Chapter 144
Chapter 144
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 144
Chapter Title: 15. Adding Insult to Injury? (5)
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My daughter's training was progressing splendidly.
"Good. So, if you meet someone wearing suspiciously thick glasses?"
"I never get close!"
"And if you accidentally bump into them on the way and knock their glasses off?"
"I apologize right away and run! Especially if they suddenly look handsome after taking off just one lens!"
"That's right, good job!"
"Hehe..."
I gently stroked the head of my beaming daughter.
For her, who loved head pats more than anything, this was the ultimate praise.
"Excellent. Perfectly handsome guys, rich-looking ones, or anyone who approaches you out of the blue—they're all enemies. Treat them that way."
"Yeah!"
"And if there are jealous noble ladies around those types?"
"I get as close as possible to their leader and spill every bit of info they want!"
"If they're hiding their identity?"
"Run!"
"If they're hiding insane skills?"
"Run!"
"If they just feel like they're hiding something?"
"Just run!"
"Perfect!"
My daughter was too smart, even if I did say so myself.
"Master, that doesn't sound like praise to me..."
"What are you talking about? How many geniuses like Ellis are there in the world?"
After dinner, once Ellis left for the outhouse, the iron bat sidled up and started nagging.
"She doesn't even realize that obeying you isn't praiseworthy... If anything, she's too good at it, and that's the problem! You're teaching her how to become a disaster, not a talent!"
What nonsense.
Ellis was executing my perfect plan: Heroine Strike.
If this worked, the odds of her becoming the heroine would plummet.
Then she wouldn't have to marry the prince, and we could keep living together!
"...Master, haven't you changed a lot lately?"
"How so?"
No matter what I did, this thing always painted me as the villain.
Well, to be fair, I hadn't always been like this.
My original dream had been to become the village's top farmer.
Even after my parents died in the hero's war, I'd clung to that dream.
I'd tried a few farming techniques from my past life memories—failed at some, succeeded at others—and figured I could live out my days tending crops.
If that idiot lord hadn't picked a fight with the empire and burned my fields, I never would've joined Howling.
"No... It's the kid's mindset that's weird for thinking joining a villain group in that situation was normal..."
Damn. Past-life stuff didn't compute with this thing—no filters worked.
If the story hadn't cut out midway, it'd understand: at 14, I turned villain; at 15, I joined Howling, the worst evil org.
I only did it to survive! Really!
Clunk.
"Hm?"
I turned at the sudden noise. A cute girl with pink hair poked her head through the open window.
"Daddy! I'll grab some potatoes for me and Kkoko!"
"No, corn for me!"
"Got it!"
"Be careful."
"It's right outside!"
Her cheeks flushed from the cold, she hummed cheerfully and shut the window.
"Having the outhouse outside is a pain."
"You don't even use it."
Without livestock, human waste was our only natural fertilizer.
I'd considered a cow, but we weren't aiming for big yields—just enough to get through winter. No real need.
"Too much hassle to go out."
"You're getting lazy, Master."
I knew that.
In the old days, rain or snow, I'd drag myself out at dawn for sword training.
Now winter hit, and I quit.
Though with all the shady stuff lately, I'd restarted indoors.
"You'll get rusty..."
Laziness incarnate, the grand master of sloth—that was me now.
Even finding a dragon egg, I just trained at home.
Old me would've fortified the house into a fortress.
Now? I was scripting scenarios where my daughter dumped the prince.
I was too lax.
My physical prime was fading; if my skills rusted too, I'd get caught for real this time.
"Then live diligently! You gonna turn my little sister into a girl with a mom and dad?!"
"...Don't most people have parents?"
Getting caught meant a mom, sure—but the candidates were all terrible influences on Ellis.
"Even if they accepted Ellis as their daughter..."
That emperor seemed unhinged; the Karan Empire's madhouse royals were out.
The high elf who'd snapped off a World Tree branch as a "gift"—nope.
At least...
"You're nuts."
Sia as the best option?
Was this that classic past-life hypothetical: Earth's doomed, you're the last two—what now?
"Daddy, I'm back!"
Ellis dashed in, leaping into my arms.
Her body was freezing, but the warmth in my heart...
"Yeah, gotta filter out Sia too."
If she grew up like Sia, I'd have failed her utterly.
"Mommy!"
"Yeah, did our Kkoko wait a long time?"
Fine. Better raise that chicken-candidate dragon to guard her.
Even half-assed, it'd be a breath weapon.
Worst case, dragon-wing chicken for her health.
That's why I'd bought it, after all.
"I'll admit chicken's tasty, but dragon chicken? That's extravagance..."
"There was dragon-wing chicken where I'm from."
"What kinda neighborhood do you buy that in?!"
I ignored the iron bat squealing and backing away.
No need to mention it was just shaped like dragon wings.
Anyway, pair the heroine strike op with gathering useful stuff around us.
To protect our precious daily life!
#5 Their Circumstances: The Circumstances of a Certain Cat
This human really is insane.
"Come on, speak."
"Meow..."
The guy's gripping my front paw, staring into my eyes, telling a cat to talk.
I'd suspected he knew my true nature, but...
"Speak. Come on, talk."
"Meow! Nyaa!"
This was too brazen!
Normally, I'd claw his hand and bolt.
But Ellis's big sis was watching me like I was entertainment.
'Those eyes...'
The look of a predator toying with prey.
She knew everything but was playing dumb...
Wondering how long I'd last. That gaze!
"Nyaaaaaa!"
Help, Ellis! These humans are tormenting me!
I desperately turned to the house's lone hope.
But...
"Heh... hehe... fried chicken... after so long..."
"Tasty!"
She was too busy swooning over lizard-guy's chicken to hear.
Tears of joy streaming—blissfully happy, sure...
'Look at me!'
"Nyaa, nyaaaaang!"
I flailed my paws, but cat strength's no match.
Unless I revealed power—which I'd decided against till the end—escape was impossible.
"Ar, wanna smack it?"
"Sure?"
"Nyaat!"
Instinctively, power surged; I broke free.
But freedom didn't mean safety.
Pat-pat-pat.
I climbed Ellis's leg full throttle, landing on her lap.
"Hm? Misha?"
"Nya..."
She reached to pet me, saw the grease on her hands, and glanced around.
Looking for a wipe, probably—but no need.
"Eek! Me too, chicken!"
Meanwhile, silver-haired big sis vaulted to the opposite chair.
"Ah! Sis! L-leg's mine!"
"Grr! You yield everything else but not chicken legs! Huh? Hold it! Your plate's got a leg already—you were gonna hog two sacred legs?!"
"I-it's been forever! Daddy said two's fine?!"
"Daddy says okay, but sis doesn't! You haven't grasped why chickens have two legs and two wings!"
"Hmph, sis who doesn't know one chicken per person is the pitiful one!"
I couldn't fathom their fork-and-chopstick war over the legs.
Just oil-fried bird.
"Wanna try, Misha?"
Lizard offered a piece.
"Nyang."
Pass.
"Misha wants some?"
Ellis beamed at me, offering a chunk.
Familiar... Those eyes—I'd seen them before!
"Here, Misha. Super tasty. Crispy outside, juicy inside! First time, so best part for you."
"Neck?"
"Sis, neck's mine! Recommending bony junk to a newbie? Dangerous for a cat too!"
"Doesn't seem dangerous."
"Aaah! While I preached chicken gospel, she snagged the leg!"
Ah, got it.
Those eyes—my tribe's priests converting outsiders.
'Th-this place ain't safe either.'
Fanatics are the worst.
They justify everything as divine will, sacrifice lives for "devotion" or "martyrdom."
Target's food, so low risk—but best avoid.
"Nyang?"
"Here, Misha. Tasty wing part. Sis kindly separated bone and meat."
As I tried fleeing, hands grabbed my torso.
Ellis's.
"Nya? Nyat?"
She smiled—terrifyingly—as chicken neared my mouth.
'Let go, Ellis!'
"Nyat!"
"Hehehe... Resisting, eh, Misha? But one bite, and you'll be chicken god's slave!"
"Nyaaat!"
Even my trusted Ellis was just family here?
No—her dad's that guy, so she inherited the madness?
Eyes wild with zeal, she stuffed chicken in.
"Eat it! No refusing! Embrace chicken god and live anew, Misha!"
'Our fanatics don't even say that!'
Like force-feeding dodgy drugs!
"Hehehe, come on!"
Screaming would've opened my mouth.
"Heard plugging the nose makes 'em open up?"
"Really?"
S-such evil sisters!
Fingers blocked my nose mid-shove.
'Br-breath!'
I held out, but limits exist.
Reached mine—mouth popped open.
"Hehehe, now Misha's chicken god's sl—Huh?"
Ptooey.
I spat the piece.
No way I'd eat ominous-tasting...
'Huh?'
Room temp dropped degrees.
Winter nearing spring—no natural cause for this chill.
"Spit... it... out?"
But her voice told me.
"Nya?"
Not weather—people.
"Nyaa?"
"You dare... spit out... chicken?"
Ellis spat icy words like a blizzard.
"Nyaa..."
Head bowed instinctively.
"Misha. Look at me."
"Nya..."
Looking up = death.
Animal instincts screamed.
Crisis. Massive one!
"Mi. Sha. Ya."
"M-Mommy's scary..."
Lizard tried fleeing—but wouldn't get far.
No, I needed to first.
"Our sweet Misha... why'd you turn so naughty?"
Her voice chilled to frozen hell levels.
"Nyang."
No running now.
One option left.
"Nyaang."
Down from her lap, I fetched the spat chicken.
A former imperial prince, reduced to this... Hm?
'T-tasty?'
One bite, two.
Mysterious flavor beyond mere bird.
"Tasty?"
"Nya."
Ellis stroked my back, hugging me.
"Good girl. Never do that bad thing again?"
"Nya."
Delicious. Regret-spitting regret-level good.
Plus, this petting... submitting? Nah.
'No way!'
Crown prince of catkin tribe.
Yielding to human touch, even from Ellis...?
Wait! Weak spot, human!
"Nyaa~"
"One more chicken!"
That day, I succumbed to human fried chicken and pets.