Chapter 29
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Translator: 8uhl
Chapter: 29
Chapter Title: Honorary Monk
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Honorary Monk
Kel gave it some serious thought.
“How dare you lie to me like that?! What?! Special orders?! Ha! You stupid guard!”
Just what was that red-faced bastard banking on, pointing his finger at Squad Leader Aron? Did he have a death wish? Kel pondered this with grave sincerity.
‘His face is red, so he must be plastered. Otherwise, there’s no way he’d be yelling at the Squad Leader, right?’
Kel nodded, having reached a simple conclusion.
A golden cape, green shoulders, a red cuirass, and an ambiguous brown below. Squad Leader Aron, in his hideous attire that seemed to be an attempt to wear every color in the world, was not a sight anyone wanted to run into. You avoided him if you could.
And yet, there were a fair number of fools who would stand their ground and pick a fight with him.
Most of them were emboldened by the steel at their hips, but they all turned into meek lambs when faced with the fact that a man could bend that steel with his bare hands.
“...One.”
The sound of Aron muttering beside him snapped Kel to attention.
‘One?’
- I’m not taking customers today. Come home early.
Kel recalled the sweet words Rosa had whispered to him that morning.
‘Not today! Absolutely not today!’
The lovely Rosa was incredibly popular, so days like this were rare. He had to get home early today, no matter what.
“Squad Leader! The… the Honorary Monk! Honorary Monk!”
Kel frantically pointed at the bizarre golden cape draped over Aron’s shoulders and shouted. He didn’t believe for a second that Aron had been appointed an “Honorary Monk,” but he had to put out the most urgent fire first.
“Ah, right. Honorary Monk.”
Aron gave a small nod and slowly unclenched his fist.
“Ha! Bet you didn’t expect to see me again, did you?! You look flustered! It’s hilarious!”
The problem, however, was that the red-faced guy just kept running his mouth. What on earth gave him such confidence? Kel was genuinely curious. Did he really want to die?
“S-Squad Leader! He watches over all, and his warm light…”
“...?”
Kel quickly began reciting one of the Order’s prayers. Aron, however, looked as if he had no idea what Kel was talking about.
‘What kind of Honorary Monk doesn’t even know the prayers…’
Could it be that he’d just beaten up a priest for the golden cape because he liked how it looked? The thought made Kel’s mind race.
Fortunately, Aron ignored the soldier and walked past him. Kel let out a small sigh of relief and gestured to the soldier.
Shut your mouth if you want to live.
But it seemed the message didn't get through.
“You absolute…”
Thinking Aron was running away in fear, the soldier, now thoroughly excited, stepped in front of him and poked him in the chest.
Seeing this, Kel squeezed his eyes shut.
“Three.”
With that one word, Aron swung his fist. *Thwack!* With a crisp sound, the soldier slowly crumpled backward. He seemed to have lost consciousness completely, collapsing to the ground like a limp rag. Foam bubbled between his split lips.
Only then did Kel realize that Aron’s muttered “one” had been the start of a count.
‘But did he even say two?’
Kel scratched his head.
“This isn’t a fight.”
“...Sir?”
“It’s one-sided violence.”
Kel stared at Aron, who was spouting nonsense with a straight face, and simply nodded, dumbfounded.
‘Isn’t one-sided violence worse than a fight?’
He pondered it for a moment but concluded that, as an ordinary person, it was impossible to follow the madman Aron’s train of thought.
The inevitable had happened, but Aron had shown more restraint than usual, so Kel gave up and shook his head.
“Dammit. Rosa isn’t taking any customers today.”
Grumbling, Kel dragged the collapsed soldier over to a shady spot by the gate and laid him down. It was this bastard’s fault for acting up without knowing his place. Annoyed, Kel smacked the man on the head.
“What’s the big deal? I’m an Honorary Monk.”
Aron muttered, stroking the golden cape around his neck.
‘It’s not like an Honorary Monk is a cardinal or something…’
The fact that Aron was an Honorary Monk made Kel seriously worry about the future of the Empire. No, the Order was spread across the entire continent, so Kel worried for the well-being of the continent itself.
“Pass! Ah, wait a second.”
“Yes? Ack!!”
“Special orders from the Lord. Pass.”
Kel had no idea why Aron was smacking the back of every inspector’s head, but he didn’t bother trying to understand him.
The members of the Fourth Squad had learned long ago that simply doing as Aron said was best for their mental health.
‘And it’s not like we’ve ever lost anything by following the Squad Leader’s orders.’
Sure, they’d been caught up in incidents that led to pay cuts or summons to the inner castle a few times, but according to Aron, those were just “minor” issues.
And so, they continued their peaceful inspections, getting paid and smacking heads.
“Huh? What’s this… Why am I here?”
The soldier they had dragged into the shade staggered to his feet. He clutched his head, his face contorted.
A moment later, as if his memory had returned, he pointed a finger at Aron, charged forward, and unleashed a torrent of curses.
“...Urk.”
With another crisp sound, he collapsed again. Already half-resigned, Kel moved the soldier back into the shade.
Then they went back to their usual inspections—
“Ugh…?”
The soldier shakily got up again. He pressed his temples and grimaced.
“You coward!! To use such a dirty trick while I was off my guard! You call yourself a man?! Fight me fair and square!”
Seething with rage, he threw the first punch at Aron, who was talking to a cart driver, and was promptly knocked down again.
Kel calmly moved the man back into the shade. How many times did he have to get hit before he learned his lesson? The guy was an idiot, a complete and utter idiot.
Kel continued with the inspections, then sat down in the shade next to the man when there was a lull.
Just then, the unconscious man stirred and sat up. He shook his head, pressed his temples, and then flinched as he saw Aron in the distance, sipping from a waterskin. The man’s expression shifted through several emotions before he finally nodded to himself.
“...A truly formidable opponent.”
He seemed to be trying to sound solemn and create a serious atmosphere, but the purple bruise on his cheek completely undermined the effect.
‘He’s scared.’
Seeing that the man wasn't charging in again, Kel nodded.
“Ahem… A man worthy of being my rival.”
The man cleared his throat awkwardly and muttered in a low voice.
By then, Aron was chatting with a cart driver he’d never seen before.
“To think such a man is a mere squad leader of the Outer Wall Guard…”
The man continued his act, but his voice was tinged with a hint of exhaustion.
“I’m Kel, of the Outer Wall Guard’s Fourth Squad, Cathedic Castle.”
Not yet ready to give up on his grand night with Rosa, Kel offered a gentlemanly smile and extended his hand. The man shook it.
“I am Gelheim of House Penelle. With that level of martial skill, he could easily serve in a nobleman’s private army. Could it be a sense of duty, to protect the castle from the outer wall without personal greed…?”
The man, his face still red, rambled on, but something about his demeanor was strange.
‘I think he’s just embarrassed.’
It seemed he was trying to justify getting knocked out with a single punch by painting Aron with flowery words. Watching him from the side, however, it was just pathetic.
Kel had asked Aron a few times before why he was a squad leader for the Outer Wall Guard, given that his strength was clearly beyond that of an ordinary person. Squad Leader Aron’s reply had been simple.
‘Just because.’
It was an incredibly dismissive answer, but it was also so typically Aron that everyone had accepted it.
Just then, Aron smacked the back of a passerby's head, and the man fell flat on his face. Aron shook him awake and then waved the cart driver through.
“Why does he hit them?” Gelheim asked, his face unsettled as he struggled to maintain his flattering image of Aron.
“The Squad Leader says it’s a way to weed out troublemakers,” Kel replied, scratching his head.
“Weeding out troublemakers… with that method?”
Gelheim stared at him with stern eyes, as if to say, *don’t lie to me.* Kel just shrugged. What could he do? That’s what Aron said.
“Squad Leader Aron has often suggested strange and incomprehensible things… but they’ve usually worked, so he must be right.”
Trying to understand Squad Leader Aron would only give you a headache. It was better for your mental health to just trust and follow, or ignore him completely.
“Even so, hitting visitors on the back of the head…”
‘He might just be doing it for fun.’
Kel nodded to himself as he watched Aron grin while smacking someone’s head.
Just then, a new cart driver approached and struck up a conversation with Aron. A moment later, as the cart driver was passing, Aron smacked him on the back of the head.
“How dare you!! Raaaargh—!!”
The man who was hit suddenly tore his clothes and let out a bizarre shriek. Fur sprouted from his body as he transformed into a hideous creature.
“G-Good heavens! To think he could actually identify a demon! He truly is my rival!”
Gelheim’s eyes widened in astonishment.
“Huh… it actually works?”
Aron muttered, staring at his own palm with wide eyes.
‘So he really was just hitting them.’
Aron’s bewildered reaction confirmed Kel’s suspicions.
“I, an Honorary Monk, will not forgive you in the name of God!!”
“Raaaargh!”
After a brief moment of admiration, Aron began to literally beat the demon to a pulp. But nowhere in those massive, merciless fists was there a trace of the light that was supposed to be proof of faith.
Watching the overwhelming display of violence, Gelheim, who had at first been forcing himself to marvel, muttering “as expected of my rival,” gradually fell silent.
Soon, Kel was pressing his temples as he watched Aron spin the demon over his head and laugh heartily.
‘Aron… an Honorary Monk.’
Kel seriously began to consider where he would go to raise his children with Rosa if the Empire fell.
***
The castle was in an uproar over the appearance of another demon, just one week after being attacked by a necromancer and his demons.
‘Though this one seems worse than a demon’s underling.’
Judging by how he couldn't even contain a brief moment of anger and revealed his true form, and how pathetically weak he was, he was a grunt among grunts.
“Kyaaaargh! Kyaaak!”
The demonic grunt, tied to a wooden post, repeatedly bared its teeth and hissed.
‘But, huh, it actually worked?’
I looked at him, then stroked my own fist.
“Squad Leader, they’ve all arrived.”
“Ah, right.”
I turned to see familiar faces approaching.
‘The Knight, Adela; Priest Bliant; Constable William; the Inquisitor.’
It was a star-studded lineup of the castle’s bigwigs. The Captain of the Outer Wall Guard, who clearly had pillow marks on his cheek, waddled along behind them.
“Aron, was it?”
William, who was a head taller than me, looked down at me with the eyes of a tiger.
‘He must have an orc in his family tree.’
I thought to myself as I met William’s gaze, which seemed to be trying to see right through me.
“Yes, Constable.”
“Well done, finding a demon trying to infiltrate the castle. How did you do it?”
“Ah, Honorary Monk Aron!!”
Just as I was about to answer William’s question, Priest Bliant slid between us. William’s thick eyebrows twitched slightly.
“Ah, Priest Bliant.”
“Just as I expected! With the devout Honorary Monk Aron on inspection duty, all the demons trying to sneak in are being caught!”
Bliant’s lips curled into a smirk as he glanced at William. William’s brow furrowed slightly.
“Did you say Honorary Monk?”
“Indeed. Aron here is one of the most faithful men I have ever seen, and his deeds are plain for all to see! I have specially appointed him as an Honorary Monk!”
Bliant answered William’s question with great excitement.
“...An Honorary Monk. A rare honor indeed. So, how did you know that thing was a demon?”
William looked me up and down before asking in a low voice.
In truth, that thing wasn’t a demon, but more like a demon’s underling… or maybe a demon’s flunky. But I didn’t bother to correct him.
To these people, a demon was a demon; such distinctions were unnecessary. They would burn them all and smash their heads in, not bother to categorize them.
The problem, however, was…
‘...Can I just say I hit him in the back of the head?’
I hesitated for a moment, caught between Priest Bliant’s sparkling eyes and Constable William’s expectant gaze, before I spoke.
“First, I engaged in light conversation to ascertain the subject’s character and values.”
“Oh… as expected of Honorary Monk Aron!”
Bliant clapped his hands at my unremarkable words, and I nodded at his unthinking support before continuing.
“Then, I pretended to let them pass to lower their guard… and smashed them in the back of the head with my fist.”
“Yes! Of course! That’s our Honorary Monk Aron! Straight for the back of the head… huh?”
Bliant, who had been cheering me on, suddenly tilted his head. The reaction came from William instead.
“Smashing them in the back of the head… That makes sense. Followers of demons are known for their peculiar stubbornness and pride. A sudden blow to the back of the head could certainly enrage them enough to reveal their true forms.”
“That’s… right! Exactly! Since they are foolish enough to forsake God and choose demons, a surprise attack would naturally bring out their vile and filthy true nature!”
William nodded, stroking his thick eyebrows, while Bliant, who had looked somewhat uncertain, repeated William’s words, his cheeks puffing out again.
“But tell me.”
“Yes, Constable.”
“If you were just going to hit them in the back of the head, why have the conversation?”
William asked, looking genuinely curious.
“Well…”
I thought about it for a moment, but I couldn’t come up with a plausible excuse.
Just then, the Inquisitor walked past us and approached the creature tied to the post.
“Kyaaaargh! Kyaaak!”
The bound creature hissed at the approaching Inquisitor, who simply stared back with her characteristic impassive eyes and drew the mace from her hip.
The mace began to glow with a clear, pure white light, and the creature’s convulsions grew more violent. Without a hint of hesitation, the Inquisitor brought the mace down on its head.
*Crack.* With a crisp sound, its head exploded, spraying black blood and whitish brains everywhere. The Inquisitor’s white armor was instantly splattered with color.
Though she had shattered its skull in a single blow, the Inquisitor continued to bring the mace down again and again.
The surroundings fell silent, filled only with the sound of meat being minced. The Inquisitor’s mace finally stopped when the creature had been squashed into something resembling a hamburger patty.
The Inquisitor then took something long out of her pouch and held it over the patty. It immediately burst into flames, and a wave of intense heat and the smell of roasting meat spread through the air.
Once it was cooked well enough to be slapped between two buns, the Inquisitor turned and walked away.
The entire sequence was so smooth, like someone who had done it countless times, that the onlookers had varied reactions. Some called out to God, some looked relieved, and others were terrified.
At that moment, my eyes met the Inquisitor’s.
‘...Was that a glare?’
The Inquisitor seemed to narrow her eyes at me slightly before looking away.
“Ahem…”
Bliant broke the silence with a cough, his face full of discomfort.
“...In times like these, it’s certainly reassuring to have an Inquisitor around.”
Constable William muttered, glancing at Bliant.
‘Was the fish bread too much?’
I scratched my cheek as I watched the Inquisitor’s retreating back.
“It seems we’ll have to completely overhaul our inspection methods.”
William muttered in a serious tone and gestured for the guards to gather.
***
The minor incident made me late getting off work. Kel whined about something, but I ignored him and headed for the lodge.
When I got back, the hall was unusually crowded and noisy. Hana was bustling through the crowd.
“Oh, Aron!! You worked hard today!”
Hana waved enthusiastically as she set down mugs of beer at a table where three men were sitting.
“Boss! You’re back!”
Just then, Jokjebi peeked his head out of the kitchen and greeted me loudly. Below him, Kanna was watching me with only her right eye visible.
‘Jokjebi, what’s he doing in there?’
“Aron, you’re going to bathe first, right? Dylan! Get out here and help in the hall!!”
“Yes… Yes, ma’am!”
Hana summoned Jokjebi as naturally as if he were her subordinate, and he came scurrying out.
“I’ll draw you a bath! But, Aron! What about this? 45 coppers!”
“Forget it.”
I shook my head at Hana’s playful smile and the suspiciously reduced price, then went upstairs.
After taking off my heavy armor, I came back down to find Jokjebi shouting and running around the hall.
Hana, who was leaning against the wall wiping sweat from her brow, spotted me and broke into a wide grin, awkwardly waving her right hand up and down.
“44 coppers! It’s a total bargain! I’m not even breaking even! Not even close!”
I pressed my temples and walked past her into the bathroom. I jammed my sword into the door so no one could open it, then took off my clothes.
I poked at the persistent Devil’s Handprint for a moment before stepping into the wooden tub filled with hot water.
— ...Haaah.
Ignoring the grating sound, I scrubbed myself vigorously with a nearby cloth. After drying off, I got up and went outside. The hall was still noisy.
“Hey! Out of the way, you bastard!”
“W-What the…”
Jokjebi, having spotted me, swung his fists at a man sitting at a table. The terrified man fled outside.
“Ah! Boss! You can sit here! I wiped it down all nice and clean for you!”
As I sat down, Hana brought over a beer with ice floating on top and a bread roll stuffed with meat.
Jokjebi sat down across from me with a bright smile, which made Hana’s eyebrows shoot up.
“Dylan! Don’t just sit there, get to work!”
“B-But with the Boss…”
“Can’t you see how busy we are?! ...Tsk!”
Hana scowled, and Jokjebi got up and headed for the kitchen. Then Hana smiled and sat down where Jokjebi had been.
“Dylan came by to apologize for what happened the other day, can you believe it? It’s not like I lost anything, but he apologized anyway… And since the beer’s been getting popular lately, we’ve been busy, so I told him if he was sorry, he could come and help out.”
Hana’s lips curled into a smirk, making her look like a crooked merchant. But her eyes were so round and large, like a puppy’s, that she just looked like a dog that had proudly brought back a bone.
“Right. Whatever.”
I replied casually and brought the mug to my lips.
The cold beer hit me so hard it felt like a jolt to my brain, and I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment.
‘...I think the beer is getting colder and colder.’
Had she figured out a trick to it? I glanced toward the kitchen and saw Kanna still peeking out with half her face.
‘Books are expensive and hard to come by, but it might be worth upgrading her…’
I seriously considered what other functions I could add to the mini-fridge. Thinking about it, the mini-fridge was too good to be used for simple cooling.
Suddenly feeling a chill, Kanna quickly ducked back into the kitchen.