Chapter 47
Chapter 47
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 47
Chapter Title: Floor 7. Ugly Bastards Are Fun Just Looking at Their Faces
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Floor 7. Ugly bastards are fun just looking at their faces.
The orcs lay sprawled naked on the ground like pitiful tragic heroines from some melodrama, shedding round tears from their eyes.
If they were actually those tragic heroines, at least their eyes would get a treat, but these were burly, muscle-bound orc dudes, so it was bad for eye health.
"Hey, hey—check this out. Isn't this one hell of a sword?"
The blade was forged from some unnamed pure white metal, engraved with bold curved patterns along the flat. It was a zweihänder clearly brimming with value both as a weapon and a work of art.
Apparently, they'd used up every scrap of iron I'd embezzled so far. It was a massive greatsword—heavy enough that even standing it upright made it just a tad taller than me, and I'm no shorty.
Sure, crafting it had cleaned out all the gear from my explorations plus the orc scout party's weapons and armor, but even combined, that stuff wasn't worth as much as this sword alone. So it balanced out, right?
This thing had outright shattered the law of conservation of entropy—increasing the world's entropy in the process!
The orcs snuck peeks at the magnificent sword, then wailed even more pathetically.
"Waaaaaahhh!!! How the hell am I supposed to go back to the village like this?!"
"They took the bracelet Grasha gave me, took my weapon, took my armor! I'm dead for sure if I go back!"
"HEEEEYYYY!!! You too meeeeean!!!"
I pressed a hand to my forehead as they bawled like babies, even throwing themselves flat on the ground in full-on tantrums.
At this rate... was I seriously gonna have to take those three skulls?
Their voices were so piercing it felt like my eardrums might burst. To calm them down, I had no choice but to throw out some kind of negotiation.
Otherwise, every enemy in the area would swarm us for sure.
"First off, quit crying like some lovesick wench, you gross orc dudes, and hear me out. This isn't bad for you guys, okay?"
"Our weapons—our souls as warriors—turned into a lump of scrap metal! How's that not bad, human? We won't forgive you!"
I grabbed the elbow of the guy swinging a fist in rage, tripped him, then smashed an elbow into his jaw to knock him out cold.
"Moooommmmyyy!!!"
In civilized society, starting with fists like that gets you sued into ruin, so I'd stopped him with tears in my eyes out of pure altruism. He'd thank me when he woke up.
"Next."
Finally getting the message, they all knelt politely in seiza.
I was so proud of these thick-skulled idiots finally growing up that I wiped away the teeniest, tiniest droplet of a tear with my finger.
"Think about it. I promised to catch that phantom goblin for you—the one you couldn't handle yourselves. To do it faster and cleaner, I need better gear, right?"
"No. In exchange for handling it, you asked to get into the village..."
I planted a roundhouse kick into the jaw of the guy raising his hand with a question.
Good. Quiet again.
"You think I'd just take your stuff without giving anything back? Of course I'll return it. It's an investment, got it? You could get back double what you put in!"
"Investment..."
"Gear..."
"Double?"
They perked up at that, eyes sparkling as they stared at me. I averted my gaze slyly.
"Yeah! How much gear did that goblin steal from you? Get it all back, and you'll be village heroes! Plus, you need stuff to protect yourselves, so obviously I've got gear for you too."
"Ooh... Human, you're amazing!"
"Hero! Heroes popular with females?"
I gave a thumbs-up to the youngest scout—the one whose loincloth got swiped by the shaman—and his mouth split into a goofy grin, cheeks blooming with a smile.
He probably had a crush on that shaman. Felt bad, so maybe I'd help him out later.
"So where's the clothes and weapons for us to wear? Walking plants fine, but crazy kin tough."
Crazy kin.
Meaning the hostile orcs programmed as enemies—not the NPC scout party or village orcs.
Fair point. Specs being equal, naked scouts versus geared-up orcs? Scouts lose every time.
"Your gear—you pick it up!"
"..."
I subtly raised a fist toward the guy clenching his, then spun and reset him before resuming the pitch.
This was for the greater good.
Your investment would save the world!
Scavenged gear plus stolen gear equals double! That logic nearly got me beaten to death, but I barely talked them into it. Now I had to scour the floor for every last dropped item.
Luckily, there were occasional leather armors and chain mails to roughly outfit them.
"Bottom feels empty, human."
"I'm looking hard too, y'know? Trade your top for pants or something."
But outfitting four guys? Nowhere near enough. One had gloves and boots but was otherwise naked; the rest were missing tops or bottoms.
The biggest orc—being the boss—snagged full sets first dibs, but even he didn't look thrilled.
"Trade, bro."
"Wanna get hit?"
Smack—!
"Gahk! Asking if I wanna get hit then hitting me anyway?!"
"Sorry. Thought you said yes."
Despite their ridiculous getups, that brutish, violent streak never faded—fists flew into faces at least six times a minute from the backline.
'How the hell are these idiots still alive?'
This was orc life, huh.
They fought all day yet somehow formed a scout party. Shaking my head, I sliced through an approaching vine tangle.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ Two days passed. Pushing through the filthy hordes of carnivorous plants was grueling, but not too tough.
With numbers on our side, it felt less like delving and more like sightseeing compared to solo.
Plus, the scout name wasn't for show—they sniffed out traps I'd missed, avoiding any real 6th-floor-style dangers just by a few sniffs.
'They're actually competent...?'
Overhearing their chatter showed thick skulls, sure, but in jungle survival, these four orcs were pros—no doubt.
Watching them grub worms off the ground all day whining about hunger was rough, but decent companions overall.
"Hrm. Where'd that bastard hide? Gotta head back soon or kin worry."
"Urgh... Knew it'd be tough, but this hidden?"
But maybe time to wrap it up—the scout leader furrowed his brow at me.
They'd come up here to check a big quake from something falling from above. Time to head back.
I could only make a troubled face.
D.D. had no time limits, and the phantom goblin AI looped back to track players eventually. No reason for such a long miss.
If the scouts returned to the village now, what happened to the side quest? God, please not a fail.
Plus, three days in, the "only used three consumables in first fight" perk was meaningless now.
"Just a bit more. Can't we look a little longer?"
"Hrm... Talk it over quick."
The four huddled to discuss. I watched a sec, sighed, and pulled up the map. Nearly 90% lit, but no goblin hair.
Down to lower floors maybe?
Real-world logic—no rule binding foes to one floor. Possible.
'Ah... annoying.'
⚔ STATUS ⚔ ⚡ Strength: 11(+1) 💨 Agility: 15(+0) ✨ Magic Power: 08(+0) 💪 Stamina: 09(+1) 🍀 Luck: 09(+1) 🛡️ Endurance: 15(+2) Name: aaaa | Level: 10 Health: 97/110 ■■■■■■■■■□ Magic: 51/51 ■■■■■■■■■■ Hunger: 33/110 ■■■□□□□□□□|□ Thirst: 67/110 ■■■■■■■□□□|□ Temperature: ◁■■■■■■■□□□▶ Held Skills: 『Thief's Luck』 『Demonic Charm』 『Battle Command』 『』 『Hero I』
Held Magic: 『Onahole Creation』
My stomach was starting to rumble, so I pulled up the hologram to check hunger.
And realized I'd hit level 10 without noticing.
Still floors to go, but level-wise, I was solidly mid-game—about a third in.
Result of wiping sub-bosses in the sewers and fully mapping everything.
Normal play without my hoovering? Probably level 7-8 by now.
This was my survival strat—unlike keyboard warriors, every input counted for my life.
'Just ditch the phantom goblin? Cling to them, and I bet they'd let me into the village.'
Not sure if that worked, but orcs didn't seem blindly hostile to humans.
Albert stabbing one first soured things, but unavoidable.
'Grab map completion EXP then bail...'
"Human, no find by tonight—we go back. Fatigue from camping bad for catching him."
"...Yeah."
Bustle hard, finish floor 7 today. Sleep less if needed.
⚙ SYSTEM NOTIFICATION ⚙ You have learned the structure of the current floor. "Arrrghhh!!! Come out already! Please!!"
"Human gone mad. Knew from 'just a bit more' chants all day."
"Quiet. Might hear."
We scoured all of floor 7. Not a goblin ass hair in sight.
Where the hell was this guy?
Fury boiling, I turned to head to floor 8, honoring the deal to ditch the hunt.
Crunch—crackle—
After all my toil chasing him, how dare he trample a delicate soul like mine? And an ugly goblin at that!
"Goblin, wanna see me snap?!"
"Waited, human. Me?"
A clipped tone worlds apart from the thick-skulled scouts. Raspy voice like gargling phlegm, mad gleam in cracked eyes oozing sticky insanity.
Grinning with jagged teeth, sending chills down my spine.
Like he'd been waiting, he poked out from behind a bush I'd just turned from—huge backpack and all.
"Haha! Hey, don't smile. We're bonding."
I'm no slouch looks-wise, but back home they say ugly bastards are delightful just seeing their faces, right?
Right now, this ugly goblin was damn welcome..!