Unquenchable Desire
Several days had passed since the incident that had upended Kim Seojin's entire life.
Contrary to his overwhelming fears, when his mother woke she still seemed to carry a lingering sense of wrongness in her body, yet she gave no sign of knowing what had actually happened. The hangover's pain and the mental shock of his college rejection had apparently hit her harder; she seemed to mistake it all for nothing more than a simple bout of poor condition.
She had even scolded him for clinging to her while he slept, calling it disgusting and asking why he was acting that way—so much so that he almost started to wonder whether he himself had simply suffered a nasty nightmare.
If only it had been a nightmare...
But the photos stored on Kim Seojin's phone shoved the cruel reality straight into his face. His mother sprawled out, covered in milky white fluid. No matter how many times he looked, that disheveled, fragile image of her refused to leave him; it was carved into his mind like an indelible scar.
From that day on, Seojin lived each day in constant anxiety, terrified she might somehow discover what had happened. Yet against his worries, all of his mother's attention seemed fixed on his retaking the entrance exams. Time simply flowed by in a busy blur of preparations, academy registrations, and everything else needed for another year of study.
"Just because you're unemployed doesn't mean you get to loaf around! Study properly!"
Hurrying off to work, his mother would forcibly wake him—now little better than a freeloader—and sternly remind him not to waste his time before heading out the door.
Because he had never planned on retaking the exams at all, time suddenly felt strangely empty. Neither a college student nor a working adult, he had become a complete freeloader, and he had no idea what to do with the surplus of free hours. His whole life until now had been nothing but effort and study to live up to his mother's expectations. He didn't know how to do anything for himself, how to play; he simply moved like a doll following her commands.
Even though he was an adult now, it was a truly pathetic state of affairs.
"First things first—breakfast."
Even a doll of his mother's still had basic needs. Sleep, hunger, lust. The so-called three great desires—no one had to teach them; the body figured them out on its own. Once he had satisfied the most urgent of them, hunger, lust began to boil up fiercely.
"This is bad. Lately, no matter how much I jerk off, it's never enough."
Seojin had plenty of reasons to feel anxious, but ever since that night in the sauna his sexual desire had swollen past the point of control. Like a dog in heat he would masturbate several times a day, yet the urge never cleared cleanly.
I'll never feel that dizzying climax again, will I?
Seeing his mother sprawled out after being raped had made him lose all reason. Forgetting that he must never use his own mother as material, he had frantically stroked his cock. The rapturous, brain-scorching orgasm he had never once experienced in his life had never returned after that night. No amount of masturbation brought satisfying release.
So naturally he had begun hunting for more stimulating material, and by the time he came to his senses he was already consuming porn and erotic stories starring incest, mother-and-son pairings.
"Has my sexual taste changed?"
Seojin was unsettled by the shift in his preferences, yet he didn't need to think hard to understand why the change had come. That night in the sauna had been that shocking an event for him.
To satisfy the altered taste he searched for AV actresses who reminded him of his mother, and instead of pretty celebrities he began using ordinary women who shared her atmosphere as his material. Even so, the swollen lust refused to be satisfied. A tongue that had tasted the ultimate flavor could no longer be content with ordinary food.
And he knew that ultimate flavor was not far away.
"..."
Seojin stared fixedly down at the phone lying on his desk. Of course he had never once in his life used his mother as material. To him she was an object of fear, a figure of terror. Using someone like that to relieve sexual desire had been unthinkable...
Yet now, simply opening that phone would give him the ultimate material, and still he could not bring himself to reach for it. The moment he touched it, something inside him would break free and he would cross a river from which there was no return.
"Huuu..."
Barely restraining the hand that kept drifting toward the phone, he connected to the ocean of the internet as always. It had become part of the daily routine that came with freeloading. Searching for material to relieve lust was one reason, but there was another.
The middle-aged man who had raped his mother. Just as those photos were on Seojin's phone, that same disheveled, unshowable image of his mother was also in the middle-aged man's hands. The anxiety that her secret photos might surface somewhere on the internet. He was pouring meaningless time and effort into the search, swallowed by that fear and dread.
Rather than live submerged in open-ended anxiety he had considered reporting it even now, but that would mean telling his mother the entire truth.
"...Haa, haa, haa."
He could almost see her, knowing everything that had happened that night, bursting through the door this very second and exploding in rage. Just imagining his mother shouting at him in fury made his breath catch and turn ragged. Dizziness rose; his stomach churned as if he might vomit at any moment. How long did he clutch his chest and gasp before his breathing gradually steadied? Even then his hands and feet trembled as if seized by cramps; for a while he felt he would be able to do nothing at all.
"Huuuuuu..."
Seojin let out a long sigh and collapsed back against the computer chair, staring blankly up at the ceiling. While he rested like that, the "command" his mother had given him circled through his mind.
The heart that had been calming began to stir with restlessness again. Unsolvable problems piled up like a mountain and shoved themselves in front of him. The doll who had only ever lived as his mother wished now had to handle the scattered crises alone, without her finding out.
"..."
Still staring blankly at the ceiling, Seojin turned eyes as dead as a rotten fish's toward the computer monitor. Clutching his worries and fretting alone in a situation with no answers would not improve anything. He decided that the anxiety came from doing nothing, so he would start with what he could do.
He would connect to the ocean of the internet that had become his daily routine, search for any secret photos of his mother that might have been uploaded, and look for material to relieve his lust.
"I need to get one off quick and then study."
Relieve the lust, then study in a clear state of mind and meet his mother's expectations and commands. Thinking only of that, how long did he wander the internet? Once again, no secret photos of his mother carrying the fearful truth of that night appeared.
"..."
Relief and disappointment arrived together. Seojin was suddenly horrified that he felt disappointed.
Disappointed? About what?
His mother's secret photos appearing on the internet would mean ruin. Those photos would become the clue that let her realize the horrific truth of that night, and he would no longer even be the doll who received all her expectations. So what exactly had he been disappointed about?
His heart began to pound as if he had just run a marathon. What if someone saw secret photos of his mother that had been uploaded to the internet? The vast majority of men would surely get excited just like the middle-aged man who had raped her. Not only that—they might freely judge her through filthy gazes and treat her like a female, even though she was someone they would never dare confront.
Just imagining it sent a thrilling shiver down his spine.
"Ah, no! No, no, no. Don't think weird things."
It was all because of the lust surging like a dog in heat. Against his own thoughts, merely imagining someone seeing his mother's secret form had instantly made his cock harden and tent the front of his pants.
"I need to jerk off quick and study."
Forcibly stopping his gaze from drifting toward the phone again and again, he hunted for today's material. He searched through all sorts of material and kept masturbating, yet like a fishbone stuck in the throat he could not climax cleanly.
"I-I'm going crazy..."
Even if he cleared the lust right away and studied, he still might not live up to his mother's expectations—yet meaningless time just kept flowing. Suddenly the thought struck him: rather than waste time like this, wouldn't it be better to use the material on his phone and relieve himself?
"Yeah. Better to get the lust out of the way fast and study. That's more constructive, right? Yeah, Mom would want that too."
Offering himself a rationalization that was little more than an excuse, Seojin finally reached for the phone. When he opened the photo album he had not touched since that night, several flesh-colored images he had deliberately avoided looking at sat at the very top.
"Gulp..."
Seeing the nude photos on the phone, Seojin's throat went dry with tension. Like the middle-aged man who had first touched his mother's ass in the sleeping room, he was seized by nervousness. He checked the empty house once more, then locked his bedroom door.
With trembling fingers he stretched out and tapped the topmost flesh-colored photo in the album. Instantly, as if mocking all his hesitation and endurance, the phone filled the screen with his mother's disheveled, lewd form from that night.
"!!!"
The noisy pounding of his heart receded into the distance. His complicated mind cleared in an instant; every messy thought flew away at once. Only the single photo before his eyes filled his head.
"Haa! Haa! Haa!"
Beast-like rough panting burst from his mouth, and the cock that had been waiting only to discharge its lust howled to be freed from his pants. One dark photo floating on the phone. Yet even in the darkness, his mother's lewd form shining alone poured fuel onto the lust that had already been boiling.
All his blood rushed to his lower body until his cock ached with erection; he frantically stripped off his pants. Veins stood out; it looked ready to spit semen at the slightest touch, and it drooled precum as it throbbed.
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
"Huu! Huu! Huu!"
Seojin's low, deep breathing and the frantic sound of him stroking his cock began to fill the room. The humid heat of a single pitiful beast quickly warmed the space, and sticky moisture like that of the sleeping room that night began to rise.
His eyes were clearly fixed on his mother's secret form on the small phone screen, yet somehow his body was already back in the sleeping room that night. The lewd sound of flesh striking flesh and the filthy, disgusting moans the middle-aged man had poured out, steeped in desire, echoed in his ears.
His mother's legs, floating in the air after she had crawled out of the ant-nest-like single sleeping pod, swayed as if seducing her son. That languid, lewd sway of her legs drove the masturbating son instantly mad.
"Ugh, uuugh...! Uuuuugh!!!"
Unable to resist his mother's dizzying temptation, the son reached climax in an instant with an ugly moan.
Gush! Gush! Gush!
Even sitting in the chair, his tensed legs trembled ridiculously hard, and his hips jerked on their own under the rapture of orgasm. The captivating image of his mother that had filled his mind melted and blurred like cotton candy dropped into water. He paid no mind to the thick white fluid spattering from his cock and dirtying his hand and the floor; he poured every nerve into the dizzying pleasure of release.
Just as he had sprayed semen over his mother sprawled inside the sleeping room, he spat out white fluid again and again, ugly and endless, pouring out the desire that would not be filled.
"Haa... haa... haa..."
Still caught in the afterglow of climax, Kim Seojin slumped forward over the computer desk, gasping for breath. His gaze, clouded with desire, turned to the phone still clutched in his hand. The secret form of the person he had never once harbored lust for filled the screen.
That gaze seething with desire no longer looked at a mother the way a son should; it was filled with dark lust, as if staring at a female.
Seojin gripped the phone even tighter, as if he could never let it go. The touch was like that of a child who had never owned anything precious in his life finally holding a treasure for the first time—pure possessiveness and greedy desire clinging to it.
He had put the forbidden fruit into his mouth of his own will. The son could never return to the days when he had not known that sweetness.