A Sticky Farewell
I'm screwed. I'd been so focused on saving Xiahou Yuan that it never even crossed my mind Xu Rong might stab me in the back here.
The blade she'd drawn from its scabbard was pointed squarely at my throat. Xu Rong smiled faintly as she spoke to me.
"As expected, you're hopeless in a fight. I figured that out last time, when you couldn't even handle a single cavalryman properly and fell apart. If it weren't for that spy you planted, none of this would have happened."
"So, did you find that spy?"
"She's somewhere in Henei by now. How am I supposed to find her?"
Whew... thank god. So she doesn't know a thing about Chosun.
Of course, Chosun is the lucky one here. Me? My feet are on fire.
"When you got beaten up by Cao Cao's brothers earlier without putting up any resistance, I was completely sure. I figured my chance would come."
"Yeah, I must have looked pretty pathetic. Or maybe I trusted you too much."
"Then it's time you paid the price, isn't it?"
Xu Rong raised the blade a little higher. I spread both hands open, doing my best to look calm and show I had no intention of resisting.
"You're not seriously going to cut me down, are you? Without me, you would have spent the rest of your life as Cao Cao's sex slave."
"If you hadn't captured me in the first place, none of that would have happened. Did you really think I'd just let the Chancellor's assassin walk free?"
"Hey! There's a limit to repaying kindness with betrayal! How can you do this? You made a promise to me!"
"I'm not some leisurely scholar who keeps promises. You and Xiahou Yuan — both of you are going to Luoyang under escort."
"..."
I can't tell if she's serious or bluffing. Looking at how things stand, it seems she really does intend to repay kindness with betrayal out of loyalty to Dong Zhuo.
Should I just run for it? I don't know if Run Away will work at this close a range, but I should at least try diving into the river, right?
"You think Dong Zhuo will trust you just because of this?"
"What?"
But I decided to try a different approach. A super-genius strategist with 100 Intellect running away from a crisis this small would be downright rude.
"Am I wrong? You want to catch Dong Zhuo's eye, so you're desperate to rack up achievements however you can. That's why you gamble with your life in every battle — and so far you've been lucky enough to stay alive."
"..."
Faintly, the tip of Xu Rong's blade trembled. I was definitely hitting a nerve.
Because that Undefeated Rising General trait of hers works on that principle. A tragic fate where you die the moment you're defeated doesn't just appear out of nowhere.
In the end, it only means Xu Rong is staking her life every single time. Having started, I kept talking.
"Sure, the other girls can get what they want just by casually working the pillow trade. But you didn't. Your pride in what you've accomplished is so great that you firmly believed you could earn recognition through pure ability to the very end."
"Shut up. What do you know to say something like that?"
"Then why did Dong Zhuo order you to take Wang Guang with only eight thousand troops? And this time he cut your numbers even further? Did my interference really hit you that hard?"
I recalled what Chosun had told me. Dong Zhuo had deliberately limited her forces, and this time, against an even stronger enemy, he'd reduced her numbers even further.
Dong Zhuo doesn't want her to earn merit. For a woman who has nothing but her undefeated record, if he wants her to voluntarily undo her own collar, he has no choice but to strip away her only advantage.
"What... what do you know to spout that kind of nonsense?"
"Losing is worse than dying for you, isn't it? You've always boasted that you're different from the others — but you know full well that the moment you lose, your fate is to sell smiles in front of Dong Zhuo."
"Shut up..."
"Being taken prisoner is the ultimate disgrace, right? So now you want to lick Dong Zhuo's boots so badly that you'd break your promise and drag me and Xiahou Yuan to Luoyang? Can you get any more pathetic than this?"
"I said shut up..."
"Want me to tell you your fate? Dong Zhuo will abandon you in the end. No matter how many times you smash the coalition army, when the most important battles come, he'll send Hu Zhen or Hua Xiong instead of you. You'll drift through minor posts until you suffer some absurd defeat in a trivial fight and die without even a name to your death. That's the fate given to—"
Whoosh!
Xu Rong's blade sliced through the air. I turned my head with a movement so sharp I could barely believe I'd managed it myself.
Trickle...
The iron scent of blood flowing down my cheek hit me. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt — but I was still breathing.
Xu Rong, though, was another matter. As if my words had struck her to the bone and left a deep wound, she ranted with bloodshot eyes.
"You... you don't know anything! You were born a man — you've never had to worry about any of this! Do you have any idea how I feel every time I go to the battlefield? Do you know what it means to lead thousands of people who entrust their lives to me, fretting every single time? Do you know how much that weighs on me?"
Her scream was like she was coughing up blood. Not a single tear fell, but to me it looked more wretched than any sobbing.
"And even then... even then, do you know what it feels like to never have been recognized even once? How miserable it is to look at myself, wondering whether I should enter his bedchamber just like all the others... sob..."
In the end, Xu Rong was a woman too. Unable to hold back the sorrow welling up inside her, she finally squeezed her eyes shut and let the tears she'd been holding back burst free.
"I wouldn't know. I'll probably never be able to empathize with that in my life. But I do know how you can escape that pain."
"Sob... cut the bullshit. There's no such thing... Just like you said, I'll die in some trivial battle without even leaving a name behind... sob..."
"That's not true."
Whoosh!
Seizing the moment while she'd lost her composure, I quickly knocked the blade away. Xu Rong seemed to have no strength left to resist — splash... the sword dropped into the river.
"Come with me."
"W-what did you say?"
Xu Rong lifted her tear-streaked face and asked. She'd probably been through plenty of absurd things all week, but her expression said nothing could top this for sheer insanity.
"I said come with me. And no, obviously not to Cao Cao. Over there, you won't have to worry about any of that. Just freely use the talent you have, and I'll make sure you're recognized for pure ability alone."
"You lunatic... You tried to kill my lord. And now you're telling me to follow you and turn my blade against him? Does that even make sense?"
"Yeah, looking at you now, I really regret not killing Dong Zhuo back then. You're not the kind of person who should have to worry about this. Dong Zhuo has someone far better than he deserves, and all he gives her is pain. So come with me."
"Forget it. No matter how much I suffer, I won't betray my lord."
"Then I'll just have to kill that lord of yours. Someday, I will kill Dong Zhuo with my own hands. And once I've set you free, then you can follow me, right?"
"..."
Xu Rong didn't answer. Of course, that didn't mean she actually agreed with me.
Toward someone who'd already tried once, failed, and still aimed for Dong Zhuo's neck, she was feeling a mix of revulsion and awe that she couldn't even admit to herself.
"Let Xiahou Yuan go. That's all I want."
"..."
I don't actually think I can persuade Xu Rong here. I'm just expressing my regret that such outstanding talent is destined to wither and die without ever truly blooming.
So when I say I want you — that much is sincere. As Sima Yi said, Liu Bei and I fall far short of being worthy of you, but someday I will become that kind of person.
Softly...
Xu Rong climbed onto the boat without a word. Then, rustle... she buried her face against my chest in a way that didn't suit her at all.
Clop... clop...
We crossed the river, mounted up again, and headed for her main camp.
I trusted Xu Rong and left her hands free, so now she was sitting in front of me on the horse, leaning back against me at her ease.
"Why are you trying to save that woman?"
"Miaocai? Isn't that obvious? Who just stands by and watches when a comrade gets captured right in front of them?"
"She's not even your comrade, is she? You said you're not Cao Cao's subordinate."
"She's a comrade who escaped the imperial palace with me. You might see me as a pathetic fool bound by sentiment, but I guess I still haven't managed to leave that kind of worldly attachment behind. Maybe I never will."
Whether Xiahou Yuan lives or dies has nothing to do with my future. And yet here I am, moving to save her for the second time.
Have I ever wondered why? Not once. The very act of thinking about it would feel like I wasn't being myself.
No matter how barbaric this ancient China is, no matter that it's just a game I need to clear — in the end, the one living and playing through it is me. The thought of her dying just hurts too much to bear.
"You're a fool after all. With that soft will of yours, you'll spend your whole life rolling under someone else."
"In the end, aren't you the same? Just because you're colder than me doesn't mean anything actually changes."
"Now that you mention it, you're right. I just... envy you a little."
"Envy what?"
"You, and Xiahou Yuan. You both have people you hold dear beyond the lord you swear loyalty to."
"..."
Is that so? The reason I'm trying to save Xiahou Yuan is because I still can't ignore the moral sense left over from being a modern person.
But why did Xiahou Yuan send me fleeing instead of herself? Even when it meant being stripped of her only chance to stay by the side of Cao Cao, whom she loves more than anyone?
"Xu Rong? What I said earlier was sincere. Someday, I will have you."
"To do that, you'd have to kill the Chancellor."
"Then I'll kill him. You'll stake your life to protect him, but I'll kill exactly one person there — Dong Zhuo alone."
"It'll be impossible. But if it really is possible..."
"If it is?"
"..."
Xu Rong didn't answer. All I could see was the top of her head from this one-sided positioning, but I still had the feeling she was smiling.
We arrived near the main camp. Surprisingly, the horse Xiahou Yuan had tied up was still there. Though judging by how all the grass around it had been chewed bare, it had done its best to survive on its own.
"Wait here."
Leaving those words behind, Xu Rong walked toward the main camp without looking back. For all the thrilling adventure we'd shared, the ending was absurdly hollow.
Or... maybe she just didn't want to leave behind some sticky farewell?