A Disappointing Confession
The hospital room was dim, the lights switched off to allow for a peaceful sleep. Beyond the curtains, the deep scarlet of the setting sun filtered in, staining the white walls red as if brushed with fresh paint.
The drowsiness I had felt just a moment ago vanished in an instant. I blinked my suddenly light eyelids, utterly dazed. Wait, what is she suddenly talking about? Aris is asleep, and there are only the two of us here...?
"We were too busy with external matters during the day to have a proper conversation, weren't we?"
"Well, yeah..."
Running here and there, repelling monsters and guiding civilians to evacuate, we had been incredibly busy. In the midst of a life-and-death crisis where monsters were invading, there was no room to leisurely exchange private chatter.
"...Frey? Is there something you want to say to me?"
"Yes."
"Hey, why did you lock the door?"
"Because I don't want anyone else to see. And I don't want to be disturbed."
Oh, wait. Something is strange. Hearing her say that makes it sound incredibly loaded. To go as far as asking Aris just to be alone with me... What on earth for? Is it business she doesn't want Aris to know about? My mind grew muddled. It was such an unexpected situation that I was a bit flustered.
I had expected Aris to visit me. Because Aris really likes me! At least for now, I can guarantee she likes me way more than Yujin. But I had no idea Frey would come, and alone at that. If it were the other way around, maybe. No matter how much I think about it, there's no reason for this. What business could Frey possibly have with me?
Of course, if I thought about it, there might be. But to have to be alone with me without Aris, and worrying about external interference—
Ah.
Whoosh. A sudden heat bloomed deep within my chest. Without realizing it, I hugged the fluffy blanket tight. Thank goodness the hospital room was dark. My flushed face wouldn't be easily seen.
"Isn't it similar to back then?"
"W-what do you mean?"
"Aris is asleep, and it's quiet around us. There's only us here."
"...Right?"
Frey slowly opened her palm. She clenched and unclenched it several times. It was a small hand, but I knew. I knew just how fierce that petite, soft hand could be. When she slapped my cheek, my head had spun. She could pull out teeth with her bare hands. When she choked me, I couldn't breathe, and only beastly groans escaped me.
I swallowed hard. My body heated up like a conditioned reflex. The experience of that day was engraved in my flesh, reacting on its own without my conscious thought. It throbbed. My cheek. The inside of my mouth. My neck. It burned as if scorched.
"Are you afraid of me?"
"What are you talking about all of a sudden? There's no way I'd be afraid of you, Frey."
"Then why are you trembling?"
"That's..."
Because I'm excited. But I couldn't say that. I hesitated, trying to find a suitable excuse.
"Because I'm tired... Yeah, I'm just tired. Today was really exhausting, wasn't it?"
"Is that so?"
Frey nodded as if convinced. But her expression remained indifferent. She lifted herself from the chair and leaned toward me. Her slender fingers touched my cheek. It was just a light press. It was a trivial contact compared to when she slapped me, but perhaps because my body remembered the past experience, that tiny stimulus became a switch, reviving the sensations of that day. As if I had actually been slapped, I flinched excessively.
"Liar."
Frey let out a soft chuckle. "You're scared."
"Ugh..."
"Are you afraid of me?"
"N-no..."
It's not a lie. Really. How could I be afraid of such a cute little lady? Honestly, Lucia is far from fear. It was extremely rare for anything to bring fear to my masochistic self. Violence? I absolutely love it, you know? I adore it! Insults and humiliation are also things to enjoy, not fear.
That doesn't mean I'm an invincible being who knows no fear. If I had to pick a few... I am afraid of the future I know being twisted and the happy ending being ruined. That's why I'm trying my best to make things flow similarly to the 'novel'. I really wish Yujin and Aris would fall in love quickly.
Other than that, the only scary thing is... it's embarrassing, but pregnancy. I can tolerate anything else, but pregnancy is absolutely out of the question. I hate it. I'm scared of it. No joke, I'm really terrified. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it! I don't know why I'm so scared of it, but it's unbearably terrifying.
Having sex with a man is tolerable. I could probably enjoy it. The humiliation of me, who used to be a man, being pinned under another man. It would be a disgrace that makes me want to bite my tongue immediately, but to Lucia, it's the best seasoning. But pregnancy is absolutely impossible. Even Lucia has her limits, you know.
Anyway, the conclusion is that Frey is not scary. There's absolutely no reason to fear her, so isn't that obvious? It's not like Frey is a man who can get me pregnant or anything.
"I'm not... scared..."
But my voice trailed off. Lucia isn't stupid, after all. With things turning out like this, there's no way I wouldn't know Frey's intentions, right? She deliberately put Aris to sleep, and even brought up what happened back then. Isn't the reason obvious?
"If you're not scared, why are you avoiding my gaze?"
Well, because I have to do this to look scared. It'll be more fun for Frey too, right? Sadism is about enjoying the sight of the other person writhing in pain and fear. If I show that I like it, she might lose interest. Since Frey gets pleasure from primal violence that breaks the opponent, she might not care too much even if the opponent likes it... but still, it's a basic courtesy, you know? Lucia being a masochist is still a secret. It's a service I can only provide while it's a secret.
"Lucia, look at me."
"Frey, uh, well..."
"Didn't you hear me?"
It was a calm tone, but somehow it sounded coercive. Was it because of the atmosphere? Or because the situation was similar to back then? I reluctantly met Frey's eyes. The sunset light filtering through the gap in the curtains cast a shadow over Frey's face.
"Lucia, tell me honestly. Are you afraid of me?"
How should I answer? Since she asked me to be honest, I won't lie. But omitting some of the truth isn't lying, is it?
"No. I like you, Frey. I'm not scared. It's just..."
"Just?"
"Well, the situation is similar to back then... and that, somehow..."
"I see. Thanks for telling me."
To be completely honest, this situation was quite unexpected. I know Frey's tendencies. I probably understand them better than her other half, Aris. That's why Frey's current behavior was highly surprising. Coming all the way to the hospital room to express her sadism was completely unlike her. There's more to lose than to gain. What if she uses violence on me again and our relationship completely shatters? Back then, she had the grand justification of waking Aris up, but now she doesn't even have that.
Did she get really stressed out by today's events? Yeah, that could definitely be it. One wrong move and it could have been a disaster. Though we luckily got through without injuries, today was a series of extremely dangerous moments. The Rift in Space, the Black Knight, Astaroth, and Murmur. Truly perilous events occurred one after another in a short span of time.
The fact that Aris was almost in danger must have caused Frey immense stress. Not knowing what to do with all that accumulated stress, she might have recalled her past experience. If that's the case, Lucia is more than willing to sacrifice her own body. I'll accept anything. Yes, absolutely anything!
"I have something to say."
"Y-yes..."
At Frey's voice, my waist trembled. My pounding heartbeat gradually grew louder. It was amazing that even after enjoying myself so much today, I still had the capacity to feel like this. My head felt like it was melting into a sticky mess. The part of my brain that governed reason seemed to have turned into a thick liquid, failing to function.
The faint smell of medicine in the hospital room lingered at the tip of my nose. Mixed with the hot smell of sweat, it had a sour taste. This feeling was similar to last time. Like when I visited Regina while high on her drugs. Like when I talked with Yujin in the infirmary about the favor coupon. Come to think of it, there was a smell of medicine back then too. At this rate, I might end up getting horny every time I smell medicine. Actually, that's great. Getting excited when specific conditions are met is the best, isn't it? I should really establish a routine like that someday. Hmm, how about getting excited whenever a dog collar is put on me?
"Lucia."
Frey's face slowly drew closer. Her small hand grabbed my shoulder. It was just gripping my collar, but to me, it felt like a restraint. Like a shackle preventing me from escaping.
"Frey...?"
I called her name in a slightly trembling voice. There was no need to fake the trembling. I was naturally shaking from excitement. I squeezed my eyes shut. We were close enough for our noses to touch. I wondered if she was going to kiss me, but her breath went toward the back of my ear instead of my lips. Frey pressed her lips to my ear and spoke in a clear, distinct voice.
"I'm sorry."
It's okay. Yes, of course it's okay! There's nothing to be sorry about. Nothing at all! If there's anything you want to do, do it all! Don't think of Lucia as a human. A toy. A doll. Livestock. Anything is fine. Just treat me as a punching bag to relieve your stress. He-he, Frey is different from Yujin. There's no way Frey would do something stupid like ruining a perfect meal! Frey isn't stupid! One idiot like Yujin is more than enough! Yes, yes, Frey. Give me orders. Unleash your desires. I'll do anything even without a favor coupon!
"I want to apologize for what happened last time."
...Huh?
"I know. It's shameless of me to apologize now. I left an indelible wound on you."
Yes? What? Huh? What did you say?
"I should have said it sooner, but I lacked the courage and kept running away. I'm sorry, Lucia. I'm so sorry."
Is Frey also... an idiot...?