Chapter 57
Chapter 57
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 57
Chapter Title: 9th Floor. Pathetic Onahole Brat
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With a snap of recoil from my waist, I swung the greatsword low, just below hip level, pulling back my extended leg into a retreat while flipping the blade behind me with the hilt.
A crack formed in the lizard's scales, red blood gushing out from the fissures.
White bone peeked through the flesh of its knee as the Lizard Follower screamed and dropped to one knee.
Stepping forward again, I thrust the flipped sword ahead in a circular slash.
A vertical downward strike from the greatsword.
Splat─
The lizard's head split cleanly in half, its underbelly tearing open to spill its guts.
Thus, the follower met its end.
I tilted my head slightly to graze past an incoming spear blade.
Clang─
The spear tip scraped the side of my helmet, sparking as it went. I spun on the spot and unleashed a wide horizontal slash, feeling the dull thud of cleaving through meaty flesh.
"Kek─!"
Ribs and spine crushed, waist half-severed like a chopped tree—the follower let out a final shriek.
A blue magic bolt flew straight at me from behind.
Aim height: around my collarbone. Distance: too close to dodge.
Quick calculation. I kicked the follower—impaled by my greatsword, leaking guts and blood—right into the bolt's path.
Boom─!
Propelled by my forceful kick, it took the magic bolt to the head. Its neck snapped back, instant death.
One left: the wand-wielding Lizard Follower.
Time to next chant: about seven seconds. Distance to it at full sprint: five seconds.
The moment it started chanting, I dropped the cumbersome greatsword and charged.
The follower looked flustered at me ditching my weapon.
But before its shock could turn to anything else, I closed in, drove an uppercut into its jaw to halt the chant, then grabbed upper and lower jaws with both hands and wrenched them apart.
Naturally, muscle limits kicked in—elasticity and pain fought back, jaws straining to close against my pull.
Crack─ Snap─
Too bad lizards don't have much bite force.
"Kyahaa───!"
Splitch─!
Its massive maw stretched impossibly wide, locked at an irreversible angle.
Nearly 180 degrees open, shattered jawbone piercing flesh, blood streaming as its body convulsed.
I let go and stomped down with my boot.
Thud! Crunch!
Brains and chunks smeared the metal sole. How many stomps? By the time the head was unrecognizable mush, a familiar log scrolled into view.
⚙ SYSTEM NOTIFICATION ⚙ You have defeated the Lizard Follower. "Huff, haah... Whew! How's that? Pretty good now, right?"
"Not bad. You started out wobbling like a chick fresh from the egg, but now you're warrior material."
On the way back to Lizard Village, I handled every enemy that popped up.
Not that Blue Tongue beat me into submission—it was my choice to grind combat experience.
Lizard Followers and carnivorous plants poured out of nowhere, doubling our travel time and forcing a night camp, but endless safe fights were perfect training.
I used to take hits from just two followers. Now, I could beat three, barely.
Proves experience and skill trump raw stats in real fights.
'Status really just measures physical specs.'
I tapped the tattered, rag-like plate armor with my finger—tong-tong—then stretched my arms wide.
Shoulders and waist loosened smoothly.
Blue Tongue walked past, lifting a bizarrely patterned necklace from a dead follower's neck.
Indescribable carvings on it— so intricate, even modern tech would struggle, especially from these boonies.
"Egg thief bastard."
More pout than curse, but Blue Tongue smashed it to dust in his fist, tail thumping the ground in real anger.
I could only gawk at the necklace pulverized by grip strength alone.
'What Strength lets you flex like that? 20? 25? Damn lizard scrub.'
And so we arrived back at Lizard Village, starting point for retrieving Headless from that shady merchant.
"It's Headless, not Hairless, sir. And I know you're not actually looking."
"Hey! I've only been tricked before! Just trust and wait—they'll find it, like Mom taking New Year's money promising to return it when you grow up!"
"Sir, more of those incomprehensible words."
Truth is, I planned to ditch him midway but forgot amid the chaos.
Hey, even perfect guys like me slip sometimes. Adds charm, right?
Smack!
My knee buckled 90 degrees, balance tipping.
"Gaaah!!!"
Splat.
I collapsed into the mud, clutching my twitching leg and screaming.
"Meow! Meeeow!!!"
"Hmph."
"You two get along well. Good."
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ Back in the village, I got dirty looks from the Lizard guards at the entrance, but cozying up to Blue Tongue with an arm around his shoulder made them look away like they saw nothing.
"Haha, asshole! So what now? What can you even do?"
I flipped them off with both hands in mountain-sign language and strutted in.
"Hm. I prefer ones with more muscle, personally."
"Pardon?"
"Quit dawdling and get in. I'll prepare to summon the guardian, human."
Blue Tongue headed into the village's largest hut.
Making bricks in this jungle was tough, and lizards aren't built for fine work, so homes were woven leaves or burrows.
Only a few actual huts—like the one Blue Tongue entered and neighbors.
Most coiled in burrows, eyes outward. Fitting for lizards.
"Wasted my kindness. Already lost a day's business."
Glancing around Lizard Village, the merchant grumbled again. I scratched my head.
"Hey, hey. Closing shop for a day won't kill you. We're bros—take a break."
"Bros with you, sir?"
Truth: no relation at all.
Planned to fake finding Headless midway and send him packing, but forgot.
Hadn't thought beyond that.
"What kind of bros?"
The Suspicious Merchant looked up, arms crossed, stern-faced despite the mask. Felt like I could see his expression. Staring right through me!
'Shit.'
Wish he'd just buy it.
I closed my eyes, feigning heavy recollection to buy time.
Just stalling, really.
But he pressed.
"Sir."
"Well... obviously bros who walk the future together?"
"The future..."
Together till I smash that tentacle-eyeball on 30F. No issue calling it "walking the future."
He latched onto "future," mumbling it to himself.
"You mean...?"
"Dude, need I explain? Thought you got it."
I didn't even know what I meant, but acting like I did while questioning his ignorance? Life hack to dodge bullshit.
Worked like a charm!
Merchant stammered, then shut up.
Gaze felt stickier, but whatever.
Soon, Blue Tongue emerged from the hut with a glowing green slate.
"This it?"
Huge—shielded Blue Tongue's whole torso. Heavy too.
Somehow, smoothly carved stone inside transparent green mineral, like plating.
"Sma...拉克迪娜? Whatever. Wizards called it that. Final catalyst to birth the guardian."
"Ooh... looks pricey and legit."
Solid gold statue screamed money already, but magic? Shovelfuls of cash down the drain.
Even for a quasi-boss lifeform, cost must be insane.
Blue Tongue walked to the central altar-like spot, set the slate down, then topped it with the wizard-mimic golden statue.
Pop—he uncorked a Powerade-like potion bottle and reverently poured atop the statue.
Blue elixir flowed gracefully into the slate's grooves, revealing hidden script.
"All things spring from the one meditation, thus all are connected as one. The sun is its father, the moon its mother, the wind its womb. Here lies the perfection of all." ⟨ Guardian Rite ⟩
Blue Tongue chanted, elixir swirling upward like conducting an orchestra, engulfing the statue.
Blue Tongue turned to me.
"Give me the slime blob, human."
"Slime."
Holy-glow slime jiggled onto his palm obediently.
"All power returns to earth, all glory gained, ambiguity fades─!" Swirling elixir melted the golden statue into molten gold. The green slate blazed, unleashing massive mana.
Villagers watching the ritual gaped, tails tucked—the mana was immense.
Enough to evolve a mere slime blob into quasi-boss tier.
Blue Tongue gently placed the slime atop the flow.
Bubble bubble─
Slime bubbled ominously.
But Blue Tongue pressed on. Elixir met slime's holy glow.
Fwosh───
A brilliant light blanketed the village, bright enough for the dark jungle.
"Argh!!! Fuck, my eyes!!!"
Blinded again, I clawed at my face, howling.
These flashbang-loving freaks! Every ritual a stun grenade?
Thud─
Stumbling, I tripped over a rock? Balance wildly off.
Splat─
Mud bath again?
But Lizard Village was on solid, dry-ish ground.
Vision returning, I blinked, squinted, and checked what caught me.
Bugrrr! Jiggle!
"...You hurt my eyes even normally now, you pathetic slime-onahole fuck."
Jiggle?!
⚔ STATUS ⚔ 『aaaa's Onahole: Blessed Golden Slime Blob』 Lv: 15☆☆ [Status: Subjugated] Health: 255/255 ■■■■■■■■■■ Fuel: 13/30 ■■■■□□□□□□ A loyal Slime Onahole obeying its master's semen-fueled commands. The evolution rite shattered species limits thought impossible. The slime had shifted from soda hue to Inca Cola gold, mimicking the statue in a woman's form, jiggling before me.