Sinister Negotiation 1
Having finished a grueling day, Kim Soeun returned home and sat at the kitchen table, working through the household ledger.
"This month's living expenses, utilities, and..."
They had never been well-off, so she had kept a careful ledger ever since she was young. Until now she had managed to hold the household together somehow, but starting next month her son's academy fees would be added to the burden, and she would have to tighten her belt even further.
"Ah—wait a second. It's not just the academy fees. There's transportation and lunch money too."
The re-take academy Kim Seojin would attend was a little too far to walk. She had chosen it because, if he was going to re-take the exams at all, she wanted him in a good place where he could study steadily and thoroughly and get into the department he wanted on the first try. Now expenses she hadn't even considered were about to appear.
If I pack him a lunch from home, at least I can save on the midday meal. But that means I'd have to get up even earlier...
Department-store sales work kept regular hours, yet the shifts were long. On days when truly outrageous customers appeared, the fatigue and stress were incomparable to ordinary ones; piling any more burden on herself would only be poison.
She had steeled herself for this when she decided on the re-take, yet now that the reality was staring her in the face, the weight she had to carry was no joke.
"Maybe I should call my parents even now... No. No."
For a moment Kim Soeun considered contacting her parents and finally collecting the child-support money Seojin's father had been sending, but she erased the thought from her mind at once.
After all the years she had endured, was she really going to break after only one more year?
She would get her son into a respectable department at a prestigious university everyone recognized. She would stand proudly before her parents and Seojin's father, carrying the pride of having raised her son splendidly all alone. She had waited and waited for that day.
How many years of bitter endurance had she swallowed, how much gall had she forced down, only to stretch out her hand now to people whose ties she had already cut?
I absolutely cannot. I'll prove I wasn't wrong.
Kim Soeun remembered the first time she had held her precious son in her arms. When she received that tiny body so small she feared it would break if she hugged him too tightly, a rush of emotion so overwhelming it wiped away every trace of the pain of childbirth had flooded through her. The regret of having ignored both families' wishes and given birth to him vanished as if washed clean, replaced by pure happiness. For this child, she had felt she could do anything—until a reality as cruel as the weight of that joy and happiness came crashing down.
"Haaa..."
A high-school graduate, an unmarried mother with a child—respectable jobs open to someone like her were rare. Childcare stole her time, so she had been forced to cling to part-time work day after day.
Even Kim Soeun, who had never understood why people drank that bitter liquid called alcohol, had finally begun to understand the feeling. A magic water that could make even crushing pain and cruel reality disappear, if only for a little while. Coming home after work, putting the child to bed, then drinking a single can of beer until she passed out drunk had gradually become the only pleasure left in her life.
How long had those days of grinding work, childcare, and alcohol continued?
One morning, as she forced her hangover- and fatigue-heavy body upright, she suddenly felt a dense weight against her side.
"Seojin?"
Her son, who had only recently started walking, had burrowed against her side while she slept dead drunk and fallen asleep there himself. Whether he had come seeking the warmth of a mother always busy with work, or simply because the room was cold, she still did not know. She still remembered vividly the moment when, irritated by hangover and stress, she had tried to push him away peevishly—and discovered that his tiny hand was clenched tight around the hem of her top. Seeing that little hand gripping the edge of her clothes as if searching for something to hold onto, she had felt both guilt and a small happiness again.
"Mwah."
When she pressed a kiss to her sleeping son's forehead, Seojin seemed to smile faintly. As always she had gathered up the boy who whined for more sleep, dropped him at daycare, and headed to work. Yet that day her steps had felt unusually light.
And so the life of swallowing her regret over having given birth, of proving to both sets of parents and to Seojin's weak-willed father that she had been right, had continued. That stubborn insistence on proving herself had twisted into self-righteousness; the weight of swelling expectations and the inferiority complex she could never shake free of had finally begun to press heavily even on her son's shoulders.
"If only he'd been a fool, I wouldn't have gotten my hopes up."
Whether he took after his father or her, the boy had a good head for studying.
"Did he get his personality from his dad too? Why is he so timid... Still, because he's my kid, he's endlessly cute."
Whether from long hours spent alone or from being swallowed by her coercive educational zeal, her son had grown somewhat timid and weak-willed—yet he had still grown into a kind-hearted child. Watching him struggle to meet his mother's excessive expectations filled her with both pity and an unavoidable sense of hope. She was only one step away from the lifelong wish she had prayed for again and again; how could she stop now?
Inside the self-justification that it was all for her precious son, Kim Soeun began pushing him even deeper into the mire.
Click.
While she was still calculating where money might spring from, the sound of a door opening reached Kim Soeun's ears. Her son, who had been buried in study in his room, had come out for a moment—probably to drink some water.
"..."
An awkward, suffocating silence flowed between mother and son. The rather bleak scene—no simple "What are you doing?" greeting or idle chatter of an ordinary household—made the subtle distance between them palpable.
"Gulp, gulp, gulp."
Only the sound of Kim Seojin drinking water filled the awkward stillness; not a single warm exchange or affectionate atmosphere passed between them.
Kim Soeun suddenly realized she was being watched.
Lately Seojin seems to stare at me a lot more often.
Noticing that her son's gaze, while he drank, was directed at her, she pushed aside the stifling silence and opened her mouth.
"Do you have something to say?"
"Huh?!"
Kim Seojin nearly choked when his mother suddenly spoke to him. He managed to stop himself from coughing, but he could not keep the fluster from coloring his voice, and his mother's gaze grew a shade more suspicious.
Did she catch me peeping at her?
Ever since that night at the sauna, Kim Seojin had found it hard to look at his mother with pure eyes again. Before he knew it, his gaze would be searching for her. Even now it was drawn, as if bewitched, to her completely unguarded figure.
She had gathered her hair—which usually fell to her chest—up into a single knot, leaving her slender nape and shoulders bare. Because she ran hot, at home she mostly wore loose, well-ventilated dresses; today she had on a pure-white one, which made her look more innocent than usual.
"Gulp."
Looking at her made him thirsty, so he quickly swallowed the water left in the cup.
His mother's unguarded domestic appearance carried a faint, alluring sensuality that would make any man who knew her want to claim her somehow. Above the loose dress her full upper breasts were visible; from shoulders to wrists everything was coolly exposed; and beneath the dress that fell to her knees lay a secret garden that would drive countless beasts wild with lust.
"Don't just stare. If you have something to say, spit it out."
Ignorant of her son's sinister inner thoughts, his mother snapped at him in her usual irritable tone.
Ordinarily Kim Seojin would have mumbled that it was nothing and fled to his room, cowed—but today he stood before her intending to negotiate for his own purposes.
When the clearly nervous Kim Seojin sat down opposite her, Kim Soeun looked surprised and jerked her chin, signaling him to hurry up and spill whatever was on his mind.
"Mom... you're having a really hard time, aren't you?"
The first words Kim Seojin managed to force out were laced with worry. Even though the subject was omitted, Kim Soeun instantly understood what her son was fretting about: that because of his re-take, the already tight household finances would become even tighter.
She carefully covered the open ledger on the table with her hand and began to snap at him as usual.
"So what?! Does worrying solve anything?! Stop fretting over useless things and just focus on studying like I tell you!"
Kim Soeun felt her face twist with anger and heat surge through her whole body, yet she had no intention of taking back the words she had already poured out.
Kim Seojin instinctively shrank under his mother's furious outburst. Her upturned eyes and icy gaze, the vicious expression, and the disappointment of having failed to meet her expectations pressed heavily on his shoulders.
But today, as if he absolutely would not back down, he suppressed the trembling in his chest and faced her.
"Mom... do I really have to go to the re-take academy?"
"What?!"
At Kim Seojin's shocking statement, Kim Soeun let out a near-scream of a retort. A high-pitched voice similar to the one she had used when he failed to get into the department she wanted tore at his ears; her hand resting on the table trembled finely, as if she could not contain her rage.
Kim Seojin planted strength in legs that wanted to run away that very second and hurriedly opened his mouth to persuade her.
"Uh, Mom. I've always done well studying even without going to academies, right? Online lectures are really good these days. A-and also..."
Kim Seojin stammered from nerves, yet for the sake of his sinister purpose he absolutely did not want to attend the academy. If he went, he would have to waste the entire day there meaninglessly, with no free time to search for material to relieve his lust or to carry out the plan he was hatching. That was why this sinister negotiation had to succeed no matter what.
"I'll regularly take all kinds of practice tests so we can manage my scores objectively. There are lots of study groups these days too, and since I can study at my own pace, my efficiency will go up even more."
As the conversation continued, the trembling gradually subsided. What had begun as pure sexual craving was now also being pushed from behind by a desperate feeling that he could not remain his mother's doll forever.