The World Was Never Meant to Be Lived Alone (2)
“So…….”
“…….”
The face of the middle-aged man in the Taoist robe slowly twisted. The young man sitting across from him flinched and drew his shoulders in.
It wasn’t exactly an unusual sight. An older senior scolding a young disciple was common enough.
But when the one taking the rebuke was Chung Myung—the Mount Hua brat whom even the sect leader and elders had once had to throw up their hands at—the story changed a little.
The uncontrollable little bastard. The worst scum in Mount Hua’s history, the kind of person even fellow disciples put more than thirty jang between themselves and the instant their eyes met his. Seeing him shrink his shoulders like that was a rare sight indeed.
“And who told you I was here in the first place……?”
“Why? You want to know so you can go beat them up?”
“Heh heh…… Come on, do you really think I’d do that? You know I’ve been trying to straighten myself out lately.”
“Straightening yourself out? You?”
“…….”
Chung Myung ground his teeth silently.
I’m going to tear apart whoever snitched.
If the other bastards came to lecture him, he could just snort and run off. But no matter how much Chung Myung might have changed, there was nothing he could do about Chung Mun.
“So…….”
“……Yes, Sahyung.”
Chung Myung glanced at Chung Mun carefully.
Damn it.
The kindly softness that always lived around his eyes was gone, replaced by deep furrows. This meant, at the very least, that Chung Myung was in for an hour of nagging.
“Bring me that thing over there, that…….”
“Huh! The switch? Sahyung! I’m old enough now……!”
“……Water. Bring me water.”
“…….”
Chung Myung let out a relieved breath, then stood up with no energy at all and fetched the water jar placed by the door.
“Here.”
“Sit down.”
“Yes, sir.”
As Chung Myung dropped back into his seat, Chung Mun took a long drink to wet his dry throat. Then he let out a heavy sigh.
“Chung Myung.”
“Yes, Sahyung.”
“……Was it such a terrible crime for a junior disciple to ask you about swordsmanship?”
“Of course not.”
“A junior who wanted to grow stronger gathered the courage to ask you about the sword. Was that the crime?”
“……No.”
Chung Mun’s face wrinkled hard.
“Then why did you hit him?”
“…….”
“Why did you hit him, huh? Why! If a kid doesn’t know something, he can ask! And you beat him for asking? Are you even a Taoist, you little brat? Huh?”
“S-Sahyung! Actions speak louder than words, okay? Put that fist down!”
“I’m furious, that’s why!”
Chung Mun. The Great Divine Sword Chung Mun. The Mount Hua senior disciple who knew benevolence, understood the Dao, and whose aura could calm the hearts of those who merely looked at him. The man certain to inherit the position of Mount Hua sect leader, so much so that even Mount Hua’s own disciples secretly wished for the current sect leader to step down and take his ease.
A sword master and a man of the way known throughout the world.
And yet even Great Divine Sword Chung Mun lost all reason in front of this swamp rat.
“You beat the poor kid so badly over one question that he ended up in the medicine hall? Did you smear honey all over Reflective Cave or something? Why are you so desperate not to go in there?”
“Honey? Do I look like I want to go to Reflective Cave? If I spend a week in that godforsaken place with no light, I’ll seriously just…….”
“You’ll just what?”
“……As soon as I get out, I’ll have killing intent roaring so hard toward the bastard who made me go in there that I’d want to beat him to death…….”
“Then beat me, you bastard! Beat me!”
Unable to hold back any longer, Chung Mun grabbed the nearest brush and hurled it at Chung Myung. But Chung Myung snatched it out of the air with lightning speed and only grinned sheepishly.
“Come on now. At least make some sense. How could I beat Sahyung?”
“……So juniors are fine to hit?”
“Juniors need to be hit.”
“What about uncles?”
“Uncles too, if they spout nonsense.”
“…….”
Taking advantage of the silence, Chung Myung swiftly put the brush back where it belonged and gave an awkward smile. Chung Mun released another long, exhausted sigh.
“Why did you hit him?”
“Sahyung. I think you’ve misunderstood. I didn’t beat him just because he asked.”
“Then why?”
“You know what you told me, too, right? I heard it until it was drilled so far into my ears it felt like a nail had been hammered in. You really think I’d just start hitting him for no reason?”
“Then why did you hit him?”
At the memory, Chung Myung’s temper flared again and he said irritably, “I actually explained it pretty thoroughly and even demonstrated it for him.”
“……And?”
“Even after telling him three times, the idiot still couldn’t understand it! But he kept asking me to teach him!”
“…….”
“If he’s too dumb to understand even after I explain it, why does he keep begging me to teach him? It’s like he’s just trying to screw with me!”
Chung Mun, momentarily at a loss for words, looked at Chung Myung and then let out a deep sigh.
“Chung Myung.”
“Yes?”
“Was it frustrating?”
“…….”
Chung Myung pressed his jutting lip back in.
He liked this side of Chung Mun. If it had been anyone else, they would have lost their temper and snapped that what he said made no sense. But Chung Mun always thought one step further, from his side first, before getting angry.
“It wasn’t exactly frustrating, but…….”
Chung Myung muttered under his breath.
“It’s not like it could work anyway.”
“…….”
“There are things that work if you put in the effort, and things that just don’t. I don’t get why they struggle so hard over it.”
Chung Mun said nothing, only watched him. Chung Myung, suddenly feeling a little awkward, lowered his head.
“Chung Myung. Those boys are your juniors.”
“…….”
“I know that, from your point of view, it can be frustrating. But won’t you eventually face something you can’t handle on your own?”
“…….”
“Then what will you do?”
“Wouldn’t I just get stronger?”
“And if that still isn’t enough?”
“Then I’ll have to get even stronger.”
“…….”
When Chung Mun stared at him in dumbfounded silence, Chung Myung shook his head.
“I know you think that sounds frustrating. But, Sahyung.”
“Hmm?”
“It’s faster for me to train alone and get stronger than it is to teach those idiots and drag Mount Hua forward through them.”
“…….”
“They just need not to get in my way. Then I’ll handle everything myself. Shaolin, Wudang—whatever. I’ll smash them all on my own. Sahyung can just sit back, watch the show, and eat some rice cakes.”
“…….”
“Heh heh. If you’d share one rice cake with me, that’d be even better.”
Chung Mun exhaled slowly through his nose. Chung Myung flinched, already feeling guilty, but the look in Chung Mun’s eyes was not anger—it was pity.
To anyone else, Chung Myung’s words might have sounded like absurd excuses made to dodge responsibility. But to Chung Mun, they felt painfully sorrowful.
He can’t fit in with them.
The world Chung Myung saw was different from the world others saw.
When one person could only notice a single thing in front of them, Chung Myung saw ten, twenty things at once. How could the two of them ever truly speak the same language?
To Chung Myung, even Chung Mun must seem like a dull, frustrating fool. And yet the one threatening him with a switch while calling himself his Sahyung was none other than Chung Myung himself.
“Chung Myung.”
“Yes.”
“How far do you intend to go alone?”
“…….”
“Yes. I understand how you feel. I know that you getting stronger alone is far better for Mount Hua than dragging the others along.”
“Exactly. That’s what I’m saying.”
“But then how much harder must you live?”
Chung Mun quietly shook his head and continued.
“It may look as if you are throwing everything away and walking alone, but in truth it is the opposite—you are taking everything upon your shoulders and walking with it. Can you bear the fate of this Mount Hua by yourself?”
“…….”
“Yes, perhaps you can. But it is no different from climbing a sheer cliff with your bare hands. Even the man who has climbed the cliff countless times can slip for a single instant and fall into the abyss below. Can you live your whole life under that kind of tension and burden?”
Chung Myung could not answer. Chung Mun’s voice carried a sincerity that could not be denied.
“Even if it is possible, I still don’t want you living that kind of life, Chung Myung.”
“Sahyung.”
Chung Mun smiled gently.
“From where I’m standing, it isn’t that they’re slow. It’s that you’re too fast.”
“…….”
“If you keep racing ahead blindly, you won’t see the ones following behind you. At first, you may look back once or twice, but if you don’t see anyone there each time, in the end you’ll stop looking back at all and just keep running.”
Chung Myung looked at Chung Mun in silence.
Sometimes it was hard to understand what Chung Mun was saying. It wasn’t the sort of thing that could be interpreted through reason and logic.
“Chung Myung.”
“Yes, Sahyung.”
“The world is not meant to be lived alone.”
“…….”
“No one can truly live by themselves. If those frustrating boys you’re talking about weren’t there, the most frustrated one of all would be you. Do you understand what I mean?”
“Yes, Sahyung. I get it. I do, but…….”
“Slow down a little.”
Chung Myung let out a long, suffocating sigh.
“I understand what you’re saying. But the thing is…… yes. Honestly, it doesn’t mean anything, does it? No matter how much I wait or slow down, if they have no intention of catching up…….”
“Do you truly think your juniors have no desire to catch up to you?”
“…….”
“Could it be that, because of the thorns you’ve placed around yourself, they simply can’t bring themselves to show that thought in front of you?”
“That’s…….”
At last, Chung Mun smiled, a little sadly.
This boy, honestly.
He understood.
Even if nobody else did, he did.
What Chung Myung wanted most wasn’t really to stand above others. It was for someone to stand beside him. If that weren’t true, Chung Myung would never have listened to him this obediently.
He had long since surpassed Chung Mun in raw power. Even the sect’s elders could do nothing to Chung Myung with the sword. And Chung Myung knew that better than anyone—he didn’t hide it, either.
No matter how much Chung Mun had practically raised him, there was no way that arrogant brat would obey his words so faithfully for no reason.
Chung Myung knew it too.
If even his relationship with Chung Mun were cut away, then in the end he would be left alone.
We are different.
For Chung Myung, the world was Mount Hua.
He was unlike those who climbed Mount Hua after deciding to become Taoists in order to see the world. Chung Myung had remained on Mount Hua ever since the day he first opened his eyes to the world.
How could Chung Mun possibly guess what Mount Hua meant to him?
“Chung Myung.”
“Yes, Sahyung.”
“I’m not telling you to watch over the juniors for Mount Hua’s sake.”
“…….”
“Do it for yourself. For you. One day, too, you’ll come to understand the value of those who can support your back.”
Then Chung Myung looked at Chung Mun with unusually serious eyes. At that solemn expression, Chung Mun smiled in satisfaction.
“Yes, maybe a little…….”
“No, that only matters if they’re useful enough to count! If those guys are the ones supporting my back, then I’m already done for! I might as well put down my sword.”
“…….”
“You have to make sense if you want me to listen! Huh? What are those kids supposed to do? Come on now! Unless I die and get reborn again, that sort of thing isn’t happening.”
Chung Mun laughed heartily.
“Chung Myung.”
“Yes!”
“Bring me the switch.”
“…….”
“Now!”
“Ha. Ha ha…… ha ha ha.”
Chung Myung laughed awkwardly as he shot to his feet.
“Sahyung!”
“What?”
“I’ll carve your words into my bones. I completely understand now what you mean about taking care of the juniors. I’ll give it my all. I’ll grind my very bones to dust.”
“…….”
“Well then, I’ll be off!”
And with that, he kicked the door open and bolted without even looking back.
“You brat! Stop right there! You’re still in Mount Hua, so where the hell do you think you’re running to?”
“I’m going to train!”
At the voice already drifting up from far, far away, Chung Mun let out another long sigh.
I’m asking too much.
A person could not be perfect.
Those with extraordinary talent in one area were often lacking in others. Chung Myung had been born with incomparable martial brilliance, but because of that, he didn’t know how to live alongside people, or how to embrace them.
And that was only isolating him further.
Becoming stronger was a good thing.
But what meaning was there in growing strong alone, without anyone to rejoice with you?
The names Chung Mun and Mount Hua still bound Chung Myung for now, but even that leash might snap one day without warning. Chung Mun’s heart ached and burned whenever he wondered whether there would come a day when tears would finally spill from Chung Myung’s eyes.
As Chung Mun was closing the door Chung Myung had kicked open, something caught his eye and made him pause.
On the spot where Chung Myung had just been sitting, there was some kind of root-like thing left behind.
“……Ginseng?”
Mountain ginseng.
He must have found it while going deep into the mountains to train.
“……That kid.”
As he stared at the ginseng Chung Myung had left behind, his pity only deepened. He could feel Chung Myung’s heart in that root—his awkward, clumsy way of caring. And at the same time, he could vividly picture Chung Myung’s back as he headed off to train in the deep mountains where no one would notice him, leaving the easy training grounds behind.
The thought of that awkward figure made something ache in his chest.
“Someday…….”
Someday, that boy would meet the people he could give his heart to.
If he could just once see Chung Myung smiling without a trace of defensiveness among others, Chung Mun would ask for nothing more.
“Still far off, I suppose.”
And yet, one day, this Mount Hua would fully embrace that boy.
At least, that was what Chung Mun truly wanted to believe.