Public Humiliation
In the end, I had no choice but to follow them all the way to Yawang. From what I heard along the road, Dong Zhuo had long since posted wanted notices for Cao Cao, me, and Xiahou Yuan all around the capital region.
With the skills I had now, I probably wouldn't get caught. But until Dong Zhuo finally died, I'd be stuck running and hiding, unable to do anything else of real use.
And even if I was a divine strategist of peerless cunning, every other stat of mine was still garbage, so I always needed someone else's help. For the moment, that meant leaning on Yu Bi.
Besides, it fit my plans well enough. The whole reason I'd sent Yu Bi to Yawang—so close to Luoyang—was so I could keep her under my nose and steer her exactly the way I wanted.
"Ah—! That must be the county office!"
We arrived at the yamen while I was still thinking. Yu Bi was so delighted to have her office back that even her steps had gone light. No Sik, however, scolded her at once.
"Mind your dignity! You're already soft enough as it is. If you go prancing around looking that excited, how seriously do you think your subordinates will take you?"
"I-I'm sorry. Sigh… I used to hear the same thing all the time when I was Commandant of Anhui…"
"I figured as much. The other officials surely knew how to handle an Inspector. They only dared try it because you looked like an easy mark—and look where that got you. If you don't want a repeat, you need to seize the initiative from the very start. Remember: you are now the one responsible for this entire county."
A province was divided into several commanderies, and each commandery into several counties. A County Magistrate was essentially a miniature Grand Administrator—an absolute authority within their own borders.
Of course, that still made them nothing more than a subordinate under the Grand Administrator's control. Especially if the Commandant in charge of security and the Assistant Magistrate in charge of accounts colluded with the Grand Administrator, the Magistrate ended up a figurehead president, crushed by the majority party and able to do nothing at all.
What No Sik was talking about was that early power struggle. Whether Yu Bi could actually pull it off, though, was another question…
"A new Magistrate? We never heard anything about that."
And sure enough—the moment we stepped into the yamen, No Sik's prediction came true to the letter.
The Commandant and Assistant Magistrate, who were supposed to support the Magistrate, ambled out without the slightest courtesy and stood there at a slant, speaking with open insolence.
"B-but here is the letter of appointment issued by the Son of Heaven himself!"
"Hmm, let's see… Yu Bi? Never heard of you. What's your father do?"
"Pardon? My father was a man named Yu Hong, but he passed away long ago, so—ah!"
No Sik jabbed her hard in the side. She jumped and shuddered. With a face full of irritation, he hissed into her ear.
What are you doing? Why are you explaining every little thing?
But when someone asks a question, not answering would be rude…
Enough. I'll handle this.
In the end, No Sik stepped forward himself. Drawing himself up to his full imposing height, he addressed them in a voice heavy with authority.
"I am No Sik, until recently an Imperial Secretary at court. This woman, Yu Bi, is my disciple. She not only led the charge against the Yellow Turbans, but also aided in the suppression of Zhang Ju and Zhang Chun, and served as Commandant of Anhui."
"No Sik…? Ah! So you're the old fossil who ran away because he was scared of Dong Zhuo?"
"Wh-what did you just say? What did you just say to me?!"
They didn't even take No Sik seriously. He roared until his face went purple, but they only dug at their ears and paid him no mind.
Well—people only see as much as they understand. To Yuan Shao and the other veterans of the court, he was an elder they wouldn't dare meet eyes with. To these young MZ bureaucrats stuck in dead-end posts, he was just some washed-up old fart one foot in the grave.
"I'll take their heads…"
"…?"
Even Guan Yu had her hand on her sword hilt, murder in her eyes. I had no choice but to step in.
"Everyone, please. Lady Yu Bi has come a long way and is exhausted. If there is an official residence, would you kindly show us to it?"
"Official residence? What official residence? Oh—there's an empty house next to the yamen. Stay there if you want. That aside, our new Magistrate's quite the beauty, isn't she? How about you pour us a cup at the welcome banquet?"
"…"
If I let them keep flapping their mouths, Guan Yu was going to leap forward and take their heads on the spot. I gathered our party and headed for the so-called residence they'd mentioned.
"Ugh… this place is completely falling apart. Sis's house back in Nusang Village was way better than this!"
Zhang Fei's complaint was no exaggeration. Part of the roof was simply gone, leaving a nature-friendly design that let you stargaze from bed.
The second it rained, though, we'd all have to pack in like Tetris blocks just to stay dry. I might have managed, but I couldn't leave an elderly man like No Sik in a place like this.
"These insolent… How dare they slight me? I'm submitting a memorial to the court at once."
"Ah… but wouldn't that just go straight to Dong Zhuo?"
Yu Bi was right. There was nothing No Sik could do. His influence had only mattered in the days before Dong Zhuo. Now he was just another target for execution—a rank or two below an assassin like me, but on the same list all the same.
"I'll kill them."
Guan Yu had been repeating the same line for a while now. Yu Bi startled and tried to restrain her.
"Y-Yun Chang? We only just got the office back. We can't go doing something like that, can we? Sigh… Lord Do Yeop, do you have any good ideas?"
"I do."
"I knew you would! Then what exactly should we—"
"Don't kill them. Tie them up like dogs and drag them through the whole town."
"…?"
Everyone turned to stare. Even Guan Yu, who had just been talking about slaughtering them all, looked at me like I'd lost my mind. No Sik exploded.
"What did you just say? What? Tie them up like dogs and parade them for public humiliation? They are officials who came here under the Son of Heaven's command, same as us. How would that be any different from what you did to the Inspector of Zhongshan last time?"
"Completely different. Back then Lady Yu Bi was only a Commandant, and the Inspector had been sent by the Grand Administrator of Zhongshan—there was a clear gap in rank. Here, Lady Yu Bi outranks them, and the Commandant and Assistant Magistrate aren't even direct subordinates of the Grand Administrator. So here's what we do. Arrest them quietly at night, lock them in the cangue, and parade them through the county."
"Ah… how could I do such a thing? They're only looking down on me because I'm inadequate. They haven't actually committed any crime, have they?"
"These are people who treat their own Magistrate like that. How do you think they've been treating the common folk? After a good public shaming, if we announce we're charging them with oppressing the people, the whole county will cheer. Seriously, does no one here understand politics?"
I didn't understand politics either, not really. But it was the same in modern Korea, wasn't it?
What good was a rational decision or high-level administration? One flashy political show and the whole thing clicked into place.
So this was pure theater. A little cathartic spectacle for county folk whose lives were dull and exhausting.
"Hmm… now that you put it that way, it's not a bad idea. Correcting the faults of one's subordinates is a Magistrate's virtue, is it not?"
"M-Master, you think so as well?"
"If I were you, I'd have done it already. Do Yeop—why have you been talking so much sense lately?"
"I've always talked sense. You just never listened… Anyway, that's the plan. Lady Guan Yu, Lady Zhang Fei—go tonight and bring both of them in."
"Yeah! Leave it to me!"
Zhang Fei, fired up, headed out into the courtyard to figure out how to snatch them. Guan Yu shot me one icy glare, then closed her eyes and sank into thought.
That night, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei did exactly as I'd said and broke into the homes of the Commandant and Assistant Magistrate.
There was resistance, of course—but they were facing Guan Yu and Zhang Fei. The two of them beat everyone senseless and dragged the officials back to the yamen like sacks of rags.
"W-what is the meaning of this? Magistrate Yu, do you think you'll walk away from this unscathed?"
"We'll report this to the Grand Administrator at once! And we'll submit a memorial to the court!"
Even with their faces swollen purple from Guan Yu and Zhang Fei's fists, they still looked down on Yu Bi and kept resisting. Yu Bi, thoroughly rattled, looked to me and No Sik for help.
"These dogs still haven't learned their place. Yun and Fei—put them in the cangue and get ready for the public parade."
"P-public parade? Hey! Just because you're No Sik, you think you can do whatever you want? You really think you'll get away with this?"
Yeah, we would. Dong Zhuo was too busy hunting assassins to care about a little incident in some tiny county.
I ignored them completely and had Guan Yu and Zhang Fei prepare the parade. Then I slipped out quietly—shasha—and got to work on the next stage of the plan.
A murmur of voices rose.
From early morning, a rare spectacle was unfolding. The new Magistrate, Yu Bi, rode through the county alongside No Sik, while ahead of them the Commandant and Assistant Magistrate stumbled along like zombies, locked in the cangue.
"What on earth is going on?"
"I heard that's the new Magistrate?"
For people who spent every day farming and sleeping in the same dull cycle, it was a once-in-a-lifetime show. By the time we'd made a full circuit of the county, the space in front of the yamen was packed so tight there was nowhere to put a foot.
"Ah… greetings, everyone. I am Yu Bi, the newly appointed Magistrate of Yawang."
"She's beautiful!" "So cute!"
"Hup… if you welcome me like that, I hardly know where to put myself…"
Yu Bi was so weak to praise that she immediately forgot what she was supposed to be doing and started babbling. One glare from No Sik snapped her back, and she continued in a firmer tone.
"I have heard that the Commandant and Assistant Magistrate of Yawang here are notorious for corruption and for making unreasonable demands of the people. If any of you have something to say, please speak."
"…"
No one said a word. And of course they didn't. Only yesterday, those two men in the cangue had been officials of enormous power.
Compared to them, the newly arrived Yu Bi was a delicate woman with a pretty face—heaven-sent beauty, but still just a woman. They were terrified that one wrong word would land them in trouble later.
Time for me to step in again.
I picked up a stone from the street and hurled it at them with everything I had.
Thud! A cry of pain, and blood welled up. Everyone spun toward me in shock—and I bellowed at the top of my lungs.
"You miserable bastards! Last year when the harvest failed so badly, I begged you to leave me just one sack of wheat—and you still took it all! Because of you, my hundred-day-old child starved to death with nothing but skin and bones, eyes still open! Is this a country?! Is this what a country is?!"
"Mmph! Mmph!"
The Commandant and Assistant Magistrate stared at me in outrage, clearly trying to scream that I was with the other side. Too bad—they were gagged. Nothing came out.
"He's right! Those bastards tormented us all the time!"
"Die! Die, you sons of bitches!!"
Thud! Thud! Thud!
The crowd rose as one and started hurling stones. Heh… this was exactly it.
Mob psychology always worked the same way—one person steps forward, and the whole thing goes up like oil on a fire. I'd handed out stones and told them to pour out every old grievance, and the stories showed no sign of ending. We could have gone all night.
"Stop! Please stop! No matter what crimes they have committed, these men are officials appointed by the Son of Heaven. Their punishment will be decided through proper trial."
"Waaah!!!"
Yu Bi's clear answer drew a roar of cheers. I turned to the crowd at once.
"Everyone! Quiet down for a moment and listen to what the Magistrate has to say."
They had become obedient livestock, ears pricked, waiting on Yu Bi's every word. She steadied her trembling heart and spoke.
"From this day forward, Yawang will be completely transformed. We will thoroughly purge the deep-rooted corruption that has blocked this county's progress, and I promise that every matter will be handled fairly—by the law and by the word of the Son of Heaven alone."
"Long live! Long live Magistrate Yu!!!"
And so our first task in Yawang, at the very start of winter, came to an end. The people went home and back to their fields thoroughly satisfied with their new Magistrate, while the garrison troops, looking at the ruined Commandant and Assistant Magistrate, swore their loyalty to Yu Bi.
Whew… simple enough. Honestly, that it worked this well was almost ridiculous.
But I was a divine strategist with Intelligence maxed at 100. Inciting a single county was nothing.
"Well done. Do Yeop—you've rendered a great service."
"Yeah! Lord Do Yeop really is amazing!"
No Sik and Zhang Fei both praised me, then went off to handle the aftermath. It felt good to be recognized for once.
I was turning away with a smile when I found Guan Yu standing there.
"…"
A face so cold it had gone past expressionless into pure ice. What was her problem now?
"Lady Guan Yu…? Did you have something to say?"
"I'm not fooled."
"You've been saying that since yesterday. What exactly aren't you fooled by…?"
"If you thought I'd fall for a cheap trick like that, you were badly mistaken. Someday I will tear that mask off your face. The whole hide with it."
"…"
She delivered another clean threat and walked off. You just hate me, don't you?
Still, something about this was strange. Ever since I'd hit Intelligence 100, persuading people had become easy. Even that rigid old bamboo stalk No Sik agreed that everything I said was right.
So why did Guan Yu still refuse to trust me? The gap between our Intelligence was like heaven and earth. Why didn't my little tricks work on her?
Then again, Intelligence 100 didn't mean you could persuade anyone. If it did, why would Yu Bi have ignored Zhuge Liang and gone off to burn herself at Yiling?
If there was one force in this world that could surpass stats, it was the bond between people. Even back when I was a complete Intelligence-dead rock-head, Yu Bi, Chosun, and Yu Hyeop had believed in me to the end, hadn't they?
But Guan Yu hated me. To her I was just one more fly buzzing around Yu Bi—someone she had no intention of accepting as a comrade.
Maybe that was why the Liu Bei faction was hell mode. Because her right hand was destined to become my greatest enemy…