The Monthly Evaluation

Yuan Shao was just about to deliver his grand speech and collect signatures on the manifesto when Cao Cao cut in with an objection.

Then, completely out of left ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠field, Yuan Shu shoved his way into the argument, and before long he was jabbing a finger at me and Bibi, picking a fight with Yuan Shao.

"And what about you? You've let in lowborn trash with no pedigree whatsoever! Sun Jian here has crushed river pirates time and again and won a great victory at Xiapi, proving his loyalty to the Han. But what the hell have those two done to deserve a seat at this table?"

"Spare us your ignorant prattle. They too are people who have studied the classics. How dare you slight them simply because the work they do now is humble?"

Yuan Shao clearly never even considered the possibility that Bibi might be common-born. Then again, given that she could read and write and showed a quiet interest in politics, she might well have been the descendant of some fallen gentry family, just as he assumed.

The real problem was that I had already revealed my true nature to Lu Zhi and Wang Yun, and that had piqued their curiosity. Wang Yun, who had been watching me especially closely ever since I learned Chosun's secret, spoke up.

"Just who are those two, that you make such a fuss?"

Yuan Shao answered first.

"People I happened to meet by chance. The young lady wearing the face cloth, in particular, has always taken a keen interest in the classics."

"Speak accurately. Do you mean to deceive the Governor of Henan? They are nothing more than lowly waiters at a tavern called Chwiwharu."

A murmur rippled through the hall.

Yuan Shu had finally dropped the bomb. Strictly speaking he had only dragged us in because he wanted to needle Yuan Shao somehow, but the fact remained that we were now the targets.

"Whoa… Benchu, your defensive range is ridiculously wide. How did you even get the idea of seducing a couple of waiters?"

Cao Cao seized the opening and needled Yuan Shao without mercy. He was supposed to be the man I would serve one day, but did he have to be this aggressive?

"Don't be taken in by that nonsense, Mengde. I have no desire to hear that kind of talk from a man who keeps a virtuous wife at home yet goes around chasing married women."

"Get your facts straight. I don't chase married women—married women chase me. Their husbands' teeth are all so loose they can't even chew ripe fruit properly."

Snickers broke out here and there. Lu Zhi fixed a hard stare on the places where the laughter had erupted, and the room fell quiet again.

"Very well, let us grant that the young lady has studied the classics. What of the fellow beside her? Why did you bring him in?"

What Wang Yun truly wanted to know was my identity, not Bibi's, so he pressed the question at once. The trouble was that Yuan Shao knew next to nothing about me, and therefore had no answer to give.

"That is…"

"Why can you not answer? Is that not the same as admitting that, just as Shu said, you let people in without proper care?"

"That is not so. He is clearly escorting a young lady of refined bearing, so he too must be…"

"I see it now! Benchu, you were jealous of me, weren't you? That's why you dragged a married waiter all the way here just so you could try to seduce her!"

Roars of laughter exploded through the hall.

Cao Cao's devastating retort left not a single person able to hold back. Yuan Shao's ears turned scarlet as he glared at him; this time even Yuan Shu piled on.

"So the son of a concubine really is drawn to lowborn women after all? Do you all see? This is the true face of the great Yuan Benchu who observed the full six years of mourning!"

"Shu! Will you not stop this?"

Wang Yun rebuked Yuan Shu once more. Bibi was trembling violently as she whispered in my ear.

"Wh-what are we to do now?"

"What? Asking me won't help…"

"But because of us Lord Yuan Shao has been put in a difficult position. What to do… what to do…"

"…"

You're worried Yuan Shao might lose face in the middle of all this? My enthusiasm drained away in an instant. Fine. Since things had already come this far, I would settle it myself.

I shot to my feet.

The others clearly never expected me to step forward; their eyes went round as every gaze in the room locked onto me.

I strode forward without hesitation. Yuan Shao, Yuan Shu, even Lu Zhi and Wang Yun—none of them dared to stop that unhesitating advance.

I came to a halt at last before my destination: the man who would one day be my lord, the mere sight of whose status window already filled me with rapture.

Cao Cao.

"Got something you want to say to me?"

Even Cao Cao looked a little dazed; he had not expected this either. I dropped to my knees at once and bowed my head before him.

"I have long admired Lord Cao's magnificent spirit and brilliant mind. Though I am of low birth, I could not help slipping into this gathering of heroes simply for the chance to meet you!"

The hall erupted in fresh confusion. The seed of an argument that had begun in the most ridiculous way had suddenly walked straight up to Cao Cao and begun singing his praises; no wonder they were stunned.

"Is that so? Have I become that famous already?"

Cao Cao himself was clearly enjoying the situation. After all, his goal had always been to draw every eye and make his name known, and I was not merely playing along—I was matching him perfectly.

"It is the absolute truth! When people speak of Lord Cao they speak of the pride of the Cao clan, the boy who was praised from childhood as the one who would raise his house. In his youth he strode alone into the residence of the Central Regular Attendant Zhang Rang and displayed his martial valor; upon taking office he beheaded Jian Shuo's uncle and set an example for the entire realm. He crushed the Yellow Turbans of Yingchuan and, winning the late emperor's trust, was appointed one of the Eight Colonels of the Western Garden—truly a great hero of the age!"

I licked Cao Cao's ass so thoroughly it went past mere flattery and into the realm of pure orgasmic bliss. Cao Cao was so delighted that the corners of his already exaggeratedly painted mouth stretched all the way to his ears.

"Ah, this is getting a little embarrassing. There are plenty of great generals here, and Benchu has his own achievements too. Aren't you praising me a bit too much?"

"It is not praise—I am merely stating facts. However great the two Yuans may be, how could their names ever stand comparison with Lord Cao's?"

I was all-in now. Ready to stake my life on entering Cao Cao's service, I even ground Yuan Shao and Yuan Shu underfoot.

Anger flashed across both Yuans' faces, but the more they scowled the more delighted Cao Cao became, and he showed me generosity.

"Haha! You seem like a promising fellow. If there is something you want, speak it."

"Simply having been received by Lord Cao is already an honor that will last my family for generations. Yet if you would only grant me permission, I wish to shatter my bones and pulverize my body in your service. With a humble heart I beg you—please accept me!"

At last I had said what I wanted to say. And I was certain Cao Cao would have no choice but to take the deal.

Because this was the perfect chance for him to differentiate himself from the two Yuans. Yuan Shu had dismissed me as lowborn trash; Yuan Shao had taken an interest in the literate Bibi but had never spared me a second glance.

Cao Cao, however, was the greatest pragmatist of the age—a man who would employ even his own enemy if the fellow had talent. Accepting me here, in front of all these famous scholars, would be free advertising for his own magnanimity.

So of course he would take me. Even if he later decided I was garbage and cut me loose, once I was inside I could find some way to make myself useful.

Now all that remained was the word of acceptance…

"Hmm… I'll have to think about that one."

"I am truly gratef— wait, what!?"

I had miscalculated. Cao Cao was an even more rational man than I had imagined. No matter how advantageous the calculation looked, he simply would not accept me for free.

"Zijang! Mind giving me a hand for a moment?"

Out of nowhere he called to someone sitting among the guests. Zijang…?

As far as I knew, there was only one man in the entire realm who could be addressed that way…

And the real Xu Shao actually stepped forward. The master of the very Yuedanping I had so desperately wanted now stood before me at Cao Cao's request!

"What would you have me do?"

"Isn't it obvious? Give this fellow a Yuedanping. If he turns out to be useful, I'll take him with me."

"Why should I waste a Yuedanping on some lowborn like this?"

"Because… we're friends?"

Cao Cao put on a shameless little act, as if this were the sort of favor friends simply did for each other. Xu Shao clearly did not care for the idea, yet he could not bring himself to refuse a friend's request either.

"Hmm…"

He began staring at me so hard I thought his eyes might bore holes through my skull. And I had a very bad feeling about ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠this. Earlier I had clearly seen that skill description:

Yuedanping: Roughly estimates the target's ability scores.

In other words, just as I could read exact stats through my status window, Xu Shao could get a rough sense of mine as well.

Then I'm completely fucked, aren't I? If it came out that I was a White-Haired Failure whose average stats sat around twenty…

Xu Shao immediately took up a sheet of paper and began writing. Then, with a flourish, he held the paper high for everyone to see.

"…"

What… the hell… is this supposed to mean? In short, Chi-byung-nan-byung—an irredeemable piece of trash not even worth recycling?

It had even been stamped on me as an official epithet, and my fame had dropped on top of that. The most humiliating part was that my fame had already been zero, so dropping two hundred still left it at exactly zero.

What is this, some kind of joke? Are you stripping the Lotte Giants of their regular-season first-place record or something?

Uncontrollable laughter exploded through the hall. My ears burned scarlet; I could not even lift my head. Cao Cao shook his own head as ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠if he could not believe what he was seeing.

"No good. I'm a thorough ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠meritocrat—I can't take on trash like you."

And just like that, the lord I had sworn to follow for the rest of my life discarded me like a dog. My perfect strategy had collapsed in ruins.

Not only had I openly scorned Yuan Shao in my bid to join Cao Cao, I had also worsened Yuan Shu's hostility. No—beyond all that, the epithet Chi-byung-nan-byung now clung to me, so no one would ever want to employ me again.

On top of everything, this game was so realistic that the shame flooded through my entire body. My head spun; the strength left my legs and I could not even stand.

"Mind getting lost already? The important people still have things to discuss."

Cao Cao dismissed me with complete indifference. My whole body shook; my liver shrank to the size of a pea.

The mocking laughter around me never stopped. I was so wretched I thought the tears would burst free at any moment.

"A real cripple who can't even walk out on his own two feet. Sun Jian! Drag that bastard out of here!"

Yuan Shu had been waiting for exactly this moment to have me thrown out. Sun Jian rose from his seat at once and asked,

"And if he refuses to leave?"

"Even the most stubborn mutt comes to his senses once you've beaten him until he pisses and shits himself. But we can hardly fill a gathering of the realm's great men with a foul stench, so just quietly pick him up and dump him in the marketplace."

Yuan Shu gave the order with obvious satisfaction. The man who was supposed to become my lord had cast me aside, and now the Tiger of Jiangdong was coming to seize me—a perfect dead end.

In the midst of it all, one thought crossed my mind.

Maybe it would have been better if Liu Bei had found me instead.