It's Fine If You Keep Hating Me
The sudden negative remark made Vincent Clementine look at Idel.
The child’s eyes that met his held a familiar stubbornness and a strange desperation.
Desperation? Did I really just think desperation?
Vincent’s brow furrowed on its own.
It was an emotion he had noticed yet could not comprehend no matter how he tried.
What could a child possibly have to feel desperate about? I’m standing here telling her I hate her.
If she were seeking his recognition and love, that would be one thing, but the child was behaving in the complete opposite manner.
It made far more sense to believe he had simply misread some other feeling as desperation.
Vincent truly thought so.
Until he heard the words that came from Idel.
“So it’s fine if you keep hating me. I don’t expect anything like love from a father who suddenly appeared, either.”
His heart dropped with a heavy thud before he even realized it.
Even though he had no desire to love the child and lacked any confidence that he could, the feeling still struck him.
With his mouth pressed into a firm line, he did not answer her. Instead he studied her closely.
The silence stretched on too long. Idel decided that Duke Vincent Clementine must be doubting her true intentions.
Otherwise there was no reason for him to stare at her so intently.
Was I too hasty?
She briefly considered repeating that it was not a lie, but abandoned the idea at once.
On second thought, it did not matter. With something like this, planting the words was what counted.
“If it still sounds like a lie, then I suppose there’s nothing I can do.”
Watching Idel sneer, Vincent bit down on the soft flesh inside his cheek.
It’s resignation.
Around the time Rowena had been carrying Jiana, he had studied child-rearing alongside matters concerning his wife.
One of the passages he had read then came back to him now.
Don’t assume children know nothing. On the contrary, there are things they notice even faster precisely because they are children.
Vincent realized in this moment that those words had been correct.
Idel seemed to understand her exact position with perfect clarity.
That was why she had spoken as she did. Since I hate you too, just keep hating me. I don’t expect love or anything of the sort.
That way she’ll be hurt less if she abandons first. That must be the reason.
Yet no matter how perfectly she armored herself, how could a young child achieve true resignation? Even adults failed at it.
The desperation he had glimpsed clearly sprang from that very place.
Having interpreted the child’s state in his own fashion, Vincent gently closed his eyes.
Ignoring the headache pounding at his temples, he spoke to Idel. His voice had sunk low and heavy.
“...You said you wanted to see your friend.”
“Huh?”
“During that commotion. You told me you were going to meet a friend who wanted to see you.”
Ah. That.
Idel’s eyes rounded for a brief second.
The remark had slipped out after Sigmund’s words floated through her mind that day; she had not expected the Duke of Clementine to mention it first.
“Who is that friend?”
At the duke’s question Idel’s thoughts spun quickly.
She answered without concealing her guarded expression.
“...Why do you want to know?”
“If you wish it, I will arrange the meeting. Anytime.”
“Anytime?”
“Yes.”
At Vincent’s affirmative reply, Idel’s eyes narrowed slightly.
He can’t have dropped his suspicions already… Perhaps he’s simply trying to move past the subject for now?
Given his cautious nature, it was possible. Children revealed their inner thoughts easily once they obtained what they wanted; he might be dangling bait in hopes of that very reaction.
Either way, it isn’t bad.
She had gained what she desired, and the situation had become one where Melissa would find it difficult to interfere with her schemes.
While Idel was misreading Vincent’s intentions, Vincent himself reached a conclusion based on his own mistaken reasoning.
I will have to watch the child with my own eyes.
Even now that he understood the situation she faced and the meaning of the “mental instability” Doctor Aiman had described, Vincent could not yet love Idel.
Still, if he observed her directly, he believed he would have no regrets.
Therefore Duke Vincent Clementine placed one condition before her.
“However, you must promise me one thing.”
“A promise?”
“Yes. From now on you will attend the ducal family lessons together with Jiana. Should any unseemly incident occur during those lessons, I will prohibit outings as punishment. Is that clear?”
“...Lessons? With Jiana?”
“Why? Do you dislike the idea?”
“......No. I’ll attend them together.”
Whether the reluctance stemmed from sharing the lessons with Jiana or from a general dislike of study, the child’s answer carried clear hesitation.
Nevertheless, Vincent rose from his seat without lingering.
“Good. I will make the arrangements. On my way out I will inform Sylvia that you have woken. Call a maid if you require anything.”
“Yes……”
“I will also lift the house arrest this time. This decision is neither because you were ill nor because you caused a disturbance out of stubbornness. It merely reflects the view that your behavior arose from not yet having adapted to the ducal household. Keep that in mind.”
Yes. Adaptation.
For the briefest moment Vincent’s eyes met Idel’s.
Seeing the blue gaze so similar to his own, he turned and left the room once more.
Among the lessons Jiana attended, he personally instructed swordsmanship.
Therefore, as long as Idel joined the classes, he would have ample time to understand her from now on.
A few days after Idel and the duke had reached their private conclusion.
Diane, a maid of the Clementine household, had been seriously contemplating resignation lately.
The work itself was not difficult. For someone who had tried nearly every kind of labor in her life, the duties at the ducal house counted among the easier ones.
Especially after the palm wound incident, when Idel began summoning her frequently, her workload had lightened even further. Judged purely by intensity, she was practically idling.
The problem was that ever since Idel’s collapse several days ago, far too many people had begun showing interest in her.
Ah, Diane. These are the clothes Lady Idel will wear. I’m counting on you!
It’s nearly time to serve Lady Idel her snack, isn’t it? I’ll handle this, so you go on to her.
Diane! Lady Jiana wrote a letter for Lady Idel. Please deliver it.
Colleagues who sought her out first for anything concerning Idel were one thing…
I heard from Lady Sylvia. You are the maid who stays at Lady Idel’s side? We must monitor her physical condition, so come to the dispensary every morning.
Even Doctor Aiman was the same, and then there was…
“Diane! So this is where you were!”
“Good day, Lady Jiana.”
“Hi, hello! Where are you going?”
Even Lady Jiana, beloved by the entire ducal house, had begun seeking her out.
At this rate she might as well be Lady Idel’s personal attendant.
Diane barely lifted the corners of her mouth while pressing down the sensation that she might suffer indigestion at any moment.
“Yes. I was on my way to the dispensary to fetch today’s medicine for Lady Idel.”
“I see. Hmm, then I’ll go with you, Diane. It has been a while since I last saw Doctor Aiman……”
“Umm, yes. That is a fine idea, Lady Jiana.”
Having answered with clear reluctance, Diane let out a soft inward sigh.
It has been a while since seeing Doctor Aiman, she says.
The news that Lady Idel had pushed Lady Jiana had spread only a short time ago.
Upon receiving the report that his daughter had fallen, the duke had summoned Doctor Aiman at once and instructed him to examine her thoroughly from head to toe.
Well, what does the truth matter? If the young lady says she hasn’t seen the doctor in a while, then that is how it is.
Fearing she might suffer the same hardship as before if she intervened unnecessarily, Diane simply continued walking as though she knew nothing.
One step. Two steps. Three steps.
After exactly five paces, Diane turned her head toward Jiana with a tearful expression.
She could no longer endure that blatantly obvious gaze.
“Lady Jiana, if there is something you want from me, could you not simply tell me comfortably…?”
At the tremor in Diane’s near-tearful voice, Jiana gave an awkward smile.
“Ah, I’ve been found out?”
“Yes, of course. How could I miss it when you stare so obviously? You have been seeking me out whenever you had a spare moment these past few days.”
With a small sigh, Diane continued.
“So what is the reason you have been looking at me with such earnest eyes?”
“Well, it isn’t anything else…. Um, you see Idel up close every day, don’t you? So I was wondering… how has Idel’s mood been lately?”