The Fugitive's Wife (8): That All-Too-Human Letter
That all-too-human letter. The handwriting I had missed so desperately. Liu Bang’s trace. Unconsciously, the knuckles of the hand gripping the bamboo slip turned white.
‘……Ah.’
Suddenly the tip of my nose stung, and something hot surged up from behind my eyes. I quickly lifted my head and gazed at the blue March sky. I took three deep breaths, hoping the chilly early-spring morning wind would cool the heat around my eyes.
“Huu.”
Then I lowered my head again to look at the bamboo slip. The handwriting was still a complete mess, but the words carved themselves clearly into my mind.
Look here. The mountain paths have gotten a bit easier. New sprouts have come up, making it easier to avoid the snow, and with the corvée labor lifted, the officials’ surveillance has loosened. So now I can send a message without worry. I’m doing well. Eating properly, and drinking… from time to time. Guan and the rest are all bouncing around like wild mountain beasts. Of course, coming back is still out of the question. I’m still a fugitive, after all. But I’ve made our safety here rock-solid. So if you want, you can come see me.
— Your husband.
“…….”
The letter ended just like that. Not a single word about missing me, not a single line saying he loved me, not even a romantic phrase about thinking of me while watching the stars that poured down every night. It was nothing more than a brazen survival report announcing he was still alive, followed by a curt, gruff invitation to come if I felt like it.
“……Pfft.”
But that was so perfectly Liu Bang. Yes, of course this man would write exactly like this. He was the type who hated emotional, flowery nonsense. Still, I could clearly picture how much worry and longing he had crammed into those rough blank spaces.
“He really is… such a strange old man.”
My eyes began to sting again. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, forcing back the tears that threatened to spill.
He was alive. That Liu Bang was alive. He had endured the murderous winter on Mangdang Mountain, where snow fell without mercy, together with his comrades. And.
You can come see me.
He was inviting me there. This frail wife of his. Into those rugged mountains crawling with beasts. Without long-winded persuasion or coercion, simply handing me the choice with the words if you want.
……I really hate this.
No, actually I didn’t hate it at all. It was just that right now… if I didn’t grumble like this, I wouldn’t be able to handle the emotions swelling inside me.
There was no need to even ask. Of course I wanted to see Liu Bang. Whether it was a pit of hellfire or a tiger’s lair, I wanted to go to him.
For the past three months I had fought entirely alone. Enduring the county magistrate’s insidious harassment, taking in Lady Cao and Liu Fei, continuing the business, spreading rumors, scheming again and again with Xiao He… I had carried the full weight of being the head all by myself.
Even though people stood beside me offering help, there had been no Liu Bang to entrust my back to.
At night. In that cold bedding, I had recalled his body heat countless times. Even while hugging Liu Fei and stroking the back of Lady Cao’s hand, I missed him. I missed that rough scent mixed with liquor and sweat, those large hands that held mine without hesitation, that cracked voice that used to whisper by my ear.
……I’m such an idiot.
I roughly wiped my eyes with my sleeve. The saying that humans are slaves to hormones was absolutely right. To think that the man I once was could miss her husband this desperately after only three months apart.
But this was my reality now. I wanted to see Liu Bang. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to smack his broad back with all my strength. And… I wanted to hold his hand and fall asleep once more.
“Older sister-in-law?”
Just then, Xiahou Ying’s cautious voice reached me. He seemed unsure whether I was crying or laughing. His shoulders were hunched as he studied my expression.
“Are you all right? If the letter contained bad news…”
“No.”
I shook my head firmly. Having completely gathered my tears, I lifted the corners of my mouth slightly.
“I’m fine. It’s actually very good news.”
“R-really?”
“Yes. My husband says he’s in good health. The comrades, including Elder Nuo, are all doing well too.”
“……!”
Xiahou Ying’s dust-covered face brightened in an instant.
“Thank goodness… really, thank goodness!”
“Yes, it really is. As expected, he has one incredibly tenacious life.”
I smiled lightly and looked down at the bamboo slip once more.
“And… it also says, ‘You can come see me.’”
“Pardon?”
Xiahou Ying’s eyes widened like saucers.
“To Mangdang Mountain?”
“Yes. It seems so.”
“Th-that’s dangerous! For you to go to such a rugged mountain, sister-in-law!”
“I know that too. It will definitely be dangerous.”
Xiahou Ying’s concern was entirely reasonable. Mangdang Mountain might not be especially high, but endless primeval forest and wetlands stretched out around it. And in the forests of this era, the three great East Asian beasts—tigers, leopards, and bears—lurked, waiting for the special treat called humans.
“So I’m going to think it over. What I should do.”
“Sister-in-law…”
“Lord Xiahou.”
I cut him off and gave his dust-covered shoulders a light pat.
“Thank you. Truly. Thanks to you, I feel like I can breathe again.”
Perhaps sensing the sincerity in my voice, Xiahou Ying stopped trying to dissuade me and simply nodded quietly.
“Not at all. It’s only natural.”
“By the way, who delivered this letter?”
“A hunter named Ho. He said he received thirty coins from my husband to carry it.”
“……Ha.”
Spending thirty coins just to send his wife a survival report? It was such a pitiful sense of economics that I would have delivered a back-smack if he were standing right beside me.
Still, the fact that he had enough spare money to spend means he must have passed the winter more comfortably than I feared.
Relief and anger tangled together; I couldn’t tell which I felt more.
“Since he received that much, he can at least deliver a reply for free, can’t he? If he has any conscience.”
“Yes, of course. He’s waiting at a nearby tavern, saying he’ll carry a reply if you wish.”
“Perfect. Then I’ll write one as soon as I get home.”
I tucked the bamboo slip carefully inside my collar.
“Yes! I’ll let him know.”
Xiahou Ying, who had nodded, picked up the water jar that had rolled across the ground and handed it to me.
“Thank you.”
Taking the jar back, I turned toward the well, thinking I should at least finish what I had started.
“Sister-in-law.”
Xiahou Ying’s voice gently caught me once more.
“Yes, my lord.”
“It’s just… um…”
He hesitated, searching for words. Then an honest smile broke across his dusty face, shining brightly.
“Congratulations. From the bottom of my heart.”
“……Yes. Thank you.”
I adjusted the water jar in my arms and answered with a bright smile of my own.
……
When I returned home carrying the water jar, the acrid smell of smoke greeted me first. Lady Cao, squatting before the stove and coaxing the dying embers back to life, looked up at the sound of my approach. She wiped her charcoal-blackened hands on her apron and came toward me.
“You’re back? Oh dear, your clothes and shoes are soaked.”
She frowned worriedly at my wet skirt hem, then tilted her head.
“Did… something good happen?”
The two months we had lived together had not been wasted; she could now read my mood from the angle of my eyebrows alone. I nodded and stepped onto the earthen floor. Setting the jar in the corner, I pulled out the bundle of bamboo slips I had kept cherished against my chest.
“I received a letter from my husband.”
“……Yes?”
Lady Cao blinked once, eyes wide. Then—
“A letter…!?”
She clapped both hands over her mouth like a cat startled by a cucumber.
“Yes. He says he’s healthy. Eating well, drinking well… living quite comfortably, it seems.”
I deliberately grumbled and nodded. If I didn’t, I was afraid I would burst into tears again.
“And he said I could come see him.”
“Hup…”
Now even her breathing stopped. Her pupils trembled violently as if struck by an earthquake—surprise, relief, and complex emotions too tangled to name. Slowly, the hands covering her mouth slid down.
“My lady.”
“Yes.”
“Go to him.”
“Yes…?”
“Go see the magistrate. You have every right to do so, my lady.”
Lady Cao’s eyes were serious. Clear and deep as an unshakable lake. I let out a deflating breath without realizing it and shook my head.
“Lady Cao, but…”
“Don’t worry about me and Fei. We will protect this house just as we always have.”
“But it’s dangerous. While I’m gone, the county magistrate could do anything, and the trading company matters are still…”
“It’s all right.”
A bright smile rose on Lady Cao’s face. There was neither fear nor wariness in it. Only trust, gratitude, and the faintest trace of envy.
“My lady, for the past two months you have protected me and Fei. You reached out with warmth to us who had nothing and accepted us as family.”
“Lady Cao…”
“So this time, it is my turn to support you.”
Lady Cao stood and took my cold hands firmly in hers. They were rough, yet warm.
“Go. Go meet the magistrate. And don’t worry too much about the company.”
“……”
The company. It was true that Lady Cao had learned a great deal while living here these past two months. The method of making the liquor, standardizing the process, inventory control, the basics of ledger keeping… With the construction of Jeonunchang nearly finished and the workload increasing, I had entrusted her with part of the practical operations.
If Xiao He and Cao Shen help her…
Xiao He, the administrative genius, would handle accounting and official relations. Cao Shen, with his wide network, would manage merchant coordination and on-site supervision. Lady Cao would oversee internal household affairs and production. With that lineup, the company would run smoothly even in my absence.
A warm lump rose in my chest as I squeezed her hands in return.
It was then.
“Stepmother.”
A small but bold voice rose from beside my waist.
“Young Master Fei.”
It was Liu Fei. The boy, who had grown noticeably taller and more mature over the winter, stood politely beside me with both hands clasped.
“I heard Father sent a letter.”
“……Yes.”
“Are you going?”
The question came without the slightest hesitation. I was momentarily speechless at his directness. It seemed the cheeky little rascal had overheard every word his two mothers had exchanged.
I shook my head carefully.
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“Why? Don’t you want to see Father?”
“It’s not that… there are many things I’m worried about.”
Liu Fei’s head tilted.
“What are you worried about?”
“First, the road is dangerous. There might be bandits, and scary animals like tigers could appear.”
“Then go with strong people. Uncle Fan or Uncle Xiahou.”
“And there are business matters.”
“Mother just said she would handle everything. The other ladies will help too.”
“And there are concerns about Lady Cao and Young Master Fei. While I’m gone, bad men might…”
“Stepmother.”
Liu Fei cut my words short and stared straight up at me. His small fist thumped firmly against his own chest.
“I’m strong.”
“Pardon?”
“I’m six years old now. I can chop firewood. So while Stepmother is away, I will protect Mom.”
His voice rang with absolute confidence. His acorn-like eyes held not a single tremor.
“……Pfft.”
I burst out laughing before I could stop myself. To think a six-year-old snot-nosed kid was already saying such things. Yet it was adorable, heartwarming… and just a little bit reliable.
As expected of Liu Bang’s son. His bravado and guts were identical.
“Young Master Fei.”
“Yes, Stepmother.”
“Thank you. I… will go.”
The decision had been made, but the words still caught in my throat—the worry of leaving them behind, the faint fear of the unknown road. Then Lady Cao gently squeezed my hand once more.
“……”
She no longer urged me. She simply held my hand tightly and nodded.
“Yes, I’ll go.”
Only then did the words finally leave my lips.
Liu Fei’s face lit up like a lantern.
“Really?!”
“Yes, of course. I’ll go and brag to your father about how bravely you’ve grown.”
“You made the right choice! Father will definitely be happy!”
Liu Fei jumped for joy as if it were his own affair. I stroked his head, then gently took his small hand.
“But before that, I have one request for you, Young Master.”
“Yes, tell me anything!”
“Please take good care of Lady Cao… your mother. Make sure she doesn’t feel lonely while I’m gone, all right?”
“Yes! I promise! A man’s promise!”
Liu Fei nodded with solemn determination. Still without the slightest hesitation—that reckless confidence that was the very image of Liu Bang.
“It’s a promise.”
I hooked my pinky around his small one and sealed it with our thumbs. Small, warm fingers. I hoped this promise would become a talisman to support the child while I was away.
“Then I should pack at once and contact Lord Fan. It’s quite a long way.”
I nodded to Lady Cao, who was smiling softly at me, and stepped into the room.
Let’s go meet him. Liu Bang.
My heart began to race faster than it ever had before.