A Somewhat Rough Welcome
Just as Cao Cao grabbed Zhao Yun's clothes and began struggling with him, Xiahou Dun, who had been dealing with Yuan Shu outside, suddenly burst into the tent in a panic, wondering what the commotion was about. "I heard loud noises from in here, so I thought I'd check—what the— Aman! What the hell do you think you're doing!!!"
Xiahou Dun had rushed in with her weapon drawn just in case, only to find Cao Cao trying to strip Zhao Yun while he desperately clung to his clothes in resistance. "Ah! Wonyang! Perfect timing! Hurry up and help me get this hideous thing off Zilong!"
Cao Cao, her face flushed with anger, shouted cheerfully while still hanging onto Zhao Yun's hem. Hideous thing? Was she talking about his clothes? Why the hell was she so obsessed with taking them off? He'd suspected it before, but… had this woman actually gone mad? Xiahou Dun rubbed her eyes in disbelief.
Zhao Yun, still clutching his clothes, cried out desperately. "Wonyang! Help me! Mengde has lost her mind!"
No matter how much Xiahou Dun rubbed her eyes, the scene didn't change. What the hell? Was she the one going crazy? Was this a dream, damn it… While she stood frozen in confusion, Zhao Yun's clothes began to stretch ominously, threatening to tear at any moment.
"I already told you! Take them off right now! How can you ignore such a simple order, even as a guest commander?!"
"Simple order, my ass! What am I supposed to wear going back if I take them off here…?!"
"Surely my own clothes would suit you better than this monstrosity? Yes! You'd be better off borrowing mine!"
"Those are women's clothes!!"
She'd completely lost it. Just as Zhao Yun, unable to lay hands on Cao Cao and only holding onto his clothes, steeled himself to kick her away—
"W-what is this?!" Yuan Shu, who had been blocked by Xiahou Dun while trying to enter the Cao Cao army's tent after hearing Zhao Yun had returned, witnessed the scene. Staring in disbelief at the two women and the bewildered Xiahou Dun, Yuan Shu charged straight at Cao Cao without giving anyone a chance to explain.
"You vile wretch! You used your lackey to keep me away so you could rape him?! Have you gone mad?! What, you said you had urgent business so I should come later? Well, you certainly look urgent!!"
"Aah! Gonglu! Stop this insanity and get out of the way! What do you think you're doing?!"
"You're the one doing something insane! An unmarried woman doing something this lewd…!"
"I'm just trying to take his clothes off!"
"Oh? So you'll strip him and send him back? How dare you spout such nonsense?!"
Cao Cao kept tugging at Zhao Yun's clothes. Yuan Shu kept hitting Cao Cao to stop her. Caught between them, Zhao Yun's clothes were reduced to rags. Xiahou Dun could only watch helplessly. It was total chaos—pure pandemonium.
Zhao Yun just wanted to escape this place no matter what. As if granting his desperate wish, his clothes finally began to tear. …Riiiiiip!!!
At the strange sound, everyone stopped and stared at Zhao Yun. The tattered silk robe, now useless, fell to the floor. Half of the torn fabric remained in Cao Cao's hands while the other half caught on Yuan Shu's hair ornament. The ruined garment left its owner's upper body completely exposed to the two women and one man.
"…Oh my. Shall we call it a day with this?"
"Kyaaaaaaaah!!!"
"Tsk… What on earth were you doing…"
Cao Cao muttered unconsciously while Yuan Shu fled screaming, her face bright red. Xiahou Dun clicked her tongue and scratched her head. Finally free, Zhao Yun bolted outside.
"Aman! What the hell were you thinking?!" Xiahou Dun's shout and Cao Cao's excuses faded behind him as the half-naked Zhao Yun rushed into his own tent. The soldiers who had come to watch the commotion stared wide-eyed, but Zhao Yun was far too exhausted to care.
He threw himself onto his bedding the moment he entered and surrendered to fatigue. Sleep quickly overtook him. Today had been nothing but one absurd event after another—the manhunt, Dong Zhuo's antics, and finally Cao Cao's rampage… Even in his exhaustion, he couldn't help shaking his head. Too much had happened. It was exhausting, truly. At least they would arrive in Luoyang tomorrow. That was something.
…Surely tomorrow wouldn't be this chaotic too?
***
As expected, his hopes were betrayed. Somehow, he'd known it would be like this… Well, maybe it was only natural. The people he'd have to face from morning onward were the very culprits of yesterday's chaos—why would today be any quieter?
An awkward silence filled the carriage where Zhao Yun sat in an ill-fitting official robe, surrounded by three women. Sharp gazes stabbed at him from three directions. …Why the hell were they all riding together instead of separately?
Dong Zhuo glared at Zhao Yun as if she wanted to kill him. Cao Cao pressed herself closer to Zhao Yun while glaring back at Dong Zhuo. Yuan Shu glared at Cao Cao for doing so. Every time Zhao Yun met their eyes, his stomach twisted uncomfortably. It wouldn't be strange if he withered away and died before they even reached Luoyang.
"…Why aren't you wearing the clothes I gifted you? Now that we're entering Luoyang, you should wear the finest garments… and there shouldn't be anything finer than what I gave you."
Dong Zhuo was the first to break the awkward silence. Zhao Yun struggled to find an answer. What could he possibly say? That Cao Cao and Yuan Shu had torn it apart? As he made a troubled face, Cao Cao smirked and answered for him.
"Ah! You mean the vulgar outfit Zilong was wearing yesterday? …Oh dear! I tore it up without realizing it was a gift from the Zhonglangjiang!"
"W-what?!" Dong Zhuo's face twisted viciously, but Cao Cao maintained her calm, smiling expression.
"It didn't suit Zilong at all—I felt like my eyes would rot just looking at it! I was wondering who on earth would gift something so hideous… Heavens! To think it was you, Zhonglangjiang? Hahahaha! What a surprise~"
"This bitch… You think I'm a joke just because I let it slide…!!! …Hmph. Of course you would. I'm not even surprised. With behavior like that, no wonder you couldn't use the connections your grandfather left behind and had to wander the provinces."
Dong Zhuo, who had been about to lunge for Cao Cao's throat, barely restrained herself and instead smiled coldly as she provoked her. The jab seemed effective—Cao Cao's usual carefree smile stiffened.
"…Behavior, is it. Hahaha! Indeed, that was rather difficult."
Suppressing the urge to curse with her blood-red eyes flashing, Cao Cao endured Dong Zhuo's provocation. Instead, she racked her brain for a sharper counterattack and spoke with her usual frivolous grin.
"Is it because you were born into a good family? Since success is guaranteed without worrying about such things, you've never had to flatter anyone… In that regard, I truly respect you, Zhonglangjiang?"
Dong Zhuo's eyebrows twitched. What was this woman trying to say?
"How impressive that someone born in that rotten-smelling Xiliang could so perfectly cater to the Ten Eunuchs' tastes! Hmm…! I'm quite envious! Of course, you won't last long in Luoyang and will have to return to Xiliang, but thanks to living as a lapdog, at least you got to set foot in Luoyang, didn't you? Remarkable!"
Cao Cao clapped her hands dramatically while alternating glances between Dong Zhuo and Zhao Yun, then burst into laughter. She began loudly listing all the things they could enjoy in Luoyang to Zhao Yun.
Lowly household… Xiliang reeking of rot… And bragging about Luoyang to Zhao Yun… Ha! That damn bitch. Telling me not to touch her subordinate when she's the one getting kicked back to the countryside? And she's still acting high and mighty while barely holding onto him by force. How disgusting, acting so proud just because of Luoyang when she couldn't even get a glance despite wagging her tail. Let's see how long that composure lasts once she finds out what I've prepared in Luoyang. A life debt? Hmph! That debt will disappear soon enough. Then naturally, he'll come to me, won't he? Of course he will—he was clinging to Zhao Yun in heat just yesterday. Hehehehe…
Dong Zhuo smiled leisurely, having completely forgotten that she herself had been in heat and clinging to Zhao Yun yesterday.
"Well, what can you do! It's only natural for someone from Xiliang to guard Xiliang. Still, I'm glad I can go with a good man! Puhehehet… Yes, despite crying with that cute face, he was quite well-built down there."
Dong Zhuo licked her lips while looking at Zhao Yun. Feeling uneasy, Cao Cao tightly grabbed Zhao Yun's hand and glared at Dong Zhuo.
"Nonsense…! You haven't even been intimate with Zilong, so why say such things?!"
"Kuhuhut! Really? You mean I didn't do it with that child? I didn't know…?"
At that, both Yuan Shu and Cao Cao turned to glare at Zhao Yun.
"Zilong! Didn't you tell me you hadn't been intimate with the Zhonglangjiang?!"
No… She was busy hiding it when Li Su came, so why now…! Zhao Yun looked at her in bewilderment, but Dong Zhuo only smiled playfully.
"Well… I only said I wouldn't leave until I repaid my debt to Mengde… I didn't say anything else…"
"You said nothing happened!!!"
"…There were things that could happen in a hunting ground, but nothing unexpected."
"Aha? So you're saying sexual acts are common occurrences in hunting grounds? Do lowly households not know the difference between hunting animals and hunting women?"
Yuan Shu, who had been glaring coldly, cut in. Why was Yuan Shu butting in again? Ah… because he'd been forcing it down her throat. It actually felt merciful that she still hadn't revealed everything. Anyway, Dong Zhuo didn't seem inclined to give a clear answer.
What should he do? People prepare for future disasters by learning from the past. Some American president had faced a similar crisis… Should he follow that example?
"…I did not sleep with the Zhonglangjiang!"
"Stop with that snake-like tongue! Speak! You pounded her just like you did to me last time, didn't you!"
"What?!"
"What did you say?!"
Now even Dong Zhuo's expression had turned vicious, along with Cao Cao's. This was getting worse by the minute.
"M-mouth… Using the mouth for contact doesn't count as sexual contact!"
""……""
What? Had that actually worked?
"So what you did to me was nothing?! You trash! How dare you treat me like a cheap whore and then say something like that…! Do you think you'll get away with treating this Yuan Gonglu that way?! I'll see if you can still say that after being sold as a male prostitute in the southern district!!!"
"She acted all shy like it was her first time, and now you're saying she pounced on you?! You dog-like bastard…!!! So the rumors weren't lies… You rejected me to become the Yuan family's son-in-law! Do you think you'll survive after using this Dong Zhongying as a toy!!!"
"I stayed with him for a week and he was like a stone, yet he played around with you two? Why is that? Does he not like married women, or does he simply not like me…? Hahaha…! Prepare to pay for the crime of lying to your lord!"
No, as expected, that hadn't worked either. The carriage fell into silence once more. An even more ominous silence than before. Everyone inside was nursing a bitter sense of defeat while hiding their own schemes. All four of them concealed their true intentions while waiting for the right moment—just like the others in Luoyang who hid their dark hearts. They simply waited.
And when the sun stretched long toward the west, with sunlight shining on Luoyang's western gate, Dong Zhuo's army finally arrived at Luoyang's eastern gate.