A Child Should Be a Child
Upon hearing the Goddess's comforting words filled with love, I burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably until exhaustion finally pulled me into sleep.
From that day on, I realized the emptiness that had been gnawing at my heart was finally being filled.
The next day.
The moment I woke up, the nuns came to fetch me, saying the Pope was waiting and that I needed to prepare to meet him. Before I could even get a word in, they dragged me off somewhere.
The place we arrived at was a bathhouse on a scale I had never seen in my life.
……A bath?
By this point, I was starting to sense that something had gone terribly wrong.
Of course, thanks to those lunatics running their "beautiful slave girl training project," I wasn't particularly fazed by bathing with others. One of the four slave traders, Jack, was a human who sported such an absurdly lustrous beard that people called him a mad dwarf for how obsessed he was with body hair. He had insisted on teaching me how to bathe properly and spent quite some time in the bath with me, explaining everything from hair care to all sorts of other knowledge.
Back then, I was only five years old, so I had no real awareness of my body as female, and if anyone could get excited over a body like this little kid's, then whether I was male or female didn't really matter anyway. I hadn't thought much of it.
But now, things were different.
I had been dragged here by an elderly nun and several young nuns.
Even though I had been born female in this life, the only female bodies I had seen so far were my own short, childish one and those of the orphanage kids.
In other words, I was embarrassed.
The Goddess would surely understand, but watching the young nuns undress right in front of me filled me with such guilt that I kept my eyes fixed on the floor.
It was a mistake.
My hesitant behavior must have struck something in the nuns' hearts.
"Kyaa~! Look how red she's turning! So cute!"
"Oh my, it seems the Saintess has never bathed with others before."
"Saintess! It's fine, come on in with us~ You have no idea how wonderful the Papal bathhouse is!"
"Saintess~"
"Aaah~ Seeing you so embarrassed makes something in my heart want to awaken! Lord, please forgive me!"
It was a mistake.
I had no choice but to endure my embarrassment and wash quietly.
When I tried backing away from the hands reaching for me, insisting that the Pope was waiting and that I needed to hurry, it was already too late.
* *
Women… are terrifying….
I was stripped, lifted up, and subjected to their "ufufu" and "kyahaha" laughter as they teased every inch of my body.
Through the ordeal, I discovered just how sensitive my skin was.
The moment their soft hands caressed me, strange sensations made me squeak and squirm, leaving me powerless to escape as they scrubbed me clean from head to toe. When they started applying oils and giving me a massage for the first time in my life, I even prayed to the Goddess to save me.
The Goddess had said she couldn't actively interfere in the mortal realm and had already overexerted herself for my sake this time, so she wouldn't be able to answer prayers for a while. Of course, no reply came.
Still, she had said she was always watching.
That thought brought me a little comfort.
When I came back to my senses, I found myself freshly dried and dressed in a child's nun habit with the nuns' help, on my way to meet the Pope.
Upon arriving at the Pope's office, the elderly nun who seemed to be the leader of the ones who had teased me spoke to the knight guarding the door. The knight then knocked and announced,
"Your Holiness, the Saintess has arrived."
"Oho, tell her to come in at once!"
"Yes! Saintess, please enter. I shall escort you."
The moment the knight relayed my arrival, a delighted voice came from inside. After bowing to the smiling nuns as they stepped back and thanking the other knight who opened the door, I followed the escorting knight inside.
"Good morning, Your Holiness. It's a pleasure to see you."
"Hoho, good morning to you as well, Saintess."
Since I was still young, I greeted him with a touch of familiarity instead of the formal "Your Holiness" used in official settings.
He had been working at his desk when I arrived. The moment he saw me, his face broke into a wide smile and he approached.
After thanking the knight who had escorted me and watching him leave, the Pope hurried over and guided me to a sofa in the office.
The sofa was so large and plush that I felt more buried than seated. Embarrassed, I tried to adjust my posture, but the Pope smiled and patted my head to stop me.
"It's quite all right. Please remain comfortable as you are. Though sitting like that might make drinking tea difficult, so how about we talk for a bit before heading out together?"
"Yes…"
Once I had settled into the sofa across from him, the Pope smiled and spoke.
"You must have many questions. Would you like to hear my story first, or would you prefer to share yours?"
"I'd like to hear yours first, Your Holiness."
What exactly was a Saintess in this world?
What value did she hold that I had to go through all those things?
I asked because I wanted to know.
"Hmm… First, I should explain how we came to find you. It was two years ago. While I was praying in the chapel as part of my morning routine, a voice from an angel descended upon me.
『Light has descended upon this land. Seek out the light before it is consumed by darkness.』 Normally, interpreting a divine oracle requires the insight of renowned theologians, but this one was exceptionally concise.
Sensing your birth as the Saintess, I immediately ordered all high-ranking priests and holy knights—except for the minimum necessary staff—to search for you. We moved as discreetly as possible to avoid drawing the attention of any unsavory individuals."
To summarize what followed: Using pilgrimages as an excuse, the Pope and high-ranking clergy scoured the world for me but found no trace. It was only recently that the holy knight who rescued me had been approached by someone with information, allowing them to finally locate me.
I had a feeling that informant was connected to the Goddess.
That was how Soleil, an inquisitor and vice-captain of the order, had come to save me. He had carried me here without rest, even using an expensive portal, all while I remained unconscious for over three days.
After hearing his story, I was about to share mine, but I sensed that this kind old man would be deeply saddened by it. If that happened, I might have to wait longer for answers to my questions, so I asked first.
"What is a Saintess?"
"This world has seen many trials throughout history. From minor natural disasters to the eventual appearance of a Demon King.
Whenever a problem too great to handle arose, those blessed with the Goddess's power would appear and save the people from it.
These individuals always bore a cross-shaped Stigma somewhere on their bodies, and we called such saints either Saints or Saintesses."
"Then… will I have to face such problems as well?"
"……I cannot say for certain, but this time may be different."
"Different how?"
"The order has been reversed. Everything follows the Goddess's will, so we mere mortals cannot fully comprehend it, but traditionally, saints were said to resolve problems that had already occurred."
"What?"
"In other words, they were not beings who prevented problems before they happened, but rather those who cleaned up after problems that had already arisen."
If that was true, then a problem might have already occurred without our knowledge.
As I worried over this, the Pope smiled gently and spoke again.
"Does it concern you?"
"Yes…"
"I have a slightly different thought."
"What kind of thought?"
"Of course, there may be other saints we do not know of, but every saint in history was, without exception, already a fully realized individual."
"A fully realized individual…"
"Whether in character or in personal strength, they were already saving others even without the Goddess's power."
"…"
"That is why I believe this: You were not granted the Stigma to resolve some problem, but simply because you received the Goddess's love."
"But…"
I thought it was a naive judgment. They didn't know I carried memories of my past life.
While I struggled to find the words to explain, he spoke again.
"There are two pieces of evidence that you are loved by the Goddess."
"Not just one?"
"The first is that your Stigma is clearer than any saint in history. The second is that it is engraved in your eyes."
"Ah."
An unexpected revelation. Now that he mentioned it, I recalled Hayden, that madman, saying something similar.
These eyes meant you were to see the world in Her stead, or something like that.
That demon-worshipping noble had also called them the Eyes of God.
"Even aside from the cross-shaped Stigma that marks a saint, there have only been about two cases in history where the Stigma appeared in the eyes. Though it was so long ago that almost no one remembers it now."
"That's fewer than I expected."
"They all demonstrated power that far surpassed human limits."
"Really?"
Curious about just how far beyond human limits they had gone to be recorded in history, I asked.
"Hmm… There are several accounts, but the most famous ones include splitting the sky with a human body or slaying a dragon single-handedly."
"Couldn't those just be exaggerations?"
"Naturally, one might think so from the descriptions alone, but these are facts verified by countless people."
"That's unbelievable…"
As I sat in shock at the impossible tale, the Pope continued.
"That is why, when we see those with Stigmas in their eyes, we say the Goddess lent them Her sight so they could see the world in Her place."
"Wow…"
"If even the mark of a saint was not enough, and the proof appeared in both eyes, then could the problem you are meant to face truly be something trivial?"
His question convinced me.
It didn't seem likely that such grand signs would appear for something minor.
"Even if such a problem does arise, it may not be now. Perhaps it is the Goddess's consideration, preparing you for that future."
"Ahaha… That seems the most plausible."
"Now then, may I hear your story? If it is too difficult, you need not tell me. This old man is simply curious about what kind of life you have led to be so wise and to carry such sorrowful eyes at such a young age."
After a moment's hesitation, I remembered my decision to live for myself from now on.
Rather than keeping everything to myself, I wanted to share my story and be comforted.
I didn't think I needed to mention my past life, so I began with Leila's story in this world.
"I was found behind my parents' bodies in a forest by adventurers who had hidden something while fleeing monsters. My name was written in blood on my clothes. They said the night sky that day was especially beautiful. It seems my parents were fleeing through the forest with their newborn, trying to escape something. Since they hadn't had time to name me, they named me after the beautiful night sky. In the ancient tongue, it means 'night'—Layla."
And so, I began telling my story—something I had never shared with anyone before.
The joyful days at the orphanage, laughing and playing. Running away with Pyris after the orphanage was destroyed and living on the streets. Meeting the madman Hayden and watching Pyris die. Becoming a slave in the most absurd way possible and hearing about that insane "beautiful slave girl training project"—even the Pope choked in shock at that part.
The story of my life as a slave who wasn't quite a slave. Being sold to that demon-worshipping noble at the slave market and nearly having my eyes gouged out. And finally, how the Goddess saved me.
When I finished recounting everything while gazing into the distance, I looked back at the Pope. He was crying silently, tears streaming down his face like a broken dam.
It was the first time I had seen a grandfather cry like that. Flustered, I tried to say I was fine now, but he slowly rose and approached me.
"I'm… all right now. Hehe… I know the Goddess is watching over me, so…"
—Hug.
Whether he had heard me or not, he knelt before me and pulled me into his embrace.
Then, patting my back gently, he spoke in a serious voice.
"No, you are not all right. No one who has gone through such things can truly be all right."
"Ah…"
"Sorrow is like a child's tower of stones. If you keep telling yourself you're fine, that you can stand on your own, and bury it inside, the tower only grows taller."
I held my breath and listened intently to his earnest words.
"Eventually, it will collapse from even the slightest tremor. The higher the tower, the deeper the irreversible wound it leaves on the heart."
As he spoke, his gentle pats on my back continued, and my chest kept stirring.
"I have seen far too many people who kept wounding their own hearts this way until they could no longer endure and met their end."
"That…"
"A child should act like a child."
"Ugh… hic…"
"I know there is more you are hiding beyond what you have told me. You may think whatever you like about yourself. Still, right now, you are a child."
The Pope seemed to have somehow realized that there had been a life before Leila's.
Before I could hold back my tears or ask "how," he continued.
"The position of Pope was not obtained through chess."
"Ahaha… What does that mean…"
"In other words, a child should act like a child. You can rely on others and put yourself first."
"I… I…"
"I can tell just from listening. You have lived all this time putting others before yourself without ever considering your own well-being."
"…"
"We should have found you sooner… I am truly sorry we could not."
"It's fine, really…"
"This old man can only offer you this embrace for now… but even if it is only for this moment, please rely on me."
My tear ducts, which had already burst at dawn, hadn't fully closed yet. Faced with such gentle kindness, they overflowed once more.
"Hic… ugh… waaahhh!!"
I had been holding back, thinking about how expensive his robes must be, but in the end, I couldn't stop myself.
Clutching his clothes tightly, I buried my face in them and began sobbing again.
* *
"Hic."
"Have you calmed down a little?"
People are the worst.
Once my emotions settled, embarrassment came rushing in. After I stopped crying, I realized he had deliberately put me in this situation.
Glaring at the Pope with a mix of shame and anger, he avoided my eyes while making the sign of the cross, clearly aware of his guilt.
"So… what will you do from now on?"
"…"
Even so, he still asked what I planned to do next.
Of course, I had no idea.
"If there is nothing in particular you wish to do…"
"…"
"Would you grant this old man one wish?"
"What kind of wish?"
Curious about what wish the Pope could possibly have, I set aside my sulking and asked.
"Ever since losing my family in my youth, I have lived alone all this time."
"Ah…"
"Though I have the members of the Church… I still find myself longing for a family from time to time."
I thought I knew what he was about to ask.
"If you would not mind, Saintess, would you consider becoming this old man's granddaughter?"
Family.
My parents in my past life had been good people, but our family circumstances were so unfortunate that we never truly connected. In this life, my parents had died right after I was born, so I didn't really know what a proper family was.
Even so, drawn by that alluring word, I nodded.
"Yes. Please take care of me… Grandfather."
"Thank you… I look forward to it, Layla."
After losing the only family I had in this world through my own mistake, I had somehow found family again after going in circles.
Grateful and joyful for this situation that could only be called divine guidance, I decided to pray.
Following Your will, I will live for more happiness from now on.
I will live.