The Regressor Is Mentally Weak (11)
After clearing Floor 23. My studio apartment.
"..."
Choi Ji-won wasn't here. I'd used a trick to clear the floor early, so of course she wasn't back yet. She'd come if I waited.
"... Should I play a game or something?"
I grabbed my throbbing head and threw myself onto the bed. I'd spent good money to replace the mattress, so it was as plush as the beds on Floor 1. My stressed brain desperately needed a break.
"Nice."
Having a partner is great, but alone time is still necessary. Honestly, if I told Ji-won I wanted some time to myself, she'd respect that—but I'd feel bad saying it, and lately there hadn't been any time to spare. I finally got to enjoy a sweet, lazy rest.
One day passed like that. Two days. Three. Four.
"... No way. It can't be. This is Choi Ji-won we're talking about."
The comfort of being alone had turned into anxiety. I couldn't even leave—I was afraid she'd come back while I was out. I stayed shut in my studio, watching boring movies to kill time.
Did she die? No, that couldn't be. It's Choi Ji-won. Her, of all people.
She'd be alive. I was sure of it. So what was this unease? That excessive mental damage from Floor 23, and now this...
"..."
Had Choi Ji-won become too precious to me?
In all these repeated regressions, she was the one companion who could understand me. The pillar that always held me up. My beloved lover. Earth's hero.
By now, I couldn't imagine life without Choi Ji-won. Having her here had become the natural order of things. A future without her... scared me.
You could call it dependency, and you wouldn't be wrong. Don't all couples have a little dependency?
"And it's true my mental condition isn't great."
It was also true that my condition had seriously deteriorated. My mental strength had weakened... Just like before, I still struggled to remember people's names.
If time rewound, we'd become strangers again anyway. We'd just repeat the same actions. So why bother memorizing names or faces? Even when someone told me their name, it went in one ear and out the other.
"..."
I'd resolved to see people as people, and now I'd ended up like this again. Lately, I wasn't stepping up to protect others out of a warm heart—I was doing it mechanically. Simply because that was the set routine.
"Why did I start climbing the Tower again?"
I rummaged through the dusty warehouse of memories. A treasured memory glinted in the corner.
"... I wanted to be a hero."
I'd been moving more from a sense of duty than ambition lately, but I'd wanted to be a hero. I'd wanted to save the world and be praised. Of course, now I can't step forward openly because I have to hide the regressions, but...
When eyewitness accounts of me clearing the Tutorial appeared online, or when I saw reports about the Immortal Sage drifting through the white fog... it felt pretty good. My heart would tickle and the corners of my lips would curl up.
"Should I... try to get a little popular?"
Liking it when people look up to you—in a way, that proves you're human, doesn't it? Because it means you acknowledge the existence of 'others.' In novels, those cold-blooded, emotionless psycho regressors don't give a damn about what others think.
Yeah, popularity. I'd try to get a little popular. Revealing my identity like Ji-won suggested felt like a bit much, but actually winning people over sounded like it'd be good for my mental health.
Should I put on a mask and go around saving people? The whole 'dark hero' thing has a strong cringey flavor, but those kinds of tropes are classic comfort food that always works.
Or maybe I should just lean into the Immortal Sage gimmick. But Immortal Sage alone isn't cool, so I'd go with 'Sword Saint.' You know, in this novel I used to read, there was a character called Sword Saint Lü Dongbin, who was seriously badass.
"Heh heh."
Just having these silly fantasies made me feel better. Imagining things is the greatest freedom.
SCENE #1: Downtown Seoul / Day
Amid the wreckage of collapsed buildings, a group of players faces off against a giant monster.
They're giving it everything, but they're being pushed back.
Player 1: "Ugh, at this rate..."
Player 2: "Watch out!"
The player holding the tank role gets sent flying. They're at their limit. Despair descends. Just as everyone gives up and squeezes their eyes shut—
A mysterious man appears and slices the monster in half with a single stroke. His face can't be clearly seen, but the faint mist spreading around him gives off a striking vibe.
Player 1: "Wh-who are you?"
Mysterious Man: "Who am I?"
Player 1: "Y-yes. I know all the S-rank players..."
Mysterious Man: "You don't need to know."
The mysterious man coolly vanishes using 'Flash Step.' The players, now regaining their senses, hurriedly search for him, but all that remains is the frozen monster split in two and the mist settled on the ground.
That was the beginning of the legend of the 'Sword Saint'...
"Heh heh heh..."
This is fun. Childish, but fun. Rolling around in bed daydreaming was cheap entertainment, and by the time I came to my senses, it was already bedtime.
I don't know about right now, but later, when I'm preparing for the monster invasions, I'll have time on my hands. I'll try it then. Taking care of my mental state, having fun, and protecting my private life—that's like killing three birds with one stone, isn't it?
The next day.
"Ji-won!"
"Jun-ho!"
Choi Ji-won came back. She looked a little worn out from the 'Disadvantage,' but otherwise seemed mostly fine. (When I saw a mirror on my first day back, I was a bit shocked.)
"Are you okay? What took you so long?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You didn't kill anyone, did you? On Floor 23, all ten turned out to be real people. Did you know that?"
"I know, I know. More importantly, are you okay, Jun-ho?"
"Of course. I'm fine."
Choi Ji-won placed a hand on my forehead and studied my complexion. Since my condition had improved a lot, it probably didn't show. I also hoped Ji-won wouldn't worry.
"Anyway, why did it take you so long? Floor 23."
"Aren't you just fast? I... cleared it really easily, actually."
"... What do you mean?"
"Well, in my case..."
When she entered Floor 23, one woman had been waiting by the campfire. The numbers floating in the air had changed to [2/2].
But the floor still didn't start. With nothing else to do, Choi Ji-won and the woman passed the time chatting about this and that, and thanks to the social know-how she'd built up in all-girls middle and high schools, they quickly became friendly.
"I'm really good at getting close to older girls."
If she'd been alone, it might have been different, but together it wasn't so hard to endure. She waited endlessly by the campfire, and after a day, or maybe two...
"White smoke rushed in... and I lost my memory."
The smoke made her lose her memory—not only erased it, but overwrote it with new ones.
The two people at the campfire became eight. The two days they'd spent together were completely wiped. The Tower had erased every memory—so that the group started split into the two of them and the eight others from the very beginning.
With two false existences mixed in, most people would have no choice but to be fooled.
"But... Boongboong-yi had remembered everything."
"... What?"
Did the white smoke not work on non-living things? Or was it because Boongboong-yi had two personalities? While Choi Ji-won was confused, Boongboong-yi secretly told her, 'Ji-won, there were only two of you at the start.'
"... No. That's basically cheating."
So... on a floor where white smoke erases your memories, Boongboong-yi had kept those memories intact? That's... that's just unfair, isn't it?
"Since I knew all ten were human, I deliberately avoided conflict... and after enduring five days of the disadvantage, a tangled mass of tentacles suddenly squirmed up from underground. I killed it, and the floor ended. It was threatening because it hid, but its actual combat ability seemed weak."
"... So the entity imposing the disadvantage was that tentacle mass, and because they come out after five days... all you had to do was endure for five days?"
"Right. One of the people with me was a university professor, and he said this: unlike a normal mafia game, Floor 23 provides absolutely no information to deduce the culprits. And in that kind of situation, the most rational action is to do nothing."
"..."
"Well, it's sophistry. But it seems the ones who designed the Tower intended it that way. If the situation is fundamentally impossible to deduce, then forcing yourself to deduce isn't the answer—not deducing at all is the correct move."
Ji-won shrugged. She'd naturally taken off her armor while talking, and soon went into the bathroom, changed into comfortable clothes, and came back out. She sprawled on the plush bed; even though she said she was fine, she must have been through a lot.
"I think... a lot of people are going to die on this floor. When everyone's on edge, even the smallest thing feels suspicious."
"... Yeah."
"What about you, Jun-ho? How did you clear it so early?"
"Ah, me?"
I didn't want Ji-won to worry, so I mixed truth and fiction into my answer.
"I just got lucky. On the second day, people were fighting and the floor tiles got torn up, and underneath there was this deep pit."
"... Really?"
"Yeah. I didn't even regress much. Exactly twice. Look at me. I'm fine, right? I didn't take many disadvantages either."
"... That's a relief."
"See? It's a relief. Anyway, I really, really am fine, but... shouldn't you be resting, Ji-won? Aren't you tired?"
"I was just getting tired. Can I sleep a bit?"
"Of course. I'll go to the convenience store."
I breathed a sigh of relief that I hadn't been caught—that my shaken mental state hadn't been exposed—and left the apartment. Sharing your burdens and being comforted is good, but... I didn't want to reveal that I'd developed a dependency on Choi Ji-won. As long as we're together, I'm fine. I just have to put up with it.
**
'Are you okay?'
Boongboong-yi asked Choi Ji-won, who was lying on the bed. Are you okay?
Choi Ji-won's keen senses had caught that Kim Jun-ho was lying. It was the same as back in the Tutorial. It was only the slightest tell, but people give off some sign when they lie. Choi Ji-won had the senses to notice it.
"I'm okay."
Truthfully, Choi Ji-won didn't feel entirely innocent either. Because she had deliberately kept something hidden, too.
Choi Ji-won... no, Boongboong-yi knew what the 'disadvantage' really was. Boongboong-yi had witnessed the 'disadvantage' firsthand, and had told Choi Ji-won about it.
The 'disadvantage'... shows you an abandoned self. It shows the person you treasure most betraying you and walking away.
The reason everyone reacted differently on Floor 23? Part of it was their own mental fortitude, but it was also because they reacted differently to the situation of being 'abandoned.'
Choi Ji-won knows. In the 'disadvantage' Kim Jun-ho saw, she would have appeared. Her self would have coldly abandoned him and spat out harsh, degrading insults. Because that's what happened in hers.
Choi Ji-won knows. Kim Jun-ho's mental state... had been shaken much more than it seemed.
Even so... she says nothing. She tries not to worry.
If he can't be without Choi Ji-won,
"... He'll be okay."
Because we just have to stay together.