Zilong's True Identity
33. So, which one of you is the new wife?
In the late Han dynasty, even people who knew nothing about the Romance of the Three Kingdoms would have heard certain famous names at least once. The peerless Lu Bu. The Little Conqueror Sun Ce. Cao Cao, the cunning hero of troubled times. Liu Bei, the benevolent and righteous. The Four Great Beauties, Chohan, the Chicken Ribs, Red Hare, Sleeping Dragon and Phoenix Chick, and so on. Recently, with the rise of the empty lunchbox meme, even Xun Yu had to be included. Yet among all these renowned figures from the Three Kingdoms, there was one thing people understood the least: Liu Bei's charm.
Anyone who had read the novel or watched the drama would always feel bewildered whenever Liu Bei appeared. Why did those merchants, Zhang Shiping and Su Shuang, hand over their entire fortunes to a complete stranger? What did Guan Yu and Zhang Fei see in Liu Bei that made them swear brotherhood with him? Why did Cao Cao call an obscure figure like Liu Bei his equal? Why did Guan Yu abandon Cao Cao's army the moment he heard news of Liu Bei? And why did that fellow Zhao Zilong travel all the way from Beiping to Jingzhou just to serve Liu Bei?
No work had ever properly explained that bizarre talent for recruiting talent. It was no wonder jokes like "Liu Bei must have a hypnosis app" or "Liu Bei is actually an elf seducing men" or "He's actually a tyrant threatening everyone" started circulating. Even the novel and historical records only vaguely mentioned Liu Bei's strange charisma without ever explaining it in detail, often brushing it off with "heroes recognize heroes."
The secret behind Liu Bei's hypnotic charm might remain forever unknown, but at least one small mystery related to it had been solved: the reason Zhao Yun faithfully served Liu Bei. It was obvious, really. Liu Bei had helped him avenge his family. In those days, repaying a debt to one's family was heavier than even saving one's own life. Who wouldn't serve such a person for life?
Yes, Zhao Yun's first meeting with Liu Bei hadn't been under Gongsun Zan's command. It had actually happened during the Yellow Turban Rebellion, when he joined Liu Bei to avenge his family. With Liu Bei's help, they defeated the Yellow Turbans of Youzhou led by Zheng Yuanji, and Zhao Yun received a great favor. After the battle in Youzhou, Liu Bei planned to head to Jizhou to assist Lu Zhi, while Fang Ye had no choice but to leave Liu Bei's side to hold his family's funeral. Whether he left right after the funeral or observed the full three-year mourning period, his maternal grandfather confirmed his survival and adopted him into the Zhao clan of Changshan. Thus, the Liu Bei fanatic Fang Ye was reborn as the Liu Bei fanatic Zhao Yun.
In this ero-game world, Zhao Yun had killed Zheng Yuanji in the main camp through a gamble-like move, burying much of Liu Bei's achievements. But in the original novel, things unfolded differently. There, without any tricks, Liu Bei, together with Guan Yu and Zhang Fei, led five hundred volunteers and slaughtered fifty thousand Yellow Turbans.
…Just how did he pull that off?
…Get a grip. That wasn't important right now. The fact that he—I mean, Fang Ye—was actually Zhao Yun explained everything that had puzzled him until now. How had a nobody who left no name in history managed to last forty exchanges against Guan Yu? Because Fang Ye wasn't his real name. Well, it was his original name, but he changed it later… to Zhao Zilong.
He had no intention of complaining about possessing someone else's body, but was it really okay for an extra to look this good? Of course it was. Because he wasn't an extra anymore. Yes… if he was Zhao Zilong, this level of appearance was only natural. The problem was that the person inside Zhao Yun wasn't some fresh, handsome young general who had just come of age, but a young shut-in NEET who had died after stepping on an onahole while masturbating for three days straight.
…A sudden wave of guilt surged up!
What? There's a hikikomori onahole-stomping bastard inside Zhao Yun's body? Get out right now! My Zhao Zilong isn't some pervert!
A voice from the corner of his heart screamed in anguish. It sounded just like a child who had just realized that Santa Claus wasn't a kind, chubby old man but could actually be anyone—including himself—wailing loudly. Still, what could he do? The living had to keep living. And thinking about it again, there wasn't really much to feel guilty about. He was the one who killed Zheng Yuanji. He was the one who killed the Yellow Turbans. Even though he eventually went to Liu Bei, wasn't he also the one who recovered the family fortune from the Yellow Turbans? He had done everything. Honestly, at this point, wasn't he doing Zhao Yun a favor? After everything he'd done, taking the body should be fine. Besides, he hadn't even aimed for this. He just slipped on an onahole while jerking off and ended up like this. So there was no need to feel guilty.
Even though a grandfather he had never met before was looking at him with a kind expression…! Even though a grandmother he had never met was wiping away tears while repeatedly thanking him for being alive…! Even though the servants of the Zhao household were looking at him with eyes full of respect…! Even though the mirror now showed a fresh-faced handsome young man instead of the pot-bellied, scruffy-bearded NEET he used to see…!
Still, there was no need to feel guilty.
…Probably.
Thus, Fang Ye… no, Zhao Yun, holding his grandfather and grandmother's hands on either side, headed toward the Zhao residence where the feast was being prepared.
A lively feast was underway since broad daylight. The venue was the grand estate of the Zhao clan of Changshan, a prominent family in Jizhou. So many people had gathered that the spacious grounds looked cramped. It was only natural, since not only locals but also the suppression army troops from Youzhou were enjoying the feast. No matter how influential the Zhao clan of Changshan was as a regional power, inviting over a thousand people would make any house seem small. Moreover, because the feast had been hastily thrown together, there were obvious shortcomings if one looked closely. Yet most people, especially the soldiers from Youzhou, were simply satisfied. After all, the feast they had held in Youzhou had been a military banquet! No matter how extravagant the feast hosted by Yuan Shu, the youngest daughter of the Yuan clan of Runan, and Cao Teng's granddaughter might be, it was still just a military feast. How luxurious could a military banquet really be? So the soldiers were simply happy to enjoy themselves.
In contrast, Yuan Shu looked thoroughly unimpressed.
"I heard Jizhou was the most prosperous region in Hebei… Hmph, it doesn't seem that way at all. Everything about this so-called feast is utterly rustic."
"What?! Gonglu! What are you saying! This is a feast held at the household of my subordinate, Fang… Zilong! He'll be hurt if he hears that! Even if it was thrown together in a hurry, isn't this quite impressive?"
When Cao Cao proudly emphasized "my subordinate," Yuan Shu's face twisted.
"Why would that commoner—no, Zhao Yun—be your subordinate? Don't delude yourself. He's merely staying at your residence temporarily. He's only bound by the meager favor you've shown him. Calling someone who's about to leave your subordinate… How typical of a eunuch's granddaughter to be so crude."
Yuan Shu covered her mouth elegantly and giggled as if amused, making Cao Cao frown in turn.
"It's true that Zilong is only staying at my residence for now, but I'm still delighted to have him in my care! Besides, who knows? He might open his heart and follow me. If I were Zilong, I'd rather serve me than some woman who spouts such idiotic nonsense, wouldn't you agree, Wenyang?"
"Y-yeah, of course. I'd choose you over a woman like that too."
When Cao Cao and Xiahou Dun spoke loudly enough for Yuan Shu to hear, her face turned bright red.
"Eek!!! …Hmph! As expected of lowborn trash, your thinking is so shallow. Qiling, if I were that child, I wouldn't want to serve some mongrel woman who belongs to neither the pure nor the turbid factions. You know it well, don't you? How highly the Yuan clan of Runan regards me."
"O-of course! I wouldn't want to serve under some mongrel either!"
When Yuan Shu and Ji Ling spoke loudly enough for Cao Cao to hear, her expression hardened.
"How ridiculous! After being pushed out by your legitimate elder sister and fleeing here, you still talk about the Yuan clan's expectations? Zilong! Don't believe a word she says! Gonglu is a pathetic woman who even lost her mother's tomb to her elder sister Benchu, who was born to a commoner!"
"W-what did you say?! You can't even properly use the inheritance your own grandfather left behind! Zhao Yun! Get away from that woman right now! She's a fool who couldn't even make use of the connections her grandfather Cao Teng gained by castrating himself! She beat a relative of Jian Shuo to death and calls it righteousness? Ha! What a joke. That incident made her an enemy of the Ten Attendants, forcing her into a minor post. How could she possibly take care of her subordinates? It's not righteousness—it's stupidity."
""Eek!!!"
…Damn it! Why are they causing a scene behind me?! I'm not joining either of you!
While waiting at the gate for his maternal grandfather's summons, Zhao Yun felt the two women's glares burning into the back of his head. Weren't they going to call him in already? The sight of them glaring at each other murderously was too much to bear.
"Presenting Zhao Yun, Zilong, the only son of the Zhao clan of Changshan!"
Ah! Finally. At the servant's announcement, Zhao Yun's face lit up.