Battle of Daeheung Mountain
The time for the Battle of Daeheung Mountain rewound a little, to before Jeong Wonji's main camp burned. When Jeong Wonji's loyal right-hand man Deungmu, his body covered in straw, got lured in by the cloud of dust kicked up by the two hundred men led by Zhang Fei and Gan Yong, and rushed off with fourteen thousand troops toward the road to Yeon country, Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and I were leisurely making our way from Nusang Village toward the road to Jizhou with our three hundred and forty soldiers.
"There's really no one here."
"Indeed. Just as Bang Yeol predicted, they took every last reserve force with them…."
"It's fortunate things went according to plan, but the units under Heonhwa and Ikdeok are too small in number. If they're unlucky and get discovered early, they won't be able to stall for time. We should begin right away."
With those words, I tied a yellow headband around my head while Liu Bei and Guan Yu began stripping off their armor and changing into outfits that looked like something courtesans would wear. Liu Bei seemed rather pleased as she put hers on, but Guan Yu simply stared at the clothing in silence.
"…Bang Yeol, must even I wear this? No matter how much I think about it, if only Elder Sister wore it and I…."
"Heavens, Yunchang! Are you truly saying you're so embarrassed that you refuse to wear the same clothes as your own big sister?! If you say such a thing, I feel as if tears will fall any moment…."
Liu Bei spoke in a sulky tone and lifted her sleeve to cover her face. Guan Yu broke into a panicked sweat.
This was obviously just teasing, yet she was reacting so seriously….
"No! It is of course a joy to wear the same as you, Elder Sister… but, ah, it is because I am ashamed to be compared to your beauty."
"Oh my! You should have said so sooner! It's all right. You are beautiful too, Guan Yu, so it suits you very well. Come now, let us change quickly."
"Mm… to tell a warrior that courtesan clothes suit her is hardly a compliment… ah, whatever. Understood, Elder Sister…."
Guan Yu responded to Liu Bei's praise with a somewhat sour expression, then sighed like a man being forced into drag and changed into the courtesan outfit.
Thus the three hundred and forty men with yellow headbands were complete, accompanied by two women dressed as courtesans. At the head of the group stood a young man wearing a yellow headband yet sporting an arrogant expression. No matter how you looked at it, he appeared to be a detestable upstart who had risen too quickly and was now acting superior.
This should be enough.
I led the group forward, pretending to be Yellow Turbans coming from Jizhou, and set off toward the main Youzhou Yellow Turban camp where Jeong Wonji awaited.
The main camp at the foot of Daeheung Mountain, which was usually bustling with Yellow Turbans busy looting, was strangely empty all the way until we arrived. Or rather, it wasn't strange at all. This had originally been a quiet village; it was the Yellow Turbans who had turned it into a noisy mess. To think they had rampaged so wildly that this peace now felt alien. Thinking back on it, they really were utter bastards.
If they were so angry they couldn't stand it, why not go to Luoyang and cause trouble there? Why draw blades against their neighbors and steal their grain? They were scared to go to Luoyang after drawing their swords, yet their bellies were empty, so they decided to rob the weak villagers instead. Pathetic pieces of shit.
And yet they called themselves rebels. There wasn't a single real rebel in the Yellow Turban Party—just thieves. That was why they were called Yellow Turbans instead of the Yellow Turban Army. Zhang Jue far away in Jizhou was the same, and the ones before my eyes now were nothing but a pack of thieves as well.
"Halt! Halt! …Phoenix!"
"…Huh?"
"Phoenix!!!"
"Ah~ right, the password is Phoenix~."
"…Who goes there!"
"Oh, I'm from the Jizhou headquarters… the operations section chief~ Hey, who's in charge here? Jeong Wonji, right? Kid, where's Wonji?"
The Youzhou Yellow Turban main camp. The sentry on duty looked visibly flustered.
"Er… who are you, sir?"
He must have decided I was someone important. His panicked tone began to mix with politeness.
"I said I'm the operations section chief. Don't you know what that is?"
In truth, I didn't either.
"I-I'm sorry, but… what is that…."
"Ha… you little shit. Hey! If you don't even know what an operations section chief is, why the hell did you join the Yellow Turbans—no, the Yellow Turban Party!!!"
"I'm sorry!"
"Does saying sorry end your life in the Yellow Turban Party?!"
Ah, these guys couldn't afford for their Yellow Turban lives to end. My mistake.
"Forget it! Open the gate already! Fuck, I came all the way to this backwater and now my mood's ruined. I keep running into useless trash. …You bastard! Open it right now?!"
The poor guy, clearly younger than me, had just been spoken to casually and cursed at. His face flushed red and blue. But the fear of superiors that had been drilled into him since his parents, his grandparents, and even before that left him completely at a loss.
It was then that Liu Bei, dressed to the nines like a courtesan, appeared with a bright smile.
"Aigoo~ My lord~ Please don't be so angry. Can't you see he's trembling because of your dignity? Right?"
"Eh…! Y-yes? Ah, yes! That's correct!"
The moment the beautifully made-up Liu Bei smiled, the sentry's lips curled up stupidly and he began showing off in front of the others around him.
Watching this, I couldn't help but feel how truly pathetic male instincts were….
"Um, by the way, when will the gate open…? We came from Jizhou and I'm quite tired. I'd like to wash up and rest soon…."
"Yes! Opening it right away! …You bastards! Open the gate! The operations section chief is waiting!"
And so the gates swung wide open. The three hundred and forty volunteer soldiers entered the Youzhou Yellow Turban main camp without suffering a single casualty.
When I dismounted and walked in with Liu Bei and Guan Yu on either side of me, the camp—filled only with men—filled with envious glances. The guy who had been trembling after getting thoroughly cursed earlier must have held a fairly high rank here. He approached me with an eager expression.
"Welcome, sir! Operations… section chief! I will personally escort you to Lord Jeong Wonji!"
Hmm… seeing him act like that somehow made me want to chew him out again.
"Don't you know the proper way to address superiors?"
"Pardon?"
"Not 'pardon,' I asked if you don't know how to address superiors. Ah, this won't do. Hey, who's higher ranking? Me or Wonji?"
"Er… I believe the operations section chief is higher?"
"Not 'I believe.' Obviously I'm higher. So why are you calling him Lord Jeong Wonji to me?"
"…I'm sorry!!"
"Not 'I'm sorry.' I asked why you did it. …Ah, fuck. What's your name? Who's your direct superior?"
"I'm sorry!!!!!"
Now the guy was on the verge of tears, repeating apologies over and over. If I poked him just a little more, he would probably burst into sobs. Liu Bei was watching this spectacle with barely contained laughter, clearly enjoying the show, but perhaps it looked pitiful to Guan Yu. She, who had been fidgeting because the clothes were uncomfortable, stepped forward.
"Bang… Yeol… My lord…. Please stop now… and let us go to Jeong Wonji… I mean, shall we go…."
Guan Yu's face turned red as she stammered, awkwardly mimicking the way Liu Bei had spoken. Liu Bei couldn't hold it in any longer and burst into loud laughter. Guan Yu's face grew even redder.
Yeah, this was enough. At this point I probably looked like a detestable little shit who had risen too fast and lost all manners. In other words, no one would suspect anything if I took Guan Yu and Liu Bei with me to meet Jeong Wonji.
After a long wait, I was finally going to see Jeong Wonji again. No, since this was my first time seeing him, it was our first meeting. Nice to meet you, Jeong Wonji. Now you're fucked.
***
"Sniff… Lord Jeong Wonji…. The operations officer from Jizhou has arrived…."
After a few minutes we reached a large tent. The guy who had been thoroughly chewed out earlier stood in front of it with slumped shoulders and spoke while sniffling. Kid, if your voice is that quiet no one can hear you.
"Ah, so our Wonji is here? That's fine. I'll go in myself, so you may leave."
"Yes! Thank y—urk?!!"
This guy was noisy even when he died. If a blade stabbed him in the neck he should have gone quietly. …I thought I had stabbed him pretty cleanly. Was I wrong?
By the way, this Jeong Wonji bastard. Was his surname Jeong or was his full name Jeong Wonji? In the past I thought Gongson Chan's surname was Gong and his given name was Sonchan, but it turned out his surname was Gongson and his given name was Chan. Maybe Jeong Wonji's surname was Jeong and his given name Wonji?
"By the way, Yunchang, do you think Wonji's surname is Jeong or is his full name Jeong Wonji?"
"…Well, it must be Jeong, no? It would be strange for someone's surname to be Wonji."
"Mm, right?"
Guan Yu answered my nonsense with complete seriousness. I really liked that kind of reaction sometimes. It was definitely weird for a surname to be Wonji. Then again, who knew. Wonji had always been a weird bastard. No normal person would betray his masters and steal money while he was at it. Fucking piece of shit.
Even after possessing this body, did it still remember the original owner's grudge? …The anger surged up more than I expected. I could get my revenge and, while I was at it, ask about the things I'd been curious about. Someone like me could do that much, right? After everything I'd gone through to get here.
"Wonji! Come out quickly! There's something I've been curious about for a long time."
I called out to him in the tone of a villainous young lady, then raised my hand high and waved it around, signaling the soldiers behind me. At the signal, all three hundred and forty arsonists threw the torches they were holding onto the tents at once. Among them were Liu Bei and Guan Yu, who had changed back into armor in the short gap.
Every tent in sight was burning. Except for Jeong Wonji's. That one I had to throw myself.
Then Wonji's tent blazed up as well. It burned even fiercer than the fire at Yiling. The remaining Yellow Turban men who had been sleeping in preparation for another day of looting the neighboring villagers let out short screams at the sudden blaze. From all directions came shrieks, groans, wails, and howls. This was hell itself.
"Fire! Is anyone there? My tent is on fire!!! …Just what the hell is going on?!"
Ah, Wonji came out. The servant bastard who used to work at our house. I wondered if he would recognize me. My heart was already pounding. No matter how stupid he was, he should recognize me. He had killed my parents and siblings on the same day, after all. It would be wrong not to remember the beloved youngest child of that house.