Part 1 - Fake Leash(8)
Part 1 - Fake Leash(8)
Exiting the lecture building and stepping out into the wide campus plaza, the midday spring sunlight pouring down from above blinded my vision.
"Haa... haa...."
I gasped for air, unable to open my eyes properly.
The sunny weather, which I would usually feel was endlessly warm and dazzling, felt at this very moment like a giant interrogation room searchlight, trying to expose my dirty secrets and my insane mind to the world, leaving nothing hidden. I couldn't bear it.
The sound of countless students walking through the plaza, the voices of my peers gathered in groups on benches laughing and chatting, even the music heard from afar turned into bizarre and threatening tinnitus that felt like it was tearing my eardrums apart, scrambling my brain.
'That crazy bitch is walking by again.'
'I heard she ignored Ji-min-ssi's text and then acted like the victim.'
'I knew it from when she was panting in heat by herself yesterday. Disgusting.'
No one actually approached me to point fingers or curse at me.
But my bloated persecution complex and shattered ego were turning even the indifferent gazes of everyone passing by into contempt and ridicule directed at me.
My vision spun, and the asphalt ground heaved.
I felt like my legs would give out at any moment and I would collapse on the street.
With my trembling head bowed low, I tightly clasped my right wrist, looking only at the back of Do-hee-sunbae who was leading the way, forcing my stumbling steps forward.
The faint scent of skin wafting from Sunbae's white blouse.
Focusing on her deep, cozy scent was the only way I could suppress my anxiety that felt like it was tearing me apart.
Her excuse about going to the assistant's office was, naturally, just a pretext to get me out of that hellish lecture hall.
Sunbae didn't look back or urge me on even once until we left the school gate and turned into the familiar alleyway of the studio apartment complex where I lived.
She was just being considerate, maintaining a soft and steady grip on my wrist in case I tripped over my own tangled feet.
How long had we walked?
After an eternity of hellish time passed, we finally arrived in front of the old iron door of my studio apartment on the 2nd floor of the familiar multi-family housing building.
Sunbae slid the cover of the door lock up, very familiarly and naturally.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, ding-dong.
Even though I hadn't specifically told her the password, Sunbae's fingers pressed it without a moment's hesitation—the password she must have seen once over my shoulder when I opened the door in the past.
Since when had the access rights to my living space been handed over to this woman?
But that didn't really matter to me right now.
As the mechanical sound of the lock disengaging rang through the hallway and the heavy iron door opened, the air of my studio apartment—somewhat musty from lack of ventilation but safer than anywhere else—rushed out to meet us.
Sunbae carefully led me into the room and closed the iron door behind my back.
Click.
As the thick metal mechanism engaged, the string of my reason, which had been pulled taut from the lecture hall and hanging on the edge of a precarious cliff, snapped without a sound.
"Aah... aaaah... hwaaang!"
Standing in the entryway, the strength in my legs completely gave out, and I collapsed to the floor like a puppet whose control strings had been cut.
Without even thinking to take off my tight shoes, I knelt on the cold floor and covered my face with both hands.
I sobbed.
Ji-min-ssi's look of shock and disgust, the cold behavior of my peers avoiding me as if I were a germ, those terrible moments of cognitive dissonance where they accused me of reading and ignoring their concerned texts—all of it rushed in at once, tightly constricting my windpipe.
I'm not crazy.
I saw with my own two eyes this morning that there wasn't a single notification on my phone, so why is everyone treating me like a crazy bitch with amnesia?
Why are you leaving me alone?
I lived so diligently for our group, for this department, so why are you treating me like a bug and throwing me in the trash overnight?
The mixture of injustice and isolation felt like it was mercilessly mincing my internal organs.
Just then, Sunbae approached my feet, slowly knelt down, and began to very carefully take off the tight, uncomfortable shoes from my feet.
Like a devoted maid washing the dirty feet of her noble master, there was not a hint of hesitation or shame in her touch.
"Yeon-woo-ya, our pretty Yeon-woo. It's okay now. Don't be scared. There's no one here. It's just me."
After neatly organizing the shoes to one side of the entryway, Sunbae gently wrapped her arms around my shoulders as I collapsed and scraped the floor.
And she carefully cupped my wet cheeks, which were a mess of tears and smeared makeup, with her warm, soft palms and wiped them upward.
"They're misunderstanding you. You're such a diligent and precious junior of the Korean Literature department... You only made a mistake on yesterday's presentation because of sleep deprivation from looking over my manuscript, right? How can a person be perfect like a machine every day? The kids who can't understand even that and treat you like a crazy person and avoid you are the strange ones. They don't know your true value. They're just jealous of you because you're superior, and they're biting at you just because they found one little thing to pick on."
Sunbae's blind comfort flowed into my eardrums.
That's right, it's not my fault.
I am still the perfect Jung Yeon-woo.
It's not that I'm crazy, but those vermin-like peers who are trash for prioritizing a few points off their group project over the loyalty of living and suffering together, and who ostracize me and whisper behind my back, are the ones who are trash.
Self-rationalization to protect myself began to spin furiously in my brain.
And when that circuit reached its end, the anxiety and fear that had been filling me to the brim were replaced by a hunger for dominance.
In the outside world, I was an abandoned, isolated, weak being, but at least inside this studio apartment, at least above this Cha Do-hee who was kneeling before me with teary eyes and stroking my cheek, I was an absolute tyrant.
Isn't that noble woman, whom even professors are nervous around, licking my wounds and checking my mood right now?
I wanted to perfectly compensate for my petty self-esteem and sense of superiority, which had been shattered against the glass wall of the outside world, by cruelly trampling on this woman in front of me and exploiting her physical pleasure.
That was the only way to prove to myself that I hadn't gone crazy yet, and that I was a ruler with the power to hold someone's leash and control them completely.
"Sunbae."
I let go of the hands that were covering my face.
My face was a mess of tears, snot, and smeared foundation, but my eyes had changed from the terrified victim of a moment ago to a tyrant harboring twisted sadism.
Sunbae's shoulders, which had been looking up at me with worry, flinched minutely at the temperature change in my voice.
As always, she instinctively read my aura and took a weak stance, like a herbivore shrinking back in front of a fierce predator.
"Do you... really want to comfort me?"
"Yes, Yeon-woo-ya... because you're having such a hard time. It feels like it's all my fault that you had to suffer that humiliation outside... I want to make you comfortable somehow. I'll do anything I can...."
"Then, take off your clothes."
At my direct and violent command, Sunbae's pupils shook violently as if there were an earthquake.
She bit her trembling red lips until they bled, and hurriedly lowered her gaze to the floor like someone who had heard something shameful they couldn't possibly have heard.
"Yeon, Yeon-woo-ya... it's broad daylight right now... You've been exhausted since this morning. First, lie down on the bed, drink some warm water I make for you, and calm down...."
"Who said I'd rest? Who told you to make excuses about my condition to delay the feedback schedule and take care of my body as you please?!"
I screamed hysterically, grabbed the collar of Sunbae, who was reading my mood, with both hands, and pulled her toward me roughly.
"Who do you think is responsible for me suffering humiliation outside while being treated like a crazy bitch by those stupid, disgusting bitches! It's because I stayed up all night doing the dirty work to make that trashy, un-arousing manuscript you wrote look like something a human wrote, and I got stressed out and this happened! The main culprit who ruined my perfect college life dares to pity me and tell me to rest or not? You're just a cheap toy who should do as I say, shut up, spread your legs under me, and relieve my stress. Isn't that right? Have you already forgotten that I have leverage over you?"
Transparent tears welled up in Sunbae's beautiful eyes at my words, and soon they rolled down her cheeks, soaking the back of my hand that was gripping her collar.
Ah, thrilling.
Yes, this is it.
This sight of Cha Do-hee, whom no one could easily approach, being hurt and submitting, shedding helpless tears at this one word of my verbal abuse.
This was the most certain and vivid proof that I was alive and that I was the 'top' in this relationship.
Ji-min-ssi's cold gaze that ignored me, the disgusting sneers of my peers—at this moment, they were perfectly bleached from my mind and disappeared without a trace.
Only the trembling body temperature of Sunbae caught in my grasp and the pulse of her slender neck were the only reality and truth in my world.
"I told you to take it off. Or should I tear all these expensive clothes to shreds?"
I grabbed Sunbae's collar even tighter and shook her roughly back and forth.
Sunbae shed tears, lifted her trembling hands, and began to laboriously unbutton her blouse one by one.
Pop, pop.
As the buttons were undone one by one, revealing Sunbae's smooth collarbone and the lace of her black underwear, my lower abdomen tingled.
Rational thought or physical fatigue had long since been paralyzed.
Only the thirst to tear into the prey in front of me and confirm my overwhelming dominance with my own eyes controlled my entire body.
As soon as Sunbae turned her head in shame and took off her top completely, dropping it to the floor, I climbed on top of her like a starving beast, pushed her shoulders, and shoved her down onto the cold floor.
"Aaat...! Heu-eut, Yeon-woo-ya, it hurts... The floor is cold... Haa, just a little slower...."
Sunbae, whose back hit the bare floor, frowned as if in pain and let out a flushed moan. But I didn't have even a speck of consideration for her pain or shame.
I forcibly pulled Sunbae's hands above her head, bound them tightly with one of my hands, and with my remaining hand, I roughly groped and clawed at Sunbae's white neck and collarbone.
"Does it hurt? You said you write hardcore 19+ angst novels. Have you ever seen a character in your novel whine that it hurts when they're forcibly violated in a narrow prison? Pant more. Be more ashamed. That's the only way I can give you proper feedback starting in broad daylight today!"
I insisted, burying my sweat-drenched face deep into Sunbae's neck. Sunbae's deep, cozy scent rushed out as if to paralyze the tip of my nose.
And like a vampire craving blood, I bit down hard on Sunbae's skin and licked it wetly.
"Heu-eup... haa... aaang...! Yeon-woo-ya, it's too rough... ha-eut...!"
Sunbae twisted her body this way and that as if trying to escape from under my forceful restraint, crying out desperately.
But her resistance was pitifully weak.
Rather, every time she twisted her waist, overcome by pain and pleasure, her smooth bare skin brushed against my thighs and lower abdomen over my thin slacks, creating a sticky friction.
Sunbae was clearly trembling with shame and resisting, so why was my body heating up with such explosive pleasure?
It was as if the very trajectory of Sunbae's resistance was meticulously calculated to stimulate only the sensitive erogenous zones that excited me the most, and a breath-stealing pleasure surged up my spine.
"Sunbae... in the manuscript you wrote a few days ago... the scene where the Yandere Saintess locks the noble lady in the dungeon and forcibly violates her, you said the noble lady struggles in extreme shame, but eventually succumbs to pleasure and clings to her first, leaking her nectar... right?"
I whispered low, panting with ragged breath, licking her reddened earlobe.
"That sloppy and stiff sentence, I'll fix it very vividly right here today... Experience it yourself with your own body... and rewrite it while reflecting all night... Got it?"
At my declaration, Sunbae squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head with a desperate expression.
But her two hands, which were bound by me, had already minutely changed direction, not to push me away, but to pitifully clutch my wrists.
As if not to escape, but to pull me deeper onto her body.
Having completely lost my reason, I roughly unbuckled Sunbae's slacks.
And as my rough fingertips forced their way into Sunbae's most delicate and secret place without warning, Sunbae's body, which had been stiff, jerked up, and a piercing scream burst out.
"Aaaack...! Yeon-woo-ya, ah, it hurts... Please, heu-eup, there...!"
The stiff resistance conveyed directly to my fingertips, and Sunbae's thighs trembling with pain.
It was clear proof of a first time that had never been touched by another's hand.
I gasped.
That Cha Do-hee, whose noble first time had never been allowed to anyone, was being so miserably violated under me right now.
"A-heuk...! Ha-ang, ah, it hurts...! Yeon-woo-ya, eut, Yeon-woooo...!"
Listening to those desperate moans that collapsed helplessly into pleasure even amidst the pain, I steadied my panting breath and pulled my hand out from Sunbae's vulva.
My fingertips were mixed with Sunbae's nectar and virgin blood, and soon I brought my fingertips to my mouth.
"Sweet... isn't it...."
Clearly, Sunbae's virgin blood was mixed in, so it should taste like blood, and the scent of blood was definitely there, but for some reason, her virgin blood felt sweet in my mouth.
And looking down at Sunbae, who was trembling beneath me, I twisted my lips up in ecstasy.
The overwhelming sense of conquest that I had completely broken and scarred Sunbae.
It was the moment when the miserable sense of defeat I felt in the outside world was perfectly filled with a desire for dominance within this narrow room.
"Why do I need to care about what those peers think? The one panting like a beast and spreading her legs under me like this is the high-and-mighty Cha Do-hee."
I bit Sunbae's earlobe painfully and gave the order.
"Sunbae, from tomorrow, you must go to school with me. Don't go anywhere else, stick right by my side at school, and do everything I tell you. No, just move out of your studio apartment and live with me from now on."
Sunbae, covered in tears, whispered in a trembling voice, gasping with the lingering effects of pleasure.
"Haa... heu-eup... yes, eut, Yeon-woo-ya... if that's what you want... tomorrow, the day after, like a piece of gum, I'll stick by your side forever... ha-eut, so, don't, don't abandon me...."
I burst into insane laughter at the thought that I had perfectly conquered her.