Vicious Stalking
Every time I faced her, the absence of her left ear became a heavy shackle around my heart.
That single declaration that she could never return to her own kind. The simple fact that she was no longer protected by their laws. I resented myself for not knowing what expression to wear when she spoke those words so calmly, so matter-of-factly, and even smiled at me.
I hated myself.
I loathed the man who, because he loved her, had to strip everything away from her. If I had known just a little more—if I had understood her even a fraction better—I might well have given up. I could have stepped aside so she could walk the path the gods had set before her. Among her own people she could have carried the word of the divine and brought enlightenment to countless others, just as she had once helped me.
But I stole that chance from her.
By keeping her at my side I shattered her dreams. By keeping her at my side I wounded her ear. And as if that were not enough, I got her banished from her people entirely. The guilt climbed my spine like cold fire.
Because I said I loved her, she took me in. Because she said she loved me, did she feel burdened by everything she did for me? Did she force herself, believing she had no choice but to answer my feelings? No matter how many times she told me she was fine, could she truly be happy at my side? If I made her unhappy, could I even begin to measure the size of that guilt?
I had lured a pure woman of the forest and plunged her into misery. With that single sentence alone I might already be a man who deserved to die. And if one went so far as to say that I had “used” her position as a priestess—she who had stood on the front lines purifying sin and tending the wounded—
She, who had remained in an awakened state for some time because of her injured ear, was now snoring softly, snoring softly, asleep in my arms. Furia tea leaves carried a pain-relieving effect, but they were also used in small amounts as a sedative.
…I needed to take responsibility. For everything that had happened between us.
She was counting on me. Counting on me to keep making her happy. Counting on me to become a man who could bridge the gulf between a short-lived race and a long-lived one. If I failed to live up to that expectation, I would be unable to forgive myself long before I ever disappointed her.
To this woman who had entrusted everything to me with such an innocent, happy face—to this woman who had abandoned every goal she had ever set for herself simply to stay with me—I had to become a better man.
Before long we moved.
Away from the front lines, to a quiet rural stretch in the rear thick with forest. It was a place where she could at least recall the breath of the woods, feel the clean wind high in the branches, and let old memories surface. Since she had left civilization because she was thoroughly sick of dealing with people, we naturally prepared for a life of minimal contact.
We planted fruit trees for her, who loved fruit so dearly, and began cultivating a vegetable garden so she would always have fresh greens. Escaping the endless groans, wounds, and stares that had tormented us every day, listening instead to the hush of wind and the chatter of birds, felt profoundly peaceful. I was simply grateful for the sensation of finally casting off the yoke and tasting freedom.
And more than anything, her affection kept growing fiercer. The sight of a woman I could confidently call more beautiful than anyone I had ever met demanding more of my touch was pure delight. We woke each morning with long kisses that roused both body and spirit. While checking the new sprouts in the garden and watering them, I would feel her fierce embrace from behind and stand dazed among the trees for a long while, simply holding her. We shared every quiet moment and lived a gentle life.
Until the uninvited guests arrived.
In the third year of our life together, on the very day the saplings we had planted began to sink deep roots and unfurl fresh green leaves, figures in robes appeared at our door. Long-eared ones. Her kin.
“Ah, Thea. So you were here. We wandered quite a while searching for you.”
As though he knew her well, one of them drew back his white hood and revealed his face. It was a dazzling face—blue eyes, a sharp jawline. His hair was a far deeper gold than hers. He glanced at me for a moment, then wore an unpleasant smile, as if mocking me. When he spoke her name in that elegant voice, I almost felt the forest itself sparkle and resonate with him, as though he were deliberately trying to make me look shabby by comparison.
“I have nothing to say to you. Leave this place at once.”
“Being so cold to a fellow elf you haven’t seen in so long—”
“I’m not even a fellow elf anymore, yet you still don’t understand when I tell you to leave?”
As if determined to stop even my questions from forming, she reduced the visitor to an unwelcome intruder with words that sharp.
“Without even asking why I came?”
“I don’t understand why you’ve come looking for someone who no longer belongs to the forest. I’ve already made my refusal clear more than once.”
“Really? You’re going to refuse the chance to speak for the will of the forest just because of a short-lived race? I’m offering you another opportunity. I believed three years would be long enough for you to see how pathetic short-lived races truly are, so I came in person.”
The words he laid out touched the anxiety I had buried deep in my heart once more. Everything she could have become if I had never existed. Every opportunity she could have seized if she had never loved me. Even though she had told me again and again that being with me was the most precious and joyful thing in her life, I had never stopped asking the same question. Could she truly be happy with me? Was everything I did actually blessing her life? Was the arrival of these forest people His answer—to remind me that she was far too good for me?
“Stop!”
As if determined to silence my unease at once, she shouted. Her face was furrowed and crumpled in a way I had almost forgotten, teeth clenched, every raw emotion plain on her features.
“Can’t you see that I’ve already made my choice? Can’t those eyes of yours see that I am no longer a member of the forest? I told you clearly that I despise the arrogance that treats a decision I made of my own free will as if it were some disgrace. So why do you keep committing this rudeness? I refused. I do not want to stand at your side, and I do not want to live tormented by the envy and jealousy of others.”
Clutching my hand tightly, leaning against me for all to see, she spoke. The uninvited guest began to look at me with eyes full of open discomfort.
“If you hate those gazes, I can take care of them for you—”
“I’m saying I hate you.”
She pressed a soft kiss to my cheek, no longer even glancing at him, and continued while looking straight into my eyes.
“I can roughly guess why someone who cast greedy eyes on my outer shell, who tossed around the word ‘glory’ while trying to take me by force, and who then, the moment he was embarrassed, banished me to a remote post, has come back so anxiously. But I’ll make it clear right here, where many eyes can see: I will never return to the forest. I swear on His name that I hope the day never comes when I return to the forest or face you again.”
Having finished, she took my hand and led me away, leaving behind the man who stared after us with a twisted expression. Eyes full of hatred. I could not look long at a face that looked ready to draw a blade and cut me down at any second. When the door opened, my body was instantly pushed deep into the house by her hand. Even then the uninvited guest’s vicious gaze, unbroken until that moment, was shut out by the wooden door—closed by no one’s hand but hers.
Only then did I understand what she had been refusing all this time. Only then could I finally see, right before my eyes, what she had endured.
“…I didn’t want to show you this side of me.”
Resting her hand against the closed door and breathing hard for a long while, Thea glanced at me and sighed.
“There were too many elves like that—and humans too—at that hospital. The worst of them is that… Tolfen. The bastard who kept trying to ‘possess’ me with his status. It’s really laughable when words like purity and nobility come out of a mouth like his—”
I crossed to her at once as she clutched her head as though completely spent, and pulled her into a tight embrace. Her body trembled; it felt ready to shatter. I held her firmly in my arms, stroking her hair again and again so she could find her calm. I even cupped her already-severed ear gently with my hand, and buried my face against her shoulder.
“Why didn’t you tell me until now? If it was this hard, you could have told me.”
“If I couldn’t even handle something like this alone, I never would have prepared myself to stay with you in the first place.”
How long had she been fighting by herself? How much had she suffered, still receiving unwanted advances even while she was with me? Simply showing my face and listening to her words must have been nowhere near enough. I, who had taken her into my arms to comfort her, found myself at some point held in hers instead.
“Shhh… It’s all right. Really—even though none of this is your fault, why do you keep trying to blame yourself? Blaming yourself like a fool? Evan, I came this far because I truly love you. You don’t need to feel so sorry. Just keep showing me the you I already know, so I can love you even more, all right?”
Feeling her warm words and her gentle hands, I made a quiet resolution inside myself. From this day on I would love her even more clearly, so that nothing like this would ever touch her again. So that no one else could ever covet her. So that the woman who had chosen me would never once regret it.