The Imperial Tour (8)
The imperial palace in Luoyang. Even from a distance, the residence where the Emperor dwelt gleamed with a splendor that left no doubt of its luxury.
Of all the things Dong Zhuo had done in his life, the only one he had gotten right was probably the refurbishing of this palace. It was, after all, to be the place where he lolled about laughing with the Emperor kept at his side, so he must have driven the work harder than usual. Thanks to him, we were spared a measure of effort when we retook Luoyang.
The Emperor, small of stature as ever, narrowed her eyes and shot me a sullen glare.
"You have disappointed Us greatly this time, Jeong Reung."
What on earth was this about?
Was this her reaction to the risks I had taken while settling the matter of Xiliang? Even Zhang Jue, who had always taken whatever I did in stride, had seen fit to lecture me. If even she had, then what manner of reaction could I expect from an Emperor who had grown utterly dependent on me?
"Neglect of your own body is offense enough, yet even the letters you send Us are utterly without sincerity."
"……?"
She was very obviously sulking, and making things difficult for me because of it...?
Wait. What was she talking about?
Baffled by the Emperor's cryptic words, I bowed my head and replied.
"Your Majesty. Forgive my presumption, but in what way does the letter fall short...?"
While I had been in Xiliang, I had worried that the people back in Luoyang would fret over me, and so in the scraps of time I could spare I had sent letters assuring several of them of my well-being. Most of those I had copied out more or less word for word—but the one addressed to the Emperor alone I had written with the utmost care and devotion. I was certain I had committed no breach of etiquette, so what could possibly be the problem? Unless a letter meant for the likes of Zhang Jue had somehow been delivered to the Emperor by mistake—in which case I was in very serious trouble.
"Read it for yourself."
I accepted the letter the attendant held out, a faint sweat breaking over me.
"……"
Concealing my trepidation, I unfolded the letter—and there was the text I had written.
"……?"
And I could not hide my bewilderment. It had been delivered correctly, hadn't it?
The lines—Your Majesty's boundless virtue this, your sacred person that—were unmistakably the letter I had composed for the Emperor. Respectful to a fault and radiating reverence for the throne, the words contained nothing, however I looked at them, that she should have taken offense at.
"If you have finished reading, return it."
As I folded the letter shut, the Emperor, who had been watching me the whole while, spoke up abruptly. I handed it back to the attendant who approached and offered a bow.
"Well? Do you understand now what the problem is?"
No, I don't, actually.
Of course I couldn't say that, so I gave a respectful answer.
"Your Majesty. My learning is shallow, and I cannot fathom what has disappointed you."
My learning being shallow was, at least, no lie. Then as now, I had never been cut out for scholarly pursuits. Though who could say—there might truly have been some flaw in what I had believed flawless.
When I bowed my head and put on an air of abject shame, the Emperor let out a small sigh.
"If you truly did not know, there is little We can say. Then We shall tell you Ourselves."
So this was how all my past kindness to the Emperor came back to me. Truly, one ought to live virtuously.
"Why is there not a single line in it that shows you think of Us with true feeling?"
"……"
I did my utmost to keep from blurting, Huh?
Not a single line that thought of her? Had phrases like I trust you are well and guard your sacred health somehow ceased, without my noticing, to mean that I worried for her?
Perhaps sensing that I hadn't the faintest idea, the Emperor's face clouded into a pout.
"What We want is worry that comes from the heart, not these pretty flourishes that mean nothing."
"……"
"Etiquette this, decorum that. We think none the worse of such things, but to watch you keep Us at arm's length for their sake... it leaves Us rather forlorn."
Apparently she had noticed that I had sent the letter out of a sense of duty, merely matching the proper form. But could one really glean that from the words alone? The Emperor was far sharper than I gave her credit for.
"Letters bearing such greetings must carry true feeling, however brief their content. Such is the way of things."
"I am ashamed, Your Majesty."
"Knowing it now is enough."
Feeling I had done a heartless thing to the young Emperor, I admitted my fault without excuse. Perfunctory, by-the-book expressions of concern—she must have been on the receiving end of those since before she could remember. No wonder she could tell, from words alone, what heart I had put into the letter.
The Emperor spoke with a satisfied look.
"From now on, spare Us the ceremony and write only what you truly wish to say. Plain speech would not be unwelcome, either."
"Your Majesty. Even so, that is..."
Plain speech, no less. However private the correspondence, dropping honorifics with the Emperor was a hard line to cross. Short of turning traitor to the realm, who in all the world could address the Emperor without deference? Even Dong Zhuo, who held the Emperor in contempt, had at least kept the honorifics on his lips—though his deeds were the exact opposite.
"Must We make it an imperial command before you will heed Us?"
"……"
She was going to flatten me with royal authority again, was she?
With the Emperor leaving me no choice but to comply, I bowed my head and answered.
"I shall obey your command."
"Heheh. Knowing it is enough."
When I acquiesced, the Emperor smiled with a pleased little hum. Seeing her carry on like this every so often, she really was a child after all.
"And now you must pay the price for disappointing Us, must you not?"
"...I shall comply."
I had very nearly answered Huh? yet again. The price. Turning over a word that chilled my spine at the mere sound of it, I waited for the Emperor to continue.
"We missed you as well, but Our little sister has missed you far more."
"Your sister, you say...?"
"Yes. Liu Xie."
The year was 188. Liu Xie, Prince of Chenliu, born in 181, was seven years old now. I had passed a good stretch of time in Xiliang, so 189 would arrive before long—but even when it did, the Prince of Chenliu would be all of eight.
"In the past, the circumstances surrounding Us kept us from growing close. But now she is the only precious family We have."
The Emperor saying all this was herself a child of fifteen, born in 173. By the standards of the Han era, fifteen counted as fully grown; in my eyes, it remained painfully young.
"It grieves Us that she keeps her distance still. But considering what Our uncle and Our mother did, We suppose her wariness cannot be helped."
Lady Wang, Liu Xie's birth mother, had died not long after bearing her, and Empress Dowager Dong, who had raised the girl in her stead, had been murdered by Empress Dowager He's faction amid the struggle for power. Liu Xie surely knew all of it. How must she look at her elder sister now? It was not as if Liu Bian had done the deed herself, but there was no way a seven-year-old could casually grow close to her all the same. If anything, the affair with Empress Dowager Dong would have taught the girl exactly where she stood—she was probably trembling in fear, wondering when her own turn would come.
"Our sister clings to you now more than to Us."
Back when I wrested Luoyang from Dong Zhuo and was soothing the Emperor's frayed nerves, I had met with the Prince of Chenliu a few times as well. Drawing on my experience from Bing Province, I had happily played with the then much younger girl. Come to think of it—another small child. It's not as if I'm raising them to fatten and eat. Why do only little kids keep gravitating toward me?
"The price We ask of you is nothing great."
"……"
"Simply set aside every duty for this one day and stay with Our sister."
"As you command."
To the Emperor's earnest plea, I respectfully bowed my assent. The tiny child who had once done nothing but read the moods of those around her had, somewhere along the way, become a steadfast Emperor who worried for others.
By the Emperor's command I made my way to the Prince of Chenliu's residence, where I found a young girl pacing restlessly before the door. The black-haired girl with her short-cropped hair lit up the instant she saw me and came hurrying over with quick steps.
"Jeong Reung! I've been waiting!"
"It is good to see you too."
Liu Xie gazed up at me with eyes of jet black, just like Liu Bian's. Imperial blood, it seemed, passed down its black eyes and black hair by inheritance. In a world overflowing with every color imaginable, seeing such shades felt strangely refreshing.
"Hehe."
The moment we entered the room, Liu Xie claimed my lap for herself and beamed. Every little thing she did was adorable enough to melt an adult's heart.
"Your hair is black too, Jeong Reung—just like mine!"
Liu Xie reached up and stroked my hair. I answered with a wry smile.
"That hair has caused me a fair bit of grief, actually."
Bandits had once come at me with fire in their eyes, convinced I might be some unrecorded distant kin of the imperial clan.
"Oh. I'm sorry..."
Liu Xie, who had been watching my face, flinched and apologized.
"There is no need for that. It is not something I mind at all."
"Really?"
"Yes."
The bandits who had lunged at me, eyes blazing, dreaming of a fat ransom for the man they would kidnap. And every last one of them had been made into former bandits by Seo Yeo.
Apparently satisfied that I was not lying, Liu Xie recovered her spirits and pressed on.
"I heard black hair is terribly rare except among the imperial family!"
"Is that so?"
That was news to me. Hearing her say it and mulling it over now, I realized that in all my life, apart from myself and the imperial family, I had never once seen black hair. Even the mother who bore me had not had hair of pure black like mine—hers had been a paler shade, closer to gray.
"Still, your eyes aren't black too..."
"If they were, people would simply conclude that I am some hidden prince of the blood."
My hair was jet black, but my eyes were a deep brown, taken after my mother. I had not entirely escaped the laws of this colorful world after all. Had my eyes been jet black as well, would the whole court not have been thrown into an uproar, insisting I was the Emperor's illegitimate child?
Spending time with Liu Xie was truly no burden at all. She drove the conversation herself with boundless enthusiasm, and whatever I did, she giggled and delighted in it.
...The way I put it, it rather sounds like she is the one entertaining me?
"So, what are we doing today?"
"Ah—yes. Today..."
And so I passed the day as Liu Xie's chatterbox companion and playmate until the sun sank low. Before I knew it, winter was drawing near.