my hand—which meant the thing that seized my palm and wrist had to be someone else's hand. That should have been obvious. But not being able to see had made even a fact that simple impossible to grasp. It really was true: the sense human beings rely on most, when they try to understand anything, is sight.
"Let's start again, Izumi."
"Ah, o-okay...."
As the HMD was handed back to me, I let out a quiet sigh. I had cried because I got startled, and paused the broadcast over it. A Calamity wouldn't even be surprising. They were all saying something out there, weren't they....
With that thought I put the HMD on, and the same stage as before opened once more across my vision.
"I-I'm b-back...."
Still, maybe the fortunate part was that nothing too pointed was showing up in the chat just yet. If anything, a lot of them had called it cute—the way I'd startled at the end and toppled over backward. Not that I had wanted that reaction. Absolutely not....
"I-I didn't cry, okay.... I was j-just startled."
Misunderstandings like this turn into problems later if you don't correct them from the start.
Right. I didn't cry. I only got startled and fell backward. A middle-aged man with the mental age of someone in his forties would never be scared enough to cry over something like that.
"I said I didn't cry! There's n-no way I'd cry over something like this...."
These jerks. They were typing that just to smear me however they could, but I was absolutely not taking the bait. Because I hadn't cried.
But the chat showed no sign of letting the subject die. Then there was nothing for it. At times like this, ignoring them was the answer. I couldn't stay on this forever, so all I had to do was roll straight into the next topic.
"Ahem. This time, I figured everyone would be c-curious about how I usually spend my days.... So this time, we're going to the cl-classroom where I take my classes...!"
The moment I said it, my vision went dark, and after a short wait the classroom I had just described slowly came into view. Maybe out of respect for the hour the stream was airing, it was pitch-black beyond the windows, and inside the room—obviously—there was no one but me. The penlights and cheer boards that had been lined up in front of the stage were gone, of course. All that remained were desks and chairs, set in neat rows.
And among them, I was standing before that one seat. The place I had admired, if only for a little while, back then. No—the place I still admired, a little, even now. The window-side desk in the very back row, the one anime protagonists always get.
"Hehe.... S-so, what do you all think? This is where I s-sit...."
But the chat was jeering that there was no way I sat there. If I were being strictly honest, they were only saying true things—and even so, I couldn't admit it now. Right now I was the ultra-popular atmosphere maker, Kaino Izumi. Which meant that at a time like this, I had to come on strong.
"...Y-yeah, well. You guys probably never sat in this seat when you were in school. Ordinary o-otaku are at the v-very bottom of the school caste, so I g-get why you'd be jealous. But I'm at the t-top of the school caste, so of course I sit here...?"
"I-I told you I didn't cry...!"
Today was supposed to be my 3D debut, an important day, so why wasn't there a single Iztomo willing to take my side even now.... Don't tell me it was actually true that ninety percent of Iztomo were the Abuse faction? If so, I might be a little sad....
"A-anyway, I usually sit here and l-listen to class...."
Saying so, I dropped into the chair with a thump. I didn't have to worry about tipping over; there was nothing behind me. When I'd taken the HMD off for a moment earlier, the staff had set a chair and a desk in front of me and behind me.
"Sometimes I look out the w-window and think.... Yeah, class really is b-boring...."
"So sometimes I even f-fall asleep in secret."
Math, especially. The teacher's voice was so soft and lulling that I nodded off before I knew it more often than not. And this was something I had genuinely wondered ever since my past life: formulas like the Pythagorean theorem—once you learn them, where exactly are you supposed to use them? Unless you were a student who wanted to become a mathematician, they were useless to most people, weren't they? I knew thoughts like that were pure chuunibyou, but still, I got curious sometimes.
"I-I'm p-pretty good at studying, though...."
I wasn't at the very top in the whole country, of course, but I was absolutely not at a level where I was bad at it either. The school I attended was a private high school with a high deviation score, for one thing.
"Well, anyway... th-the story is, I'm enjoying school life and giving it my all."
Especially lately, since I'd started talking a little with Miyauchi and Tateyama. Enough that I sometimes wondered if I hadn't actually become one of the popular kids for real.
"Haaah...."
I'd been talking without a break all this time, so to rest for a moment I stretched my arms out and flopped forward onto the desk. The cool feel of the wood was so nice that a pathetic little sound slipped out of me before I knew it, but nobody around me was stopping me, so it was probably fine.
"...You people really are p-perverts...."
After that I showed them the look with the cardigan untied from around my waist, and the scenery shifted once more, from the classroom to somewhere new.
"A-and th-this right here is my house."
A waterfall poured down behind me, and beautiful blue gems drifted overhead. And the place I was sitting was a splendid, enormous throne.
"When I d-don't go to school, and there's no stream, I spend my time sitting like this...."
A queen, seated on a gorgeous throne like this without a word, wrapped in a cold atmosphere. Didn't it feel like a final boss—the kind of thing that stirred a man's sensibilities and looked incredibly cool? That was what I had felt the first time I saw this space in rehearsal. So I had said it with a whole hurry up and praise me for being cool energy.
And of course, only reactions like that came flooding in. Well, it was fine. I had already expected about this much. These were the same people who always called me the Queen of Flame Wars, so this much was only natural. My mental game wasn't fragile enough to be shaken by something like this.
"A-anyway, it's about time I s-sing the next song...."
...These guys. Seriously, what did they even think of me on a normal day? Well, they liked me enough to watch my 3D debut live, so I supposed I ought to let it slide.
"Ahem. Th-this song is a cool song that s-suits me, so everyone, listen well, okay...?"
At my words, chats about the next song started pouring in without end. I didn't answer any of them. I quietly propped my chin on my right hand, crossed my legs, and settled into the pose.
The lights went out, and for an instant my vision dropped into black—then blue lighting, split three ways from above, slowly began to shine on me. A low, heavy instrumental followed, announcing the start of the song.
I want the world in my hands.
I said that, once, didn't I.
And the song I sang was, just as everyone had predicted, Quean—one of the Vocaloid songs.
"S-so then, in two days it's A-Akabane's 3D debut, so look forward to it, everyone! B-bye, everyone...."
With the announcement of Akabane's 3D debut stream as the last word, my own 3D debut broadcast came to an end.
"Haaaaah...."
"You worked very hard, Izumi."
"Th-thank you...."
I was tired. Wiped out. Every time I watched Nacchan's lives, I had thought one hour was far too short—but I must never think that again. I ought to be grateful for even a single hour....
"U-um.... Was my 3D debut... on the s-successful side...?"
I had no intention of hanging my whole heart on the viewer count, of course. But how should I put it. I had worked this hard, so being a little expectant was something I couldn't help. Right. Getting curious was only natural, wasn't it?! It was my 3D debut broadcast, an anniversary that would never come again! ...Well. Nobody had actually said anything.
"Ah, yes! It really was a success! The peak live viewers hit all of seventeen thousand!"
"...Eh?"
At those words, my thoughts stopped for a moment. Seventeen thousand? My usual viewership sat somewhere between three and four thousand. E-even a rough count made it four or five times as many. A special event like a 3D debut naturally drew more people than an ordinary stream, of course. But I hadn't thought it would jump by this much....
"Heh... heheh...."
That fact felt as if it were telling me the effort I had put in until now hadn't been for nothing.
"Th-thank goodness...."
I could let out a sigh of relief from the bottom of my heart.
After that, I ate dinner at the studio with the staff, rode home in M-chan's car, washed up, and fell straight asleep.
"Hiiiieek?!"
I dreamed of M-chan's hands chasing me from behind.