The More You Win, the More Enemies You Make (3)
When you’re already at the bottom, there’s no such thing as pressure. There’s nowhere left to fall, and nothing left to protect.
Pressure only begins to weigh on your shoulders when you have something to lose, not when you’re still scrambling to reach something.
“Sasuk. I……”
As Gwak Hoe started to speak, Baek Sang lifted a hand and cut him off.
“Ah. Hold on, hold on.”
“Yes?”
Gwak Hoe blinked in confusion at the abrupt interruption.
“I’ll say this up front: don’t expect me to give you some brilliant answer, or to magically make your worries go away just because we’re talking.”
“……”
“I’m not that kind of guy. I’m barely hanging on trying to handle my own crap.”
“……You’re really not much help.”
“That’s life. You live it alone.”
At Baek Sang’s words, Gwak Hoe finally let out a small laugh. Baek Sang asked,
“So what you mean is, keeping up with everyone’s hard?”
“Well, that’s a little different……”
“Different my foot. Same thing.”
Baek Sang shrugged.
“Like I said a moment ago, everybody’s worrying about that. You’re not the only special one here.”
“……”
“Think about it. Your sahyung is hauling people forward like a madman, and you can’t exactly tell him to take it easy. You can’t tell someone carrying ten times the burden you are to slow down for you.”
“Th, that’s true.”
As he talked, Baek Sang’s face twisted as though the subject itself was making him angry.
“At least the person you’ve got to keep up with is a bunch of half-witted idiots like Yoon Jong and Jo Gul.”
“H-half-witted?”
Those sahyung?
To Gwak Hoe, Yoon Jong and Jo Gul had always seemed so amazing that he’d never once thought of them that way. But the next thing Baek Sang said left him with no choice but to agree.
“The person I’ve got to keep up with is Baek Cheon sahyung, for crying out loud.”
“Ah……”
In that instant, Gwak Hoe genuinely felt sorry for Baek Sang from the bottom of his heart.
I’ve got it easier.
Compared to having Baek Cheon as the standard, Jo Gul and Yoon Jong at least still felt human. Of course, if Chung Myung got thrown into the comparison, the whole thing changed a bit, but that guy wasn’t the kind of person anyone could compare themselves to in the first place.
“And that’s not even all. My female martial sibling is basically a sword ghost, and now even the younger disciples are waving their blades around like wild beasts……”
“……That sounds rough.”
“You think?”
Baek Sang ground his teeth.
“I knew this would happen, so I ran to the Finance Hall ages ago…… Damn it, what’s the point of running? I thought if I went to the Finance Hall I wouldn’t have to train. But no, I still have to train, and on top of that I’ve got Finance Hall work to do……”
“……”
His claim that he had “run away to the Finance Hall” was probably a joke, but it was true that he was suffering plenty while trying to juggle both training and the Finance Hall’s duties.
“Meanwhile, that sahyung of ours has thrown aside every single duty he should be doing as the great senior disciple and is off training like a maniac. And whenever something comes up, all the people who should be going to sahyung come whining to me, saying he’s in the middle of training.”
“……I’m sorry.”
Realizing he was one of those people, Gwak Hoe suddenly felt deeply apologetic.
“Tsk.”
Baek Sang clicked his tongue in irritation, then gulped down more liquor and let out a sigh.
“But even so,”
“Yes?”
“That still doesn’t make me the one who has it the worst.”
“……”
His gaze drifted toward the banquet hall.
“I said it before, but just because those bastards are over there drinking doesn’t mean they’re carefree and stupid. Everyone’s got their own burdens, and they definitely feel them.”
Gwak Hoe quietly nodded.
“Mount Hua is getting stronger at a ridiculous pace. Even I sometimes get scared, like you do. I worry that one day everyone will pass me by, and I’ll be left here all alone. That I won’t even be able to live up to the bare minimum my sect expects of me.”
“……Yes, Sasuk.”
It was exactly the anxiety Gwak Hoe had been feeling, spoken aloud in his stead.
For the sect to grow stronger was, without question, a good thing.
But if you looked at it another way, it also meant that the burden each individual had to shoulder would grow heavier and heavier.
“The burden you’re feeling probably won’t ever disappear. No, it might even get bigger.”
“Bigger than this?”
“The more you win, the more enemies you make.”
Baek Sang spoke with a calmness that made it sound as though he had been thinking this way for years.
“Before, Mount Hua only had to chase the people in front of it. Back then, Mount Hua had Zhongnan above it and Wudang as well, so even if we lost, there was nothing to lose.”
“……”
“But not anymore. Now we have things to protect. And the other sects are going to start watching us more closely and moving against us.”
Baek Sang paused and looked up at the sky.
We didn’t know back then.
There had been a time when all he could see was the dazzling image of a famous swordsman, one who wielded his blade brilliantly and drew everyone’s admiration.
But now he knew.
He knew what lay behind that brilliance.
Even the Five Swords, who were building their reputation until they shone almost blindingly, were not simply basking in that glory. If anything, the pressure they carried must be on an entirely different level from the burden Baek Sang or Gwak Hoe felt.
“Then what are we supposed to do?”
“Huh?”
“To shake off this burden……”
“What did you hear me say?”
Baek Sang chided him, then broke into a bright smile.
“I told you not to expect anything from me, didn’t I? I’m not someone who can give you that kind of answer.”
“……”
Gwak Hoe’s face puffed up at once. He couldn’t understand why Baek Sang was smiling so cheerfully while saying something like that.
“There’s no answer to it.”
Baek Sang muttered indifferently.
“You just grit your teeth and endure.”
“……That’s it?”
“What other answer is there?”
And just like that, the small flicker of admiration Gwak Hoe had been holding for Baek Sang crumpled away with a rustle.
Was he always this hopeless?
He didn’t think so before…….
It felt like Mount Hua’s Chung Myung-ification had gone too far.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“……No. Nothing.”
“Your eyes are awfully insolent.”
“……”
Gwak Hoe hastily looked away.
Then Baek Sang spoke again, this time in a slightly different voice.
“But honestly.”
“Yes?”
“I don’t think someone without any burden can get stronger.”
“……”
Gwak Hoe flinched before he knew it.
Baek Sang’s words had cut into him with uncanny clarity.
“No burden means no worries. And no worries means no intensity. You saw with your own eyes today what happens to people who learn swordplay at their leisure, with nothing to worry about and nothing to chase.”
“……That’s true.”
Of course, Wudang could not be dismissed so lightly.
But the difference between Mount Hua, which had forged itself through relentless struggle, and Wudang, which had learned its sword under every advantage and safeguard, was so clear that everyone present today could feel it.
“It’s always hard. The ones above pull like mad, and the ones behind chase like mad.”
“……”
“But the fact that we’ve made it this far by struggling in between those two forces is true as well.”
“……Yes.”
“So think about it more.”
After wetting his throat with liquor, Baek Sang slowly got to his feet.
“Thinking itself has value. I don’t know whether you’ll find a neat answer, but…… in any case, feeling burdened and worrying about it isn’t wrong.”
“……”
“I’m off. Tsk. You come bother someone who’s drinking happily for no reason.”
“A-are you leaving?”
“I’m going to sleep. The places I got hit hurt like hell.”
With that, Baek Sang turned on his heel and waved without even looking back. Gwak Hoe, staring blankly at his retreating figure, suddenly raised his voice without meaning to.
“S-Sasuk!”
“What!”
Baek Sang snapped around irritably. Gwak Hoe bowed deeply.
“……Thank you.”
“Thank my ass.”
Waving him off like it was a nuisance, Baek Sang leaped down from under the eaves and trudged away without hesitation.
Only after his figure disappeared between the halls did Gwak Hoe sink back down to the ground.
“……It wasn’t wrong……”
He hadn’t found some crystal-clear answer, and his worries about what to do next had not been solved. But when he chewed over those words again and again, his heart somehow felt a little lighter.
Staring quietly at the light spilling from the banquet hall, he murmured softly,
“Everyone’s the same.”
Everyone carried their own burdens.
“Tsk.”
Looking up toward the eaves, Baek Sang clicked his tongue lightly.
That’s a good thing.
Until now, simply doing what he was told had been enough. But that would no longer be the case. As Mount Hua gained more to do and more and more tasks fell to disciples other than the Five Swords, those worries would only increase and deepen.
And through those worries, they would become stronger.
“Tsk. Who am I to sit here talking to myself……”
“No. That wasn’t bad at all.”
Flinch.
At the familiar voice that slipped into his ear, Baek Sang’s body froze. He stood there in silence for a long moment, then asked in a sour tone without turning around,
“You saw that?”
“Mm.”
“……From when?”
“From the beginning.”
“The beginning?”
His head slowly turned to the side. Under the spilling moonlight, Baek Cheon was smiling faintly.
“……No. Why are you spying on me like that?”
“You came out looking terribly unsettled, my lovely martial nephew, so I figured something had happened and followed you.”
“And you didn’t care at all when your lovely martial younger brother left?”
“Our martial younger brother handles himself so well, why would I need to?”
“……”
Baek Sang’s face turned bright red.
“At least make some noise when you do that, seriously!”
“Haha.”
When Baek Cheon only laughed without answering, Baek Sang felt absurdly embarrassed and jerked his body around irritably.
“Tch!”
He felt like all of his innermost thoughts had just been exposed. His ears and the back of his neck were burning hot.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to my room!”
“Already?”
“You may have won easily without even getting hit, Sahyung, but I got beaten to a pulp! I’m resting.”
“Still, I think you can manage one more drink.”
“……Pardon?”
When Baek Sang turned back, Baek Cheon was shaking a wine jug in one hand as if to show it off.
“It’s been a while since the two of us had a drink together. Why not tonight?”
“……”
Scratching his head hard, Baek Sang let out a long sigh as if he had no choice.
“Then the things I just said are off-limits.”
“Once the liquor goes in, who knows?”
Baek Cheon chuckled softly and walked up to Baek Sang, giving his shoulder a light pat.
Just as he had been desperate to support Chung Myung from behind, the other Mount Hua disciples were also doing their best from their own places.
Realizing that again, all at once, gratitude welled up inside him.
“Come on.”
“What is this for an injured man……”
“I even set aside some of the fire liquor you like.”
“……You’re saying something I actually like for the first time today.”
In the end, Baek Sang laughed, and Baek Cheon gave his shoulder another pat before walking ahead at an unhurried pace. Baek Sang silently watched his back.
“Aren’t you coming?”
“……I’m coming.”
Baek Sang smiled without a sound and ran after Baek Cheon.
It had changed.
Yes, so much had changed. So many things had changed that they couldn’t even be compared to how they were just a few years ago.
Even now, Mount Hua would continue to change rapidly.
It might even become something so different from the Mount Hua Baek Sang once knew that it would be hard to recognize.
But there were still things that would not change.
Yeah. Still, Mount Hua is Mount Hua.
“Come on, let’s go!”
“Ah, don’t pull me!”
The two of them kept bickering and shoving each other, stumbling and lurching along together, while the bright moon silently lit their path behind them.
It was a night so bright it made it seem as though the whole world had been washed in light.