The Regressor Makes an Effort (12)
The Regressor Makes an Effort (12)
A week passed.
"Didn't you say your hobby was finding good restaurants? They say the naengmyeon here is amazing. Interested?"
A week passed.
"I heard there's a place that's an aquarium and a café combined? Let's check it out. Whoa, what's with these prices?"
A week passed.
Restaurants. Cafés. Movie theaters. Parks. PC bangs. Amusement parks. Hanok villages. Botanical gardens. Lakes. Gyeongbokgung Palace.
Time together piled up. Shared memories piled up. A subtle tension piled up.
It was such a fun, fun time that I almost forgot all the suffering I'd endured in that snow-swept fortress. I realized it again—I'd been crushingly lonely. People who had the same reactions every time I regressed. People who moved exactly as I designed them to. People who compliantly followed my words when I used my traits on them.
"Can't I have just one bite of that? No? I'm gonna eat it anyway."
That's not how human relationships work. Human relationships are about different people coming together and creating unpredictable chemistry. That's what I finally understood.
"Ah, today was seriously fun."
"It would've been perfect if you hadn't wrecked that puzzle at the escape room café."
"What? Kim Jun-ho, you wanna die?"
Choi Ji-won and I were already friends. Over the past few months, tangled up with each other, it had happened without either of us noticing.
"..."
The moment I realized that, I felt the time had come.
Time flows on, indifferent.
**
Dark streets at night. The occasional streetlamp was the only source of light.
"..."
"..."
Choi Ji-won and I walked without a word. Some say that you can call someone a friend when silence isn't awkward. But the silence flowing between us now was unbearably uncomfortable.
"Ji-won."
"Yeah?"
It was the first time I'd called her by name. It felt awkward, but it felt like something I had to do.
The words I was about to say would stay in my memory forever.
I cleared my throat, pointlessly straightened my clothes, and spoke the sentence I'd rehearsed hundreds of times in my head.
"I'm going to regress now."
"..."
Choi Ji-won fell silent. But her expression wasn't so much shocked as it was resigned—like something she'd known was coming.
"These days if you watch the news, it's nothing but player talk all day. Who committed crimes, who's amazing, who's how strong... In Japan, some lunatic slaughtered dozens of other players, apparently."
"Look at us. We've only cleared Floor 4, but our physical abilities are already better than an Olympic gold medalist. If we're like this now, what about Floor 10? Floor 20? Floor 50? How strong are people going to become? How unstable is society going to get? If we don't clear the Tower as fast as possible, Earth could be destroyed by players."
I mechanically recited the words I'd prepared while Choi Ji-won stood there, not answering. They were words meant for Choi Ji-won, but also words meant for myself.
"So, for everyone's sake... I have to regress. Not when having a little fun could mean the end of the world."
I didn't want to regress. But I had to. For everyone.
Step.
Choi Ji-won's footsteps stopped. Mine stopped with them.
The two of us stood under a streetlamp. Both staring at the ground.
"You're not mad at me?"
Choi Ji-won asked carefully.
"You said it yourself. That it's too sad growing distant from people you were close to every time you regress, so you don't want to get close anymore. That you'd keep your distance as much as possible. But I forced it, and you got close to me anyway."
"...Yeah."
From the moment she'd said 'see you next week,' I already knew it would come to this. I knew regressing soon was the right move.
"I guess... I was struggling too."
Just like reaching for cigarettes knowing they're bad for you, my judgment must have been clouded by loneliness. I'd chosen a future that held nothing but ruin in the long run.
Seeing me roughly scratch the back of my head, Choi Ji-won let out a short laugh.
"Jun-ho. Kim Jun-ho. You know what your expression looked like when I saw you at that café?"
"What did it look like?"
"You were just... blank. Like someone completely hollowed out."
"..."
"I've thought about it a lot, and I think you're really unusual."
Choi Ji-won spoke as she circled around me.
"When we're hanging out, you seem like just a normal guy my age. If I had a regular guy friend, this is exactly what I'd imagine it feeling like."
"...Well, I am a guy your age. So."
"But then I look at the things you do, and it's not that."
Choi Ji-won, who'd been circling me, stopped behind my back.
"Save everyone? You repeat regressions because you'd feel too guilty if someone died because of you? A normal person would've given up a long time ago. Settled for less, compromised."
"...If I hadn't been given regression, I would've given up too."
But no. I'd been given a means to produce the best possible result. Having an ability like this and giving up was basically abandoning my duty.
"Jun-ho. That mindset—that's what's unusual."
I couldn't see Choi Ji-won, but somehow I had the feeling she was smiling.
"You talk about being just an ordinary person, and your actual behavior kind of matches that... but your sense of responsibility is off the charts. It's not like someone threatened you saying, 'If it's not you, Earth is doomed!'"
"It really could be doomed because of me, though?"
"Most people don't think that way. 'It's just one person, what does it matter?'—that's more like it."
"I think that part of you is really cool," Choi Ji-won had been saying, but then her tone shifted.
"But what about you—the person—getting worn down in the process?"
"..."
"Even if you climb to the top of the Tower with those hollow eyes, just like when I saw you at the café, and clear it all... what about you?"
"I'm doing my best to guard against that."
"Has it been working?"
"...No."
Hadn't I felt it acutely on Floor 3 and Floor 4? The phenomenon of people no longer looking like people.
"But... still, what can I do. If I don't do this, Earth could be destroyed."
Honestly, it still didn't feel entirely real. Earth is suddenly going to be destroyed? When? How? Nothing was set in stone.
But I'd realized that was exactly what the Tower was aiming for, so I couldn't stop.
I could veer off course along the way. Waste as much time as I wanted. But right before going up to the next floor, I had to do my absolute best and produce the best possible result. That was what I believed was the right answer.
"..."
After a silence, Choi Ji-won's slightly rough hand clasped my soft one from behind.
"Do you know what my ideal type is?"
"...What is it."
"Someone I can respect. Like my father."
"..."
"You're... kind of cool."
Choi Ji-won's voice was trembling.
Hearing that voice, my breathing slowly grew ragged. It felt like the blood was draining from my head.
"At first, it really was just curiosity. But not anymore."
"Don't."
"I know these memories could become pain for you. Maybe you'll end up cursing me as a bitch for a long, long time."
"Don't..."
"But rather than let you become some emotionless machine, I think this is right—for you to stay Kim Jun-ho. Just like you thought of the Choi Ji-won from the Tutorial whenever things were hard, I want you to think of me today."
I shook off Choi Ji-won's tight grip and forced myself to turn around.
"You're a really cool person. So just keep doing what you're doing. I'll be rooting for you."
The quiet street. Under the streetlamp, we finally faced each other, and Choi Ji-won was crying.
Forcing a smile with everything she had, tears streaming down her face.
Both of us knew what was right. We just couldn't accept it in our hearts.
"If you... do this..."
"..."
"If you do this, how am I supposed to regress..."
I'd been alone for so long. There were plenty of people I'd gotten tangled up with, but in the truest sense, none of them were friends.
This was my first real friend in so long. No, I already thought of Choi Ji-won as more than that.
"You could've... you could've at least been cruel about it..."
Curse me out, so I could cut my feelings, spit on the ground, and walk away. How was I supposed to accept a goodbye like this?
"I don't want to say goodbye..."
I held her tight. We hadn't put it into words, but something had already passed between us.
We'd come to acknowledge each other's skill. Acknowledged each other's character. Acknowledged each other as companions to advance through the Tower.
At the same time, we'd confirmed that we were a perfect fit as friends, too.
Being together was wonderful. But we couldn't be together.
Even if I regressed and met Choi Ji-won again, she wouldn't be this Choi Ji-won. Just as the Choi Ji-won before my eyes now wasn't the Choi Ji-won from the Tutorial, a new Choi Ji-won wouldn't be the one standing before me now.
The warmth and joy I'd felt all this time turned into a blade and stabbed into my chest. I was agonizing over whether to just throw it all away and head up to Floor 5—
Clasp.
Firm hands caught both my cheeks.
"Listen carefully. I won't say this twice."
Choi Ji-won, her tears stopped, looked directly into my eyes.
"I'm not sure if I love you yet. But I like you."
Choi Ji-won pressed her lips against mine without warning. A sharp sting at the tip of my tongue as she drew it between her teeth.
The moment I felt the rapturous sensation, Choi Ji-won's scent, and the biting taste of blood—
[You have taken damage.]
[Regressing to the moment you first entered Floor 4.]
***
"...Ah."
It was Floor 4.