Chapter 209: Next Door (2)
Chapter 209: Next Door (2)
“V-Vice Minister!! Gold bullion? This is a meeting to discuss affairs of state! Your joke goes too far!”
Unlike the Federalist congressman, who spoke with a blank expression, Talleyrand replied calmly without so much as blinking.
“A joke? I am perfectly serious.”
“……What do you mean by that?”
“If a diplomat of our great France has personally made the journey all the way to this rural backwater called Philadelphia, shouldn’t he naturally receive treatment befitting that?”
“What? Backwater?! Sir! Vice Minister Talleyrand!! Are you insulting our United States right now?!”
“I merely looked at a backwater and called it a backwater. I fail to see why that would make you angry. Ah, perhaps your knowledge of the world is too narrow? My, then I have made a mistake. As an apology, I shall broaden your horizons. I will personally invite you to Paris, which is no different from a jewel of Europe, so do calm your anger.”
Bang!
The wooden table trembled violently from how hard the congressman slammed it.
“It seems… there has been a slight emotional disturbance between us, so let us end today’s meeting here, Vice Minister.”
“My, how unfortunate. I had hoped that the next time we met, it would be together with a hefty envelope.”
“……Madman.”
Even as the Federalist congressmen filed out clicking their tongues at the sight of Talleyrand leisurely raising his teacup until the very moment they stood up, Talleyrand remained perfectly composed.
Naturally, when the next day came, the two-story red-brick United States Capitol was swept into an uproar.
“This is proof that France’s contempt and mockery toward our United States has gone too far!”
“Hey, Jefferson! If you’ve got a mouth, then say something! Why? Have you changed your name from Thomas to Tom now?”
“And not just Jefferson! You Democratic-Republicans as well! That glorious France of yours is treating us like some kind of colony. What do you intend to do about it?”
“If France does not issue a national-level apology at once, then we Federalists shall impose special tariffs on French trade goods!”
“Why, you ask? Because the French sugar we buy will come flying back at us as cannonballs!”
Exactly three hours.
That was all it took for trusted ally France to become, in American political rhetoric, wicked, ugly, disgusting, unbearable to look at, intolerable, a threat to peace, a lawless nation without conscience, a destroyer of world order, a betrayer of trust and good faith, a loathsome and shameless rogue, a filthy hypocrite, an invader of sovereignty, a malicious wretch with a ruined character, a greedy swindler, and a brazen nation with the face of a man and the heart of a beast.
Still, what could the Democratic-Republicans do? For a party that had shouted “France!” even after all reason had been beaten out of them, they had nothing to say when France had treated the United States not as a civilized nation, but as though it were some land of savages.
[Mad Frenchman humiliates the Union!]
[Is this how an ally behaves? Federalist Vice President Adams launches fierce attack on France!]
[France’s occupation of Louisiana—is this truly acceptable?]
The press, delighted to have a juicy story for the first time in a while, began scribbling without rest. Yellow papers and respectable papers alike were all equally busy chewing France up, tearing it apart, tasting it, and enjoying it.
So naturally, the insides of Edmond-Charles Genêt, the French ambassador to the United States, were no longer merely burning, but turning to ashes by the hour.
The Federalists had already been steadily gnawing away at politics under George Washington’s indifference, and now they had been handed a nuclear bomb. No wonder he felt that way.
“Vice Minister Talleyrand! Affairs were already difficult enough, and you’ve twisted them into an even worse knot! What in the world were you thinking?!”
But instead of even offering a superficial apology like, Hehe, sorry!, Talleyrand merely smiled faintly.
“Judging by how hot the reaction is, we’re at the final stage now.”
“The final stage? What do you mean by that?!”
“Please gather the newspaper reporters early tomorrow morning. If they are to write their articles and print them the same day, then around four in the morning should be the minimum.”
Ambassador Genêt wanted to punch this man in the jaw right then and there, but since that would change nothing, he merely stuffed his hands into his pockets.
“Hoo. Very well. I don’t know what you have in mind, but I sincerely hope whatever is inside your head succeeds. Otherwise, both our heads will surely be forfeit.”
“You worry too much.”
…Perhaps I should have hit him anyway, even if it changed nothing.
Late July, 1794.
Philadelphia, French Embassy in the United States.
“Yaaawn. How much time is left until the appointment?”
“It’s 3:50 now, so ten minutes.”
“Tsk. It looks like they’ve even gathered reporters from papers in the backwoods. They may as well start already.”
Early morning. Before the sun had even risen in the east, when the whole world was still submerged in deep indigo, the front of the French embassy was packed so tightly with reporters that there was not even room to set a foot down.
Then, when the appointed hour of four in the morning arrived—
“There! There’s Talleyrand! Talleyrand’s coming out!”
“Vice Minister! Please give us a statement! Is it true that you really demanded bribes from the congressmen?!”
“This is the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette! Does France truly want to break the Franco-American alliance?!”
“Quiet. Please keep order. I will answer everyone.”
Neatly dressed, Talleyrand raised a hand to quiet the reporters, then began to speak.
“First, I, Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord, wish to make it known that I harbor not the slightest ill will or malicious intent toward the four million people of the United States.”
“I have a question. According to the Federalist congressmen, Vice Minister, you openly insulted our United States. Doesn’t that contradict what you just said?”
“Or are you saying that the Federalist congressmen and Vice President Adams are lying?”
“No. The statements of the Federalists and Vice President Adams are true.”
“What?”
What kind of nonsense was this?
Had he not just said that he bore no ill will or malicious intent toward the United States?
That thought flashed through the minds of the American reporters, but as Talleyrand continued speaking, everyone hurriedly wrote his words down.
“I am a public servant. A public servant called by the people to carry out public duties rationally. That is why I never met with the Democratic-Republicans. Because I wished to regard you Americans as friends, not as bad neighbors.”
“What do you mean by that, Vice Minister?”
“Because while some might see my actions as simple cooperation, others might feel that their sovereignty had been violated.
“Our revolutionary government loves liberalism. It upholds the separation of powers and respects the sovereignty of the people. As a member of such a government, I have not even the slightest desire to recklessly throw your country into turmoil.”
“Oh. I see.”
That was right. Political news did not dominate the newspapers for nothing. The Americans nodded along with the Frenchman.
“So I met with the Federalists. I drank tea with them, played cards with them, and conversed with them. Setting aside the popular assessments of them as pro-British or pro-French, every one of the men I met was a gentleman.”
“Then why did you insult such men and demand bribes from them?”
“Precisely because they were gentlemen.”
“……What?”
“Let me ask you, reporters. What sort of relationship exists between our France and your United States?”
“Why, naturally… an alliance.”
“An alliance! Exactly right.”
Talleyrand deliberately adopted a gloomy expression and spoke again.
“Ten years ago, the young men of France, burning with a sense of justice, and the patriotic young men of the United States stood shoulder to shoulder and defended this American continent from tyranny and oppression.
“At sea, from Saint Lucia to the Chesapeake; on land, from Boston to Charleston, and all the way to this very Philadelphia where we stand. Countless young men willingly marched to the battlefield to defend this United States, and countless young men gave their lives in America. It was not difficult to find someone from Paris resting forever with his head leaning against the shoulder of someone from Columbia.”
“Thus, nourished by those sacred deaths, France and the United States became two friends unlike any others in history. We were friends in commerce, are friends in commerce, and will be friends in commerce. We were friends in war, are friends in war, and will be friends in war. For we French shall never abandon comrades who once shed blood with us.”
But it seems that you Americans do not think as France does.
Talleyrand added that with a bitter smile.
“Yes. I openly made insulting remarks about the United States and demanded improper payment from Federalist congressmen. Let me ask you reporters this: you are Americans living on this land, so surely you know better than I what is happening here.
“How is your Congress treating France right now? What kind of treatment are you giving comrades who once shed blood together with you?”
“Th-that…”
The reporters, though happy enough to moisten their lips with words, could not bring themselves to say more in answer to the Frenchman’s question.
They knew the situation well enough. The Federalists, twisting themselves this way and that to reopen relations with Britain, were now holding the vice presidency and beginning to dominate Congress.
But saying that aloud at this moment carried a very different weight.
“When did France ever ask you for repayment for entering the war!? Or ask you to join hands with us and plant a flag atop Buckingham Palace in London!? France wanted nothing from you, wants nothing from you, and will want nothing from you! Why? Because that is justice! Because justice is the very reason our French youth willingly came to be buried in this land!
“And yet why, knowing all this, are you trying to betray France?”
“…‘Betray’ is a rather strong word. It sounds as though you are quite angry.”
“Of course! Naturally! So many French youths were buried in this American land in order to save Americans, and as a man who conducts France’s public business, how could I possibly not be angry?!”
Now the Frenchman was waving his hands as he spoke.
“General Lafayette, commander of our National Guard, even suffered a gunshot wound in the leg while helping your country, yet instead of fulfilling the duties of an ally, your country places that alliance on a scale and weighs it. Who would not be angry? That is why I lashed out! As both a Frenchman and a public servant, filled with hurt feelings and anger, I made an outrageous demand!”
At those words, all the reporters pressed their lips together. From the French point of view, was that not understandable? It was not as though someone had rescued a drowning man only to demand his bundle in return.
“Of course, that does not mean I am without fault. As a man performing public duties, I let myself be swept up in personal emotion and committed such a shameless act. I wish to offer my sincere apologies to all Americans.”
The Frenchman dipped his head slightly and addressed the reporters.
“Therefore, I, Talleyrand, have fully accepted responsibility for acting in a manner unbefitting my original purpose of strengthening friendship with the United States, and I have requested that the Louisiana Governor’s Office send someone to replace me. Once again, I am sorry.”
“…The Federalist side has said that a national-level apology is necessary. What do you think of that?”
“Before they say such things, I would like them to go and weigh the matter in front of the gravestones of the French youths who sacrificed themselves to protect them.”
“Ahem.”
“But it remains true that I committed a grave discourtesy toward your country. I have therefore requested that France send the finest person it can currently dispatch, so I hope you will not worry.”
“Could you tell us who that person is?”
“If I say a former Finance Minister, that should be enough for you to understand.”
The reporters’ mouths all dropped open at once.
“V-Vice Minister! Please take just one more question!!”
“Do you mean that Guillaume de Toulon is coming?!”
“I will make no further comment. Thank you.”
“So you intend to use me as a promotional signboard?”
“Hahaha, something like that.”
“Your Excellency! Hold yourself back! What are you doing! Everyone, get him!”
“Aaaah! Talleyrand! Talleyrand!”