Honestly, Even I Can’t Handle This Anymore (4)
“So... the Green Forest?”
“That’s right.”
Hong Dae-gwang nodded.
“A mountain stronghold that recently joined the Green Forest Seventy-Two Strongholds. I only heard about it a little while ago.”
“...So the Green Forest Seventy-Two Strongholds actually change?”
“Of course.”
Hong Dae-gwang snorted with a grin.
“There’s no way all seventy-two strongholds can stay on top forever. The seventy-two strongholds of the Green Forest are always changing. A stronghold that proves its power and size might shove out an existing one, or take its place after the old one goes under.”
Yoon Jong frowned at that.
“That being said, it doesn’t sound all that impressive.”
“Well, of course it doesn’t.”
Hong Dae-gwang laughed lightly.
“Did the branch offices of the Beggars’ Sect look all that impressive to you?”
The explanation clicked into place so quickly that Yoon Jong had trouble answering.
“The Beggars’ Sect is a sect recognized throughout the world, but each of its branch offices is hardly even comparable to a mid-sized sect. The Seventy-Two Strongholds are the same. No matter how vast the Central Plains are, it’s impossible to keep seventy-two mountain strongholds all that powerful. So, in truth, about half of them are little more than rabble.”
“Ah.”
“The real power of the Green Forest lies in the main stronghold where the Green Forest King resides, and in the strongholds occupied by the Green Forest Ten Great Experts.”
At Hong Dae-gwang’s explanation, Baek Cheon nodded as if it made sense.
If all the Green Forest strongholds were truly as strong as mid-sized or small sects, then the Green Forest would already be called the number one sect in the world, having surpassed Shaolin.
“I understand up to that point.”
“Hm, good. Anything else you want to know?”
“There’s still one fundamental question left...”
“Hmm?”
“...So why the hell are those bandits acting like this?”
“How should I know?”
Hong Dae-gwang shrugged.
With a sigh, Baek Cheon turned his head, and in his line of sight he saw a wine jar being hoisted high into the air.
Glug! Glug! Glug!
“Khh! Now that’s a hero!”
“So the disciples of Mount Hua really are as bold and free as the rumors say! Not a single word of it was false!”
“Good heavens! To drain such a huge wine jar in one go!”
Seriously...
What the hell are they doing?
On both sides of Chung Myung, who was downing a jar as big as a man’s head in one gulp, the fuzzy-haired bandits were clapping like delighted children. They were applauding so enthusiastically that even Baek Cheon’s shoulders started bouncing along with their rhythm.
“Kaaahhhhhh!”
Chung Myung set the empty jar down with a sharp thud, then grabbed a chicken leg from beside him and ripped into it with gusto.
“This is great!”
“We’re thrilled that you like it!”
“Hahaha! To think we’d have the honor of hosting a disciple of Mount Hua—this feels brighter than daylight even without the sun!”
“Hehe. Really?”
“Of course, of course! It is the honor of a lifetime to serve you!”
“Hehehehe. Well, you don’t have to go that far. Heheh!”
Watching Chung Myung grin like an idiot made Baek Cheon’s head ache.
That crazy bastard really is insane!
He clutched his throbbing temples and let out a long sigh.
The bandits, who had somehow recognized Mount Hua, had been trembling like foxes that had stumbled across a tiger, begging for forgiveness.
Fine. That much could happen.
But the problem was what came after.
— To meet the heroes of Mount Hua like this and simply let you go would have the brothers of the Green Forest calling us dogs. Please, grant us the honor of escorting you to our stronghold!
Wasn’t that the most ridiculous act he’d ever heard?
Bandits who had been brandishing swords a moment ago were now inviting them to follow them to their stronghold, and some fool was actually supposed to go along with that...?
And here I am.
The more he thought about it, the more he felt like crying.
“No, Chung Myung being out of his mind is one thing. But those guys are bandits, for heaven’s sake, so why are they all acting so weak-kneed...?”
“They’re not weak-kneed.”
Hong Dae-gwang clicked his tongue.
“Not all seventy-two strongholds are amazing, sure, but they’re still part of the seventy-two. Just making it in means their strength and influence are no joke, comparable to most sects.”
“Then why are they acting like this?”
“Isn’t it obvious? Because you’re from Mount Hua.”
“...And that matters because?”
Hong Dae-gwang sighed.
“Why are you waving a sword around like some demon and still acting so naïve? To put it bluntly, what kind of sect is Mount Hua right now? Among those puffed-up righteous sects, is there any other sect besides the Nine Great Sects that can even compare to Mount Hua?”
“....”
Baek Cheon tilted his head.
Is there?
Come to think of it, he couldn’t think of one.
But he couldn’t tell whether that was because his experience in the martial world was too limited, or because there truly was no such sect.
Then Hong Dae-gwang added,
“No, wait. Even if it’s the Nine Great Sects, I wouldn’t be so sure they could repel an attack from the Maninbang so cleanly. Luck probably played a part too, of course.”
A faint smile hovered at the corner of his mouth.
“Simply put, it wouldn’t be strange anymore if Mount Hua pushed one of the Nine Sects down and took its place—or if the Nine Great Sects became the Ten Great Sects.”
“Is it really that far gone?”
“You’re hopeless!”
Hong Dae-gwang thumped his chest in frustration.
“That’s why they’re being so deferential! If some random Green Forest stronghold clashed with Mount Hua, it’d be reduced to kindling by the end of the day. Do you really think a place like this could stand against the Maninbang’s force?”
Baek Cheon and the other disciples exchanged glances, then nodded.
Come to think of it, yeah.
We really are that strong?
No matter how many times he heard it, it still didn’t quite feel real.
Until now, it had always been Mount Hua’s role to back down before the fame of another sect. But now it was Mount Hua’s own reputation that made others show respect.
“This feels strange.”
“It does.”
Any prestigious sect would be used to others giving way just because of their name, but the disciples of Mount Hua, who had once been so ruined that their reputation might as well have ceased to exist, had never experienced anything like that.
So this situation just felt wrong.
“When a sect starts to make a name for itself in the world, there are plenty of times when the people themselves don’t really feel it.”
Hong Dae-gwang grinned.
“These things will start happening more and more often, so you’d better get used to it. Besides, the Green Forest is a bit special.”
“...And what’s that supposed to mean?”
Hong Dae-gwang clicked his tongue.
“Who did you fight?”
“The Maninbang.”
“Right. The Green Forest is at war with the Maninbang right now. In other words, you’re benefactors who helped bring down their enemy. And not just that—you wiped out three detachments and one squad, didn’t you?”
“...W-well, yes.”
“From the Green Forest’s perspective, they’d welcome you with both arms wide open. I’d bet my boots you could meet the Green Forest King and still get served wine.”
Baek Cheon’s expression grew even more complicated than before.
Benefactors of bandits.
Am I supposed to be happy about that?
At any rate, there was one thing he knew for certain.
At the very least, that bastard Chung Myung was having the time of his life right now.
“Kahahahahaha!”
“Uwahahahahaha!”
“Heheheheh!”
Baek Cheon covered his face and looked visibly exhausted.
“I’ve heard the joke about Mount Hua being some sort of mountain bandit stronghold before, but I never thought the day would come when I’d actually be treated like this in a den of bandits.”
“...But somehow, this atmosphere does feel familiar.”
“You’d better shut up!”
Jo Gul, who had gained nothing and only spoken at the wrong time, pouted in irritation.
Meanwhile, Chung Myung ignored everyone’s reactions and continued stuffing his face with the wine and meat the bandits kept bringing him.
While chewing, Chung Myung asked, “So, you’re from the Green Forest?”
“Yes! Yes, that’s right, Daoist sir! We’re from Jeokho Chae!”
Gwak Gyeong, Giant Mountain Great Axe, spoke cheerfully and fawningly, despite his massive build.
“Of course, it’s embarrassing to brag about in front of the famed disciples of Mount Hua, but we’re still a proper member of the Seventy-Two Strongholds.”
“Hehe. That we are, that we are.”
Beside Gwak Gyeong, Im Saeng hastily chimed in.
Though Gwak Gyeong had knocked out his teeth, that clearly didn’t matter in the slightest now.
“But...”
Chung Myung tilted his head slightly, as if only now realizing something.
“You guys are bandits, right?”
“...Yes. That’s right.”
“Come to think of it, earlier you were saying something about killing everybody. Do bandits really just kill people like that?”
“Oh, heaven’s sake, Daoist sir. Do you really think that’s serious? That’s just the kind of thing we say for business! Just because an inspector keeps saying, ‘You know your sins,’ that doesn’t mean he actually knows what your sins are, does it?”
“I thought I heard you say something about skinning people alive too.”
“Hahahaha. This crazy bastard!”
Smack!
“Aaaagh!”
In an instant, Gwak Gyeong twisted Im Saeng’s jaw again, then scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
“If we don’t say things like that, people just don’t get scared these days.”
Chung Myung eyed Gwak Gyeong with mild suspicion.
“You’re not actually doing it?”
“Oh, Daoist sir! In broad daylight? Who would kill someone in broad daylight these days?”
Gwak Gyeong’s cheeks trembled despite his huge frame.
“We shouldn’t, and we can’t. If word got out that people were killed by bandits while passing through this mountain, who would ever come here?”
“...Right, no one would.”
“Exactly! It’s not as though there’s only one road in the world. If a route looks dangerous, people just take another way. It would be nice if we could set up a stronghold on a pass that everyone absolutely had to cross, whether they wanted to or not—but those places are already occupied by terrifying forces far beyond the reach of a little bandit camp like ours.”
“....”
“So we have to scare them a little and take a little. In fact, we can’t even take everything. We have to pretend to take it all, then give some of it back, so they think, ‘This isn’t so bad, maybe I can risk going again. Maybe I’ll get lucky and not be caught next time.’”
“...What kind of bandit operation is that?”
“That’s just how bandits are.”
Gwak Gyeong scratched his head hard.
“Think about it. What kind of money do commoners carrying bundles up a mountain really have? In the end, the only people worth properly robbing are merchant caravans... and as you know, merchants are...”
“They hire martial guards.”
“Ah, no.”
“Hm?”
Gwak Gyeong grinned.
“Merchants are close with the officials. If they get robbed a few times, they go running to the government and throw themselves down in front of them. Then a suppression force comes chasing up the mountain. That’s when the business is over.”
“....”
“This is a surprisingly delicate profession, honestly. To survive, you’ve got to plunder just enough to not offend the officials or enrage the common people. Hahaha.”
Chung Myung blinked.
“...You guys live way harder than I expected.”
“Heh. Who said life was easy? That’s just how life is.”
Gwak Gyeong laughed broadly and scratched the back of his head. Watching him quietly, Chung Myung smiled and beckoned.
“Come here. Just come here for a second.”
“Huh?”
“Just a moment, a moment.”
Gwak Gyeong tilted his head and stepped closer to Chung Myung.
“Why are you...”
At that instant, Chung Myung shot up and kicked him square in the ass.
“Aaaagh!”
Gwak Gyeong flew through the air and smashed into the ground.
“Who the hell are you trying to fool with that polished dogshit! If it’s that hard, why don’t you just farm and make an honest living? You miserable bastards squat in the mountains and rob the people passing through, and you have the nerve to talk about what? Life? Life my ass! Have you all gone insane together?”
“Aaaah! Daoist sir!”
Gwak Gyeong, who had been slammed into the ground, scrambled toward Chung Myung on his knees. Then he prostrated himself as flat as he could in front of him.
“You can’t farm without land! That’s why we came up into the mountains in the first place, because there was no way to survive otherwise. To be blunt, who would want to live in this mountain valley with no people and nothing but wild beasts?”
“Tch!”
Chung Myung, still glaring with an unhappy expression, sat back down.
“So you really are just poor?”
“Yes!”
“And you’ve got no way to make a living?”
“Of course not!”
“Really?”
The corner of Chung Myung’s mouth curled upward.
The disciples of Mount Hua, who had been watching from the side, started nodding as if they already knew what was coming.
“That bandit uncle made a mistake.”
“Yeah. Once Chung Myung finds a hook, it’s over.”
“Poor guy.”
“Huh?”
Hong Dae-gwang was still trying to follow the conversation when Chung Myung finally spoke.
“Open the warehouse.”
“...Huh?”
Gwak Gyeong jerked his head up and stared at him.
“If it’s really that hard to survive, like you said, then your stronghold shouldn’t have much wealth lying around.”
“....”
“Right?”
“....”
Chung Myung smiled sweetly.
“If I find even one thing, you’re dead.”
“....”
“Lead the way.”
Gwak Gyeong’s face turned pale white in an instant.
“D-Daoist sir! T-that is...”
When he didn’t move quickly enough, Chung Myung smiled and lifted the wine cup.
Kikikikikikik!
The bronze cup was instantly crushed flat. It was so thoroughly mangled that its original shape was impossible to recognize, and then it was twisted down into something no bigger than a small ball.
Chung Myung casually tossed what had once been a wine cup to Gwak Gyeong.
Thud.
Gwak Gyeong, who reflexively reached out and caught it, had a facial twitch.
“Are you going to guide me, or should I find it myself?”
“I’ll escort you there at once, Great Hero!”
Like the bandit he was, he reached enlightenment with impressive speed once again.
No matter how important wealth was, it still wasn’t more important than his life.