For Me
I froze, eyes flying wide at the voice that suddenly rang inside my head. I whipped around, scanning my surroundings in confusion.
“Are you afraid?”
The nobleman, mistaking my reaction for fear of him, spoke while sterilizing a spoon with fire magic, clearly preparing to gouge out my eye.
But that wasn’t what mattered right now.
Someone had definitely just spoken inside my mind.
Where do you think you’re going? I’ve only just reached you.
??????
It really did seem like whoever this was could read my thoughts and respond to them.
The voice was gentle and clear, carrying a dignified weight that somehow calmed my heart the moment I heard it. A woman’s voice.
This time I’d been paying attention, so there was no mistake.
That aside.
Who the hell reads someone else’s mind without permission?
My child, who would you like me to be?
A Zen koan? I asked who she was and she turned it back on me, asking who I wanted her to be.
Fine. I’d answer.
She had called me her child.
I thought of the one being I had longed for in secret ever since waking in this body.
...Mama?
Pfft.
Ah. She just laughed at me.
“There seems to be something here, my lady. Strengthen the perimeter. I’ll finish the procedure in the meantime.”
“Understood. You should hurry.”
“Mm.”
I had completely forgotten because of the voice speaking in my head, but I was still in the middle of having my eyeball scooped out in real time.
If that spoon actually dug into my eye, shock alone would kill me long before any sacrificial ritual could finish. No question.
There was no way out of this… and more than anything, it stung that I was going to die before even reaching two full decades in this life.
It’s all right. Don’t worry, my child.
The spoon, now fully sterilized, was inching closer to my eye when the voice returned. This time it wasn’t dignified and majestic. It was warm and gentle, the kind of voice that made your chest feel ticklish.
It was ridiculous.
I was on the verge of madness, an unbearable situation with a slimy instrument of malice hovering right in front of me, yet I felt as safe as if I were wrapped in my mother’s arms.
I swallowed down the strange urge to cry.
Imagine it. A veil that will block every threat that approaches you.
I closed my eyes and followed her words.
I pictured a barrier that would reject anything trying to harm me.
At the same moment, something stirred inside my body.
A low hum reverberated through the air.
“What is this… ugh!”
The nobleman’s startled cry mixed with the sound of something being violently repelled.
When I cautiously opened my eyes, an astonishing sight greeted me.
A pure white radiance had formed a shimmering curtain that completely surrounded me.
It may be uncomfortable, but please wait just a little longer.
The moment I heard that voice again, I could no longer deceive myself.
I had known from the very beginning whose voice this was.
I just… hadn’t wanted to believe it.
I had thought I was abandoned.
I had convinced myself that salvation was something meant for the protagonists of stories, not for someone like me. That only the main characters in tales received special treatment, and reality was different.
Because if I didn’t tell myself that, I felt like I would truly collapse.
I had kept rejecting her.
Ever since the day after Pyris was killed.
The warm sunlight that seemed to search for me, the breeze that tried to embrace me—I had pushed them away with all my strength.
If I hadn’t, I would have ended up resenting her for not coming just a little sooner. I would have blamed her for not saving him.
And I hated that thought.
Yet the warmth persisted, as if to say it didn’t matter, as if I had done nothing wrong. It finally reached me the moment I gave up resisting in the face of death.
I’m sorry. It broke my heart, knowing how terribly I had treated you all this time.
I couldn’t understand.
Anything I say will probably sound like an excuse, but there is one thing I want you to know.
I was the one who should have been apologizing.
I already knew. I knew there must have been a reason she truly couldn’t reach me.
Yet I had thrown a tantrum, needed someone to vent my anger on, and rejected her so cruelly.
I have never once abandoned any of you.
When you say it like that… it makes me feel so pathetic, Goddess…
At the exact moment the Goddess was speaking to Leila, the Count of Morris’s mansion was filled with the continuous sounds of things breaking and screams of agony.
At the center of the chaos stood a single knight.
Wearing pure white armor engraved with a red cross over his white priestly robes, a matching white cloak embroidered with the same red cross billowing behind him, the knight swung a greatsword nearly as long as he was tall.
He advanced toward the count’s office without hesitation, as if determined to crush everything in his path.
“You bastard! Do you really think a holy knight of the Church can rampage through the empire like this and walk away unscathed?!”
“You’re the one who dares speak such words after seeing me. A mere lapdog of evil demons.”
“You—!”
Countless guards surged forward wreathed in violet energy, but the moment the knight’s sword—enveloped in pure white power—touched them, their bodies turned to ash and scattered.
Seeing more guards crawling out as if there were no end to them, the knight clicked his tongue and paused for a moment.
“It’s just ahead. Please wait a little longer, Saintess.”
He clutched the rosary hanging at his chest, planted his greatsword into the floor, and drew the sign of the cross with his free hand. Then he looked once more at the door of the office before him.
He pulled the sword free, slowly raised it above his head, and recited a prayer.
“O Lord, grant me the strength to cut down evil.”
A brilliant white light poured from the knight’s body and gathered along the blade. When he brought the sword down, the burst of radiance instantly reduced the soldiers blocking his path to ashes.
With the obstacles gone, the knight sprinted to the office door and kicked it open without slowing down, bursting inside.
The scene that greeted him was a young girl with light green hair, trembling with her eyes squeezed shut, her entire body bound to a chair with ropes. A curtain of light surrounded her.
And there was a man reaching toward her, violet demonic energy shaped like devils writhing across his body. He had clearly tried to break the barrier multiple times already.
Judging by the unconscious woman collapsed beside him, he must have realized an intruder was coming, lacked the power to break the barrier on his own, and had sacrificed his companion to strengthen himself.
“Are you the master of this place?”
“How rude.”
“I have every right to be.”
The knight—Soleil—snorted at the demon worshipper who still looked confident despite seeing his attire. The man clearly had some kind of backing.
If he had the time, Soleil would have loved to dunk the fool in holy water until he repented, but he didn’t have that luxury right now.
“Die!”
The demonic silhouette floating behind the worshipper swelled at his shout, swinging both arms down as if to crush Soleil.
With two swift slashes of his greatsword wrapped in pure white divine power—tracing the shape of a cross—Soleil paid the man no further attention and walked straight toward the girl tied to the chair.
“I’m sorry I’m late. I’ve come to take you away.”
“Gaaah!”
At the same time, the ringleader and the demonic shape behind him turned to ash and vanished.
Soleil removed his helmet and knelt on one knee, meeting the gaze of the girl who was quietly watching him.
Her golden eyes, marked with the red cross-shaped Stigma that symbolized the Saintess, were truly beautiful.
“I am Soleil, lead inquisitor of the Papal Court. Saintess. I will free you now.”
Following the Goddess’s instructions, I waited behind the barrier she had created. The noble who had been pushed back suddenly grabbed his wife by the collar and sucked something out of her.
Then he started firing purple beams like some planetary real-estate tycoon, and I was so scared the barrier might break that I squeezed my eyes shut. Not long after, the door shattered and someone rushed inside.
When I opened my eyes, I saw a knight in pure white armor and a white cloak, both adorned with red crosses. Pure white light that warmed my heart just by looking at it radiated from his entire body.
The knight said something to the noble. The noble stopped attacking the barrier, turned to face him, and swelled the violet energy behind his back to attack. But the knight swung his massive greatsword at an impossible speed—twice—carving a cross through the air and literally quartering the noble.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
The violet energy was drawn into the glowing white cross like it was being sucked in, then scattered as red light.
The knight slowly approached me, wearing the dispersing light like a mantle. All the tension drained from my body as relief washed over me.
He came to my side, removed his helmet, and knelt on one knee to meet my eyes, as if trying to reassure me. I stared at him in a daze. He was the first black-haired man I had seen since coming to this world, though the tips of his hair carried a faint blue hue.
His blue eyes felt like looking into the sea. Even though I knew it was rude to stare so openly at someone’s face, I couldn’t look away.
“I am Soleil, lead inquisitor of the Papal Court. Saintess. I will free you now.”
Those words must have been the finishing blow. My heart, which had been racing ever since I saw the white light, finally overloaded. My head felt like it was short-circuiting.
She’s completely smitten.
With the Goddess’s quiet murmur in my ears, my consciousness cut out.
“An unfamiliar ceiling…”
The number one line you’re supposed to say in this kind of situation. I never thought the day would come when I’d say it myself.
When I opened my eyes, what I saw wasn’t so much a ceiling as… a canopy? A roof? What even was that?
I sat up in alarm and looked around, only then realizing I was lying on a bed so enormous an adult could roll across it several times without falling off.
“Oh my… you’re awake.”
Everything around me screamed luxury I had no business being near. Trembling, I turned toward the source of the elderly man’s gentle voice.
The person I saw was an old man wearing white priestly robes with a red stole—the very picture of “I am extremely important.”
“…Who are you?”
“Hehe, there’s no need to be so startled. Everything here has been prepared for you.”
“I’m not that special, though…”
I asked who he was and got a completely off-topic answer.
While I was wondering if the old man had dementia, he finally noticed my stare, cleared his throat, and introduced himself.
“This old man’s name is Augustus. Sister, I hold the humble position of Pope.”
“P-Pope?! The Pope?!”
I was so shocked I bit my tongue.
It hurt, but the embarrassment was stronger. I covered my mouth with both hands and bowed my head, unable to meet his eyes.
I was sure my face had turned bright red.
The Pope.
The single most powerful person in the Holy Kingdom of Elysium.
Someone so high above the rest of humanity that you could count people of his stature on one hand.
…And I had been casually leaning against the bed while he sat in a chair?
Haha.
Was I going to die?
“If it’s not too much trouble, could you show me your eyes for a moment, Sister?”
“…My eyes?”
I had no good memories of people reacting to my eyes, so I unconsciously answered in a cold voice.
“…I’m sorry. It seems I’ve brought up a painful memory.”
“N-No! It’s fine now, so please look as much as you like.”
Before the Pope could refuse out of guilt, I quickly widened my eyes and faced him.
“Ooh…! There is no doubt—the Goddess’s mark! How beautiful it is!”
“Hic.”
Having someone say such embarrassing things straight to my face while shedding tears was too much. A weird sound slipped out of me.
“Could this humble one be allowed to offer greetings and an apology to the Saintess, the Goddess’s representative?”
“I haven’t done anything worthy of receiving greetings, and you haven’t done anything wrong to me. I… I simply received a little of the Goddess’s grace by chance. I’m nothing more than an ordinary girl.”
“Hehe… how modest. Nevertheless, I have every reason to apologize to you.”
“Pardon…?”
I asked without thinking, curious what he could possibly need to apologize for.
His answer wasn’t particularly shocking.
“Two years ago, I received a divine oracle informing me that you were already in this land.”
“Two… years ago?”
“Yes. I knew from the oracle that the Saintess had descended, but to avoid chaos I tried to find you using only a small number of people. As a result, I caused you to suffer terribly.”
“Ah…”
So the Goddess had tried to save me through others when she couldn’t reach me herself.
“It’s all right.”
“But…”
“Everything that happened was the result of my own foolish, narrow-minded selfishness in rejecting the Goddess. So please don’t blame yourself. Your judgment wasn’t wrong, Your Holiness. In the end, the holy knight saved me, didn’t he?”
“Ah… how merciful you are…”
“Ahaha… please stop. You’re embarrassing me.”
Feeling like I would die of shame if this continued, I changed the subject.
“Um… is it really all right for someone as important as you to spend so much time on someone like me, Your Holiness?”
“Someone like you? You must realize that you are the Saintess. Of course, even if you weren’t, I, Augustus, would never use my position as an excuse to look down on the wounded.”
“…Thank you.”
“You still seem tired, so why don’t you rest a little more? We can speak comfortably afterward. The night is still deep. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
“Yes…”
If I had a grandfather, would this be what it felt like?
My chest felt ticklish and my heart strangely warm. I couldn’t even bid him a proper farewell before I was left alone in the room again.
I wondered if I’d be able to fall back asleep after waking up like that, but I had experienced far too much in a short time. Sleep quickly began to pull me under again.
Yet I pushed the drowsiness aside for a moment, straightened my posture, knelt, clasped my hands, closed my eyes, and focused.
Goddess. Even though I foolishly rejected you, please allow me to offer my prayers from now on.
I could not believe in your existence and ruined my choices with arrogance, causing an innocent life to be lost.
I also refused to accept that truth, gave myself over to rage, and cursed and denounced you.
Even as you tried to embrace me, I deceived myself and denied it.
Does someone like me… even deserve to receive your love?
Does someone as ugly and foolish as me have the right to such happiness?
Of course you do, my child.
I quietly felt a warm light envelop me.
It felt like a mother’s embrace, and tears threatened to spill before I could stop them.
You may cry as much as you want. You have more than earned that right.
You worked so hard all this time.
Now you may cry for yourself. You may live for your own happiness, not for the happiness of others. That has always been my only wish.
My child. My Leila. For now, cry as much as your heart desires.
For the first time since I was born, I burst into tears for myself.