What Can You Do?
What can you do?
The situation had changed so suddenly that my mind and body both locked up solid.
I just stood there like an idiot, still unable to accept reality, and I could feel every gaze around me fixed steadily on me.
They were looks mixed with every emotion imaginable. Surprisingly, the majority were congratulations and relief.
Relief that the pilgrimage was finally beginning, and pure joy that I had been chosen as the Hero.
If this had been a less formal occasion, those same eyes would have circled around me and clapped in celebration.
But there are always exceptions.
A minority still sent warm gazes that pretended to congratulate me, yet their eyes were not smiling at all.
Most of them had been Hero candidates just like me.
I recognized several familiar faces. This was not the first time I had seen them today; we had crossed paths often enough while competing and sparring as candidates.
The ones who had already formed their own little cartels, whispering about whose house they belonged to and who they were.
Apparently it really stuck in their craws that no Hero had emerged from inside their clique.
Those same bastards who had always treated me like shit whenever we met. Looking at them like this was actually a reward. My insides felt wonderfully unclogged.
Acting all shady and underhanded just because they were Hero candidates, and now look at them. What a beautiful sight.
Too bad, huh? I didn’t want to be the Hero either, but the Saintess chose me. If it bothers you that much, go complain to the Goddess or the Saintess yourself.
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Fuck, I’m losing my mind.
Weren’t they supposed to consider conduct and character when selecting the Hero? Or was that just some old uncle’s baseless theory, a guy who never got to be one himself?
Those guys really were shady, so I understood why they hadn’t been chosen. There had even been a few whose Holy Power output was on par with mine.
But then again… I had acted like quite the delinquent myself, hadn’t I?
Not the drinking-and-raising-hell kind, or the outright cruel kind. I had just… had a little fun with the nuns.
I hadn’t spent any hot nights with them or anything. I had simply made their faces flush red in all sorts of ways.
I had enjoyed it a little. Watching them lose their minds over my face was entertaining, wasn’t it? This world already had so few diversions, and a bunch of abstinent people were the ones trying to teach me, so of course I did.
And all that doctrine talk? I let it go in one ear and out the other.
It sounds bad coming from me, but I am not exactly the devout type.
Why the hell did they pick me, seriously.
Was that level of deviation just not enough?
Well, looking at Greek and Roman myths, the gods’ personalities were all complete trash. So they just picked me on a whim. Did I really catch their fancy that much?
For all that, they were pretty stingy with the Holy Power they gave me… Ha, fuck, why am I the Hero?
What kind of Order picks a guy who hits on nuns to be the Hero?!
Wait a second. Thinking about it, weren’t most of the Heroes in those Hero parties the type who hit on their party members and built themselves a harem?
Oh no.
I never once imagined that being a lecher was a requirement for the job.
Come to think of it, among the memories that had been drilled into me was the fact that after finishing the pilgrimage, the Hero and the Saintess often ended up together.
Once the pilgrimage was over… they did whatever they wanted. Of course they did. A man and a woman traveling alone for a long, intimate journey—feelings that weren’t there before were bound to grow.
Even the Holy King, who was too sickly to be here today, was supposedly a descendant of a Saintess and a Hero.
I had underestimated this world far too much.
I couldn’t shout that it was invalid, and I couldn’t make it so, so it was time to change strategies.
Right. What’s the big deal about going on a pilgrimage?
Judging by past cases, if I just finished it safely it seemed possible to leave the Order afterward.
Most Heroes who completed the pilgrimage ended up sitting in high positions within the Order, or so I had heard.
That was a little tempting, but the whole “hiding my gender” variable made it… awkward.
So primary goal: finish the pilgrimage safely and retire without looking back. There were plenty of people who already disliked me, so if I just said I was retiring they would probably welcome it with both hands, right?
I said I didn’t want it, so I’m disappearing for them. Bonus points if I could walk away with a fat severance package.
The absolute best outcome would be retiring together with the Saintess. She was a being sent down by the Goddess, so if she declared independence the Order would probably support her lavishly.
But the Saintess was a woman, and I was a woman too, so hoping for that might be a bit much—
Hmm… is it really impossible?
Our Saintess might swing that way. And even if she didn’t, what’s inside me is still a guy, so spiritually speaking we would match just fine.
Well, even if it never actually became that kind of relationship, if we got close during the pilgrimage I could always ask her to pretend, right?
Retiring together would make our later years a lot more comfortable. I was sure the Saintess would agree with that.
She had appeared with the light, so she didn’t seem like an ordinary person. For all I knew she might be the same sort as me.
We might even get along better.
Taking that into account, I revised my goals slightly.
First: complete the pilgrimage safely without my gender being discovered. That was non-negotiable. Failing a pilgrimage meant death…!
Second: build as much rapport with the Saintess as possible along the way.
If it seemed safe to reveal my identity afterward, establish a cooperative relationship for a happy post-retirement life.
If that looked impossible, just grab the minimum compensation and retire immediately.
High positions held no real appeal for me.
Being the Hero already put me on the same level as the Saintess, or right under her, didn’t it?
Weren’t Heroes basically the Saintess’s attendants?
There was an old saying: if you’re going to be a slave, be a slave in a great house.
Even calling it a plan was generous. I would just set the broad framework and adapt flexibly once we were on the road.
But I could at least grease the wheels a little.
Before we left on the pilgrimage, I would foster some closeness with the Saintess…!
After the Hero selection ceremony ended, I had been moping at home (not my home), but I steeled myself and stood up.
When I tried to go outside, Uncle Marcus looked at me with eyes that clearly said, What kind of trouble are you going out to cause this time?
Wasn’t that a bit disrespectful toward the Hero?
“I’m going to see the Saintess, so stop looking at me like that.”
“That only makes me more worried.”
“Even if you’re worried, what can you actually do? I’m the one leaving on the pilgrimage with her anyway.”
His face turned so red I thought it might burst. I stepped outside before it did. In the old days he would have grabbed me by the scruff of the neck immediately… Uncle had gotten old.
That was a little bittersweet. Sob.
After swallowing the tears, I picked some flowers.
Not that I went to an outdoor toilet—I mean I wove a bouquet to present to our Saintess.
“Ciel! Who are you trying to make cry this time? Don’t tell me it’s the Saintess?!”
Well, yes?
No— I wasn’t trying to make her cry. I was trying to make a good impression.
If I said that straight out I would instantly become the world’s biggest piece of trash, so I just brushed it off.
Anyway.
Living here a while had taught me that there was no woman who disliked flowers. Don’t ask about my previous life. You’ll get hurt.
Carrying a bouquet that even I thought looked pretty damn good, I headed to where the Saintess was staying.
This felt pretty great.
The faces of people who clearly wanted to stop me from going to her, yet couldn’t because I was the Hero, were hilarious.
Being the Hero had insane cost-performance.
“Please, do not do anything rude.”
“Haha, why would I? Of course not.”
“….”
It felt strange, as if all the thrashing I had done to avoid becoming the Hero was coming back around.
But what can any of you actually do?
No one could stop me, the one chosen as Hero. That was the Order’s limit.
Under those half-hearted stares I stepped into the place where the Saintess was.
Thanks to “sponsorship” pouring in from every direction, the interior was impressively clean. With a little exaggeration, if it only had electricity you could almost believe it was modern.
Inside that immaculate space, the Saintess was resting her chin on her hand and gazing outside as if she couldn’t care less.
Bathed in light she looked somehow mystical and faint at the same time.
…She is pretty, though.
On the day she descended I hadn’t had the leisure to examine her appearance.
I had been too stunned by the unexpected situation, and because some consciousness remained the Saintess had quickly been taken somewhere else.
I watched her for a moment as she received the sunlight with that languid expression.
She was still beautiful on a second look.
Except for being a little petite, she looked as if a god had sculpted her.
She made every nun I had ever seen look like a squid by comparison.
If I hadn’t already tempered myself by staring at my own face in the mirror, I might have blanked out for a second.
Anyway, I hadn’t come here to admire her looks, so I carefully approached and raised my voice.
“Ahem, Saintess?”
“…?”
The Saintess who, on the day of her descent, had chosen me by drumming on my shoulder in rapid fire…
Amazingly, she only tilted her head and barely reacted.
Her response was so faint I almost wondered why she had chosen me at all.
It was probably because I was a stranger, right?
Hoping that was the case, I stepped closer and carefully offered the bouquet.
“On my way to see you, a fragrant scent caught hold of me. It seems the flowers wanted to come to the Saintess as well.”
“….”
She stared blankly at the bouquet, accepted it without a word, and sniffed it with a little sniff sniff.
Then she went right back to staring blankly outside.
Sunbathing with the flowers, she looked as if she had stepped out of a painting.
The problem was that her reactions and emotions were just as painted-on. Completely dry.
Strange? Whenever I said things like this to the nuns they would snap at me and then blush.
Come to think of it, we didn’t even know each other’s names yet. Had I jumped ahead too far?
Time for introductions.
“Saintess?”
“…?”
“We’ll be spending quite a long time together, so how about introducing ourselves? Now that I think of it, I’m late introducing myself as well. My name is Ciel, and I will be serving you from now on.”
“….”
She gave no reply.
An awkward atmosphere flowed. No—looking at her, I was the only one feeling awkward.
She simply watched me steadily with eyes that revealed almost no emotion.
I had come to build rapport and instead only sensed how rough the pilgrimage ahead was going to be.
Fortunately or unfortunately, a short while later a voice finally emerged from her lips.
“Saintess is enough.”
“Pardon?”
“….”
Definitely unfortunate.
She didn’t even want to give me her name?
Looking at it now, something felt off.
Those nuns attending the Saintess must have whispered strange things to her. There was no other way to explain her treating me like this.
Those crazy nuns. Did they want the pilgrimage to fail?
Seriously, it’s not like I stole anyone’s virginity with my fingers. Why the hostility? All of that was just WWE. All I ever did was walk around smiling!
I even brought flowers sometimes and helped with work! I brought them things that were hard to get inside!
Repaying kindness with enmity, are we?!
This… isn’t right.
I couldn’t give up over this. Not for my plans, and not for the pilgrimage either.
“Would it be all right if I asked what you like? Knowing would be a great help on the pilgrimage.”
“Nothing particular…”
“You like flowers, don’t you?”
“…Not really?”
“This tea smells wonderful. The nuns must have put some care into it.”
“Slurp.”
Oh…
Okay. Analysis complete.
I’m fucked.
Are all Saintesses this kind of personality?
If so, what kind of monsters managed to get through to them and end up together?
Even if the nuns had whispered bad things, this still felt excessive.
Plans and everything else aside, just thinking about traveling with her already felt like I had shoved dozens of sweet potatoes down my throat.
My vision went dark.
I failed. I failed. I failed.
They say there’s no tree that won’t fall after ten strikes, but our Saintess was far too solid.
I would probably get closer talking to an imaginary friend while staring at a wall.
After grilling them in various ways, it seemed the nuns hadn’t actually whispered anything bad to the Saintess.
When I asked while smiling, they blushed and spilled everything.
So.
That person was simply that kind of person.
A pattern I never expected.
The nuns would pretend not to like it when I got right up in their faces and smiled, then laugh hoho anyway.
Truly befitting a Saintess, I suppose.
Had everything been too easy until now?
The limited meeting time probably played a part as well.
Our Saintess was busy with public and private affairs, and I had been busy with this and that too.
I might have to give up on getting close enough to receive help. Still, I should keep trying.
The pilgrimage wouldn’t end in a day or two, so if we spent that much time together we might grow closer than we were now, right?
Thinking of the Saintess whose name I still didn’t know filled me with skepticism… but it was better than not trying at all.
I was unsettled, yet the time to depart was finally approaching.
“Travel safely. Please, don’t cause any incidents.”
“Yes. You don’t need any souvenirs, do you?”
“Is a pilgrimage a joke to you?”
“Haha, of course I’m joking.”
“…I can’t even follow you. This is really… driving me insane.”
“Aw, you don’t trust me? Who trained me? Of course I’ll do fine.”
“If only you wouldn’t open your mouth.”
I said my farewells to Uncle first.
He was the one who raised me as a Hero candidate, so why all the distrust?
…Even if I had spent my time sabotaging my own selection.
In the end it turned out like this, so what could be done?
Realizing I had no idea when I would see him again left me feeling both relieved and empty.
After that lukewarm farewell with Uncle, I headed to the Order.
The Saintess I met again was still blunt.
I wasn’t sure whether I should be glad that she wasn’t only like that with me.
And so, together with our blunt Saintess, I set off on the pilgrimage amid the blessings of countless people.
“….”
“….”
Suffocating.