The Elixir Experiment

Young-hoon pulled a bottle of wine out of the paper bag and handed it to his brother-in-law.

"What's this? It's wine. Cheap supermarket wine, at that. And this is supposed to be good for me? Congrats, little brother-in-law — you're officially dead to your wife now."

"Oh, Brother-in-law, always so impatient. Just try it first, then talk. Trust me — Hee-joo's going to love you to death tonight."

Before long, Hee-joo came back with beef and laid out a steak lunch. The kids were fed something simple, and the three of them got down to the serious business of drinking. The moment Young-hoon produced the wine from his paper bag, Hee-joo's face stiffened dramatically.

"Isn't that wine? The cheap kind you can grab at any supermarket? And that's good for your brother-in-law? Do you have any idea how fine the liquor your brother-in-law usually drinks is? Where on earth did you dig up this bargain-bin swill to try and con us? If you just wanted meat, all you had to do was say so — I'd have cooked for you anyway."

"Aigoo, you're exactly like him, Noona. Just drink it first. Here, take a glass, both of you."

"First time in my life throwing a drinking party in broad daylight with cut-rate wine," the brother-in-law quipped, accepting his glass with a grin. But the second he swallowed a mouthful, his eyes went wide as saucers.

"Brother-in-law... what is this wine? It goes down smooth as silk. I've never tasted anything this good. This beats that Romanée-Conti I had a while back by a mile. Honey, you have to try this."

He quickly held out a glass to Hee-joo as well.

"Really? Then I suppose I'll have a taste of this wonderful booze Young-hoon brought us."

Hee-joo gasped the moment the wine hit her tongue. This, too, was the best wine she'd ever had. She knew perfectly well that a cheap supermarket bottle could never, ever produce a flavor like this.

"Young-hoon, this wine is genuinely delicious. You've earned the right to brag. Good thing I don't have to charge you for the meat after all."

"But Noona, do you know what the best part of this wine is?"

"What, there's something better than the taste?"

"For one, there's zero hangover. And two — tonight, Brother-in-law is going to turn into a beast. You know what I mean, right?"

"Pfft. Really? Honey, I'll be waiting for tonight. But is there anything in it for us women?"

For some reason, Hee-joo didn't look entirely convinced.

"Not sure yet. I'd need to run more experiments, but I'm short on time..."

"Brother-in-law, don't tell me you slipped Viagra into this wine?"

"Come on. Why would I put Viagra in wine? What a waste. And would wine with Viagra in it taste like this?"

"No, I suppose not, but..."

The three of them kept passing the bottle around happily after that, and before they knew it, both bottles were empty. They were pleasantly buzzed, and everyone's mood was pleasantly warm.

"By the way, Brother-in-law, where did you get wine this good? Can't you tell me where to get some?"

"Brother-in-law, knowing is dangerous."

"Fine, fine. Tonight I'll run Hee-joo through the experiment, and if it works — no, forget 'works.' The taste alone is worth it, so anything on top is just icing on the cake. But that's not the point. Get me a few bottles. I'll pay you handsomely."

"It's not about money, Brother-in-law. I'm telling you, it's genuinely hard to come by. If I ever manage to get my hands on some, I'll let you know. Noona, that should more than cover the meat, right?"

"It does. Thanks, Young-hoon — for the wine too. Tonight I'll run the experiment on your brother-in-law, and if the results are good, I'll treat you proper."

"So can I come raid your fridge whenever I want from now on?"

"Oh, you. When have I ever chased you off from a free meal?"

"Got it. Well, the booze is gone and I'm getting sleepy, so I'm heading home to rest."

"Stay for dinner at least, Brother-in-law."

"Can't, I'm afraid. I'm off home. And don't you two jump on the experiment right at sundown — wait until the kids are asleep, then try it. The effect lasts twelve hours or more."

"Hohoho, look at this boy, meddling in everyone's business."

Having scored a hearty free lunch at his cousin's place, Young-hoon headed home. The alcohol hadn't fully worn off and he was tired, so he climbed into bed planning to nap for just two or three hours. A belly full of good meat and drink after so long sent sleep cascading over him, and when he woke from a deep slumber, the effect was exactly as it had been that morning. No hangover, no queasy stomach — and a certain part of him standing tall and proud toward the ceiling, making its presence known.

"What good is standing at attention like that? It's not like I have anywhere to use it... tsk."

He threw together a simple dinner from the groceries he'd bought at the mart the day before, then settled in with his laptop to continue the drama script he'd been writing. Before he knew it, he'd crossed into episode five. With all twenty episodes already mapped out in his head, nothing could block him. The writing flowed like water, smooth and unstoppable.

Meanwhile, all hell broke loose at Hee-joo's house starting in the early evening. Young-hoon's brother-in-law, Lee Ki-jin, was fidgeting around like a puppy desperate for a potty break.

"Honey, put the kids to bed, quick!"

"Honestly. What are you on about? It's not even nine o'clock — do you really think the kids are going to sleep now? What is this, the 1980s dreamland?"

"Come on! They've got school tomorrow, so put them down early. What are you going to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠do if the effect wears off?"

"Well, this is a first. The man who used to tremble at a single look from me. Young-hoon said the effect lasts twelve hours or more — can't you just wait patiently?"

"You think I don't know that? I just... want to verify whether the wine my brother-in-law gave me actually works. Purely scientific."

"Oh my, since when do you listen to Young-hoon so obediently? Well, whatever. I'll look forward to your beastly performance tonight."

"By the way, honey... this fellow is still pointing straight up at the ceiling."

Ki-jin sidled up next to his wife and hastily scanned the room. Nobody there — mercifully, the kids were all in their own rooms.

"Want a look? I swear it's bigger than usual."

"Ew, what is wrong with you, you creep? Hohohoho."

Still, curiosity got the better of her, and Hee-joo glanced down at her husband's equipment — and sure enough, the enormous thing was gazing rigidly at the sky.

"Oh? It really is! That's not the size I'm used to. That wine makes that grow too? Fine, fine. I'll get the kids to bed as fast as I can — you go take a shower."

"You got it. Hurry back."

That night, Hee-joo was fucked half to death. The man who used to last barely ten minutes tormented her for a good two hours or more, ferrying her back and forth between heaven and Hong Kong six or seven times over. And apparently, this was just the opening act. The man had to be at work the next morning, but sleep seemed to be the furthest thing from his mind. What if he gives me a nosebleed by daybreak? It was, all in all, a night of grave concern.

Ki-jin, for his part, felt vitality surging through his body nonstop, thanks to that lunchtime wine. Better yet, his other self had grown as impressively as a man in his twenties. So my brother-in-law was right. This wife of mine — I could kill her tonight.

After an hour or two of full-court play, his wife raised the white flag first. It was the first time since their wedding that he'd won a match. He was so happy he could cry.

But it wasn't over. Two hours down. He still had the stamina for at least three or four more. What if I wear her out completely and she can't get up to make breakfast tomorrow? All in all, a night of grave concern.

Young-hoon, blissfully unaware of what was unfolding at his cousin's house, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠transcribed one more episode of the drama script and went to bed. And so another golden Sunday slipped away.

The endlessly repeating Monday morning. As always, Young-hoon was first through the office doors. In the empty break room, he took out his work notebook and began laying out today's schedule and the medium-term plan ahead.

He was still finishing his notes and daydreaming for a moment when the other employees began trickling in one by one. Only two days of October remained. People could call it the final night of October all they liked — the finish line was just ahead now. Only two grueling days stood between them and the goal.

By nine, everyone was at work. Deputy Hong had gone off on vacation. Right at the most critical moment — what on earth was the matter with him? Completely unhinged, as always.

Deputy Hong, taking vacation during the busiest stretch of the year. The man is hopeless. If he's truly Royal Family, he couldn't care less how the company performs — and since he's a batshit psycho, of course he'd take the leave. Still, the office does feel oddly empty without him around.

Deputy General Manager Cho, for whatever reason, was all smiles.

Did his golf game go well last Saturday? Or did he hit his sales target early? Either way, that man's a psycho too.

Employee Kim Jin-man printed out the various performance reports and handed them around. And sure enough, Deputy General Manager Cho called a meeting. Marketing Team 3 filed into the conference room — everyone except Deputy Hong, naturally.

"Looking at the sales progress table, we're nearly there. We've booked 5.8 billion won, so that leaves 300 million outstanding. Anything still unshipped?"

"About 300 million in unshipped orders remain... 100 million in TVs, 100 million in refrigerators, 80 million in washing machines, and 20 million in miscellaneous items. The TVs and refrigerators finished production over the weekend and are being sent up to the distribution center today, so they should ship normally tomorrow. The washing machines complete production at the factory today. There wasn't enough lead time to route them through the distribution center for shipping, so we converted them to direct factory orders — the factory will ship straight to the retailers tonight. The 20 million in other products will all be delivered today."

Manager Kim laid it all out with crisp clarity, and a satisfied smile spread across Deputy General Manager Cho's face.

"In case any unshipped orders do come up, keep a close eye on it to the very end. No other special issues? Then let's hold the wrap-up dinner tomorrow, once Deputy ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Hong is back. I'll head out first — Manager Kim, handle the rest as you see fit."

Typical. Only the words he needed to hear, and out the door. And yet the psycho hadn't complained or snapped at anyone — go figure. Young-hoon couldn't tell whether this was an omen of something, and what that something might be.