The Foolish One (5)
In an unfamiliar landscape, I could see myself lying quietly in bed. Kasugano Yuno was there as well, within my field of vision.
This was a world starkly different from the one I’d just been in.
Unlike the place where explosions and screams had filled the air, the only sound here was birdsong.
I was in a tidy room that was difficult to call luxurious, but I seemed unable to move my body.
Come to think of it, I felt like I had only glimpsed the room’s layout for a moment.
When I had looked at the first timeline through Kasugano Yuno, I had also been lying in this very room.
It seemed she had found me and brought me here afterward.
I had no way of knowing how much time had passed since I’d lost consciousness, but one thing was certain: the me in the black world did not look normal.
Setting aside the fact that I couldn’t move, more than half my body seemed to have been shattered, which meant even Park Deokgu protecting me had its limits.
Of course, the very fact that I’d survived that attack was a miracle in itself.
If Kasugano Yuno hadn’t found me, I would have definitely died slowly in there.
I couldn’t move. I probably couldn’t even wiggle a finger. Every function in my body had stopped, leaving only consciousness behind.
The door opened quietly, and Kasugano Yuno approached from the doorway, her lips moving.
“Poor master.”
“……”
“Truly, a pitiful master.”
Kasugano Yuno looked a little more mature than she did now. Two years had passed, so her hair was longer, and even her whole atmosphere seemed calmer.
“I’m sure you have many questions. I can’t tell you much right now, but for the moment, I think it would be best if you focused on recovering.”
“……”
“Come to think of it, I haven’t introduced myself yet. My name is Kasugano Yuno. I think you may have heard it at least once. I wouldn’t say my reputation is particularly great, but….”
“……”
“Yes. I suppose you already know. I’ll explain, in time, why I brought you here. I honestly can’t promise your body will recover completely, but if you have the will, I believe you’ll be able to resume normal activity.”
“……”
“I seem to have grown a little talkative.”
“……”
“I’ll take my leave for today, then. Until tomorrow….”
The me in the black world never even saw Kasugano Yuno leave.
His gaze was fixed on the ceiling, so he probably didn’t even see her face.
And yet, it felt like he was thinking about many things. His face seemed anxious, his expression uneasy, and somehow I could guess what he was worrying about, what he was realizing.
He was dead.
That was probably why the me in the black world was so badly shaken.
He kept crying without being able to move or make a sound, and the sight was pathetic.
Anyone would have called it a miserable face.
Maybe I in that world had been a little more emotional than I am now.
To be honest, I had to admit my own emotions were being shaken a little as well.
I was watching this as a third party, but strictly speaking, I wasn’t really a third party at all.
The tears didn’t stop.
I just watched in silence as the me in the black world shed tears, unable to say anything, unable to vent his frustration.
Then several days passed, and Kasugano Yuno came to see me again.
Strictly speaking, it wasn’t accurate to say she had only come once.
She had handled all the nursing herself. I couldn’t tell why she was being so kind to me, but at the very least, I could tell Kasugano Yuno had complicated feelings about me.
She knew that in the future, she and I would be together.
The me in the black world didn’t seem to know that yet, but I, who knew that miko could see the future and the past, could understand why she was so devoted to me.
She must have been pitying the me in the black world, wondering whether she could change him.
And then the scene shifted once more.
The background hadn’t changed, but the difference was that now I could speak, and my body could move at least a little.
“You’re awake.”
“……”
“I brought your meal.”
“I can… eat on my own now.”
“You’ll still have trouble moving.”
“No need for….”
“Didn’t I say you’d still have a hard time? Give it here. I’ll feed you.”
“……”
Unlike the very devoted Kasugano Yuno, this me seemed to distrust her.
And that reaction was only natural.
If I’d been in that condition, I wouldn’t have trusted Kasugano Yuno either. I couldn’t tell whether she realized it, but my eyes weren’t exactly friendly.
“Why did you save me? No, let me rephrase that. What is that eye that sees through essence, the future, and the past? Do you know the future? Or did you know this would happen?”
“The information I can access is limited. I can’t see all futures, and I can’t see all pasts.”
“Then… why did you save me?”
“That is….”
“You know my future self.”
Kasugano Yuno didn’t answer.
That was a yes.
I imagined the me in the black world would keep turning it over in his head. Why had she saved him, and what exactly was the nature of this favor? He would keep questioning it over and over.
And even as that happened, the scenery kept changing and time kept moving.
Kasugano Yuno still nursed me with great care, and though I continued to doubt her kindness, it also looked like I was slowly opening up to her.
Kasugano Yuno spent more and more time saying pointless things to me.
Stories about her childhood.
Stories about her surroundings and daily life.
Stories about herself.
The subject changed endlessly, and sometimes she spent a long time talking about what was in her heart.
I couldn’t be certain, but around this time I think I believed Kasugano Yuno was in love with me.
The me in the black world still didn’t seem to realize it, but the Kasugano Yuno I saw had unmistakably the face of a woman in love.
She seemed to think about me every day, and to spend every day wondering what she should do for me.
After finishing difficult work, she would come straight to the room and spend time with me, and sometimes, after leaving and closing the door behind her, she would even cry.
A single small compliment made her happy, and the slightest irritation made her sad.
She wrote letters. There were many nights when she couldn’t sleep because she was thinking of me.
“Why are you being kind to me?”
“……”
And when she said that from time to time, she never gave a proper answer.
She only blushed and lowered her head deeply.
The me in the black world spent more time in pain.
As a little time passed, the old wounds began to heal little by little, along with the wounds in his body.
Naturally, the Lee Kiyoung of the black world didn’t seem to want that. He drank alone more often, and spent more time growing irritated or suppressing his anger.
He was probably remembering. He must have known that the nourishment of those memories was what kept him moving.
Kasugano Yuno spent more time looking into the future.
She seemed to keep trying to glimpse what she could not see.
Why she was obsessed with the future was obvious.
By then, Kasugano Yuno was probably already picturing a completely different future with me.
She was spending more and more of her own stats to see the future she wanted.
I wanted to tell her she was an idiot, but no sound would come out. I was a third party watching all this, after all.
More time passed.
The me in the black world recovered enough that he could move his body fully again, and Kasugano Yuno came by even more often.
We filled the time with trivial conversation and idle talk.
By then, I was probably thinking quite a lot.
I didn’t know what that bastard was thinking, but amusingly enough, the Lee Kiyoung of the black world seemed to be debating whether he should use Kasugano Yuno or simply accept her kindness.
The tug-of-war looked precarious enough that even from my perspective it seemed a little unstable, so I suppose no further explanation is needed.
The me in the black world was leaning on Kasugano Yuno.
“Lee Kiyoung-nim, it’s time for tea.”
“Ah. Thanks.”
“I think it would be good to examine your body today. To say you’ve completely recovered still feels….”
“I’m fine. Moving around isn’t a problem.”
“But….”
“Do you happen to have a hobby of taking care of children?”
“Th-that’s not it. I only….”
We spent a lot of time making pointless jokes like that as well.
Even from my point of view, it was absurdly pleasant between them. In a way, it was only natural.
She was devoted to me, and though he never said it, I was in a mentally cornered state.
It almost looked like a young love growing into something real, but from the standpoint of someone watching, I thought the outcome wouldn’t be a good one.
At the very least, part of me thought I needed to leave Kasugano Yuno.
I never showed it in front of Yuno, but I knew what was tormenting that bastard.
Lee Kiyoung was afraid of forgetting.
He was under a great deal of stress because his wounds were healing, and because the wounds in his broken mind were healing too.
Through Yuno’s intoxicated eyes, that didn’t seem to show, but at least to me, he looked like a bomb.
A bomb right before detonation.
The scenery changed again, and my vision shifted.
She and I seemed to have grown a little closer, but the me in the black world was instinctively rejecting that closeness.
Spring came to Kasugano Yuno.
Winter ended, and spring came.
The greenery grew thicker, and summer arrived.
Once more the seasons changed, and dead leaves fell.
“I’m leaving.”
“I-I’m not sure what you mean….”
“I think you understand better than anyone.”
“Y-you can stay a little longer.”
Dead leaves fell.
“Ah, but your body hasn’t fully recovered yet.”
“I know better than anyone whether my body is normal right now.”
“It isn’t… like that. You should still take better care of yourself.”
“……”
“Please… please don’t go, Lee Kiyoung-nim.”
Dead leaves fell.
“I’m grateful to you. I never asked after the first time why you were being kind to me, but I think I can guess why.”
“……”
“I’m grateful to you, but that’s all. I’m going to kill a lot of people and set right my mistakes. I’ll become colder and crueler. I think that’s probably the future you saw. Or maybe my end.”
“That isn’t it. That’s not what it is. What I saw wasn’t that. Lee Kiyoung-nim. What I… what I saw was you and… you with me.”
Dead leaves fell.
“It was you and me together. I… I saw it with my own eyes. I saw you and me together in that house. We looked happy. We had two children, and though I never heard their names, they were definitely good children.”
“……”
“You cherished me. You loved me.”
“You’re lying.”
“It i-it’s true. You and I were living peaceful lives. Yes. We both looked happy. Not just me—you looked happy too. You were living an ordinary life. I found you because the future I kept seeing wouldn’t leave my mind. There was no other meaning to it.”
“You’re lying. I can see that much. And… there’s no option for me to waste away here.”
“You stroked my hair and whispered that you loved me. We were l-living happily, forgetting everything. F-fate! Yes. F-fate. This… this is fate. You and I breaking free from all our pain, all our oppression, all the chains of the past, and becoming happy… that is fate, f-fate.”
Dead leaves fell.
“Forget what?”
“The pain. It looked as if you had forgotten the pain… I couldn’t see the Lee Kiyoung-nim who was suffering in the future I saw. You didn’t try to drown your pain in alcohol either. You weren’t in pain, and you were always smiling. You really looked happy. A-and about that person….”
“What?”
“Ah….”
“You think I would’ve forgotten?”
“L-Lee Kiyoung-nim… that’s… not….”
“I’m asking if you think I would’ve forgotten.”
“Lee Kiyoung-nim… t-that’s….”
“You really thought I’d spend all my time here laughing and joking and somehow forget? You thought I’d forget what those filthy hypocrites did to me? I don’t ask you about that bastard because you think I really forgot and moved on, is that it? Do you think I’ve really erased that stupid pig who died in my place from my head? You think what you saw was really that kind of future? You think that’s really what you saw?!”
“Th-that….”
“Don’t make me laugh. I’m not forgetting. Kasugano Yuno. You’re poison. I thought you were medicine, but you weren’t. You were poison to me. Fate? Yeah. I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, but there’s one thing I know for sure. My coming here was fate.”
“Ah….”
“You bringing me here is fate. You’re here so I can detox from the poison that’s been eating away at me.”
“Lee Kiyoung-nim… huhhh….”
Dead leaves fell.
“Cut the cheap pity. You filthy bitch. You’re all the same.”
“Aaahhh…. Poor master.”
“You think you’ve earned the right to pity me?”
Dead leaves fell.
“Hek… hek….”
“Thanks. Because of you, I remembered what I need to do. You’ll be my measure.”
“Hek….”
“You’ll be the measure of how cruel I can become. That’s the conclusion you want, isn’t it? Hm? Maybe it’s a little far from the happy life you wanted… but still, you’ll be by my side.”
“Hek… hek….”
Dead leaves fell.
“I’ll keep you by my side and keep remembering. You’ll be the medium that keeps me from forgetting that bastard. That’s a good thing for you too, isn’t it? Hm? I’m right, aren’t I?”
“Please… don’t cry. My… love.”
“……”
“Please don’t cry. My love….”
Dead leaves fell.
The foolish one stepped on those fallen leaves,
and winter….
Once again, a long winter came.