Chapter 34
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Translator: 8uhl
Chapter: 34
Chapter Title: A Peaceful Patrol
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It was a very strange feeling.
No, it was disgusting.
‘Why is this okay?’
I frowned, looking down at the last bite of fish bread with a queasy expression.
It was supposed to taste bad, but strangely, it was alright.
No, it still tasted bad, but its very awfulness was delicious.
‘What kind of dogshit…?’
I stared at the last piece for a moment, then popped it into my mouth.
As expected, it was bad, and that badness was its charm.
The image of Brick giving me a thumbs-up flashed in my mind, and I shuddered slightly.
‘No, this is bad. It has to be bad.’
I kept muttering to myself as if trying to brainwash myself.
If this was delicious, I felt an ominous premonition that my identity as an intelligent modern man would vanish.
“Hoo… hoo… I brought it! Sirs!”
Dylan, who had run off claiming he couldn't stand another bite of fish bread, came back in, struggling to drag a large wooden cask.
“What’s that?”
“It’s our day off, shouldn’t we have a little something?”
Dylan put a hand to his lips and shook it lightly before pulling the plug from the cask. A fragrant aroma immediately filled the air.
‘…I’ve smelled this somewhere before.’
A strange familiarity made me sniff the air without realizing it.
“Where did you get that?”
Pul asked, his face stiff.
“Ah, this? You remember the day of the execution, right? Some idiot left a whole cask of red wine in the square. So I snatched it right up! Hehe. This is my special stash, but I brought it out just for you, sirs!”
Dylan, rummaging through the cupboard as if he owned the place, brought out three large mugs and grinned slyly.
‘A cask of red wine on the day of the execution…’
The strangely familiar phrase made me scratch my head.
A moment later, I realized that was the cask of red wine Pul and I had planned to sell in the square on execution day, the one that had been stolen.
“Ahem… well, since you saved my life, that much is… no, still, the owner would usually… never mind. Can I have a glass?”
“Yes, sir! It’s been aged so well, the taste is absolutely divine! I usually save it to sip a little at a time after work, but I’m making a special exception for you.”
My fists clenched automatically as I watched him wiggle his butt while filling the mugs with wine. Pul quickly grabbed my shoulder.
“…Let’s just say I bought it. You don’t have to pay me the rest. Let’s just drink it all right here, leader.”
“Alright, fine.”
Dylan was infuriating, but thinking of it as not my money made it not so bad.
“Here you go! Sirs! This is all because I like you guys so much.”
“Th… thanks.”
Pul forced a smile as he took the mug.
“Here—a glass for my favorite, Sir Aron!”
“The little thief sure knows how to make a show of it…”
“Leader.”
Pul’s intervention from the side made me swallow the rest of my words.
He had filled it so full that the slightest shake sent wine spilling over the rim.
“To a future of nothing but easy living!!”
Dylan raised his mug high.
“Wait, why don’t I get any?”
Ska, who had clearly been anticipating it with the corners of his mouth turned up, tilted his head and asked.
“Didn’t you say you were fasting?”
Dylan replied with his signature annoying expression.
“Right, if you’re fasting, no wine.”
Pul nodded.
“Drink it and you’re dead,”
I said, glaring at Ska.
This time, it was Ska’s face that crumpled.
Later, Berman, Kel, and Brick all showed up with casks of their own, so we ended up spending the entire day there.
Ska tried to sneak a drink, but I caught him and smacked him on the back of the head.
After that, Ska joined in the drinking too.
***
“Hoo… my head is splitting.”
Kel said, shaking his head.
“What are you whining about?”
“Are you alright, leader? After drinking so much yesterday.”
“I barely drank anything.”
“The old man’s house is filled with barrels, you know.”
Ignoring Kel’s weary gaze, I changed into my boots.
The softness was gone, replaced by a damp chill.
“Ah, Squad Leader Aron! The Captain says to gather quickly!”
Just then, Mareun, a kid from Squad 6, shouted in an urgent voice.
“This early in the morning?”
“Yes! The Captain’s face is beet red!”
“Looks like he got chewed out. Alright.”
“Yes, sir!”
Mareun answered energetically and scurried away.
“What’s with a morning assembly? Ah… my head hurts enough as it is.”
“Probably got an earful from the security magistrate.”
“This is so fucking great. Just fucking great.”
Kel grumbled, shaking his arms out.
I patted his shoulder and headed up.
In front of the Captain’s room on the second floor, a crowd of guards with equally sour faces had gathered.
The mix of sweat and damp leather created a foul stench.
“Like pigs about to be roasted… You’re here, Aron.”
The dwarf squad leader of Squad 6, Kellup, muttered a curse before raising a hand in greeting.
“Good morning, Kellup.”
“A fucking good morning, isn’t it.”
Kellup sneered in his characteristically high-pitched voice.
“Attention.”
“Attention my ass.”
The Captain, wearing ill-fitting armor, stepped forward and spoke with gravity, but everyone just grumbled instead of repeating the command.
Funnily enough, the Captain wasn't fazed and continued with what he had to say.
“The security magistrate is furious. He was shouting so much, I thought my ears would bleed. Of course, it was the Fener family’s mistake more than ours, but what can you do? When they say jump, we jump. So, for the next month, there are no days off. I tried to stop it, but it was a direct order from the magistrate himself…”
“Vicious bastard! He’s a devil! A devil! A pig devil!”
The Captain continued, looking as if he didn't care whether we were listening or not.
In truth, you couldn't really say it was the Captain's fault.
He was a useless, lazy man interested only in promotions—a thoroughly secular fellow—but he wasn't the type to screw us over on purpose.
‘Still, a month with no days off is a bit much.’
Even though I knew it wasn't his fault, I had the urge to punch his pudgy cheeks.
“Alright, alright. Everyone, stay sharp on your posts. The magistrate might be walking around, so don't let your guard down. If you get caught now, you’ll be in serious trouble.”
After that, the Captain rambled on about various other things.
Most of it was about how hard his life was being stuck in the middle and how much his superiors were hounding him, so everyone just yawned or chatted to pass the time.
“Aron, did you hear? The eldest son of the Fener family is scheduled to visit soon.”
Kellup, who had been cursing the Captain, said to me.
“The Fener family?”
“Yeah, the eldest son who’s in marriage talks with the young lady is coming himself.”
“The eldest son… you mean the one who’s a knight candidate?”
“That’s him. Graduated from an institution in the Empire, but never actually became a knight.”
It was a pretty well-known story. The eldest son of the Fener family had been famous as a prodigy since childhood. Full of expectations, he had gone to the capital, been accepted, and graduated, but I heard he returned without ever becoming a knight.
“I see.”
“And lately, there have been frequent attacks on carriages coming to Kathedic Castle. Rumor has it that things like goblins and orcs have appeared. So there’s talk we’ll be going out to clean up the area soon.”
“A cleanup… But haven’t they filled Sir Toig’s position yet?”
“That’s another reason they say the Fener family’s eldest son is coming. Though, it’s not for certain.”
Kellup nodded, muttering his characteristic catchphrase, “Though, it’s not for certain…”
The abbot coming down from the Order, the eldest son of the Fener family, and a cleanup of the surrounding area.
‘Seems like there’s been no end to the work lately.’
I had a feeling things were only going to get busier, and I scratched my cheek in irritation.
“Alright, did everyone get that? It was all tough love for your own good, so don’t take it to heart. Let’s have another energetic day of work.”
Clap, clap! The Captain clapped by himself.
The gathered men dispersed, shuffling like zombies.
“Ah! My trusted Aron! Nova was looking for you.”
As I was about to head out on patrol with Kel, the Captain waved me over.
I silently counted the number of walls I had broken, stopping when the count passed ten.
***
“Hey, Bastard Squared. How’s it going with the shit-spreading woman?”
“…I’m pretty sure I told you not to call me that.”
I exchanged some simple pleasantries with the somewhat pale Bastard Squared, Jace, in front of the inner castle.
“Ah—the Outer Wall Guard’s days off were canceled too? A shame! We must have a drink when you get a day off. I’ve procured some amazing liquor.”
“Yes. I’ll be sure to join you. Haha!”
After rescheduling the indefinite drinking appointment with Rayam, I went inside.
Knock-knock, knock.
“Come in.”
I tried a different rhythm this time, but her voice was still full of annoyance, so it didn't seem to have much effect.
“Of course, it would be you.”
“You’re a beautiful orange today as well. As fresh as if kissed by the morning dew.”
Nova’s sharp glare intensified, so I quickly offered a compliment, but seeing the corners of her eyes lift even higher, it seemed to have no effect.
“Watch closely.”
Putting down her quill, Nova suddenly stood up and walked toward the door.
“This is called a door.”
Standing in front of it, Nova pointed at the door.
“You open a door like this. When you open it, it creates a space for people to pass through. Did you see that? I’ll show you again. See? You just open it like this.”
As if teaching a child, Nova explained in an uncharacteristically gentle tone, opening and closing the door several times.
I had no idea what she was doing, but she looked like she would explode if I provoked her, so I just nodded for now.
“I know that much.”
“You know? You know?! Then why don’t you use the door and instead smash through every wall in sight? I thought you didn’t know what a door was! Since you smash every single wall! Huh? Do you have any idea how many walls you’ve broken?! Have you developed a taste for it? Is walking through doors like other people too bland for you now?”
Standing right in front of me, Nova glared and shot words at me.
I was slightly taken aback by the part, ‘Is walking through doors too bland for you now?’
“I had no choice. You think I like breaking walls? If I had been any later, the kids would have been in danger.”
I explained with the most serious face and a low, steady voice I could manage.
At that, Nova took a deep breath, ‘Hoo…,’ then glared at me from a crooked stance.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. What do you take an honorary monk for?”
“Hon… orary monk? You? I heard about it, but I thought it was just some crazy nonsense… Oh, for heaven’s sake.”
Upon seeing the golden cape draped over my shoulder, Nova looked to the heavens with a horrified expression.
She looked so utterly distraught that I placed a hand on her forehead like an inquisitor.
“…What is this?”
“The blessing of an honorary monk.”
“You really are… No. The more I talk, the more my head hurts. Anyway, this last guy had a bounty on him, but since he’d already been caught before, there’s no separate share for you. I deducted the cost of the walls you broke from the last bounty. Here’s what’s left.”
Nova slapped my hand away and held out one silver and one copper coin, the corners of her lips twitching upwards.
‘Just 1 silver and 1 copper?’
I didn’t know what the original bounty was, but it was a truly paltry sum to be called a reward.
I thought about it for a moment, but it was extra income, so I took it.
I pocketed the silver and placed the copper coin back in Nova’s hand.
“What’s this for?”
“A tip. Go buy yourself something tasty and have a beer. A person gets sick if they stay cooped up in a room all the time.”
“…Get out.”
I wanted to tease her more, but the orange’s glare was murderous, so I quickly left the room.
Watching Aron’s back as he carefully closed the door so as not to break it, Nova let out a chuckle.
Then, realizing she had laughed, she was startled and slapped her own cheek.
***
Kel was sitting in front of some tavern, sipping a beer.
He’d been whining about his headache earlier, but it seemed he was fine now.
“Get chewed out by Nova, leader?”
“Something like that. Let’s go.”
I gestured, and Kel put down his mug and stood up.
Checkpoints, where we could legally take money, were more fun, but since these barbaric medieval folks caused all sorts of trouble every day, patrols had their own kind of entertainment.
And that entertainment was quickly found.
Two men, their faces flushed in broad daylight, were grabbing each other by the collar in the street and spewing curses.
“No, listen here, Aron. What that bastard said was…”
“Hey, you! How can you only tell your side of the story! Aron, that’s not it…”
The two men, still holding each other’s collars, pleaded their cases.
“Hmm… let’s have a fair fight. Whoever wins is in the right. I’ll be the judge.”
After watching them, I offered a simple solution.
“Such a wise method! Alright! You bastard! Let’s see who’s right with a fair fistfight!”
“Fine! You little brat! You’re in for it now!”
The two rolled up their sleeves and lowered their stances.
When I shouted, ‘Begin!’, they grappled and started swinging their fists wildly.
It was a pathetic, sloppy, and artless brawl, but a fight between weaklings was always the most entertaining.
Kel brought beers from a nearby tavern, and we made a bet on who would win while sipping the bland drinks.
Kel bet on the bigger guy, and I chose the smaller one with calloused knuckles. The result was my victory, and I earned 1 silver.
“Alright, he won, so he’s right. You were in the wrong, pal.”
“Woooah! I knew I was right! I was right! You big, dumb oaf!!”
The onlookers applauded, and the victorious man raised his hands, running around here and there.
His face was covered in bruises, but he seemed not to feel the pain.
“Seriously, how do you lose with that size? What a waste of a body. A waste.”
“I… I was born big…”
“You could’ve won just by pushing him over!”
Kel stood next to the loser, venting his frustration by smacking him on the head with his palm.
After letting them savor the tastes of victory and defeat for a moment, I made the winner and loser hug, transforming the street brawl into a lighthearted sport.
We continued our patrol, and this time, a group of children latched onto us, chattering away.
“So, Aron, do orcs really eat people?”
“Orcs… They do. They even eat each other. They’re just beasts. Beasts that walk on two legs, are ridiculously strong, but have no brains.”
“Woooah, scary! They eat people!”
“Then, if you and an orc fought, who would win, Aron?!”
“Well… of course…”
“Of course?!”
“The one who stabs first wins.”
My answer was met with a chorus of disappointed ‘Awws’ from the children, but it was the truth.
Whether it was a knight, a veteran mercenary, or a hunter, the one who got stabbed first always lost.
Even famous knights had been killed by a grudge-holding squire. Here, there were no absolute strong and no absolute weak.
“So you kids learn to farm well. If you don’t want to get eaten by an orc later.”
“Grown-ups are always talking about farming.”
I took out a copper coin for each of them from my pocket, and the children cheered ‘Waaah!’ and showered me with praise.
Among them was the ambiguous comment, ‘Aron is like an orc!’, but seeing the child’s bright smile, it seemed he meant it as a compliment.
Of course, I took back the coin I’d given him.
After refilling our drinks at a nearby tavern, we continued our patrol when we heard a woman’s shrill scream.
“I said bring it back right now!!”
When we went over, a large woman was yelling at three people standing before her.
I smelled it.
The delicious scent of something that would make the rest of my shift enjoyable.
“Ahem…”
I purposefully put on a serious air and stepped forward.
Kel, letting out a small sigh, followed behind me.
“Ah, Aron! Perfect timing! Look at this! These wicked people stole my silver spoon! It’s been passed down in my family for generations!!”
The woman, spotting me, shrieked and pointed at the people in front of her.
I wondered what kind of family a commoner had, but I nodded along anyway.
“It wasn’t me! And besides, even if silver is expensive, who would steal a silver spoon that’s so tarnished you can’t even use it!”
A man who resembled a goblin, with drooping eyes, a hunched back, and a potbelly, argued with wide eyes.
“It wasn’t me either. I even have a silver mirror at home! A silver mirror! Why would I need a pathetic silver spoon?!”
A woman with severe buck teeth defended herself curtly.
“It wasn’t me either. I don’t even know why I was called here in the first place. This is quite bewildering.”
A particularly pale man trailed off, avoiding my eyes.
“You! I’ve never seen you before, so it must be you!”
“Are you suspecting me simply because I’m an outsider? I’ve never heard such absurd logic.”
‘This one’s educated,’ I thought.
His voice was slightly raised as if in protest, but he still articulated his points clearly without using harsh words, reeking of ink.
“You stupid woman! Who would take that rusty silver spoon!”
The goblin-like man’s frantic reaction was more typical.
“Hmm. So there are three suspects.”
“Sus… suspects?! No, Aron, you’re only saying that because you haven’t seen the woman’s silver spoon! It’s not a silver spoon, it’s a rust spoon!”
“Ha! Aron, are you just trying to get my attention?”
“What on earth is this absurd…”
My mutterings elicited three different, passionate responses from the suspects. I observed them with the eyes of a hawk.
“Aron, you can catch them, right?! You’re Aron, after all!”
I nodded at the desperate woman’s words.
“Leader, do we really need to get involved in such a troublesome…”
“The culprit is among you.”
Ignoring Kel’s attempt to dissuade me, I uttered the words that had been itching to come out from the very beginning.
“What?!”
“You’re making a big mistake, Aron. It’s because you haven’t seen the silver… no, the rust spoon. No idiot would steal that thing!”
“As if I would stoop to stealing a mere silver spoon…”
The three reacted variously once more, and my sharp eyes didn’t miss a thing.
“I’m starting the investigation now. Cooperate if you don’t want to end up on the gallows.”
“Leader, a silver spoon isn’t really a capital offense… Never mind.”
Kel, who had been trying to stop me, sighed softly and shook his head.
“Alright, victim. What was the time of the crime.”
“Time of the crime…? Ah, you mean when it went missing? After dinner last night!”
“And when did you realize the spoon was gone?”
“This morning! I was about to eat breakfast, and it was gone! Those damn scoundrels!”
I see…
I nodded, organizing my thoughts.
“The crime occurred between last evening and this morning.”
I declared in a low, steady voice, nodding.
“I just told you that…”
“Shh. The leader is enjoying himself. Come over here.”
Kel took care of the meddling woman.
I faced the three suspects before me, one by one. It was suspicious how they all subtly avoided my gaze.
“Each of you, tell me in detail where you were and what you were doing from last evening until this morning.”
I stroked my chin, but since I’d shaved this morning, it didn’t look right. Disappointed, I fiddled with my sideburns instead.
“First, you.”
I pointed at the goblin-like man first.
He glanced around for a moment before slowly opening his mouth.
“I… I finished tidying the hay last night, went home early, and went straight to bed. I didn’t even eat dinner!”
“Why didn’t you eat dinner?”
“I… I haven’t had much of an appetite lately, so I don’t really eat dinner. Just breakfast and lunch.”
The goblin replied, his eyes darting to the side as if flustered.
‘Didn’t eat dinner? With a belly like that? Suspicious.’
In a place where eating three square meals a day was a key pleasure and meaning of life, it was a shocking testimony.
In my mind, I moved the goblin up a notch.
“And you?”
Next, I pointed to the buck-toothed woman.
“Me? I was…”
“Hesitating, are we? So you’re the culprit! Buck-tooth!”
“What are you talking about! I was just hesitating because it’s a personal matter!”
“A personal matter?”
“…Do I really have to talk about that?!”
“Suspicious.”
“I’ll say it again, I have a silver mirror in my house! A silver mirror that can’t even be compared to that pathetic spoon!”
The woman shouted, baring her buck teeth. She seemed angry, but her flushed face was unusual.
‘A silver mirror…’
It wasn’t impossibly expensive, but it wasn’t something a commoner would typically own.
Suspicious…
I moved the woman up a notch in my mind.
“Alright. Next, what were you doing during the estimated time of the crime?”
“I did not take a single step out of my house. In fact, if that woman hadn’t forcibly dragged me out, I still wouldn’t be here.”
“I think he’s the most suspicious! I’ve never seen his face before!”
“How dare you call me ‘he’!”
I studied the man’s strangely flushed face.
As if sensing my gaze, he turned his head away.
‘Averting his gaze… suspicious.’
I moved the pale man up a notch in my mind.
And just like that, they were all back on the same level.
‘I guess I have no choice but to use that method.’
I mulled it over for a moment, stroking my sideburns.
“Leader, how about we just grab any one of them and go?”
“No, my honor is at stake.”
“The leader has honor…? Never mind.”
“Aron! Can you catch him?! I bet it’s that one…”
“‘That one’! And it’s not right to suspect someone just because they’re an outsider.”
“Who would steal a rusty spoon like that anyway? Tsk.”
“Ah, can you just get this over with?”
Growing anxious as the net of investigation closed in, the suspects’ voices grew louder.
“Quiet!”
I shouted from my gut, and everyone fell silent.
“I didn’t want to go this far, but it can’t be helped. I have no choice but to use my final method.”
“F… final method?”
I nodded at the goblin man’s murmur.
Someone gulped.
In truth, cases of theft had a very simple and clear solution. Of course, it was only possible because this was the medieval era.
“We’ll find it if we search. Everyone, open your doors.”
If you searched until you found it, you would find it.
“…What is the meaning of this!”
“No!”
“Absolutely not.”
The three completely different, yet equally vehement, reactions told me something.
‘There’s something here.’
The delicious aroma was wafting strongly.
‘This is today’s patrol.’
I met the three pairs of wavering, anxious eyes in turn and smiled.