Awakening
“Is it really okay?” Miria asked as she saw Nasha off toward Goheng Peak once again today.
“Probably.”
It was the day Nasha had met Freiyan. Miria and Raksha had welcomed the returning girl with open delight. If for no other reason, they were utterly convinced she would awaken her divine power.
I have to go again tomorrow.
“Did something happen?”
Nasha had been about to answer Miria’s question out of habit when she froze. After a brief pause, she shook her head. It was the exact same face she used to make as a child when forced to do homework she hated.
“Was it a good thing, then?”
Nasha considered this question too before answering with a complicated expression.
“If I have to pick a side… yeah.”
“Even though you still have to go back tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“Then that’s all that matters.”
Though Nasha clearly didn’t want to explain the details, both adults could tell something significant had occurred. Since it didn’t seem dangerous, Raksha and Miria chose not to press her on what she was keeping hidden.
“Oh, and could you wait a few more days on that letter?”
“Of course.”
“It’ll really be fine?”
Raksha shrugged.
“You’re asking for a delay because something came up, right? The letter was already late anyway, so another few days won’t make any difference.”
“Really?”
“No. The sending date gets stamped on it. That won’t fly.”
She had believed him because he’d said it with such confidence. Raksha added, watching the dumbfounded looks on Miria’s and Nasha’s faces.
“What can they even do about a late letter? Let them try something if they’re so inclined.”
He was a former Holy Knight Commander. Though he had stepped down from the position and the visible authority that came with it had vanished, Raksha’s name still carried the full weight of the honor he had earned in that role.
Nasha felt a twinge of sympathy for whoever was stuck waiting for the reply.
“In any case, give it your all. I’d hate to make them wait too long.”
“I will, obviously.”
Nasha herself had zero interest in climbing that peak every single day.
“The fact that Nasha personally asked for more time probably means something is actually happening.”
“I suppose so.”
“Climbing that thing is difficult enough, so I’m sure she’ll work hard. Let’s focus on our own tasks.”
“Yes.”
Perhaps it was because humans are creatures of adaptation. After only two climbs, the path already felt familiar.
“Huff… haaah…”
That didn’t make the climb any less exhausting.
“How slow. With stamina like that, how do you expect to continue your training?”
Freiyan was leaning against a tree just like yesterday.
Ugh.
Nasha’s physical strength was outstanding even among the entire village, not just the girls. She had plenty to say, but she was too out of breath to speak. Whether out of kindness or not, Freiyan waited patiently until Nasha had caught her breath.
“Have your thoughts from yesterday changed at all?”
“If they had, would I have climbed all the way up here?” Nasha shot back at the goddess who was repeating the same question from yesterday.
“Hmm. That is true. This is no ordinary height, after all.”
Freiyan nodded in understanding. Despite the rather curt reply, she didn’t react the way she had the day before.
“You thought I might get angry again like yesterday, didn’t you? Even one called a goddess needs only a day to cool her temper.”
Freiyan looked at the seated Nasha.
“What is your reason for wishing to awaken divine power?”
There was genuine seriousness in Freiyan’s golden eyes. Having spent the previous night reflecting on her life after their first meeting, Nasha already had her answer prepared.
“To put it simply, it’s because the people around me want it… but if I’m being more honest, it’s because I like this life.”
Nasha remembered the day she had finally admitted to herself how happy she was living with Miria and Raksha, caring for the children. That was the moment she had resolved to awaken her divine power as quickly as possible.
“For no more reason than that?”
“Is that not enough?”
“There are other paths. You’re still young; you might discover different desires.”
“That’s not it.”
Her answer was firm. Freiyan waited quietly for the rest of the explanation.
“It may only be seven years here, but it feels like a very long time to me.”
The memories came easily. Seven years of happiness still couldn’t completely erase nearly thirty years of misfortune. The past replayed slowly, from vivid scenes to faint fragments that carried only emotion. Nasha gave a bitter smile at memories she had never wanted to revisit.
“I wouldn’t say I had the hardest life in the world. But it’s true that the constant stream of terrible events made every day feel impossible. Like the world itself had a personal grudge against me.”
When the memories of the past finally ended, familiar faces and peaceful scenery took their place.
“I never had time like this before. For the first time, I felt sad that time was passing. I wanted to do something for the people who care about me. It had been so long since I felt that way.”
“Is that your true heart?” Freiyan asked one final time.
Nasha’s hand unconsciously rose to rest over her heart.
“More than anything I’ve ever said before.”
Freiyan smiled. It was a warm, gentle expression that should have looked strange on a child’s face, yet somehow it didn’t.
“Then the chance I gave you had meaning after all.”
Freiyan held out her small hand. Nasha took it.
“There is much to speak of… but first, let us awaken your divine power.”
With a light tug, Freiyan pulled Nasha to her feet.
“There are many reasons one might fail to awaken divine power, but let us begin with this question. What do you believe gods and religion to be?”
“Omnipotent beings? And…”
Nasha mumbled something else, but it wasn’t anything worth noting. The current Freiyan Order had changed significantly from its past. Freiyan, who had intended to test the girl’s knowledge, was instead left flustered.
She pressed a hand to her forehead. Though her hand was small, it was enough to cover her equally small face.
“Did you not say you passed the exam with excellent marks?”
Before their conversation, Freiyan had heard that Nasha had passed the test with flying colors and become a novice nun.
“Knowing something with your head isn’t everything.”
Nasha had her own excuses. First, the test had been five years ago. Second, the Nasha of that time had simply crammed knowledge into her head using her past-life experience. As was typical with that kind of studying, almost none of it had remained. The greatest achievement was that, thanks to Miria and Raksha’s efforts, she no longer hated religion and could live with it.
A deep sigh that seemed unfitting for a child’s form escaped Freiyan.
“I see. In this case, knowing nothing at all is better than knowing things incorrectly.”
Before explaining, Freiyan corrected one point.
“First, gods are not omnipotent beings. In truth, divine power cannot bring back the dead, and even I cannot do so.”
“What about me?”
“Strictly speaking, you had not yet died at that time. I simply brought you into this world.”
Since she had still been conscious, it was true she hadn’t died.
“You’re not going to ask about omniscience?”
“Ah, I think I already understand that part.”
Recalling what had happened yesterday, Nasha didn’t press for further explanation.
“You seem to be having disrespectful thoughts… Well, never mind.”
Knowing her own shameful behavior from the day before, Freiyan settled for glaring at Nasha for a moment. Then she cleared her throat and began her explanation.
“First, among the beings called gods that remain in this world, I am the last. There are similar entities, but that is beside the point.”
“So that’s why it’s a monotheistic religion?”
Freiyan nodded.
“Indeed. Since I am the only god left who can grant wishes, the result was inevitable.”
“Doctrine itself is not very important. Most of it ends up being added or removed according to people’s tastes later anyway. Just remember this one thing.”
“Belief. More precisely, conviction. That is the foundation of divine power.”
“Not believing in a god?”
Freiyan waved her hand dismissively.
“That is only second or third in importance. What matters most is one’s personal conviction.”
It was a shocking statement. The very goddess who bestowed divine power was saying that believing in her was secondary.
“What exactly do you mean by conviction?”
“A value worth carrying in your heart until death. There are two main types. Most children hold the desire to help others, while the rest carry the will to protect the weak.”
Uncle Raksha and Sister Miria.
Nasha naturally thought of the two who had once told her their own stories.
“Yes, cases like that. I cannot determine the size of the divine power one’s soul will hold at the moment of awakening. However, I did set the conditions required to obtain it.”
“Is my conviction lacking?”
Nasha asked, recalling the days she had prayed diligently.
“It could be. Or it could not.”
“There are those who try to hold an excessively grand conviction without truly feeling it, or those who simply cannot believe with sincerity.”
“What does that mean?”
Freiyan rested her chin on her hand for a moment, thinking, then gave an example.
“There are people who try to embrace a huge conviction that doesn’t truly belong to them. Something like ‘I will protect every weak person in the world.’ Such a conviction requires matching sincerity. That is why those people often fail to awaken.”
“The doctrine probably contains teachings about focusing on helping the person before you. That was likely recorded with this meaning in mind.”
“And the part about not being able to believe sincerely?”
“That is actually easier to explain. Earlier I said believing in me is only second or third in importance, did I not?”
It was something she had already heard.
“Originally, divine power can be awakened simply by strongly believing in one’s own conviction. The difficulty lies in actually doing so.”
“Is that so?”
It was the first time Nasha had heard this.
“It happens occasionally. But it is not easy. Living every single moment while firmly believing in your conviction is difficult. That is why people believe in gods.”
Freiyan raised her right hand as if holding a sword.
“Lady Freiyan is with us!”
A small spark of divine power flickered from her hand.
“Do you understand the feeling now?”
“It feels like a conviction acknowledged by a god.”
Freiyan nodded as if she had given the correct answer. She continued with minor explanations afterward, but they did not differ greatly from what had already been said.
“Now try it.”
“Pardon?”
Having finished her explanation, Freiyan urged Nasha on.
“I have told you everything I can. Offer a prayer. It is better to assume a proper posture. Your posture is not bad.”
Following Freiyan’s suggestion, Nasha sat in a proper meditative pose at a spot with a good view. The blue sea and sky spread out so widely they seemed to blend together. Thanks to the moderately grown grass, her knees did not hurt.
There really was a god. And she was even my savior.
She clasped her hands together in front of her chest in the familiar way.
Conviction. I want to protect this life.
She pictured Raksha’s, Miria’s, and the children’s faces, along with peaceful days. Thanks to Miria’s frequent corrections, she could now bow her head at the proper angle.
This second life I was given. I think I can do it on my own, but if Lady Freiyan would help me, I would be grateful.
She closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure if it counted as belief, but it was her best effort.
The prayer continued. Nasha had no idea how much time had passed.
Beneath the rapidly darkening sky, Freiyan, who had been watching quietly, curved her lips into a smile.
She’s doing well.
It was light. The light that began at Nasha’s chest gradually grew larger and stronger.
Her belief is a little cheeky… but if she holds a conviction like that, I can overlook it.
A vague prayer about protecting her current life. No one had ever awakened divine power with such a conviction before. It was simple, yet endlessly difficult depending on how one looked at it. Nevertheless, Nasha’s divine power responded to it and continued to shine.
A brilliant golden light burst from Nasha’s chest, growing brighter with every heartbeat. The last remaining Goddess watched with a mixture of surprise and satisfaction as the power of conviction took form.
To think a girl like this would become the Saintess. I can’t tell if her luck is good or bad.
Still… it has been a long time since I felt this kind of anticipation.
An explosion of light. That day, the night that should have arrived early for winter only reclaimed its place long after midnight.