Mom's Doll Starts Walking on Its Own
Late at night, the subway station began to disgorge the countless people wrapping up their day.
Ordinary office workers would already be resting at home by this hour, but Kim Soeun, who worked sales at a department store, always returned a little later than most.
Wedged among the crowds heading home, Kim Soeun looked especially cheerful today.
No customers throwing harsh claims today, and sales were solid enough that I won't have to deal with pressure for a while.
Kim Soeun found it almost strange how smoothly things had been going lately—smooth enough that it felt like a fair wind was finally blowing her way.
When she had first accepted the reality that her son would have to retake the college entrance exams, the stress had nearly driven her out of her mind. But apparently it wasn't a rule that only bad things ever happened.
What was more, when she checked how far his studies had come, he was producing better results than she had feared. That surprised her more than she cared to admit.
He wasn't even enrolled in a retake academy, yet he was managing decent progress on his own. She felt proud of him.
I should start treating my son like an adult. This might be a chance to fix our awkward mother-son relationship a little.
With a bit of breathing room in her heart, she felt her thinking grow more flexible.
Until things had started going this well, just the thought of her son had sent irritation surging up from deep inside, leaving her sharp-edged about everything.
She had thrown herself into work as if fleeing a burdensome reality, and ironically that had translated into dazzling sales figures.
Thanks to that, her wallet was expected to be comfortably full this month, so she had even bought a few simple late-night snacks—partly to encourage the son who was pushing himself alone.
"I'm home."
She stepped inside with the same half-hearted but obligatory greeting she always gave upon returning. Her son shuffled out of his room.
"Welcome home, Mom."
Whether from long hours of studying or something else, his manner was more listless and withdrawn than usual. She didn't like it one bit; out of pure habit her facial muscles nearly twisted into a scowl.
Hold it. He's still trying to live up to my expectations. There's no need for pointless venting.
Her heart still lingered in the joyful days of childhood, but her body had long since matured into a fully ripe, alluring woman.
Even so, the inferiority complex she had never resolved since she was young kept bubbling up, and she found herself ugly for trying to work out those ugly feelings through her son.
I know I shouldn't, but I keep getting worked up anyway…
She had reflected hard after striking him when he failed to get into university.
But discarding long-standing habits overnight was never easy.
She had walked too far down that road to stop cold, yet she could at least encourage him to rest for a while.
"Son. I bought some late-night snacks. Let's eat together."
"Late-night snacks?"
Her son looked at her with open surprise.
A hollow little laugh escaped her; the look told her, indirectly, exactly how her only son saw her.
"Tomorrow's a day off, and… just because."
Being honest, or talking the way ordinary, harmonious mothers and sons did, felt painfully awkward.
Realizing that any more conversation would only pile on mutual awkwardness and silence, she hastily cut herself short.
Kim Soeun set the snacks on the table, went into the bathroom to wash, then came out to the living room in the thin white one-piece dress she liked to wear at home.
Still toweling her damp hair, she glanced toward the table and found that her son had arranged the snacks she had bought and, thoughtfully, prepared a glass of beer as well.
"What's this? Since when do you do thoughtful things?"
It was meant as praise, yet the tone came out sharp, almost sarcastic.
Kim Soeun realized it a beat too late, but the words were already out and could not be taken back.
What irritated her more was the way her son simply accepted even her dismissive, belittling remarks as if he were used to them.
How pathetic. How did I become this pathetic?
When had the mother-son relationship turned into this?
When had the mere sight of her son made irritation surge so that she could no longer say anything kind?
She had left home to raise him with love…
Instead of love she was lashing him with the whip, and she found herself utterly disgusting for it.
Even knowing that, she hated herself more for how little she changed.
In one corner of her heart the old self-justification still lived—that it was all for her son's future—along with the complacent thought that she could start changing little by little from now on. With those thoughts she sat down across from him at the table.
"You should have eaten first."
From an ordinary mother the words would have been pure concern for a hungry child. From her they carried a cruel, bitter edge that could easily be heard as I find sharing a table with you uncomfortable.
This time Kim Soeun had spoken out of genuine worry, yet her son, unfortunately, took the darker reading.
Kim Seojin gave no sign of it. Instead he offered gentle words.
"I waited so I could eat with Mom after she worked hard all day. We barely get any time together."
The unexpected warmth of her son's encouragement made the corner of Kim Soeun's mouth twitch.
To hide the pleased expression that wanted to break free, she hastily drank the beer he had prepared and looked elsewhere.
Things really are going well these days.
If her son hadn't had to retake the exams, this would have been the best year of her life without question.
A small regret lingered, but thinking of the time as a chance to heal the distance between mother and son made it feel less bitter.
Maybe it's for the best. His self-esteem took a hit; I should help him rebuild it. And while we're at it, maybe I should get him to the gym for his health?
She had driven him so hard with nothing but study, study, study that he had grown too passive, too short on confidence.
Being ordinary wasn't a crime, but since her son wasn't particularly outstanding either, she decided this was a good chance to have him exercise for his health.
The gym I go to isn't bad, but would he want to work out together? Or… a lot of men do Pilates these days. Maybe better for loosening a stiff body and fixing posture?
Kim Soeun resolved to spend the extra money from her improved sales on her son and began running the numbers in her head.
While she was lost in those happy calculations, Kim Seojin sat quietly across from her eating the snacks. His gaze today was especially heavy and sunken.
It looked like the dark clouds just before rain, fixed on her beer glass—something she never noticed as she kept tilting the glass.
"Phew… that hit the spot."
Even knowing tomorrow was a day off and that she was weak to alcohol, Kim Soeun set down the nearly empty glass once the pleasant buzz had risen just enough to feel good without becoming a burden.
She usually avoided late-night snacks for the sake of her figure, but tonight she set aside calorie worries and the small frets about her son and simply enjoyed the moment.
Lost in the hazy warmth of the alcohol, she almost felt as if she had slipped back into her happy childhood.
"I'll clean up. Mom, go on to bed first."
Kim Soeun decided to accept her son's consideration gratefully.
In her good mood she started toward her room, then decided to try a little prank she would never normally attempt.
It was her own clumsy effort to close the distance between them.
"My son's being so considerate of Mom today—I'm really grateful. Son… you don't have something you did wrong or something you're hiding from me, do you?"
Her son's shoulders flinched openly, exactly as if he really did have something on his conscience.
Seeing that reaction, Kim Soeun's eyes narrowed a fraction with suspicion and distrust—but the pleasant buzz that had climbed all the way to her head quickly washed the dark feelings away.
"Son. Why so tense? Is Mom going to eat you up or something?"
To her own surprise she let out a small laugh and lightly pinched her son's cheek.
The memory of tugging the still-chubby cheeks of her little boy came flooding back, filling her with warm happiness.
She knew he was afraid of her, so she was trying—awkwardly, unfamiliarly—to treat him as kindly as she could. A gesture of reconciliation.
"Just kidding. Just kidding. Mom's going to bed now, so finish cleaning up and get some sleep yourself."
Even a single glass of beer was still alcohol; drowsiness began to settle over her.
Inside her room Kim Soeun hummed a little tune as she crawled under the covers.
The soft, enveloping warmth of the blanket wrapped her whole body, and the oncoming sleep swiftly began to devour her consciousness.
When I wake up tomorrow I'll talk to him about exercising together…
Kim Soeun was swallowed whole by the sleep that rushed in and fell into a deep slumber.
If she had known that beyond the firmly closed door her son was standing unnaturally still, the sheer eeriness of it would never have let her fall asleep like that.
Even though she was weak to alcohol, she would have found it strange to collapse into sleep from a single glass of beer.
Normally she would never have let the suspicious flinch he showed when she joked simply slide past on the buzz; she would have dug until she uncovered whatever dark thing lay underneath.
But coincidence piled on coincidence until it became inevitability. Mom's doll did not miss the chance it had created. It cut the strings that had controlled it and began to walk on its own.
Even if it did not know what waited at the end of that path.