Chapter 42
Chapter 42
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 42
Chapter Title: Poetry is Still Loved
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The moment she recited the final line of the poem, the world surrounding Lena changed. The sounds ceased, and even the flow of air halted. Her senses dulled, and she no longer felt fear or sorrow. Her heart, which had been weeping just moments before, grew calm as if it had all been a lie.
‘Am I dead……?’
As Lena pondered blankly, scenes floated before her eyes, which should have seen nothing in the pitch darkness. They were memories of her past, everything she had seen and experienced up to now.
‘So this is the panoramic view of my life…….’
Lena recalled what she had read in books and watched the unfolding memories. Moments when she had felt various emotions flashed by quickly. Her favorite nursemaid, the terrifying big dog in the courtyard, the time she had fallen embarrassingly, the pride that made her feel like she could fly when her father praised her. All those moments arose like the wind and brushed past her. Facing them head-on, Lena’s heart stirred once. But that was it. It felt like reading a boring book—nothing more.
Viewing her own life from a step removed, Lena Rubel’s existence seemed utterly insignificant. She had always tried hard at something, but she had never done it out of pure enjoyment. Most of it had been in hopes that someone would approve. That was how Lena Rubel had lived. She had spent that short life so foolishly. Ah, if only she had known.
‘I should have read books to my heart’s content.’
Reading was the one thing she had truly enjoyed. But she hadn’t been able to do much of it, always wary of being caught. They nagged that a girl didn’t need to be too clever, that she should hone her dancing or musical skills instead of wasting time on books. So she had secretly read her hidden books by moonlight.
‘There were so many I wanted to read.’
But it was too late for such thoughts now. It was all over. Lena Rubel’s pathetic life had ended when her father sold her off. She accepted it and quietly awaited death. She waited. And waited some more.
‘……Why aren’t I dying?’
Yet no matter how long she waited, nothing happened. She had imagined the sensation of her head flying off or the pain of her limbs tearing away, but absolutely nothing occurred.
‘Am I already dead?’
It was a far too plausible hypothesis. Doubting her own survival, Lena cautiously cracked her eyes open.
‘Eek!’
She immediately squeezed them shut again. The wraiths were still right in front of her nose. Terrified by their demonic forms, she closed her eyes, then realized something was off.
‘Why aren’t they moving?’
They had acted like they would tear her apart at any moment. Hesitating, Lena mustered her courage and opened her eyes again.
‘Grotesque…….’
She wrinkled her nose in disgust at the wraiths. They were still hideous up close. But since they weren’t moving, it was at least bearable. Staring at the statue-like frozen wraiths, she noticed that their claws and tentacles still wrapped around her limbs. A massive scythe-like claw hung at her throat as well. She didn’t know what had happened, but the wraiths had stopped, and she seemed to still be alive. The moment she confirmed that, the thought to escape surged within her. So first, she tried to shake off the snake coiled around her ankle by lifting one leg.
“Ugh!”
At that instant, the wraiths, rigid like still lifes, twitched again and tightened around her body, pressing down on her limbs. Startled by the renewed pressure, Lena froze. The writhing wraiths stopped once more.
‘……What?’
Lena glanced at the now picture-still wraiths and tentatively moved her arm, half in disbelief. The wraiths writhed again, stopping only when she did.
‘What’s going on?’
Bewildered, Lena experimented by moving slightly and then stopping repeatedly. Each time, the wraiths mirrored her—moving when she did, halting when she ceased. She reached one conclusion: the wraiths moved only when she did and stopped when she stopped. She didn’t know why, but that was how it was. Still, it didn’t mean she could control them. All she could do was hold her breath and stand there, admiring the frozen wraiths intent on ripping her apart—she had no power over their will.
‘What is this…….’
Realizing her predicament, Lena inwardly grimaced. Nothing had changed. They had merely paused. So she had to decide: endure motionless like this, or move and meet the gruesome death awaiting her.
‘Why give me a choice like this……?’
Lena felt wronged. Normally, she would have comforted herself with “No, don’t think that way” or “I’m fine!” But now, in this state, every situation felt unbearably unjust. What had she done so wrong? She was sick of always watching others’ reactions. No one spared her even when she did, so why bother? With that thought, in a fit of desperation, Lena tried to fling off whatever gripped her limbs. That was when it happened.
―Stop.
An overwhelming voice pierced through her.
―Do not move.
Not in her ears, but in her mind—a stranger’s voice, no, a stranger’s will resounded.
―Stay still and focus on me.
It brimmed with dignity, the command feeling utterly natural. The usual Lena would have cowered under its authority. But things were different now. She had shattered and crumbled completely, reflecting on her life in that very moment. A situation where most would resign, but Lena, who had always resigned, now burned fiercer instead. So amid the successive inexplicable events, rather than being startled, she bit her lip. When the command came again, she finally exploded.
―From now on, I shall……
“No.”
―What?
“I said no.”
Ah, had she ever said no to anyone before? No, never. It was her first time. Grinding her teeth and muttering it, Lena felt a strange thrill at the unfamiliar word. Emboldened, she screamed it at the top of her lungs.
“No, no, no!”
―Do not move……!
“Stop ordering me around, you bastard!”
A vulgar curse unfit for a refined lady echoed. For Lena Rubel, it was her first act of defiance in life. The worst defiance in a situation where her head might fly off at any moment, yet the best, chosen after fully reflecting on her life. And it was a defiance that lasted far longer than any youthful storm, still ongoing even now……
That day, her first outburst became a vital principle in Lena’s life. For instance, when thugs threatened innocent girls, or when some highborn young master splashed champagne in someone’s face, or when knights committed insubordination for laughable reasons, Lena didn’t hold back. She had endured enough for a lifetime in her childhood and resolved not to anymore. Yet she didn’t turn ferociously lion-like or bristly like a hedgehog with every slight—that was thanks to the poem she had recited. Lena didn’t turn her back on the poems she had loved in her weakness even after growing strong. The poem she had clung to in her final moments, the one that had shielded her from fear, was not only tender but resilient. Having approached death once and realized how pathetic her life had been, Lena wanted to spend her remaining days living like that poem. That was why. That was why she didn’t grab Clavis by the hair and smash his face into the table now, why she brushed off whatever nonsense he spouted with a vague smile—because she had etched a poem into her heart. But the fool before her eyes knew none of this and grinned smugly, leaving Lena utterly incredulous.
“Showing you this much means you don’t need further proof, right?”
Under Lena’s icy glare, Clavis subtly stepped back.
“Indeed. Doubting Lady Lena further would be rude. I’m curious how you returned, but we can hear that slowly enough.”
“Who exactly do you plan to hear it from slowly?”
“Why, of course, the stingy and adorable Lady Lena. ……Understood, calm down.”
As Clavis’s banter threatened to drag on, Lena’s gaze grew even colder. Sensing her boiling point, he finally got to the point.
“Having confirmed you’ve splendidly succeeded, I’ll make it official: kill the Emperor for me.”
His voice was so calm and flat that Lena failed to grasp his final words properly.
“What did you just say?”
“I said, kill the Emperor.”
Clavis repeated nonchalantly. He had already revealed himself as the Emperor’s would-be assassin, so the request itself wasn’t all that awkward. What stunned Lena was something else.
“You seem to be under a slight misconception. You’re in no position to ask me for favors.”
Lena replied to his brazen demand with disbelief.
“Me giving your father a chance doesn’t mean I’m giving you one. I’m only leaving you be because I see no need to bother with you. And now you ask for a favor?”
Not just any favor, but to kill someone. As Lena showed her revulsion, Clavis tilted his head, then asked as if disbelieving.
“You don’t mean to say you’ve never done it before?”
The odd nuance irked Lena, and she shot back.
“If I ever resolve to kill, who do you think would be my first?”
“No idea, but I’m jealous. To be Lady Lena’s first.”
Madman. The vulgar word rose to the tip of her tongue.
“Are you cursing me with your eyes right now?”
Reading her intent, Clavis chuckled. Then, shifting tack, he spoke calmly.
“You think I’m some lunatic, but you’re mistaken. Hmm, you don’t believe me? Fine, let me explain why this request is perfectly reasonable. First, Nihil playing Emperor is a disaster. For the continent, the Empire, the East, West, South, North, and every soul on the streets right now.”
“……Were you the type to care about such things?”
“In my own way?”
Lena couldn’t help but scoff at his casual reply. It was absurd coming from the host of an imperial ball. He knew his argument lacked persuasiveness, so he brought out a more substantial reason.
“Second, if you don’t kill the Emperor, he’ll kill you, Lady Lena. Because I’ll soon tell Nihil about my collusion with Rubel.”
Her eyes widened at the near-threat. But Clavis’s demeanor remained unchanged.
“Then Nihil will wipe out everyone connected to you. I’m not sure about the Southern Duke, but your maid and cute little Enji are done for.”
“If he does that, you……”
“Right, that’s the third. I won’t die anyway.”
As Lena started to ask if he thought himself safe, Clavis cut her off. He said it dismissively, as if chatting idly.
“I’m just that favored by the Emperor. I didn’t die from poison, and when the West was crushed, I got promoted to cardinal instead, didn’t I? He probably won’t touch me even if I smash the whole Empire.”
“……Must be nice, being so adored by His Majesty.”
“Yeah, it’s great. Lady Lena wouldn’t know, would you? What it feels like to be loved.”
Her molars ground silently at his provocation. Having precisely stabbed her sore spot, Clavis grinned infuriatingly. Lena glared, then asked what she couldn’t comprehend.
“Then why try to kill the Emperor?”
“Because he won’t kill me.”
His voice was light. But his following explanation was not.
“I desperately want to die.”
Clavis said with a pale smile. That man’s face remained angelically beautiful as ever, the smile blooming there as holy as one from a saint’s portrait. With that sacred visage, the man whispered.
“That’s all I can think about even now.”