Chapter 69
Chapter 69
Saint, You’re So Vulgar! – Chapter 69
A sense of emptiness, a heavy chest for some reason, and a high-pitched voice.
Ten minutes after their bodies had swapped back, Asher finally fully grasped reality and let out a hollow, "Heh heh heh."
'Of course...'
What did he mean by 'fully back'? If it had been that kind of miracle, they never would have stayed swapped this long to begin with.
There was a reason miracles of the Parent God were called miracles.
As the scriptures say: The Parent God's plans gaze so far ahead that they cannot be followed by the lowly eyes of humans.
Those words weren't mere doctrinal reverence.
They referred to the actual miracles performed on this land.
It wasn't a difficult concept.
God's perspective differed from a human's, so with our fragmented cognition, we could only understand divine intent after the results had unfolded.
Indeed, some miracles had their reasons revealed centuries latertalking more about how far the Parent God sees would just hurt my mouth.
That was also why Asher took miracles in stride, at least at first.
He believed there was a causal reason for everything unfolding this way.
Besides, compared to those examples, this body-swap miracle didn't seem like it would take long to understand.
A miracle for Versia's safetyand perhaps something else. The cause and effect were crystal clear, weren't they?
...Of course, that didn't stop it from being depressing.
"Ugh..."
Asher slumped over.
Gloom oozed from every part of his body.
It was only natural.
Humans were more sensitive to what they lacked than to what they had, after all.
His original body had been great.
His stamina and vitality far exceeded an ordinary human's, and the refreshing feeling after training and sweating was like quenching a deep thirst with spring water.
Returning to that life had made every day so fulfilling.
If it was going to swap back like this, why give it back at all? Just as he'd gotten perfectly used to his old body, it swapped againthe Parent God was downright cruel.
Or should he blame someone else for the cruelty?
"Sorry. I really didn't mean for that to happen."
"......"
Asher lifted his head with a sulky pout.
There stood the world's greatest lecher, who hadn't stopped her lewd thoughts even with the stigma on her body, triggering a miracle in the end.
Asher glared at Versia repeatedly with a sullen expression.
It wasn't a cool glare like hersjust the strained stare of a pouting child.
Oblivious to that, Asher awkwardly mimicked Versia's glare and scolded her.
"We agreed you wouldn't! No vulgar words or thoughts...!"
"It's not like I can just hold it back."
"Why can't you?!"
"Even walking down the road, I suddenly think of dick..."
"That's exactly what you shouldn't be thinking!"
Oh, Parent God.
What path have you led this woman down with such absurdity!
Contempt made his teeth grind.
Even thinking about how to instill some human decency in her gave him a headache.
Asher squeezed his eyes shut and groaned in plea.
"Please, just hold back a little... You're a cleric at least; shouldn't you at least pretend to be chaste...?"
"I'm great at pretending. Probably better than anyone."
"Do it in front of me too...!"
"We said no secrets between us."
Poke. Versia jabbed Asher's cheek with her index finger.
Seeing her smile like that just made him annoyed.
'Guess cleanup's on me, huh.'
In truth, Versia had only felt relieved to escape her embarrassment, but that wouldn't get through to him.
Not even her apology would.
"Sorry. I know I messed up, so I'll reflect on it."
"That doesn't look sorry at all."
"I'm so sorry I could cry. For real."
Could he just give her a light knock on the head?
He thought about it but couldn't bring himself to do it.
"...Fine."
Asher whipped his head away.
Half of it from frustration, half from another reason.
His nose wrinkled, his skin flushed red.
It was the stigma's fault.
Why amplify the scent of people like this...?
It really was a damnable curse.
* * *
Whether it was fortunate or not, Asher readjusted to Versia's body without much trouble.
He'd experienced it once before, and habits formed from living in it for a while helped too.
'At least the habit of sleeping face-down is fixed.'
His sleeping posture had never been great to begin with.
He'd often rolled off the bed in his sleep, but in Versia's body, that would crush her breasts and hurt.
After it happened repeatedly, his sleeping posture had improved.
Other changes included taking smaller, lighter steps; neatly arranging his hair; and using a soft, gentle tone.
Seeing that, Versia commented.
"You look like a proper young lady."
"...Be quiet."
"Saying that while brushing your hair..."
"I have no choice! I can't go out looking messy!"
Asher glared at Versia through the mirror while working his hands.
It was a hassle, but grooming before going out was like a mission to him.
After all, hadn't he vowed early on, when the ridiculous miracle first happened, to uphold the saintess's public image?
"Even I have to care about it to help her reputation. You have no interest, Lady Judith never goes out, Lady Halia is too extreme..."
"Lubena's vulgar."
"......"
Listing it out like that made a sigh slip out.
How could none of the four saintesses have even a shred of saintlyor normalsensibility?
The fact that masked Versia was the most saintly among them drew a deeper sigh.
Anyway, with that trivial banter, they finished preparing to go out.
Today was a long-overdue volunteer schedule.
"Come to think of it, it's been almost months."
"Witches were swarming, so no time."
"That's exactly when we should focus on this. I regret my laziness. Just a bit more hardship..."
"That sounded really saintly."
"There's a saying: 'Like a cleric.' Saintess."
Did she think holy knights were just brawlers?
This twisted perception was a problem too.
Versia shrugged.
Asher sighed again at the sight.
They were just stepping out.
"Oh? Ah! Lady Lubena!"
In the opposite corridor, Asher spotted Lubena and waved with a bright smile, greeting her first.
Lubena flinched in surprise and looked at Asher with trembling eyes.
"Uh, uh..."
"Good morning. Heading out?"
"Huh? Uh, yeah, sorta..."
Lubena gasped in shock, then felt confused by Asher's friendly approach.
It showed plainly on her face, but Asher didn't notice.
Not from lack of awareness, but because he had another goal, missing the minor details.
"Nice weather, right? With witches quiet, it's good to relax now. Oh, since I ran into you, want to join me for volunteer work?"
Perfect timingthey'd just finished preparing.
Asher thought it might be a chance to show her the joy of good deeds, since she never got into volunteering.
They'd grown close lately, so she'd consider it once.
But her response was disappointing.
"Huh? Uh... Hmm..."
She didn't seem keen, so Asher swallowed his regret with a smile.
"Ah, then next time together?"
"Mmm..."
"I'll be off then. Have a great day!"
He kept smiling through the farewell, but Lubena couldn't match his cheer.
Left alone with Satern in the corridor.
Lubena asked him in total cognitive dissonance.
"What the hell does she want from me?"
Scolding yesterday, sweet today.
No clue which rhythm to followshe was going mad.
She vented to Satern, but he had no answer either.
Satern swallowed the urge to say, 'That's what I'd ask the saintess.'
He suffered most from her mood swings yesterday and today.
* * *
About five days passed like that.
A peaceful time with nothing notable.
But upheavals always come suddenly.
After a routine meeting, Halia abruptly summoned Asher and Versia.
"Next destination's set. You're coming with me this time!"
Witches were rampaging again.
The moment they heard the target...
"...Baern?"
Asher froze.
The desert city of Baern.
It was none other than his hometown, where he'd been born and raised.