Yangzhou-Style Greeting
“I’ve brought the fellow.”
After my reunion with Yu Hyeop, I followed Hua Xiong to meet Dong Zhuo. When the door of the largest and most lavish ger in the camp swung open, Dong Zhuo’s enormous frame came into view, seated upon an ornate chair.
“...”
In that instant I nearly let out a scream of pure shock. What the hell was this guy wearing?
It was a massive overcoat fashioned from animal hides. The problem was that he had nothing else on underneath.
Through the open front, his thick, tattoo-covered belly and his large, imposing “thing” were fully exposed for all to see.
It was as massive as the rest of him. Whether he’d been bench-pressing with the damn thing or not, the dark member was veiny and bulging in every direction.
And the part covering the glans was studded thick with pearls, blanking my mind completely. But that wasn’t the end of it.
Smooch....
Hua Xiong walked straight up to Dong Zhuo and shared a deep, lingering kiss. What on earth were these two doing right now?
“Ahh... General....”
“Heh heh... A kiss shared after victory tastes even sweeter. That’s enough for now—come again tonight.”
“As you command.”
Hua Xiong flushed crimson and withdrew to my side. I, meanwhile, stood there utterly lost, with no idea how to navigate this crisis.
Surely this isn’t the Yangzhou-style greeting? Meaning I also have to step forward and plant a kiss on Dong Zhuo’s cock?
“No need to worry. I have no intention of receiving a kiss from a eunuch like you.”
Whew... Thankfully, Dong Zhuo was a thorough heterosexual. Of course, that didn’t change the fact that his hideous member would eventually be targeting Chosun.
I knelt before Dong Zhuo and offered full formal respect. He waved away the empty ceremony and went straight to the point.
“Where did you learn your martial arts? Hua Xiong is a child I truly cherish, yet even at a glance it looked as though you were holding back.”
“That can’t be! If I’d only been given a little more time, I would have won for certain!”
Hua Xiong bristled at the suggestion that I’d gone easy on her. I merely smiled quietly, and Dong Zhuo let the matter drop.
“Explain the situation in the imperial palace. I hear He Jin is dead?”
“Zhang Yang forged an imperial edict behind the Empress Dowager’s back and had He Jin killed. Enraged, He Jin’s retainers mustered their private troops, smashed through the palace gates, and stormed inside.”
“How many of them are there?”
“Zhang Yang had already appointed Fan Ling and Xu Shang as Colonel Director of Retainers and Governor of Henan, stripping away most of the military authority. At best they have a few hundred private soldiers under Yuan Shao and Yuan Shu, plus whatever personal followers Lu Zhi and Wang Yun can muster.”
“I also hear Bingzhou troops have arrived in the capital?”
As expected, this was no ordinary man. With the Son of Heaven already in his grasp, he cared little about the Yuan brothers’ private forces, which could not command the central armies.
But the troops Ding Yuan had brought from Bingzhou could be thrown into the fray at any moment. They were cavalry as well—the only real counter to Dong Zhuo’s Liangzhou horsemen.
“He Jin had elevated Ding Yuan to Commandant of the Capital Gates and charged him with securing the restless capital. For now they remain outside Luoyang, but the moment word of the palace upheaval reaches them, they will march straight in.”
“Tell me everything you know about the Bingzhou army.”
“Ding Yuan’s subordinates are all masters of horsemanship who cut their teeth in Bingzhou. In particular there is one named Lü Bu under his command—swift and valiant beyond the ordinary, and he enjoys Ding Yuan’s deepest trust.”
“You just held the advantage against Hua Xiong. Is this man truly worthy of such praise from someone like you?”
“I am ashamed to say it with my limited insight, but on horseback he is without question the greatest under heaven.”
“...”
Dong Zhuo’s face hardened slightly at the news that Ding Yuan possessed such a general. Hua Xiong, of course, still bristled with competitive fire.
“Have no fear. Lü Bu or whoever else—this Hua Xiong will cut them down.”
“Did you not just witness this one’s skill with your own eyes? He possesses talent rare even in Liangzhou, yet he lowers himself endlessly before this Lü Bu. Who else is there?”
“There is one named Zhang Liao. She does not enjoy Ding Yuan’s full confidence, yet she is a warrior every bit as outstanding as Lü Bu. Beyond her, Song Xian, Wei Xu, and Hou Cheng are also said to be formidable.”
“...”
Perhaps because I reeled off the strength of Ding Yuan’s forces so smoothly, Dong Zhuo seemed to harbor not the slightest suspicion toward me.
“A man of such martial prowess and sharp intelligence—why become a eunuch?”
“Who can say... Only after becoming a eunuch did I belatedly grasp the ways of the world. The palace, after all, is where all manner of stories tend to pile up.”
“A pity. Were you not a eunuch, I would take you under my wing this very moment. What sort of person is the Prince of Chenliu?”
At last the bastard took the bait. Of all the people he could have summoned, he had called for me for one reason alone: to determine whether Yu Hyeop was suitable to be set up as emperor.
“She is kind by nature and clever of mind; from childhood she enjoyed the late emperor’s special favor. In particular, the late Empress Dowager raised her from an early age, so she is well-versed not only in palace etiquette but in the classics as well.”
“That almost sounds as though the current emperor is not.”
“I am not His Majesty’s eunuch, so I cannot speak to that. However, because a fortune-teller once predicted the emperor would die young, the Empress Dowager sent him to be raised by a Taoist from childhood—so he is said to be rather knowledgeable in divination and geomancy.”
I had spoken of their differing strengths, yet in truth I was needling the fact that Liu Bian had never received a proper education. Dong Zhuo gave a crooked smile and stroked his chin.
“A cunning little thing, aren’t you? Elevating your own master by daring to put down the Son of Heaven?”
“I merely spoke of what I know.”
“How did the Empress Dowager usually treat the Prince of Chenliu?”
“She seemed to worry a great deal. When the Empress Dowager who had raised Her Highness passed away, she loudly lamented the pity of it before the servants and offered comfort. And not long ago she was deeply saddened when a dog she had been raising died after eating poison.”
Once again the same approach. I thoroughly and ironically laid bare just how much the Empress Dowager had looked down on Yu Hyeop in daily life. Dong Zhuo understood perfectly and let out a low laugh.
“Heh heh heh... You’ve got a real knack for turning a person’s stomach inside out. Earlier, too—the way she kept yapping, I nearly had her head struck off on the spot. Tell me your thoughts. How many in the court stand with the Prince of Chenliu?”
“As far as I know, none.”
“If someone were to aid the Prince of Chenliu, she would surely feel deep gratitude, would she not?”
“If such a person existed, she would revere him as a father in place of the late emperor.”
In time Dong Zhuo would receive the title of Chancellor and truly play the role of Yu Hyeop’s father. Satisfied, he rose from his seat.
“What is your name?”
“Do Yeop.”
“I expect we shall see each other often. Go and convey this to the Prince of Chenliu: I, Dong Zhuo, come as a loyal subject of the Han to set the chaotic palace to rights, so she may speak her desires with peace of mind. Moreover, neither the emperor nor the Empress Dowager will dare set foot near her side—so she may rest easy.”
“I receive your command.”
Dong Zhuo had made his clear goodwill toward Yu Hyeop plain. Well, she was the person he needed most right now; of course he would treat her with care.
So for the time being we were safe. If only I could resolve the one minor problem that had just arisen...
“The enemy has arrived! They appear to be He Jin’s remnants!”
Right on cue, a female officer burst into the ger with an urgent report. Dong Zhuo’s expression grew heavy at once, and he spoke to Hua Xiong and me.
“Both of you, follow me.”
“What? Fine for me, but why this eunuch—”
“No more talk. Follow.”
“...”
Hua Xiong glared daggers at me, hostility blazing. This, however, was unexpected even for me.
I never imagined Dong Zhuo would show favor to a eunuch whose Charm was a mere 1.
Goooooh...
A silence taut as a drawn bowstring. When we stepped out of the ger with Dong Zhuo, hundreds of figures stood arrayed on a distant rise, torches in hand.
“That would be Lu Zhi. Do Yeop—anyone among them you know?”
“The two flanking Lu Zhi are the Yuan brothers. On the left is Yuan Shao, once He Jin’s greatest favorite; on the right is Yuan Shu, the first to smash through the palace gates.”
“And the Governor of Henan?”
Whoosh! I raised a finger and pointed to Wang Yun. She had drifted farthest to the right, likewise leading several dozen private soldiers.
“Any among them with whom you are acquainted?”
“I have met... Lu Zhi once before.”
Of course I had met them all, but the only one who might treat me with any objectivity was Lu Zhi. Dong Zhuo nodded and issued his order.
“Go and deliver my words. Because the laws of the palace have fallen into disorder, the Son of Heaven will remain here for the time being. Tell them that once the road to the palace is cleared and troops are dispatched, then shall the emperor return.”
“I will send them back without fail. Place your trust in me.”
They already knew they were no match; they would have no choice but to withdraw. Dong Zhuo, for reasons known only to him, placed such faith in a man he had only just met that he left me with those few words and strode back into the ger.