Turning Point
Was it the lonely ache of having been scolded by his mother?
That evening the wind blew especially sharp, cold enough to cut straight through the skin.
The large public bathhouse the mother and son favored sat in their neighborhood, an aging place whose facilities had long since fallen into disrepair — the kind of hidden local gem only the neighborhood regulars still visited. Of course, the cheap price was another reason they kept coming back.
"Haa…"
Sinking into the hot water, Kim Seojin surveyed the cavernous, nearly empty bathhouse and wondered whether the place even made enough to cover its operating costs.
"Is it because of the cold? There's even fewer people than usual today."
Tomorrow was a weekday, and the weather was bitter enough to turn away anyone who hadn't come specifically for the jjimjilbang. Not a single other bather was in sight.
Seojin savored the rare quiet and rested for a while.
When he finished bathing and went up to the jjimjilbang where his mother would be waiting, the empty lounge greeted him just as expected.
"At least the jjimjilbang has a few people."
The handful of guests he could see were mostly elderly locals. It was already quite late; most had probably moved on to the sleeping rooms. Crossing the familiar, nearly deserted lounge toward the dining area, he found his mother waiting.
"Mom, you're already drinking?"
"Hm? Of course I am."
Softened by the alcohol, she gave a small snort of laughter as she welcomed him. A faint flush bloomed across her cheeks from the drink, and fresh from the bath she carried an almost untouched purity about her.
Once he arrived she seemed to relax completely, radiating an unguarded ease as she tipped back her beer with the side dishes.
"Order whatever you want too, son."
"I'm fine. I already had dinner."
Whether she felt sorry for him picking at the snacks across from her, or whether something else simply didn't sit right, she suddenly reached out. His body flinched — a leftover reflex from the slap earlier — but he was neither foolish nor brave enough to pull away from his mother's touch.
Her soft hand carefully stroked his cheek.
"Did it hurt? I'm sorry."
"…"
At her sudden apology Seojin opened his mouth on reflex to deny it, but no words came out. What would empty agreement even mean? If she was going to apologize this easily, why had she gotten so angry in the first place? What about the wounds he'd taken as her emotional dumping ground?
Thoughts boiled up like foam. Throat tight, Seojin kept his lips pressed shut and turned away from her apology. It was the only small resistance available to someone who was nothing more than his mother's doll.
But looking at the remorse in her eyes and the weary set of her body, his resolve weakened.
"It's okay. It's not like I don't understand how you feel."
"My son… you're such a good boy. You even know how to be considerate of your mother."
A faint smile touched her lips, so light it looked ready to vanish. Seeing that smile for the first time in so long, he felt the resentment and hurt he'd been holding toward her begin to melt away.
There was still distance between mother and son — a subtle gap that was hard to close. Awkward silence settled for a moment, then she held out the beer can she'd been holding.
"Mom?"
"Want a sip? You're an adult now. Drinking is something you learn from your parents."
It was her own clumsy gesture of apology. Sharp and shrewd as she usually was, moments like this made it quietly clear how childish and awkward she could be — like a little girl thrashing desperately beneath the mask of motherhood.
"Yeah. Just one sip, then…"
Seojin knew her weakness, so no matter how harsh or twisted she became, he absorbed every bit of her frustration. If even he turned away, she would surely collapse. So he carefully accepted the apology she offered and took a mouthful.
"…It's really bitter."
His face twisted at the unfamiliar bitter taste of beer. Finding her son's reaction adorable, his mother burst out laughing.
"Ahaha! Right? It's bitter, isn't it? I don't know why anyone drinks this stuff…"
She snatched the can back from him as he hurriedly stuffed side dishes into his mouth, then went back to sipping alone.
"Mom, why do you drink something that doesn't even taste good?"
For a woman who hated waste, alcohol seemed to be the exception. She stared down at the can for a long moment, then let out a hollow smile laced with self-mockery.
"When you're blackout drunk, even if it's just for a little while… your consciousness just whoosh—flies away, you know?"
Her exhausting life. The nightmare customers she had to face every day. The son who struggled so hard to live up to her expectations. All of it could be forgotten, if only for a moment.
"…"
Understanding the weight she carried, Seojin said nothing more and simply stayed by her side.
"Phew…"
After steadily working through the snacks and beer, she finally drank herself into a stupor and slumped face-down on the table, breathing in flat, empty sighs. Looking at her completely disheveled state made something in his chest ache. She was suffering like this because he hadn't lived up to her hopes.
"Haa… might as well sleep."
It was already nearly midnight. Even the staff had gone home, leaving the dining corner completely empty. He moved alone through the space, clearing away the leftover snacks and empty beer cans. Then, as always, he carefully helped his mother up from where she lay slumped over the table.
Through the thin jjimjilbang clothes he could feel the soft give of her body. A clean shampoo scent mixed with the familiar smell of her skin he'd known since childhood drifted gently toward him. The heavy dead weight told him she was completely blackout drunk — consciousness fully gone.
"I keep telling you to at least wear underwear… and once again you've got nothing on under the jjimjilbang clothes."
The unguarded state she only showed because he was there made him both happy and worried at the same time. On top of having a low tolerance, once she crossed her limit she lost consciousness so completely that no amount of shaking would wake her. Knowing this about herself, she never touched a drop at company dinners — and whenever stress exploded and she needed to binge, she always brought him along. He knew her nature too, so even when it was a hassle he went along with it.
"Ugh…"
Supporting her, he felt a slight wave of dizziness. He'd only had a single sip of beer, yet he was already lightheaded — apparently he'd inherited her weak constitution for alcohol.
Breathing in the thick smell of liquor coming off her, he headed toward the sleeping rooms and muttered to himself.
"It's cold tonight. Can't we just use the small sleeping room?"
His mother ran hot and sweated heavily. For someone already flushed from drinking, the ordinary warmth of a regular sleeping room — warm enough to sleep without blankets — became unbearable heat. Once, forgetting that fact, they'd slept in the small room and the next morning he'd gotten an earful from a mother soaked in sweat. Ever since then they used the large two-story sleeping room, which was spacious and cool.
Supporting her, he arrived at the big sleeping room they always used and looked around. As expected, the cold weather had left it completely empty.
"It's a little chilly…"
The large sleeping room had been designed for men who ran hot or people who preferred the cool. To him the air felt densely cold — cold enough that falling into a deep sleep would be difficult. The few remaining jjimjilbang guests had almost certainly gathered in the warm small sleeping room.
Searching for a place to lie down, Seojin's eyes landed on the single-person sleeping pods that looked like ant tunnels.
"It'd be warmer over there, but we can't both fit."
They could force two people in if they had to, but comfortable sleep would be out of the question. Reluctantly he claimed a spot as far in the corner as possible.
"Haa…"
He'd braced himself for a scolding that day, but it had been harsher than expected and left him thoroughly cowed. Heavy fatigue pressed in until he felt he could drop off any second — yet the anxiety of having to retake the college entrance exam, plus the lingering dizziness from the alcohol, kept sleep at bay.
"Ugh… cold."
On top of everything, the chill hanging in the large sleeping room kept needling at his nerves.
"Isn't Mom cold at all?"
She lay on her side without the slightest movement, sunk deep in sleep. It was almost amazing.
Deciding he simply couldn't sleep in this cold, Seojin carefully sat up. Looking around the sleeping room — so silent he half-expected to hear water dripping — he began slowly climbing toward the second floor.
"I'm pretty sure the second floor was a bit warmer."
Whether because cold air sinks and warm air rises, or because of the room's structure itself, he remembered the upper level feeling milder. Just as he'd expected, the air on the second floor was noticeably cozier than below.
"Carrying Mom all the way up here looks like it'd be too much…"
On a normal day he could have managed it, but with the alcohol making him dizzy he judged that hauling a full-grown woman up the stairs was beyond him.
"There's no one here anyway. I'll just warm up for a bit and go back down."
Thinking he'd thaw out a little in the warmer air and then return, Seojin settled at the edge where he could look straight down at his mother. She still hadn't moved, lying on her side in deep sleep. None of the harsh expression she usually reserved for him remained — not even a trace. Watching her sleep so peacefully, she looked every bit the elegant, pure married woman. He couldn't understand why she was so hard on him.
I wish she'd be just a little kinder to me too.
As he longed for the loving smile she only ever showed customers, the gentle warmth began to loosen both his body and his heart.
"Maybe I'll just lie down for a minute…"
Giving in to the temptation, Seojin stretched out on his back. The fatigue and drowsiness he'd been holding off rushed in all at once. A warning flickered that if he stayed like this any longer he'd fall straight asleep — but after a full day of his mother's temper and the slap, his body desperately craved rest.
Just a little… just a little longer…
He kept repeating to himself that he'd only warm up and then go back down. Gradually his breathing evened out, and before he knew it he had drifted off.
He dreamed.
It seemed to be a dream from childhood.
"That's my good boy~!"
His mother's voice, thick with tenderness. The warmth of her arms. The kind, bright smile that had become so rare now curved her lips, and happiness rose in him too.
How long did he wander through that warm dream he never wanted to leave?
Somewhere, he thought he heard the sound of a door clicking open.
"Nnh…"
Still heavy with unfinished fatigue, Seojin forced his weighted eyelids up and pushed the thick drowsiness away. Staring blankly up at the dark ceiling of the sleeping room, he couldn't immediately remember why he was there.
"Ah… right. I came to the sauna with Mom."
He forced his sluggish, hangover-fogged mind to work through the situation. He remembered coming to the sauna with his mother, and that the sleeping room had been too cold so he'd temporarily escaped to the second floor.
It didn't feel like he'd slept long. The same eerie silence still hung in the air — it was definitely the dead of night.
Shaking off the lure of the warmth, he slowly sat up.
"Nnh…"
Rubbing at his stiff body, Seojin cast his gaze down toward the first floor where his mother was sleeping — and froze solid.
"Huh?"
The single startled syllable that slipped out said everything he felt.
His mother was still there, unmoving, lying on her side in deep sleep. But one thing had changed.
On the first-floor sleeping room that should have been empty, a middle-aged man now existed.
Of course this was a public facility used by many people, so another person being present wasn't strange in itself. The problem was where that middle-aged man was.
Right beside his soundly sleeping mother.
In the exact spot where Seojin himself had been lying only a little while ago, the middle-aged man now lay.