Chapter 33
Chapter 33
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 33
Chapter Title: Side Story - A Certain Imperial Princess's Memories (2)
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# 33
#3 Their Circumstances: The Circumstances of a Certain Villain
“Hah?”
After a brief silence, the princess let out an incredulous exclamation that echoed through the room.
I hadn’t heard the details of her duties, but Senior Hiret had briefed me right after meeting the little princess yesterday.
To sum up the thirty-minute explanation: she was the empire’s First Imperial Princess and the greatest genius among the imperial family. But she had no manners. On top of that, she was the emperor’s favorite, so he’d grant her anything she wanted.
Better to play dumb and spout some half-remembered lines than pretend to know what I didn’t.
Yeah. This was my chance to show my incompetence and get fired. The organization couldn’t complain about that.
What could they do when the emperor’s beloved princess told me to get lost?
Sure, there might be a pay cut, but that was better than living in the imperial palace where ten lives wouldn’t be enough.
“My name is Ast. I was born the son of a farmer in the old Harken Kingdom, abandoned farming due to war, came to the empire, and ended up here doing odd jobs. I’m twenty-five years old, and my hobby is reading. I have a special constitution where mana doesn’t gather in me from birth, so no matter how much I train in swordsmanship, my skills fall short, and I can’t use magic either.”
“You can explain after all.”
“But is that the explanation Your Highness wants?”
“…No.”
Figured as much. I didn’t know what she wanted, but I knew her goal.
She just wanted to mess with me. From what Knight Lea had said earlier, there were probably tons of servants who’d quit like this.
“Since Your Highness commanded me to keep it simple, I shall. Your Highness. Is a person’s essence their body?”
“No.”
“Yes. Generally, when people die, they leave behind a body. But that’s just a rotting corpse, not the person themselves. Then, Sir Lea, what do you think a person’s essence is?”
“Eh? M-Me?”
The flustered knight widened her eyes and stared at me. Perfect. Good bait.
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Ugh… The, the soul?”
She hemmed and hawed in confusion before answering as a question.
She didn’t look like one of the imperial knights, who needed both martial prowess and intellect.
She seemed like the princess’s bodyguard, so her combat skills must make up for any lack in brains—either that, or she was an idiot who’d ended up by the princess’s side.
Or maybe the princess kept her around as a toy for fun.
“Then, Sir Lea. If our souls swapped, and your soul and mind entered this body, would that be you?”
“Hmm… Yes? No, wait… Ugh…”
“Don’t bully Lea. She’s not your trainee.”
“Your Highness…”
The princess spoke to me as she watched the groaning Sir Lea.
Sir Lea looked somewhat touched by the words.
“I’m too smart to learn from an idiot.”
“Your Highness!”
It seemed over just like that.
“Your Highness, even if you think someone’s an idiot, it’s not good for the people by your side to lack knowledge.”
“It’s fine. Everyone in the palace knows Lea’s an idiot. But her combat skills are top-notch, so it’s okay.”
“Wait, Your Highness! I’m not an idiot…”
“No matter how skilled in combat, they need enough intelligence to distinguish right from wrong for their master. Otherwise, they’d harm their master.”
“That’s true, but it’s fine. I’m not incompetent enough to get hurt because of Lea.”
“Your Highness, and you too—aren’t you going too far?! Especially you! Telling someone you just met they need intelligence is incredibly rude!”
I looked at Sir Lea, her face flushed as she shouted.
She could’ve drawn her sword and yelled, “How dare you insult me! Pay with your life!” and it wouldn’t have been odd.
“Then, Sir Lea. May I have your answer to the earlier question?”
“Ugh! Th-That is…”
“Lea, you don’t have to force it.”
“No, Your Highness! I can do it!”
Oho! So she was the hot-blooded knight type after all!
After much hemming and hawing, Sir Lea spoke firmly, as if she’d made up her mind.
“My answer is no.”
“Why is that?”
“Even if my soul and mind entered Mr. Ast’s body, to others, it would look like Mr. Ast, not me.”
Well, that could be one way to think about it—or not.
It was like those reincarnation stories. I was in that boat myself, but the position of living in another body after death was ambiguous.
Especially in this world, which was fantasy by classification.
In a world where souls existed, I was curious what had happened to the original soul of this body.
If I’d stolen the spot where the original soul should be, where did it go? Would it settle somewhere weird and come chasing revenge later?
I’d pondered that as a kid.
Of course, only when I was really young and had nothing better to do.
Farmers, especially commoner ones, barely had time to eat, let alone farm.
Plus, when I was alive, the trend in fantasy was reincarnating as non-humans, but I got no reincarnation buffs—just debuffs piled on, making life harder. In novels, spiders, slimes, or even swords lived well!
If only there were a masked devil who’d make and sell my past-life inventions for a cut of the profits.
Whether past life or this one, my abilities were lacking, making everything tough.
“Then, who is that existence?”
“Huh?”
“Your soul and memories entered my body, but it’s not you. So is it me?”
“Uh, th-that… No, it’s not.”
“Then if I entered Sir Lea’s body, that wouldn’t be me either, right? So where did we go, and who are the beings that entered our bodies?”
“Eh? Huh? That’s…?”
Sir Lea went back to hemming and hawing, looking a bit cute.
Cute enough to want to tease her without thinking.
Idiots really were fun to mess with.
She was probably a noble lady from some decent family, being the princess’s direct guard, but she had no arrogance and was pure.
The perfect type to tease. But this wasn’t my real job—quitting ASAP was best, so regretfully, I’d pass.
“Sir Lea’s answer is correct in one sense. But incorrect in another. Everything can be interpreted somehow. Good or bad isn’t set from the start. Good, bad. Helpful, harmful. Excellent, ugly. It’s all up to the interpreter. Your Highness has already interpreted me somehow. And you’ll interpret everything I say based on your judgment criteria.”
“So, don’t ask questions?”
The innocent look in her eyes turned cold.
Honestly, those sparkling eyes hadn’t suited the princess earlier.
How to put it—like shoujo manga art in a shonen battle series?
Like the protagonist and male rival suddenly falling into a risky BL swamp starting with B.
She seemed a bit annoyed too. Good.
I’d annoy her just enough—not enough to lose my head—and get fired!
“That’s not what I mean. I simply know myself. But the me in the questions Your Highness wants isn’t the real me—it’s the one Your Highness knows. So, please observe me and judge for yourself.”
I bowed my head in the formal manner I’d learned quickly.
Come on! Whatever ending as long as it’s not execution dew! I had the courage for anything! Firing would be even better!
Tap. Tap.
The princess’s short fingers began drumming on the table.
A glance showed her eyes closed, thinking, and Sir Lea too.
But Sir Lea? Was it okay for the princess’s guard to close her eyes? Was this how imperial guards slacked off?
“Fine. I’ll accept your answer for this question.”
As I seriously thought Howling might take over the palace, the princess said it with a pleased expression.
Hey, don’t look pleased…
Hurry up and fire this incompetent commoner—tell me to scram!
“Aha! I finally got it! If I reveal that Mr. Ast and I swapped bodies, everything’s solved!”
“…Oh, and I don’t need lessons, so teach that idiot instead.”
“Sigh… You give the hardest assignments.”
“Aren’t you both too harsh on me?”
I vowed as I watched Sir Lea shriek.
Yeah, they wouldn’t fire me right away. So I’d tease Sir Lea to bore the princess and get fired!
And a year later, I still hadn’t been fired.
***
Quick-witted, great memory for useless things, skilled in sophistry.
That was my summary evaluation of Ast.
First off, his instincts were insanely good.
Too good. Annoyingly good.
He wouldn’t stop until he figured out what I wanted from him, forcing me to draw a line while he went all out.
“Your Highness, carrots are good for eyesight. They also help maintain bones and teeth, and their warm nature benefits those with cold constitutions.”
“…If my eyesight worsens, I’ll just wear glasses. My bones are fine, and my teeth are strong.”
“You still need to eat them. It’s a dish made diligently by the palace chef.”
“Hey, Ast? I’m pretty sure I told that chef not to put carrots in before. Did the chef change without me knowing?”
“No, there aren’t that many skilled chefs. Naturally, I requested he add carrots. Picky eating is bad. Oh, and Sir Lea—carrots help with constipation and hair loss too.”
“Why bring that up to me while talking to Your Highness, Mr. Ast?!”
Life was short and intense—picky eating was fine, right?
My mouth itched to say it, but I couldn’t. Only five people around me, including Lea, knew the truth.
No matter how unique he was, I couldn’t just tell him!
“I’m not eating!”
“You’re not a child.”
“I am a child?”
“Children need nutrients for growth even more. Nutrient deficiencies affect body proportions. Right, Sir Lea?”
“Why are you eyeing me up and down like that? Wanna fight? Even as Your Highness’s exclusive butler, insulting a noble is a heavy crime!”
“See, Your Highness? Not eating carrots can make you insecure about your body like Sir Lea.”
“Gah! I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you!”
Ast’s gaze flicked to Lea’s chest as she entered her twenties.
Flat. I knew a woman’s bust size could attract male interest.
But I didn’t particularly want male affection, and even if I did, I’d die 100% before fixing it.
So why was my hand naturally reaching for the carrot?
“Your Highness?! Why are you eating carrots you hate while looking at me? If it’s my chest, I’d seriously question my loyalty to you!”
“Lea, picky eating is bad.”
“I’m not the picky eater! Also, I like carrots!”
“Sigh, Ast. I found a big flaw in your words. No need for carrots.”
“Understood.”
“You two are ganging up on me?!”
Lea looked cute, face red as she yelled.
Older than me, but cute was cute.
I’d tell her—citing her mom, sisters, and relatives—that there was no hope while she teared up saying “I’m still growing!” or “Th-there’s hope…”.
“Sniff… Your Highness has changed… It’s all your fault, Mr. Ast!”
In the end, she ran out crying.
Ah, so cute, Lea.
“You made her cry.”
“You set her halfway there.”
“You finished it off, Your Highness.”
“Of course. Making Lea cry is one of my few joys in life.”
My hand naturally reached for the tea on the table.
At first, I wondered why drink such bitter stuff, but after falling for Ast’s provocations, it became habit.
Now I enjoyed the taste and aroma.
“Tastes good.”
“Brought fresh this morning. Grown in the palace, so even better.”
“…Weird. I thought this herb wasn’t handled by the palace.”
“Oh, I invoked Your Highness’s name, and they made it. As expected of Your Highness. I didn’t expect a herb farm in just three days.”
“What?”
What was this guy babbling? Sometimes he did absurd things without batting an eye.
“Hey, Ast. Is this your favorite tea?”
“Yes. Your Highness drinks it often too.”
“Why do I drink this tea often?”
The reason I drank this tea often. It was…
“Because I brew it often, right?”
“Right. I didn’t like tea much to begin with! Yet a palace-exclusive herb farm appears? Producing your favorite variety? You think that’s coincidence?”
“I don’t think it’s coincidence.”
“So you admit instructing them to make a herb field for your purposes using my name?”
“No, Your Highness. I just told the palace maids you enjoyed this tea.”
Is he insane?
Even as my exclusive butler, he was barely a year in—more leaks than gains from below.
And he’d used my name to make a tea farm for himself.
No evidence, of course.
He just told the maids. But telling palace maids was like spreading rumors palace-wide.
Especially through the maids’ network prone to distortion. Even crazies wouldn’t top this.
“Any problem?”
“None.”
No evidence, no pretext.
I did enjoy the tea now anyway.
And above all, I really liked these crazy types.