Chapter 33: The Virgin's Lockpick Consultation and the Fatal Misunderstanding
"Can't even remember a person's name? That bitch's slave is dumber than a typical slave. That girl was at least smart-headed."
"No way. Sneakily throwing shade!? If you go around talking like that, you'll get ratted out to our mistress? Wait, did breaking in already cross the line...? Anyway, why are you here? No, seriously, how the hell did you even get in?"
Hoping Seris would catch on, I mentioned Sylvia. It might've sounded casual, but I was extremely tense. The tall witch in front of me could use magic, and all I had going for me was stamina—no combat skills whatsoever. So I subtly hinted that messing with me would screw her over with Sylvia, but her relaxed expression didn't crack!
"I calculated everything before coming in~. That study bug Sylvia's buried under a mountain of report grading, so it'll take her a while. So, just one question~. How far have you gone with that girl Sylvia?"
"...Huh? You barge in out of nowhere and ask that? What do you even want with that info?"
That bitch! Won't say how she got in. Well, confessing her crime outright would be ridiculous anyway. Shit... should I just stall for time? But even to buy time, I had no reason to answer her honestly, nor any desire to. Change the subject? With what? Why the hell should I spill bedroom secrets to someone I'm not even close to—hell, even friends don't share that!
The beanpole waited for my silence, her face stiffening a bit before she spoke again. "...Help me out. I'll pay whatever. Whiris and I haven't done anything yet. Ugh! Everyone else seems to do everything with their slaves, so why am I the only one...! Got any tips or tricks? What the hell does she do to make you stick to her like that! Even if she's ugly, you're a guy with eyes—how can you cling to such a plain Jane?!"
"If you want something from me, quit badmouthing Sylvia. What do you expect to get with that attitude? You got a brain?"
Hoo, looks like she's striking out with that little guy. But why should I tell her? She says she'll pay, but I don't want anything... Plus, Sylvia doesn't even like this beanpole.
"And what could you even offer? All I need is Sylvia. You think I'd take handouts from someone she hates and help you out?"
"Ugh, you two are so annoyingly devoted? Licking each other's wounds like ugly losers?"
"You think you can get anything from me talking like that...?"
Insolent bitch! Time to clap back!
"Hoo...! Call me ugly all you want—it's true. But...! I can tolerate anything except you calling Sylvia ugly!"
I lit a fire in my eyes like a proper man.
"...What? Hmph... Trying to claim you're a loyal slave to your mistress? I said I'd pay~? Don't be stingy and just tell me~."
Seris barely reacted. Damn it.
Shit. How do I stall more? Just spill some story? ...No choice. Tone it down, talk about the fluffy cuddly stuff. Yeah. Better to sour her mood with someone else's sweet romance talk!
I didn't know isekai customs well, but bragging about sex with Sylvia would just fuel gossip among the academy's popular crowd. "Heard it from her herself~" or whatever. No way in hell. So, for Sylvia's honor, I'd skip the smut and share the clingy couple stories.
Sylvia shows up, you're dead meat for real.
A guy leaning on his girlfriend felt a bit embarrassing, but what could I do? She had magic; I had jack shit. Who knows what this bitch might do if provoked?
And so, I slowly began telling the illegal intruder Seris about how Sylvia and I had been all lovey-dovey.
"......At that moment, she puffed her cheeks like, 'This is when you pet your mistress's head!' It was so cute I lost my mind. I petted her right away and kissed her. Her face softened instantly, lips twitching up—she had no idea she'd been totally exposed as head over heels── Wait, I'm telling you this because you begged, so why the hell is your face rotting like that?"
"Haa... Fucking gross! Listening to you two makes me nauseous! Ever think about how I feel hearing ugly losers grope each other? Just spit out the hints quick!!"
This bitch... Demanding shit and still talking crap. I'm holding back on purpose, heh heh.
[──Kuhk── Demanding info── but you're── not one to talk──]
Damn sword. No ears, complains my stories give her ear blisters, but sides with me now! I'll make something tasty tonight! Sylvia cooks, but you can't eat anyway!!
"Wh-what? You scared me. ...You're lugging around a sword as ugly as you, huh?"
This fucking punk! All she knows is ugly?!
I swallowed my boiling rage and kept spilling the lovey-dovey tales that'd make Seris explode. She hated it but listened for any hints.
Sylvia, come on. Chase this bitch out... Give her hell...
But as she listened, her anger boiled over, and Seris started saying weird shit.
"Some girls can't even hold hands, yet she does this and that... Tch! Hey, you! Give me your hand. Let me see what it's really like."
"No fucking way! Why would I hold your hand?!"
Honestly, even as a tall, intimidating girl-crush model type, Seris was pretty, so it tempted me a tiny bit.
Bad angle: skinny bamboo. Too harsh—slim big sis type?
To stay devoted to Sylvia, I could call her a salt gremlin, but calmly, those heavy brows drew the eye, and her long limbs were damn attractive.
...Hand-holding's harmless, right?
...No! Even a light touch—nope. Can't hurt Sylvia's feelings. She's 500 times prettier anyway.
I made my refusal crystal clear. "Nah. You're gross; I wouldn't give you a fingertip."
Pissed at my high-and-mighty act, Seris doubled down, her pride stung.
"Just a hand! Give it here! It's just a quick touch, don't be so prissy!"
"No! Hey! Back off! Stay away, you rapist bitch!"
"R-rapist!? Over a hand?! Quit being stingy and hand it over!!"
Ack! The fucking punk's grabbing for my hand! Luckily no magic, so with my base specs, I dodged her sexual harassment left and right.
But dodging too well just fueled her rage.
"Eek...! Ugly bastard! Humiliating me like this!? I-I'm not even interested in you!! Just wanted to feel a guy's hand!!!"
......Hearing her go that far, I felt a bit sorry for her. No idea when she summoned that kid, but last seen a month ago... Never mind losing virginity, can't even hold hands? Harsh.
Pre-isekai, I'd been a 25-year virgin myself, yet now pitying a beauty like her? Hilarious growth.
So I unwittingly offered. "Fine, virgin exception—just this once. Here, hand. Touch away."
"Eh? Uh? Oh... Then..."
But when I held out my hand like a handshake, Seris hesitated. Looking like a burdensome webnovel heroine. Not Sylvia-level, but kinda 0.02 Sylvia cute...
She twitched her fingertips, barely touching mine. I grabbed to ease the awkwardness.
Like a girl suddenly hugged, her hand froze—
Click.
My mistress. Sylvia appeared.
"......"
"........."
"............What... is this...?"
We're fucked!
Of all timings...! Seris and I yanked our hands away lightning-fast, but her eyes had seen everything.
Sylvia's eyes sank into a chilling glare. Still pretty, but utterly deranged. The mood shifted to unreal creepiness—like a horror flick come alive. For a split second, I felt true dread.
That comma-few-seconds was my original sanity. But thanks to the [Contract], thoughts of Sylvia harming me vanished instantly.
Enlightenment hit. My heart calmed as if nothing mattered; no fear or doubt toward Sylvia lingered.
Of course! She'd never rage at me, even jealous.
Yeah! The one screwed is this trespassing beanpole witch!!
Whoosh! Without seeing the gesture, Sylvia posed like Nasus drawing Frostfang, wand aimed at Seris.
Seris froze like an extra villain with a gun to her head. She'd braced for meeting Sylvia, but caught in this rage-bait scene? Pale, clueless how to handle it. Total brain-freeze.
"Why... were you holding my slave's hand, Seris...?"
"C-calm down, you bitch. Look, it was like──"
"How... did you enter my room—just for me and my slave? Seris...?"
"L-listen to me first."
[...Not counting her as a number, Mistress's Mistress...?]
"Seris? Choose your words carefully... It's my first time killing, but... I wouldn't feel a thing... Answer now."
"Eek! Sp-spare me!!"
"Hngh... I said answer... Why can't you...? Guess... you're fine dying then...?"
Mana gathered at her wand—thick enough for my eyes. Ignoring Dark Bringer's interjection, Sylvia ramped up the killing intent on Seris.
I needed to de-escalate. But not by stopping Sylvia now. As her slave, I'm always Team Mistress... So!
"You fucking punk! Mistress is here—kneel and apologize now! If you wanna save your worthless life!"