The Hunt (1)
Back in Luoyang, I was given a literal, hands-on education in what the life of a "live-in husband" actually entailed.
"Come now, this morning's table, too, is laid with all the dishes you favor."
"...Your Majesty, there is far too much food here."
"Fear not. Whatever remains, We intend to share among the servants of the palace."
Sharing every meal at my side was only the beginning.
"Hmm... What say you to this petition, General-in-Chief?"
"...As far as I can tell, there is nothing amiss with it."
"Then We shall grant it."
Even within the palace, where she conducted the affairs of state surrounded by every civil and military official, she insisted on dragging me along wherever she went.
"...Your Majesty."
"Hm? What is it?"
"Might tonight as well..."
"Heh heh, you state the obvious. This night, too, you shall be with Us."
She even shared my bedchamber outright, refusing to be apart from me for so much as a single hour. Leave a young man and woman in the full bloom of their years alone together in the dead of night, and what happened next required no imagination whatsoever.
...
The Emperor flashed a knowing smile, as if she had anticipated the very question I was about to ask, and I found myself at a loss for words.
"You may toy with Us to your heart's content."
Her Majesty murmured this into my ear, her voice brimming with affection.
Did the mere sight of me summon strength where none remained? She ought to have been exhausted, and yet she clung to me without pause. Any ordinary man would have been forgiven for keeping his distance from a wife so determined to drain his very soul. Thank the heavens that, whatever my other failings, I had never once lost a battle between the sheets.
Her Majesty showed not the slightest fear of joining her body with mine. If anything, you might say she belonged to the Cao Cao school of outright savoring it. If I had to find a single difference, there was only one: Her Majesty prized above all the spiritual satisfaction that came from true communion between us.
Cao Cao, meanwhile... er... she simply preferred everything. It was an illuminating lesson in how the Hero of Chaos of the original history had managed to sire more than thirty children.
"Come now, let us hurry back."
"...Yes, Your Majesty."
Thus spoke Her Majesty, clutching my arm tight in a manner somewhat beneath her imperial dignity. At the very least, no unsavory rumors of a troubled marriage would ever circulate.
Only one thing worried me. Once Her Majesty finally relented, the other women were going to sulk.
...
Or perhaps they already were. I had noticed long ago that Seo Yeo's gaze had been shifting, ever so subtly, with each passing day. As for Lü Bu — jealousy incarnate — she'd been ready to charge the Emperor herself within a single day, so I'd had no choice but to calm her down in person.
'Grrr... I can't take this anymore! I'm going to give her a piece of my mind...'
'Lü Bu.'
'...Fine. I'll behave...'
The instant I called her name in a deliberately stern voice, she shrank into a meek little ball — looking, no matter how I regarded it, exactly like a certain henpecked husband living entirely at the mercy of his wife. While the Emperor was briefly away, I stole a quick hug, and watching her melt like ice cream left out under the blazing midday sun was thoroughly entertaining.
Ah, wait — in Seo Yeo's case, "froze on the spot like a stone statue" would be more accurate than "melted like ice cream." Honestly, was that too easy? Caught between this is wonderful and this is a problem, I could do nothing but wear a wry smile.
A full week had slipped by since Her Majesty first latched onto me.
If I didn't ease back into work soon, Sima Yi was liable to drill a hole through the back of my skull with her glare alone. Right — a week was rest enough.
Harboring zero desire to die of a perforated skull courtesy of Sima Yi, I addressed the Emperor, who was smiling at my side.
"Your Majesty."
"...What is the matter?"
Had she sensed something in my level tone? The Emperor answered while sneaking a wary glance at my face.
It would be a lie to claim that adorable display didn't tug at my heart, but this was the moment to stand firm, with the resolve of a lioness nudging her cub off a cliff. A mountain of work already awaited; I couldn't keep living like this. My body and mind were undeniably at ease, but it was time to return to my proper duties. Lose yourself too long in pleasure and both body and soul begin to rot — and then finding your way back is no easy task.
"Today is the last day."
...
"You have duties, Your Majesty. I have mine. We all have things that simply must be done."
I flashed a smile and went on.
"When we find the time again, we'll pick up right where we left off."
"...Very well."
Her Majesty had a habit of closing the distance until it bordered on overwhelming, but whenever I offered my sincere counsel, she would heed it — however grudgingly — no matter how much she wished otherwise. Then she said:
"Which still means today is fair game, yes?"
"Yes."
When I nodded, the Emperor smiled back — a perfect mirror of my own.
"Then We, too, ought to take the fresh air for the first time in an age."
"By 'exercise,' you mean..."
"Make haste with the hunting preparations."
Ah.
Come to think of it, Her Majesty rarely went hunting. The chase — that grand passion of the exalted lords of old. They had loved it so dearly that history recorded rulers who, lost in the pursuit, neglected the governance of their realms and brought ruin upon their kingdoms.
But the reason Her Majesty abstained was simple.
'Hm? The chase holds little charm for Us. Being with Our General-in-Chief is far more delightful.'
'...I am honored.'
Consistent to a fault, you might say. By this point, I half suspected my body of producing some pheromone-like substance. You know — the feline equivalent of catnip.
Give a cat a whiff of catnip and it starts behaving like a drug addict — giddy and staggering, drooling, flopping over right where it stands. And yet, astonishingly, the stuff does a cat's body no harm whatsoever. A drug with zero side effects... merely hearing of it makes you want to rake in money by the cartload.
Be that as it may, just as men instinctively delight in a woman's natural scent, there was nothing strange about women responding to a man's. Hadn't even Diaochan — the woman history would one day hail as a beauty capable of toppling kingdoms — lost her composure the instant she caught my scent?
...Though in all likelihood, that was simply a scent fetish.
The moment the ministers in attendance heard Her Majesty declare a hunt, they burst into frantic motion.
That said... a hunt. General-in-Chief or not, I would need to bag at least one kill to keep my dignity intact — and what exactly was I going to do about that?
Consider a certain figure whose feat of striking the very tip of a halberd from a range of several hundred paces was recorded, bold as brass, in the official histories. And would you believe me if I said that figure had been drunk at the time?
Among men, Lü Bu; among horses, Red Hare.
(Ren zhong Lü Bu, ma zhong Chitu)
I found myself recalling the days when Lü Bu — a woman who could have claimed the title of divine archer without a hint of shame — had given me lessons.
'You draw the string, and when the feeling hits — you let it fly with everything you've got!'
Lü Bu had declared this to me, hand planted on her hip, as I practiced my bow at the range. Naturally, I had no choice but to ask.
'...What about things like form?'
'Huh? I just shoot when the feeling comes, and it lands more or less where I want?'
Unbelievable. A walking cheat code of raw talent. Had I been wrong to expect a logical explanation from Lü Bu?
Seo Yeo, for her part, was the type to hurl a javelin of far greater destructive force rather than waste time loosing arrows, so she hardly made a suitable teacher. ...Not that it would have mattered, since Seo Yeo seemed to hit her marks by pure instinct, same as Lü Bu.
I had drilled my archery since my days in Bing Province and reached a level that could charitably be called passable, but asked point-blank whether I could guarantee a hit on a beast every single time, I could only shake my head.
Well... so what? If I failed to bag a single animal, then so be it.
True, my office was General-in-Chief — but anyone witless enough to mock my martial skills had long since been purged and buried in some unmarked spot along the Yellow River over there. Even thinking it sent a chill down my spine.
And if such a person still drew breath, anyone with a shred of sense would keep their scorn hidden deep. Laughing at the General-in-Chief — the Emperor's own Gukseo? At that point, ruling the death a suicide rather than a murder would have been perfectly reasonable.
The preparations did not take long. The imperial family kept hunting grounds near Luoyang, and the keeper of those grounds was exceptionally diligent besides.
Just then, a black-haired woman stepped up before me and bowed.
"General-in-Chief, all escort preparations are complete."
"Good."
I nodded to the Oath of the Peach Garden sister — whom it had been far too long since I'd last seen — and asked:
"Anything out of the ordinary while I was away?"
...
"...Liu Bei?"
"...Ah — yes. Nothing unusual, my lord."
To anyone with eyes, that reaction said something happened. And for some reason, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei kept shooting Liu Bei anxious glances.
Still, I didn't press the matter. If it were truly urgent, the report would have reached me long ago.
I cast a brief glance over the Peach Sisters, shrugged, and started walking.
Unless some lunatic tiger had smuggled itself in, the grounds would hold nothing but deer, pheasants, and the like. And even if a tiger really did appear, the Imperial Guards escorting the throne and my own bugok would hunt it down without any help from me.
The real question was whether I could actually bring down any of the beasts myself.
The hour had come for my clumsy archery to be laid bare before all the world.