Mesugaki Streaming Day 3 (Mild Emotional Breakdown Warning)
If you hate mild emotional breakdowns, skip to the *** and run away right now!
“Ah~ Thanks for the donations, trashies!”
These idiots think I'm ending stream just 'cause I pulled in a ton of donations, look a bit tired, and usually wrap up before 10 PM? Pfft... how'd they know. Truth is, I wasn't planning to end, but damn, they're handing me the perfect excuse on a silver platter... This is sweet as hell?
It's 9:20 PM now. Normally, to grow this puny height of mine somehow, I hit the sack by 10 at the latest. So before 10, I'd always end stream, chug some milk, and crash.
“Oh? Yeah... was gonna end stream~ So just milk time, then end stream~?”
-Fuck
-Titjob nursing?
-Wanna grope those jugs.
These crazy bitches... Wait, are they only like this in my stream? Can they even function in normal life? Looking at this, they should've been total social recluses. How the hell do they live normally? Makes no sense.
While glaring at this disgusting chat, I slowly started chugging the milk I'd grabbed from the fridge earlier.
“Gulp... gulp...”
NotBigTitsYangEunje donated 1,000 won.
Does our Meki's breast milk taste good?
“Gulp... Huh?! C-cough...!? Pfft...”
Asking if her breast milk tastes good while I'm drinking milk? Is that normal? What the fuck gives them the balls to type this shit? If this was another stream, I'd sue their asses and squeeze settlements already...
“You wanna get sued, fucker? Real fucking asshole.”
Crazy bitches. If these shits think I won't make money later, I'll just sue and bail.
“Gulp... Haa, anyway, it's almost 10, so bedtime. Helps me grow taller, y'know? Ending stream~.”
-Height?
-So cuuute~
Ah... The longer I stream this shit, the more my sanity shatters. Gotta end quick and sleep. If I keep the stream on and chat, it'll never end, so I hurriedly shut it down.
[Stream has ended.]
Ugh... dizzy... Gotta keep tomorrow's stream short.
To shake off the crashing sleepiness, I shook my head side to side and slowly put away the half-eaten dalgona, ladle, and gas burner from earlier.
Ugh... Money down the drain. The ladle's charred black, no reusing that. The dalgona lump's too gross to eat, gotta toss it. Gas burner lucked out—just clean off the spilled sugar and bits.
“Still... today's earnings were huge, thank god.”
Checked how much I made today, and my eyes nearly popped out at the insane number.
325,000 won. Over ten times my usual pittance—three times that, even. Starving with less than 10k before, now over 300k from one stream. Other streamers struggle for cash, but today smashed expectations. Feels damn good.
Hm? Already 10? Time to crash.
Rubbing my itchy sleepy eyes with the back of my right hand, I prepped for bed. Sleep's coming, but can't sleep on the floor. No bed, no AC to cool the heat, but luckily, my fluffy pillow always welcomes me.
Thank god... I do have a pillow. It's probably the one happiness an angel dropped for me... Feeling that soft pillow touch, I let my slowly closing eyes take over.
Before sleep, eyes shut, something far off waves hello. Thanks, sleep fairy...
“Jaejun, Mom loves you always.”
“Dad's always cheering you on.”
What was it? Words I definitely heard long ago, can't recall exactly, but they summed up my current shitshow... What were they again?
“Hic... sob...”
Oh yeah. A baked dream, right? Deep autumn night, disciple wakes crying. Master, puzzled, asks.
“Scary dream?”
“No.”
“Sad dream?”
“No. Sweet dream.”
“Then why cry so sadly?”
Disciple wipes tears, whispers low: “That dream... can't come true.”
Can't come true. The happy me from the dream doesn't exist in reality—vanishes like a midsummer night's dream.
“Mom, Dad...”
Even in dreams, happy family times. Joking with Mom over tasty meals, getting bonked on the head by Dad for running wild indoors. Grew up loved in a stress-free home with great parents, like everyone else. Studied markets, stocks, coins to repay them. Waited just to be happy.
All gone. Nothing left. Someone stole my happiness—swapped with this world's miserable me. No permission, no warning. Body hijacked suddenly. Not possession—theft. Body, happiness, even my hard-earned smarts.
Now I'm dumb, stupid, unhappy, broke.
“Fuck...”
First words waking: just a curse. Emotionless, dry, meaningless drivel. Wish someone heard it. Would that make it better? Not bawling alone like a pathetic loser—someone hugging, saying it's okay?
“Hoo, hoo...”
Throat's parched like mad. Tears? Sweat? Doesn't matter—thirsty as fuck. Craving water like a desert begs rain.
-Clunk.
No purifier, so bottled water it is, rationed out. Annoying at first, but beats tap water.
Gulp. Unscrew loose cap, tilt to mouth, chug. Like office cooler—straight down the hatch.
Not enough. No matter how much, thirst lingers.
Gulp. Chug again, hoping. Nope. Half a 1.5L bottle down, still burning.
“Bathroom...”
Thirst stays, but now piss screams—bolt to toilet. Flip seat, unleash without holding back. Cool relief, but throat still screams thirst.
Finger my thirsty throat. Itches... insanely. So goddamn itchy...
Can't take it. Scratch. Like mad.
“Ah... aaah...!”
Scratching itch, something pops—check mirror. Moldy, damp, filthy, but dead center shows me perfectly.
That's not me... not my me...
A small boy there, tears streaming, choking his own neck with both hands.
“Ah...”
Realized: not normal thirst. It's jealousy, craving for love and happiness stolen by another world's me from my parents.
Am I really Shin Jaejun? Was my old life just a midsummer dream, and this the truth? Did I ever deserve happiness?
Mirror me grins awkwardly, neck red-raw, tears flowing. Do I even qualify for happiness?