Gilmok Restaurant (1)

"Whoa. This place is a gold mine."

The forest reeked of damp rot. Because it was an unlisted Gate, not a single human footprint had ever touched it. Rare herbs and fruits lay scattered in every direction.

"Enemy. Kill her?"

A naked woman was sleeping at the heart of the woods. That was the Nepenthes Queen — a monster destined to become a household name.

A cosmetics commercial swam up from memory, the one that had been a massive hit under a slogan I still couldn't quite believe:

Why on earth had that been popular?

"Nah. Leave her."

I'd come to haul out the gold mine, not clear the dungeon. There was no telling what kind of ripple that might send through the future, and I wanted to avoid changing the future as much as I possibly could.

That's how you make money.

I had cosmetics-company stock to buy, after all.

"Here. Bag this. This too."

I yanked up every scrap of greenery I could get my hands on and stuffed it in. A grin was plastered across my face; a tune leaked out of me all on its own. Sion's complexion went paler and paler as the bag swelled.

"B-Boss. Me kinda weak. This gonna mess with combat…"

"Oh, don't be a baby. Hey. Put some in your pockets too."

"N-no, for real. That thing's caked in dirt! Goes in my pocket, I can't wash it out!"

"Then buy a new one. What's an S-rank Hunter doing whining this much?"

"Kyaaah! It's moving, you idiot!"

"…Your Korean's pretty good."

A Mandragora was, by nature, an unpleasant-looking thing. Shaped like a ginseng root — except it had a face. A human face. And it didn't just sit there; it writhed.

"G-gross."

Squelch.

Whether it actually understood Sion or not, the Mandragora slumped its already-narrow shoulders. I scowled and rounded on her.

"Sion! You hurt Gora's feelings!"

"G-get it away from me this instant! Before I blow it to pieces!"

Sion's usual slurred mumbling had snapped into perfectly enunciated Korean. She must have been that shaken. I snorted, stuffed the Mandragora into my inventory, and kept going.

"Alright, next…"

There were still plenty of reagents left. I could pack and pack and never reach the bottom. And I was going to take all of it. It would be three years before this randomly wandering Nepenthes dungeon showed up in Seoul again.

Then I felt a gaze on me, slightly off-center, and turned my head.

"…When did you wake up?"

Sion's screaming had apparently dragged the Nepenthes Queen out of her long sleep. She was too stunned to even speak, just staring at me as I plundered her precious reagents.

"Boss. She's behind you. I'll take care of it real quick."

"No. You keep packing herbs."

"?"

The Nepenthes Queen wasn't that strong of a specimen. From an S-rank's point of view, anyway. If Sion decided to kill her, it would be over in a blink — and Sion, from the look of her, had never heard of holding back.

Leaving her alone wasn't an option either. The Queen had already classified us as invaders and was starting to rally her monsters.

I put on a bright smile and pulled something appropriate for the occasion from my inventory.

"You're beautiful."

"You… No. Why did you come looking for us when we were living quietly? Please leave. And you will have to leave the forest's treasures behind."

The Nepenthes Queen shrank into herself as she rose to her feet. I kept the smile on my face, hid the bat behind my back, and closed the distance one unhurried step at a time.

"I'm sorry."

"Excuse me?"

"For dropping in so suddenly. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠The truth is, I came because there was something I simply had to tell you, Miss Nepenthes Queen. But you were sleeping so soundly…"

The Nepenthes Queen was a named monster. She had intelligence — and that intelligence was in no way inferior to a human's. And I, armed with advance knowledge, already knew the rest.

For a creature that had, against all odds, wiped out at least one entire legion, the Nepenthes Queen was surprisingly human-friendly. And kind. Kinder than me, probably.

Falling for that would be a mistake. That beautiful face and that perfect body existed for the sole purpose of deceiving people. It was the reason a Nepenthes Queen, famous for being relatively weak, had been able to shatter a human army.

And yet I still called her kind, and I had a reason. The Nepenthes Queen was pure evil. She genuinely believed that killing people was a kind thing to do. There was a famous anecdote about a human who told her that hell would be better than a life like this — and she answered him with death.

A monster of pure innocence. Unique, I'll give her that.

I had a hazy recollection of the press going all-in on the headline: "The First Monster on Humanity's Side!"

"Y-you came looking for me? How would a human even know."

The flustered Queen snapped me back to the present. I shrugged.

"Why wouldn't I? More importantly, let me tell you what I came to say."

"What you came to say…"

"A good night's sleep."

"What?"

WHACK!

I brought the bat down on the back of her head in a single clean stroke. She crumpled bonelessly. If this were the UFC, that would have been a TKO.

I nodded, pleased with the tidy ending. Nothing beat the hit-feel of a good bat.

"This is a problem. I have no idea what restaurant we should do next."

"We've had plenty of tips, haven't we? That pork cutlet place in Gangnam Station. That one should work."

"That place is an actual good restaurant."

"Sorry?"

Yoon Byung-seok, the PD in charge of PBS's soaring hit Gilmok Restaurant, had a lot on his mind.

"Hey. Do you really think what people want from our show is a good restaurant?"

"…It isn't?"

"Absolutely not. People can pretend to be decent all they want, but what they want more than anything is to watch someone else suffer."

Gilmok Restaurant had once ruled both the variety circuit and the broadcast world. These days, the ratings were so low you could call it a has-been and not be wrong. Which meant, as far as he was concerned, it was time to draw the sword.

"A villain! We need a villain!"

And when it came to ratings, a villain was still king.

"A-a villain?"

"That's right. Not a good restaurant. Not someone who looks like a decent human being. We need someone who makes your chest seize up and your blood boil just from looking at them. That's when Representative Baek Jong-eon schools them for real — and the ratings go bam."

"Bam…?"

"They go up."

Ahem. Yoon Byung-seok cleared his throat and looked at the casting staffer.

"Anyone who fits?"

"Well… there is one shop that's a little unusual."

"Where?"

The staffer tapped at a laptop and opened a tip email.

"A one-table noodle shop, apparently."

"A noodle shop ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠with one table?"

"Right? Weird, isn't it?"

Yoon Byung-seok pushed his glasses up his nose.

"A noodle shop — where turnover is everything — running on a single table… I'm catching a scent here."

"…A scent?"

"The scent of a stubborn, tunnel-visioned villain."

"Should I reach out, then?"

"Shortlist them for now. There might be other villains out there."

"Got it."

The staffer sighed inwardly. Something told him he was pulling another all-nighter.

I washed up, dropped onto the sofa, and knocked back a beer.

"Chicken and beer. Still unbeatable."

Food after hard work tasted like heaven no matter what it was — and BBH Golden Olive with a cold beer was a combination that belonged in a museum.

"Oppa, you're drinking again? Your liver's going to give out!"

"It's not like I drink every day. One can is fine."

"Hmm, yeah? Then I'll have… a sip too."

Chaewon reached for the beer like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Don't even think about it!"

I smacked her hand away.

"Minors don't drink. Have a cola."

"That's so mean! I want to try it too."

"Here. Eat a drumstick."

I held out a chicken leg to her sulking face.

Childcare after clocking out, huh.

A sudden wave of respect for our parents hit me. Chaewon was already mostly grown, so it wasn't that hard — but raising the two of us when we were little… I owed them a round of applause.

"Hey, Oppa."

"Mm?"

"What did you do to Sia?"

"Sia…?"

"Yeah. She's been weird lately. She just spaces out all the time, and she won't even answer when I ask her anything. And the day before, she came back from seeing you."

I rewound the other day. I'd handed her the Absolute Shield in front of the shop. Her reaction had been off — she'd ducked her ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠head and bolted. Come to think of it, I hadn't even gotten to explain the shield.

Still. I didn't do anything weird. No mistakes.

I took a sip of beer and sank into the sofa.

"I didn't do anything."

"I'm worried. You don't think something happened to her?"

"Don't worry. It's probably nothing."

She'd just gotten her hands on a broken artifact. If anything, she should have been thrilled — not depressed.

That said, I still need to give Chaewon an item too.

The leftovers I'd lifted from the AJ building. I still hadn't managed ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to pass them on. I needed to hand them over naturally, and I couldn't think of a way.

Not like she needs them right this second.

"Oppa, look at that shop. It says Baek Jong-eon lost it at them."

"Baek Jong-eon?"

The TV was in the middle of a Gilmok Restaurant rerun. I'd watched the show a lot, once. I knew it well.

"What's wrong with that dak-galbi guy? If he just played it straight, the place would do fine."

"Dak-galbi shop villain. Classic."

I'd already seen this one. A legendary incident in Gilmok Restaurant history. The dak-galbi owner had wiped away tears on camera and sold the audience a sob story — until it came out that the whole thing was an act to harvest consumer pity, and the internet exploded.

"It's scripted, probably."

"You think?"

I didn't know what other people believed, but television was television. Trust only what you could see and you'd end up a fool. Hear the owner's side of it and the story might look completely different.

Bzzzt. Bzzzt.

My phone, tucked in the corner of the sofa, started buzzing.

"Who is it at this hour?"

"Beats me."

Unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Gilmok Restaurant?"

"I am."

"No."

"I said no. Bye."

I hung up.

"Who was that?"

"Voice phishing."

"Huh. So those people work evenings too. Dedicated."

I crossed my legs.

No reason to go on TV.

There was nothing in it for me. Get popular and I'd have to pour even more attention into the shop. And the second something wasn't up to someone's standards, the pile-on would start. Things were perfect as they were. A shop known only to the people who knew it.

"Chaewon. Where's my drumstick?"

There had definitely been two. There were now zero.

"I just ate it."

"…Well done."

Chaewon grinned.

"Kidding. It's right here. You really think I'd eat yours too?"

"Yeah."

"You wanna die?"

A peaceful morning. There was nothing quite as healing as a cup of morning coffee and watching people drift past the window.

Slow day today, too.

The trickle of customers meant I had all the leisure in the world to enjoy it.

And then.

What are those?

Beyond the glass, people were walking around with cameras. Someone else was hauling a lighting board. A nasty suspicion took root. I had definitely turned them down yesterday.

Sure enough, they made a beeline for the shop and threw the door wide open.

Ding-a-ling!

"Hello? We're the SPS Gilmok Restaurant team. Today's shoot—"

"I told you yesterday I wasn't doing it."

"Huh? That can't be right. Didn't we agree yesterday that you were on board? The PD definitely said—"

"I did no such thing."

I let out a sigh.

"We do provide an appearance fee. Why not just let us film?"

"Not interested. Out."

"…Understood. We'll double-check and come back."

Hah. This is exactly why you can't trust TV people.

I pulled down the blind on the right-hand window.

Maybe I should hire a security guard.

Unwanted guests kept showing up, and killing them one by one wasn't exactly an option. It was becoming a problem.

Ding-a-ling!

The door opened again.

"I believe I made it clear I wasn't doing this."

"Not doing it? What nonsense is that, yu! Quit being so stubborn. Your restaurant isn't exactly thriving right now, now is it, yu?"

That voice…

My eyes went to the entrance all on their own. A head of curly hair. A warm, friendly face. One look at that well-fed belly and there was no mistake.

"…Baek Jong-eon?"