The Yellow Turban

My uncle was pure Generation X — the kind of man people sum up with the phrase "young forever." He could talk from dawn till dusk without a single drop of liquor in him.

Most of what he said was pure nineties nostalgia. Whether those years had really been freer and more fun, he wore the line "there's no romance left these days" like a second skin.

Still, he had some genuinely good stories. The best of them all were the tall tales from the so-called End of the Century.

Hard as it is to believe, there was a time when the entire nation seriously bought into pseudoscience and fretted over the end of the world. Since everything was going to hell anyway, people said, morality could go to the dogs.

Revenge porn. Child exploitation material. School life so savage that only the strong survived. Yellow journalism so unhinged it made modern YouTube hit-and-run channels look tame.

Born right at that fin de siècle, I always figured those farces were something I'd never live to see. And yet here, at the dying edge of the Later Han, the exact same scene was playing out.

Fule County, Chen State, Yuzhou.

Yuzhou — called the cradle of Chinese civilization. From the Spring and Autumn period onward, so many kingdoms had risen and fallen here that it sat right beside Luoyang as a true capital-region powerhouse, dense with people.

Naturally, old aristocratic houses with roots sunk deep for generations were everywhere. Then, six years ago, the first full-scale attempt to overturn the state in Chinese history erupted: the Yellow Turban Rebellion.

Now civil war between the central court and the provincial governments had broken out on top of it all, and nihilism was running wild.

A luxurious mansion stood a little way outside the county seat. Once night deepened and even the market lanterns went dark, another kind of "night" began inside those walls.

Heeheehee…

Frivolous laughter rang from every direction. Young scholars, drunk out of their minds, staggered about with their robes hanging open. Courtesans fetched from the pleasure quarters danced half-naked, all seduction and bare skin.

It was a brothel in everything but name — a den of wine and lust. The warlords gathered at Sanzhao at least had some shred of purpose. Here there was nothing but emptiness.

"Care for a leaf?"

A young man who looked like a page approached me. I tilted my head, not catching his meaning.

"A leaf?"

"First time here tonight, huh? I'll give you a sample. Chew it, and if you like it, come find me."

He left me with an uncomfortably oily smile and held out a single leaf on his palm. I took it, then looked around — and only then understood what the leaf was for.

Chew… chew…

Among the scholars tangled up with the courtesans, some were working something hard between their teeth. I lifted the leaf the man had given me and studied its shape carefully.

I'd seen it somewhere before. More precisely, the processed product made from it was so ubiquitous that I'd been forced to notice it whether I wanted to or not.

"Yaoqing? You look completely wasted. You sure you're all right?"

A familiar name cut through the noise. I turned. In a corner of the mansion, a man and a woman were locked in a quiet struggle.

She had a gentle face. That was only the face, though — heavy makeup and a cheap outfit that left her nape and thighs bare created a jarring, bitter dissonance.

The image she was going for was club-girl chic, but the clothes didn't fit her at all. With half-lidded eyes she knocked back the cup in her hand, then said to the man:

"I want to drink alone."

"Come on, let's have fun. This is my friend's villa. There's a spare guest room in the back — how about we talk there?"

"I said I want to drink alone… ugh…"

Too much wine, maybe. She couldn't keep her feet and pitched forward. The man caught her at once and shot a look around him.

Shashak… shashak…

Several men who'd seen the signal came swarming in. Oh, for the love of— dragging off a drunk woman to do what, exactly?

"I've been waiting a long time, Yaoqing."

In that case, this Do Yeop couldn't very well stand by. I walked up as if we'd known each other for years and offered a greeting. The men's faces twisted with irritation as they closed around me.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Who the hell are you?"

"I asked first. Answering is basic manners, isn't it?"

"I thought this was the kind of place you leave manners at the door. The kind of place where you half-force a woman who said she wants to drink alone and jump her. Wasn't that it?"

"What did you just say, you little shit?"

I needled them without so much as blinking, and the thoroughly drunk men started puffing themselves up. Then, slowly, the woman lifted her head and looked at me.

"You… who are you?"

"You don't remember me, Yaoqing? Those hot nights we spent in Luoyang — were they only my memories?"

"I don't know anyone like you… ugh…"

She still couldn't beat the alcohol and retched dryly. Emboldened, the men shoved me hard.

"Yaoqing says she doesn't know a bastard like you!"

"Just because she can't remember doesn't mean she doesn't know me. You lot memorize the classics at dawn and forget them before lunch like goldfish, but that doesn't mean you never memorized them, does it?"

"What is this asshole's problem, talking like that from the start? What are you waiting for? Drag this bastard out right now—"

"Three."

When they tried to have the page haul me off, I immediately held up three fingers. The bold showmanship made them all ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠tilt their heads.

"Three what?"

"How long it takes until you hit the floor. That's what the three fingers mean."

"Has this guy lost his mind? Hey! What are you doing!? Get this bastard—"

Thud! Thud! Thud!

I don't make empty threats. Three straight punches, aimed precisely at the solar plexus, and they went down without so much as a scream.

Then I snapped my three fingers shut and caught the woman as she collapsed. The whole thing was so fast that not one of them managed to move.

Ugh…

I got her outside the mansion and into the open air; she threw up at once. Nothing but sour stomach acid came up — she'd been pounding drinks with no food at all.

"Why drink this much when you can't even handle it?"

"Hah… hah… Mind your own business. Who are you, acting like you know me?"

She wiped her mouth, making no effort to hide her irritation. She looked furious — and yet something so fundamentally decent still shone through that I had a hard time not smiling.

"Someone who came looking for you."

"I told you I don't know a guy like you."

"But I know you. Name: Yuan Huan. Courtesy name: Yaoqing. Called to the capital early for your learning, served as a Palace Attendant Censor, then refused a county magistracy and came home."

"You were… at court?"

Only then did Yuan Huan realize I was no ordinary man; she straightened up. I took a moment to check her stats.

There was only one reason I hadn't gone straight back to Henei after leaving Sanzhao. Since I was already out, I wanted to look over any useful talent I could find.

A reclusive name of real quality, hidden right next door in Chen State, had suddenly come to mind. But the rumors I heard once I arrived were pure shock.

The young lady of the illustrious Yuan clan of Chen State had thrown away her court office, come home, and completely gone to ruin. After what I'd already seen inside, there was no need to verify anything further.

"I've never held office myself, but I've at least heard your name. What on earth happened? Yuan Huan, the Palace Attendant Censor famous for her integrity and fairness — why is she lying drunk in a den like that?"

"None of your business. The Yuan Huan you knew is already dead. What's left here is just… nothing."

She tried to spit the words as roughly as she could, but her eyes were full of grief. If your wings are broken, you should sit still and heal — why try a diving headbutt out of midair?

"I don't know the details, but you clearly have your reasons. That aside — shouldn't you be heading home soon?"

"I'm going to drink more."

"Your body can't even take it, and you still want more… Here. Chew this instead."

I held out the leaf the man had given me. Yuan Huan's eyes widened a fraction, as if she'd never seen anything like it.

"What is this?"

"Even a young lady of a great house must have worn hemp clothes at least once. This is the leaf of the hemp plant they use to make that cloth."

"I've never heard ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of anyone chewing that."

"To be precise, it's a cousin of the hemp leaf, more or less. I don't know what they call it here, but where I came from we called it cannabis."

"…?"

The look of someone hearing a word for the first time. Curiosity must have won out, though — she took the cannabis leaf from my hand and started chewing.

"It's just bitter. No real taste."

"Bitter medicine is good for the body. Of course, I wouldn't exactly call this good for you."

"Then why on earth would anyo—"

Her words suddenly started to slur. Her tongue had already been loose from the wine, but a high this fast was probably a first in her life.

"Heh heh heh…"

Before long she was laughing at nothing funny at all. And then the person herself grew bold.

"Want to sleep with me?"

"I never said anything like that."

"That's what you people want anyway, isn't it? Trying to forget a war that could explode any day by chasing one night of pleasure. Isn't that why you came up to me?"

"I'll grant you're an extremely attractive woman, but forcing myself on a girl high on drugs is not one of my specialties. More than that — those words don't even suit you."

"What do you know about me? Knowing a name and a title doesn't mean you know everything."

"Of course it doesn't mean everything. But I'm not talking about your past. I'm talking about your future. When I think of the enormous influence you'll one day exert on the realm, I have no choice but to say I 'know' you."

"You're full of it… ptoo! Give me another one…"

Yuan Huan was already developing a taste for the cannabis leaf; she spoke while swaying on her feet. But was I insane? Turn a high-grade talent like her into an addict?

"I understand you're disappointed in the world, but wrecking yourself won't change a thing. Still — if you want more leaves, I can get them for you. On one condition: you come with me somewhere."

"Where?"

I grabbed her hand instead of answering and pulled her along. She could barely stand, yet curiosity about the drug kept her trailing after me well enough.

"Oh? I saw you earlier. That punching form of yours was no joke."

It was the same man who'd handed me the sample leaf. At some point he'd come outside the mansion himself and was chewing — chew, chew — on the cannabis he was supposed to be selling, eyes slightly glazed.

"I need more leaves."

"Five coins a leaf."

"Filthy expensive. Sorry, but I don't have any money. Take ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠us to your master instead."

"What are you talking about… I don't have a master. I just pick leaves in the mountains and sell them a little— ugh!"

Griiiip!!

I seized him by the collar without hesitation. Having seen my handiwork earlier, he shrank back in pure fear.

"Y-you can try solving everything with violence, but—"

"I have no intention of using violence. One word from me and tomorrow your head will be hanging in front of the county office. So you decide. Either take us to your master, or I take the yellow turban you've got hidden in your sleeve."

"…"

Only then did he realize I wasn't bluffing. He was so startled his mouth fell open and the cannabis leaf he'd been chewing dropped out.

"H-how did you—"

"Relax. I'm not your enemy. If anything, I mean to help your 'plan' more earnestly than anyone else here."

"…"

Once his cover was blown, he had no other choice. Looking worried, he finally turned and began to lead the way.

"Where are we going?"

After a short walk along the mountain path, Yuan Huan started to come back to herself. The mansion had already been on the outskirts of the county.

Pushing even deeper into the mountains from there must have raised questions.

"You said you needed leaves, didn't you? Or are you getting cold feet now? That show you put on at the mansion was just empty bravado after all, wasn't it?"

"I got over caring about my life a long time ago. There's nothing I'm afraid of. But you could at least tell me where we're going."

"Do you remember what happened six years ago?"

"I don't want to remember, but I have no choice. What about it?"

"The clouds cleared long ago, but there are still people who carry the Yellow Heaven in their chests. They fled into the mountains to escape ruthless suppression and persecution, and they've been waiting — waiting and waiting — for chaos just like this."

"Are you out of your mind? Where exactly are you trying to go right now?"

Only then did Yuan Huan seem to realize I was even madder than she was. Of course, she was only pretending to be mad.

"I'm remarkably sane. The world's already finished — what does it matter whether you wear a white turban or a yellow one?"

"But still—"

Shashashak!

That was when it happened. Sentinels on watch kicked through the grass and closed in from every side. The man guiding us spun around and took a step back.

"You're screwed now. You dared threaten me?"

The moment he had his comrades, he puffed right back up and wore a nasty little smile. Yuan Huan, the fallen-woman act gone without a trace, ducked quickly behind me.

"I didn't threaten you. I asked you to show us the way. If I'd come here as your enemy, why would I have walked in on my own two feet?"

"Could be a scouting party from the yamen. I may be an ignorant follower of the Way of Great Peace, but you think I'd fall for the likes of you?"

"Fortunately, the yamen hasn't noticed a thing about what you're doing. And there's something else you've got wrong — I'm a follower of the Way of Great Peace, same as you."

"Bullshit! Then prove it."

"Can an ignorant rank-and-file believer even understand my proof?"

"Then try me."

"The Five Phases are metal and wood, water and fire, and earth. People once thought the Five Phases only conquered one another, but the Great Virtuous Teacher — Zhang Jue — taught that their true order is generation. The Han rose on the energy of fire, and so it must inevitably fall to earth. That is why the Blue Heaven must die and the Yellow Heaven must rise."

"…"

See? I told you — you wouldn't understand even if I explained it. In the meantime, six or seven more of their comrades had gathered.

"Who the hell is this guy?"

"He saw through what I am and asked to be taken to the Dafang."

"Son of a bitch… You. State your identity clearly. Then I'll think about it."

At least they didn't seem eager to start a fight for no reason — that was a relief. Of course, even if they did pick a fight, it would only mean seven more corpses to clean up.

Time, then, to reveal who I was. I gave them a name none of them could have expected.

"My name is Zhang Ye. I am the only son of the late Great Virtuous Teacher, Zhang Jue — and the man who will resume the war that stopped six years ago, and lead it to victory."