Jing Province Magnates (3)
As on any other day, I had been busy rooting out the corruption of the local magnates and confiscating their assets when some unexpected news reached me.
"One of the magnates has come to see you in person?"
"Yes. When I asked his business, he said he had a gift for you, General-in-Chief, and begged to be shown in."
Liu Bei, who had been keeping watch near the entrance of my residence, delivered her report with perfect courtesy.
"A gift... a gift, you say..."
Still seated where I was, I sank into thought.
"Liu Bei, we've had fellows like this before, haven't we?"
"Yes. We have."
She answered evenly.
"What was it they said, back when they handed over their gifts?"
"That they wished to build good relations with you, the new ruler of Jing Province, and asked that you accept these items so we might all get along amicably going forward."
"Right."
I nodded and pressed on at once.
"And when I had their backgrounds looked into, every last one of them turned out to have something rotten behind him."
...
"You'd think by now they'd have figured out that this sort of gambit gets them nowhere..."
When I spoke with a look of pure annoyance, Liu Bei gave me a knowing, eye-crinkling smile.
"What will you do?"
"He came as a guest, so I suppose I ought to receive him," I said, my face a picture of reluctance. "Let's at least see what he's brought this time. Show him in."
"As you command."
Liu Bei bowed with practiced courtesy and withdrew.
I watched her go, then turned my gaze back to the pile of bamboo slips stacked before me — the strange ledgers that Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi had singled out from the rest. Even counting one crook per slip, the number was considerable. And quite a few of them were tangled up with one another in every direction. We weren't running some criminal syndicate here, so how were there this many criminals?
...Then again, none of that was really all that surprising. The central government itself was a hotbed of corruption, so what could one expect of the local officials it appointed? And what of the magnates in league with those officials? Naturally, birds of a feather had flocked together and made one hell of a mess. The only difference this time was that the scale had grown a little larger.
While I was still sorting through these thoughts, the door opened and a man appeared. Standing outside, he glanced furtively about, then hesitated for a moment.
I watched him briefly before speaking.
"...What are you doing? You may come in."
"Ah! Forgive me, General-in-Chief — I didn't mean to intrude!"
The moment the words left my mouth, the man groveled before me with utter servility.
...It felt a little unkind to say, but the man who had come to see me looked base from the very first glance. Wasn't this precisely the face of a treacherous toady, rubbing his hands beside a tyrant and spouting flattery?
"One glimpse of your awe-inspiring presence, General-in-Chief, and my feet stopped of their own accord!"
And there it was. Look at him, laying it on thick from the very first word. I wasn't one to put stock in physiognomy, but this fellow was acting exactly the way his face looked.
I tried to brush it off without a fuss, but Lü Bu, who stood guard beside me, spoke first.
"Well, well. You've got better eyes than I expected."
...What was she on about all of a sudden?
When I turned my head, Lü Bu was grinning at the man.
"You're a little different from the ones who've come before, huh?"
That was love-blindness talking. If my face were really so dignified, most of the world would qualify as general material.
"Th-that's quite right! Hahahaha!"
Suddenly meeting Lü Bu's blood-red eyes, the man answered with a faint tremor in his voice.
When Lü Bu showed her approval, I glanced at Seo Yeo, just in case.
...Seo Yeo's expression was as unchanged as ever, but the air about her made it clear she was in a slightly better mood than usual.
Seriously, why did that put the two of you in a good mood? The poor man must be flustered enough as it was. He'd spouted flattery to score points with me, and somehow he'd ended up scoring with everyone else instead?
I rested a palm against my forehead for a moment, then straightened up in my seat and spoke.
"Spare me the pleasantries and get to the point."
"Y-yes, of course!"
The man, who had been frozen stiff, snapped back to his senses the instant I opened my mouth and adopted a respectful posture. I looked at him and continued.
"First, state the business that brings you to me."
"Yes, sir!"
The man spoke, keeping his back bent low.
"Recently, by great good fortune, I have come into possession of a truly rare and precious item!"
"A rare and precious item?"
"Precisely!"
He surely hadn't come to boast about his luck — so the gift he intended for me was that very treasure? When I held my silence, as if daring him to go on and tell me, the man opened his mouth.
"Have you by any chance heard of Five Minerals Powder?"
...At those words, the man drew an opulent box from inside his coat and lifted the lid. Inside lay some truly bizarre-looking lumps of stone.
...They shimmered oddly. They didn't look like ordinary rocks, that much was certain. What on earth had he brought?
When I stared at the Five Minerals Powder without saying a word, the man pressed on.
"I quite understand your bewilderment! Seen from the outside, they are nothing more than ordinary stones!"
"...And?"
"But do not be alarmed! Grind these five stones together into one, and they become a medicine without equal under heaven!"
Grind up stones and swallow them as medicine? Just hearing about it sounded disastrous for the health. Wasn't that poison rather than medicine? Come to think of it, I seemed to have come across the name Five Minerals Powder somewhere before...
Oblivious to my thoughts, the man rattled off the powder's virtues like a peddler hawking snake oil.
"As for this medicine's effects — the moment you take it, your spirits lift and your body feels as though it drifts free, and you will experience what it is to stroll atop the clouds like an immortal who has left the mortal world behind!"
...?? Something about the description stirred a strange sense of déjà vu, and I couldn't hide my puzzlement. Wasn't this exactly that? You know — medicine, sure, but the kind that's veered off in a rather particular direction.
"What is more, it clears the head, transforms the skin to a child's softness, and grants such overflowing vigor that one may go days without sleep and remain perfectly sound — is this not the very definition of a miraculous elixir?"
"...And that's what those stones become, once ground?"
"Precisely!"
Watching the man carry on with his sales pitch, I posed a single question.
"How is it taken?"
"Oh-ho! It seems I have piqued your interest!"
Interested, yes — just not in the way he was hoping. The man went on in a voice positively thrilled.
"The method is quite simple! Take it dissolved in water or wine, or inhale the powder itself — simply choose whichever suits your taste!"
Why would anyone dissolve medicine in wine? Didn't that sound off even as he said it? In that moment, my mind settled the matter once and for all: Five Minerals Powder was a narcotic.
My head gave a throb at the sight of a man recommending hard drugs to my face.
"You there — is someone outside the door?"
"You called."
The moment I spoke, Liu Bei slid the door open and appeared. I looked at the man and said:
"Throw this fellow out of here. Immediately."
"As you command."
The man shot upright where he sat, startled by my words.
"G-General-in-Chief?!"
"If you had some proper remedy worth recommending, that would be one thing — but who in his right mind tells a man to eat rocks?"
Even beasts will strip leaves from a branch to eat them; they don't chew on boulders. I'm no cud-chewing ox — why on earth would I eat stones?
The man rolled his eyes this way and that, reading the room for a moment, and then seemed to grasp that my mind would not be changed.
"...I shall leave the gift here regardless. Should your heart change, send for me at any time."
"Fine."
Short of losing my mind, I had no intention of ever taking that stuff.
"Come along now — before you must be dragged out."
Liu Bei, bearing my order, warned him in a level voice. Guan Yu and Zhang Fei were surely waiting just outside the room. With no hope of doing anything about his situation, the man followed Liu Bei out meekly enough.
I gazed at the box the man had left behind, then opened my mouth.
"Lü Bu."
"Hm? What?"
Lü Bu, who had been wearing a bored expression, perked up at once at my call.
"I'm only saying this because I worry about you — you mustn't go around eating strange things like that, all right?"
"...Hm? Yeah. Got it."
Lü Bu said, nodding along calmly.
"So even medicine — I have to get your permission before taking it?"
...Was that what that meant? Somehow I felt as though I'd turned into some patriarchal husband monitoring his wife's every move. I couldn't quite picture Lü Bu bedridden and groaning with illness, but just in case, I corrected her interpretation.
"That's not what I meant. I'm saying don't go near anything that looks suspicious."
Lü Bu answered.
"Got it. From now on, I'll ask permission first."
Why did the conversation feel like it was spinning in place? Normally, when someone's told they're being controlled, wouldn't they push back a little? Lü Bu, if anything, looked almost delighted.
Just then, Seo Yeo addressed me.
"...My lord."
"Hm?"
"...I, too, will ask your permission before taking anything."
Not you as well...