A Dog's Resolve
I neatly folded my school uniform and set it on the bed. In the full-length mirror, Lucia stands in a dangerous state of dress, with only her bra and panties covering her vital parts. Her bare skin, unblemished, snow-white, and clean, was surprisingly firm. As an esper who had practiced self-care since she was young, Lucia’s body was beautiful, without a single flaw. But for me right now, none of that matters. I gulp down the saliva pooling in my mouth and draw a dagger from its sheath.
"I couldn't properly test it earlier because it was in the bathroom... yeah, so I have to check for sure."
At that time, it had been less than ten minutes since I had possessed Lucia, so I was only confused and couldn't properly confirm my abilities. I know it works, at least. But is there really no problem?
Superhuman Ability. One of the main settings of 'The Swordsman of Dawn,' and one of the reasons why humanity, which is inevitably weaker than monsters, has not yet perished. Simply put, it is a superpower. Every individual has a different ability. Superhuman abilities are not rooted in the physical body, but in the spirit. Therefore, as long as 'I' am inside Lucia, there might be a problem with the ability.
I slowly bring the dagger toward my wrist. The blade is sharp, as if well-maintained. I have no personal desire. It’s just to confirm whether there have been any changes to my ability. It’s the truth, okay? Really. Truly.
"...Yeah, let's do it."
I mumble an excuse to I-don't-know-who and apply force to my fingertips. Thwack. Without a sound, the blade tears through my wrist. Dark red blood flows down my forearm.
"Ugh..."
It hurts! It’s normally, incredibly painful! It’s hot, stinging, and tears well up in my eyes. It hurts... it hurts, but...
"What is this, it feels good..."
Tingle, tingle. My brain feels like it’s buzzing. My legs are trembling. Blood overflows from the wound, pushing through my flesh.
"Ah."
I let out a sigh of disappointment without realizing it. The wound has healed in an instant. Right, this is Lucia’s superhuman ability. Super-regeneration. It restores any wound, any fatal injury, and maintains a perfect body. A light wound like this would heal in the blink of an eye. This is no way to test it. Let’s make a little, just a little more of a wound.
Thwack. This time, I plunge the dagger in deeper. Not stopping there, I slash it with all my might. Pshhh! Did I cut an artery? A fountain of blood bursts out.
"Ah, hurts!"
My vision blurs because of the tears welling up in my eyes. It hurts! It’s incredibly painful! Seriously, it’s not a joke how much it hurts. But...
"It feels good..."
Should I do a little more? It’ll heal right away anyway. Red, hot blood soaks the floor of the room. It’s okay. Super-regeneration also replenishes blood. I wildly swing my slightly trembling right hand. Each time I do, my left wrist is butchered, spraying dark blood.
"Ugh... it hurts..."
But the pain doesn't last long. The wound heals quickly, and the red-stained left arm is just red; no injuries can be found. The strength leaves my legs, and I eventually slump to the floor. My hair stands on end. Huh, when did this pool of blood form on the floor? My legs are soaked in blood. It’s a good thing I took off my school uniform. Otherwise, it would be covered in blood. I try to pick myself up, but my legs don't have the strength I want them to. I was about to sigh—thinking, how can I be like this from just cutting my wrist a little—but I froze like ice.
Just cutting my wrist a little. Right, that’s all I did—made a few knife marks on my wrist.
"But, how can this feel so good...?"
Then. A bigger injury. For example, if my leg were broken, my abdomen were stabbed, or a hole were punched in my lungs... what would happen if I suffered such a fatal injury? I wouldn't die. Lucia’s super-regeneration is top-class among regeneration-type abilities. But still, it would hurt. It would hurt tremendously. Super-regeneration only regenerates you; it doesn't remove the pain. And come to think of it, in the 'original work,' Lucia suffered a lot. Maybe because people thought her super-regeneration meant she could be worked to the bone, losing her arms and legs was just the basics, and she even faced disembowelment and decapitation. She suffered so terribly that some readers even called her the 'Queen of Gore.' Of course, all that pain was a blessing and a reward to Lucia.
But now, I am Lucia. Which means. Does that mean... I will suffer like that too?
Before I was even conscious of it, my mouth filled with saliva. When a drop of saliva slipped past my lips, I belatedly came to my senses and wiped my mouth.
"No, no... I’m Lucia, but I’m not Lucia. There’s no way I’d enjoy that kind of pain. Right?"
Right now, it was only for testing my ability, and I didn't get hurt because I wanted to. I kept saying it hurt, didn't I? I have no intention of becoming a perverted girl filled with desires like Lucia. A person with common sense should be able to suppress their urges. So, this self-harming is the last time.
"..."
Hmm. I thought about it, but maybe a little is okay? This is... right. This is just like masturbation, anyway. Everyone does that sometimes, right? It’s happy time. Yeah, right. For Lucia, this is a tool to relieve her sexual desire. At least for now, since I am Lucia, wouldn't it be fine to cause a little wound? No, it’s no problem. It won't be. Thinking calmly, it’s not even that strange. The more you use a superpower, the more it improves. It’s the same with muscles. You get stronger as many times as you hit your limit. As an esper with super-regeneration, my ability improves every time I repeat the regeneration process.
"Uhe, then I guess it can't be helped?"
Ah, I hate it. I’m not a pervert, but I have to keep self-harming. But for the improvement of my ability, I have no choice. I nod my head vigorously. Then, I look down at my left arm, which is already completely healed, not even showing a small scratch.
"The ability test is over, so now, for the sake of improving my ability... hehe."
It’s still early. It’s not even time for dinner yet. Then, what should I do in this relaxed time? Naturally, as an academy student, it’s training my superpower. We are future heroes. People who protect the world from monsters from other worlds.
"He, hehe... so it can't be helped. Nothing I can do."
I raise the dagger high. Gulping down the saliva that keeps pooling in my mouth as if I were about to eat a feast, I swing my arm with force.
Thwack! Blood sprayed upward.
I was scared to death cleaning up afterward. If someone had entered the room, they might have fainted. The large amount of blood scattered everywhere soaked the floor; if someone had seen it, they would have thought a murder case had taken place. I couldn't even eat because I was busy cleaning the room. I let out a deep sigh and leaned my body against the back of the chair.
"Tough..."
My two hands were trembling because I had mopped so hard. But strangely, it felt good, so I worked even harder. Super-regeneration heals any physical burden. Thanks to that, my body right now is better than ever, despite the tiring cleaning. However, if the mind, not the body, is exhausted, even a perfectly fine body feels exhausted. Right now, I am in 'sage mode.' Please don't talk to me. I am exploring the truths of the world. After doing so much self-harm—no, training—my mind has cleared up. Back in the classroom, my bewilderment was so great that I couldn't think straight. But now, in my sage time, it’s different.
"I must become close with Eugene. Although I’m not exactly thrilled about it."
I worried about how to treat Eugene, just in case—though there’s no such possibility—but I couldn't ignore the 'what if.' In the 'original work,' Lucia was a heroine who was so in love with Eugene that she would give him her heart and soul. Because of that, I worried if I might become like that too. They say the mind follows the body. Even though my mind is a man’s right now, I don't know what will happen if I keep living as Lucia.
But now wasn't the time for such worries. Lucia is a heroine. Then, I must form a bond with Eugene. In 'The Swordsman of Dawn,' 'Bonds' were a very important element. It wouldn't be wrong to call them the core of the story. It was the bonds with the heroines that lifted and supported Eugene, who walked a difficult and painful path, and pushed his back so he could move forward. If even one heroine were missing, Eugene would crumble at some point. That must not happen. 'The Swordsman of Dawn' was never a kind world to its characters. If things go wrong, it wouldn't be strange to head straight to a post-apocalypse. It’s Eugene’s role to suffer the most, and it’s also his role to save the world. So, whether I like it or not, I must have a relationship with Eugene as a 'heroine.'
That doesn't mean I necessarily have to become his lover or anything like that. There’s no need. It’ll be fine as long as I become a comrade he can trust and rely on, right? 'Bonds' that push Eugene’s back aren't only found in 'heroines.' Even though 'heroines' provide the most solid support, many other people stand with Eugene as well.
"Yeah, okay. Let’s do our best."
I don't know why I became Lucia, but I have to try—if only to get hurt as much as I want, or rather, to save the world.
Grrr... A sound of protest came from my stomach. Oh, come to think of it, I couldn't eat anything because I was cleaning. I stroke my hungry belly and furrow my brow slightly.
"I’m very hungry... so... my stomach hurts?"
Let’s eat in a little while.