We Went on a Picnic to Find Honey, But Why a Butt?
We Went on a Picnic to Find Honey, But Why a Butt?
"That was a damn good meal."
Another day, another feast.
I definitely overate.
The green onion kimchi turning out too well was its own problem.
When food's this good, you overeat no matter what.
The Eonyang bulgogi hit its peak too.
Every single dish was the best.
A thoroughly satisfying meal.
Only one thing bothered me: the smell from the green onion kimchi.
Not just the smell on your breath, but that particular odor that simmers up from your gut—unpleasant.
Since I'm alone in the kitchen, it doesn't matter.
Andrea was the problem.
"But is the smell okay? Green onion kimchi leaves a pretty strong odor. You should probably brush your teeth soon."
"Smell? Ah... It's fine."
Andrea opened her mouth and gave a light wave of her fingers.
Wind and water spirits brushed delicately across her open mouth.
I'd never seen anything like it—a spirit cleaning an elf's mouth.
"This keeps it clean."
A cool, refreshing fragrance rose from her mouth.
Almost like mint chocolate...
Ugh, focus.
Actually, it was the scent of toothpaste.
"That should do it. The spirit's power lingers, so a fresh scent stays in your mouth for a full twenty-four hours."
"Not bad."
"Shall I do you too, boss?"
"Is that possible?"
"Of course."
She waved her hand.
Crisp, refreshing air filled my mouth.
Ah, I can feel it.
The taste of mint...
This is actually really nice.
Toothpaste for brushing exists in the empire, but not many kinds feel this cool and clean.
Having it done, it's like...
It feels like getting your teeth brushed and a scaling treatment all at once.
"This is amazing."
While I was savoring the afterglow of the elf scaling, Andrea wrote a new review on the board.
==========
★★★★★
You've probably often seen kimchi served alongside main dishes.
A deep red chili powder seasoning with a unique flavor that makes rice slide down effortlessly—a devilishly addictive side dish.
It never quite becomes the star, but it's a stellar supporting role, and sometimes it steals the spotlight.
That's green onion kimchi.
Its strong scent and flavor can be divisive when eaten raw, but this time I realized it can be enjoyed in all sorts of ways depending on preparation.
Of! Course!
It's a staff-only special!
A delicacy guests can't easily taste, you say?
Jealous? I bet you are.
If you want some, get a job at the Knight Restaurant.
Oh, right—I was writing this and forgot to mention the Eonyang bulgogi.
It's meat marinated less than the Bulbaek bulgogi and cooked a little more thoroughly for a deeper flavor.
This one's also a staff special...
Ah, what a waste. I'd love to share this flavor...
Recommended Dishes: Green Onion Kimchi, and Eonyang Bulgogi
-Knight Restaurant Employee Andrea-
==========
I watched Andrea post the new review.
"What is this?"
"What do you mean? It's a review of the new menu item. You said we had to write one after eating."
"I did say that, but why did you specifically write that it's a staff special?"
"It isn't?"
Well, it is.
I did plan and intend it as something just for staff.
But.
"You shouldn't write about a menu item we don't sell."
And her tone had completely changed from before. She'd gone from prickly wanderer to this.
"It's fine. It's written in Elvish, so no one can read it."
"I can read it. And the nobles can read it."
"Huh? Nobles know Elvish?"
"Of course. I just read it."
"Oh, right."
Not all nobles know it.
Many nobles consider learning Elvish a highly cultured pursuit.
I didn't learn it for that sort of posturing.
I just ended up picking up Elvish after helping out a few elves I met in the capital.
Viscount Britten or Camilla Wagon can definitely read it.
'She might start hounding me, asking what that menu is that an elf fell for.'
Should I take it down?
My eye fell on a review Andrea wrote before.
==============
★★★★★
The greatest dish I've ever experienced, I who walked only the path of meat.
The exquisite harmony of vegetables, meat, and grain is an indicator of the harmony most needed by elves.
The red sauce called gochujang stimulates the appetite, making you keep eating.
I like it.
I want to keep eating it.
Recommended Dish: Beef Bulgogi Bibimbap.
-Knight Restaurant Employee Andrea-
==============
The stiff, haughty tone came through perfectly.
It was a post that revealed the cold wanderer she had been just a month ago, before she started working here.
Her vibe had definitely changed.
Enough to feel it in her reviews.
'People really can change in a month.'
Should I leave it?
The change is kind of cute in its own way.
It means the elf has mellowed out that much.
'If she pushes a menu we don't sell, I can use that as an excuse to kick her out.'
It was a natural way to distance myself from Camilla Wagon.
'That might not be bad, actually?'
While I was thinking that, I saw customers starting to trickle in.
Let's work hard again today.
What should we have for dinner?
'There's hardly any Tuu meat left now...'
Just a bit of ribs, some tenderloin for grilling, and beef bones for broth.
It was about time to start serving Meat Cow to customers.
We can't keep hunting Tuu forever.
'I should put in a request with the mercenary guild.'
Ask them to let me know if any Tuu are spotted nearby.
I liked Tuu even more than I expected.
And it's popular.
Not often, but it's perfect as a special treat.
'Let's find honey. We're running low.'
The day after tomorrow is a holiday, so maybe I'll go up the mountain.
***
"Hmm...~"
A holiday after a long while.
With the restaurant closed, I climbed the mountain behind the shop to find new ingredients.
"Still not seeing any."
What I was looking for was the pumpkin bee, the honeybee of this world.
Famous for producing honey so sweet it can bewitch your tongue just from tasting it.
That's the story, anyway.
Pumpkin bee honey actually has grades.
How dense the mana is where they live.
What kind of flowers bloom nearby.
And how rich a honey the bees produce.
The taste of their honey changes accordingly.
The more mana-rich and sweet-nectared flowers around, the sweeter the honey.
The best is, of course, pumpkin bee honey from the Elf Forest.
Bees that steep in dense mana and the nectar of World Tree blossoms are considered the pinnacle.
There are legends of dragons going mad for this honey.
So I asked Andrea if she could go back to the Elf Forest and bring some.
-No way. I've already left that place. I'll never go back.
Shame, though.
But it's fine.
Because I have a nose that finds pumpkin bee honey better than anyone.
"You said it was a picnic."
"It is a picnic. We came for a pleasant walk, didn't we?"
"......."
Andrea, holding a basket with our packed lunch, looked at me.
An elf who hates coming into the forest.
Just how messed up did she get?
"Hurry up and start sniffing."
"Sniffing... It's about tracing mana traces."
I wondered how sniffing with your nose was different from smelling, but...
Since she insists it's different, I'll accept it.
"So you're saying I have to find the pumpkin bee nest?"
"Yep. You've got to earn your keep."
"I am working hard. I follow the contract rules..."
I narrowed my eyes at Andrea's grumbling.
"Hmm... You do realize you're eating more than the original contract allows, right?"
"W-well, you see, it's just so delicious."
"If you eat more, you work more. Or extend your contract."
"That's tyranny."
"The amount you eat is tyranny to me. Cut back on the food."
"Oh, how dare you!"
Andrea, who had been following me up the forest path, looked shocked and opened her mouth wide.
"B-but you said I'm pretty even when I eat a lot."
I don't think I ever said that.
"Even so, if you eat that much rice, you'll get fat where you shouldn't."
"Ughhh."
"Better to cut the rice and eat more meat. Ah, but then your work hours might get longer."
"I-if you raise my hourly pay a little..."
"No."
"Awww."
"So find the pumpkin bee honeycomb. I'll give you a bonus."
Andrea perked up and moved ahead.
With that elf step that made countless customers swoon.
Whoosh.
She glided forward, stirring a gentle breeze.
From ahead, sniffing, she called back at me.
"This way! Follow me!"
Elves are fast in the forest, no doubt.
I kept walking steadily behind Andrea as she pulled ahead.
I might not match her speed, but I won't lose in persistence.
As I kept following Andrea, a tickling scent began to reach my nose.
'This is it.'
They say a sweet smell like melted sugar hangs near pumpkin bee nests.
The higher the mana grade in the honey, the deeper and more mysterious the fragrance.
Just smelling the honey made the corners of my mouth curl up.
"Nice."
"Boss, over here!"
The further I followed her, the stronger the scent grew.
Bzzz!
I spotted a worker pumpkin bee flying between the trees.
Bzzz!
Thumb-sized yellow bees zipped around, each gathering its own nectar.
Thick clumps of pollen clung to their legs.
'Quality should be decent.'
I was confident they'd be usable even if harvested right now.
"Uh, boss?"
Ahead, Andrea turned to me with a bewildered voice.
"What's wrong?"
"It's, well, you should probably see this."
"See this?"
I picked up speed at her words.
I climbed as fast as I could and stood beside her.
"What is that?"
A large ass was wedged in a hollow tree trunk, wiggling left and right.
"That's an ass, right? I'm not seeing things?"
"It is."
"Looks like a woman's ass..."
"That too."
It even had a navy-blue tail attached.
The tail was wagging rapidly side to side.
"...Why is there an ass where the beehive should be..."
Bzzzzzz!
The pumpkin bees, their nest plundered, flew around angrily, stinging the ass indiscriminately.
Despite the relentless assault, the tailed ass kept wiggling, unfazed.
"Looks like a beastkin."
"Only race with tails is them."
"But why would a beastkin be here... this is a boring countryside with nothing to see."
"Says the elf."
"That's not..."
Countless pumpkin bees swarmed into the air.
Still, I pushed closer, pushing through the bees swarming to defend the ass that had suddenly appeared.
They were much larger than normal bees, but not dangerously venomous.
NOM! NOM!
I approached the beastkin whose face was buried in the hollow tree, wiggling her ass, and grabbed her navy-blue tail.
"Gyaggyaggyak!"
"Who are you?"
The startled ass jolted.
But it couldn't get out of the tree and flailed.
"Wh-who dares! To touch Veronia, warrior of the Wolf Clan!"
"I don't know about warrior, but could you move this ass?"
"S-Stop! Aaah! I-I can't get out. Huh? What?"
The flustered ass shook left and right.
Its tail wagged fiercely, shooing away the pumpkin bees.
"S-sorry, could you perhaps pull me out? I'll reward you handsomely!"
"......."
Should I trust a talking ass?
"We need to harvest honey, too."
"Alright."
Nothing else I could do.
I grabbed her thighs, Andrea grabbed her tail, and we pulled.
"Aaaah! My taaail!"
The ass, yanked free with a weird noise, screamed and rolled on the ground.
Is this a mandragora?
My ears hurt.
Finally, the ass-shaped... no, the wolf-clan woman, now in human form, looked up at the sky and stood up.
"Phew, I thought I was going to die."
Her face was swollen from the bee stings, eyes barely open, and absolutely caked in honey.
She'd had herself a real honey party.
"Ah, are you perhaps the owner of this mountain? If so, I apologize. I was so hungry I ate without thinking!"
"Who are you?"
"Ah, as I said, I am a warrior of the Wolf Clan. I followed a delicious scent I've been sensing lately all the way from Lilyan."
Lilyan, the greatest city in the south.
A city that takes a week on horseback to reach from here.
"You followed a honey scent all the way from there?"
"No, what I smelled was not honey!"
She then brought her nose to my body.
Sniff sniff.
"A similar scent comes from your body."
"Similar scent?"
"Yes! The scent of a male!"
What is this horny wolf talking about?