Hulao Pass (1)
The year was 189.
Yuan Shu, the General of the Rear, sent proclamations flying across the land, calling on every warlord to pool their strength and crush the traitor Jeong Reung.
Governor Han Fu of Jizhou, Inspector Gong Ju of Ye Province, and Inspector Liu Dai of Yanzhou were among those who rallied to the call—and with them on board, all that remained was to wait for the right moment.
While he waited, Yuan Shu set his network to work flooding the realm with every scandal imaginable about Jeong Reung, and whether the stories were true or false, a bleak, sinister mood settled over the whole world.
Then came the year 190, when he judged every preparation complete. The anti-Jeong Reung coalition, arrayed around Yuan Shu, raised its armies all at once, each contingent numbering in the tens of thousands.
A colossal host, marching under the banner of punishing a traitor, descended upon a single power.
They're enormous.
When I arrived at Hulao Pass and took in the true scale of the coalition, I could only stare in blank disbelief. Perhaps as a lingering ripple of the Ten Attendants' Rebellion erupting earlier than in the world I knew, the warlords had grown even larger than I'd expected.
And what, exactly, does the rebellion coming early have to do with the warlords getting stronger?
Simple: the chaos had let Dong Zhuo seize control of the court that much sooner, and while he clung to that power, he must have showered official posts on the warlords faster than history originally intended. While I was off laughing and playing around with Dong Zhuo in Sili and Xiliang, the lords who had already secured their seats would have been quietly building their strength the entire time.
Put together, the coalition's ranks easily numbered several hundred thousand—no wonder they'd picked this fight with such confidence. And when I thought about the talents who had to be serving under those banners, my stomach soured. Yuan Shao, Cao Cao, Sun Jian, Gongsun Zan—and beneath them, Liu Bei and the rest. A lineup that sent a chill down my spine just to imagine.
Since this world leaned more heavily on Romance of the Three Kingdoms than on real history, it would have been lovely to have two passes to defend—Sishui Pass and Hulao Pass both. But of course, on this point the world had stuck to the historical record and merged the two into one, which meant that if this place fell, the road to Luoyang lay wide open. Then again, with the incompetent Yuan Shu holding the mantle of coalition leader instead of Yuan Shao, maybe I could afford a little optimism.
My task was simple: stand firm, and keep standing, until the coalition destroyed itself.
A "coalition." Sounded grand. Sounded grand—and the reality would be anything but. With no unified command and every lord marching to his own drum, they would never move as one. Worse, every man among them chased profit while refusing to shoulder a loss, so the moment the tide turned against them, they would all turn passive on the spot. It would cost me dearly in the meantime... but there was no help for it. Fighting most of the realm's lords at once, I could count myself lucky merely not to be annihilated.
First things first, though—I needed to knock some of the wind out of that coalition's sails. Morale is everything in war, and though our own soldiers tried not to show it, the sight of an enemy so overwhelmingly larger had cowed them all the same.
"Want me to go out there and knock their spirit down a peg?"
That was Lü Bu, watching me from beside me.
"..."
The coalition. Hulao Pass. Lü Bu. A certain scene flashed through my mind unbidden. Even if she ended up withdrawing in the end, she would cut down a few enemy officers first—so I supposed that counted as a net gain. After a brief deliberation, I judged that letting her go beat stopping her, and nodded.
"Go on, then. Show them what you can do."
"Yes!"
Whether she was already savoring the battle to come, Lü Bu broke into a savage grin. And while the coalition watched us from far beyond the pass, she led her troops out through the gates of Hulao.
The Peerless Under Heaven, her name renowned across the realm, bellowed at the coalition host.
"I am the Peerless Under Heaven! Come out here and fight me!"
Blood-red eyes that radiated menace. Crimson hair that looked as though it had drunk the blood of countless men. Red armor, as if her whole body had been lacquered in blood. And even a blood-red horse that exuded an aura anything but ordinary. There was something in Lü Bu's appearance that reached into the primal core of every human who saw it and squeezed.
Advancing in full swagger, Lü Bu grinned as she leveled the Sky Piercer Halberd at the coalition. Just then, a general burst out from the coalition camp with a great shout.
"Lü Bu—! Bao Zhong, younger brother of Bao Xin, Chancellor of Jibei, shall do you the honor of facing you himself!"
No man in the coalition craved battlefield glory more than Bao Xin, Chancellor of Jibei. The instant a chance at distinction appeared, he had sent out his younger brother—a man of genuine martial skill—to meet Lü Bu in his place. Bao Zhong came hurtling at her, sweeping his spear around with tremendous bravado.
"The title of Peerless Under Heaven will soon be mine—!"
Shunk!
"Gwaaargh—!"
"Too slow."
Before Bao Zhong could even complete his swing, Lü Bu had run him through the belly with the Sky Piercer Halberd. "You swing it that wide and telegraphed—who's supposed to stand there and take it?" With a sharp flick of the shaft, she shook off Bao Zhong, who hung dangling from it like a puppet on a string.
Thud—crack.
He struck the ground headfirst, his neck snapping on impact, and died then and there.
"Hey! That much doesn't even count as a warm-up! Next man, get out here!"
One thrust. The sight of Lü Bu skewering an enemy general in a single exchange—
—WAAAAAAH!
At the sight, the soldiers of Jeong Reung's army erupted into a roar.
"..."
The coalition, so full of bluster moments before, deflated in plain view. A flurry of councils swept through the coalition camp, and the General of the Rear, Yuan Shu, stroked his beard with a troubled air.
"Is there anyone among us who can face that Lü Bu?"
At his words, a slight, unimposing man spoke up with careful courtesy.
"Among the generals under my command is one named Pan Feng, whose skill with the axe is truly exceptional."
Yuan Shu turned to the slight man, his face brightening with delight.
"Now that is welcome news! Order him out to face her at once!"
"Thank you, my lord."
Governor Han Fu of Jizhou straightened his posture and turned to look back.
"Pan Feng! Go show that insolent woman, who doesn't know how high the sky is, what we're made of!"
"As you command!"
A man of towering frame seized his beloved weapon—a massive axe—and swung himself into the saddle. Lü Bu, watching him approach, spoke up.
"Oh. You're next? You certainly look the part."
"Flatter me all you like—I've no intention of going easy on you!"
"Huh? And what exactly are you imagining?"
When Pan Feng shouted back so confidently, Lü Bu shook her head.
"I said you look like a bandit."
"..."
"Don't tell me you took that for a compliment? You're hilarious, you know that?"
"I'll kill you—!"
At Lü Bu's scornful snort, Pan Feng flushed scarlet and charged. She met the descending axe—which looked heavy as a boulder at a glance—with perfect composure.
"A contest of strength? Suits me just fine."
Strength was plainly his trade; even swinging that enormous axe, Pan Feng showed not a trace of strain. But it was nowhere near enough to touch her.
CLANG—!
"What the—?!"
One-handed, Lü Bu casually batted the axe aside with the Sky Piercer Halberd. Overpowered, Pan Feng was flung backward, his guard flying wide open.
"Hmm... weaker than Seo Hwang."
Having delivered her deadpan verdict, Lü Bu swept her blade through the neck of the exposed Pan Feng.
"I saw it coming, honestly—your grip on that axe was wrong from the very start."
THUD!
The headless body swayed, then toppled from its horse. Pan Feng's head, airborne for a long moment, went bouncing and rolling toward the coalition lines.
"Still better than that last fool who died in a single exchange."
WAAAAAAAH—!!
As Lü Bu, Sky Piercer Halberd resting across her shoulder, nodded to herself, the Jeong army let out yet another roar.
"..."
And the coalition's morale sank lower still.
"You incompetent fools! I sent you out because you looked so confident, and this is what you do with it?!"
Yuan Shu erupted, glaring around at the assembled lords.
"The first man died in one bout, the second in two—so I suppose the third one out will die in three!"
"..."
Not a single lord offered a word; they only bowed their heads.
"Whew. Fine. Is there a general willing to go out next?"
Having fumed for a while, Yuan Shu took a deep breath and sat up straight in his seat.
"..."
"Why is everyone so quiet?"
Not one of the lords opened his mouth at the question.
"...Ha! It seems this tent holds nothing but cowards!"
With every man cowed into silence, Yuan Shu let out a hollow, exasperated laugh.
"Yuan Shao! Where did you leave those two you're always bragging about—Yan Liang and Wen Chou?!"
Yuan Shu glared at Yuan Shao, seated among the other lords. She answered him evenly, enunciating every word.
"They had other duties to attend to, so I left them behind in Jizhou."
"Spare me the lies! As if anyone here fails to see you left them in Hebei on purpose!"
"..."
"It was suspicious from the very start, the paltry number of troops you brought! You contemptible woman—do you truly intend to crush the traitor at all?!"
Faced with Yuan Shu screaming, bloodshot eyes bulging, Yuan Shao simply heaved a sigh.
"There is no reasoning with you."
"You insolent woman, how dare—!"
"Since the coalition leader appears to be rather worked up, I will take my leave."
"Halt! You beast of a woman! That is an order from your coalition leader!"
Yuan Shao ignored him as though she hadn't heard a word, and walked straight out of the tent.
"GRAAAAH—! That fucking bitch—!"
CRASH!
Yuan Shu swept everything around him to the floor in a tantrum. Several of the lords nearby rushed to restrain him, their faces aghast.
"C-calm yourself, my lord!"
"Quite so! It is only one! What if Yuan Shao refuses to lend her aid—do you think our strength withers for it?!"
"..."
With the lords desperately placating him, Yuan Shu panted hard and slowly mastered his rage.
"Hoo... Yes. Quite right. The absence of a single Yuan Shao hardly spells my defeat."
"..."
"Very well. Then I, as coalition leader, shall personally teach that Lü Bu bitch the meaning of a difference in strength."
Yuan Shu called over one of his own generals and gave the order.
"Yu She! Take the field yourself and show them all the measure of my might!"
"As you command!"
And with that, Yuan Shu dispatched his own general to the field.
"Die, Lü Bu—!!"
A man with a fierce, bug-eyed face charged at Lü Bu, bellowing a war cry.
"UWAAAAAH—!"
"What's with this guy?"
He was cut down by Lü Bu within three exchanges.
"..."
"..."
Yuan Shu's boast from moments before had just come true, word for word.
"Hah. And here I'd actually hoped for a little more, but it's nothing but weaklings."
Lü Bu shook her head in disappointment.
"This should just about do it. Let's head back!"
All the coalition could do was stare, dumbstruck, at the sight of Lü Bu withdrawing.
And so the first day of the Battle of Hulao Pass came to an end.