Chapter 16
Chapter 16
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 16
Chapter Title: A Chance for Forgiveness
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“Sit.”
As soon as they arrived in the private chamber, the marquis offered Lena a seat. Then he sat down across from her and examined her face closely. After a long while, the marquis murmured softly.
“You look well.”
It was neither the etiquette of a gentleman toward a lady nor the attitude of a high noble toward a knight.
“Fortunately.”
It was simply the voice of a father speaking to his daughter. Lena let out a sigh without realizing it.
“Do you recognize me?”
“How could I not recognize my own child?”
At Lena’s question, the marquis smiled bitterly. Lena tilted her head at the sudden shift in demeanor, but the marquis spoke with the same gentle affection.
“You made a dangerous choice.”
“What do you mean?”
“Stepping forward as the Proxy of the Southern Duke.”
Lena couldn’t help but let out a hollow laugh at the marquis’s worried tone.
“Are you scolding me?”
“I’d prefer if you thought of it as concern, but…”
“You skipped too many steps, Father. There are things that need to be done first, aren’t there?”
At Lena’s polite reminder, the marquis smiled warmly.
“Yes, there are things that must be done first.”
In the next moment, the smile vanished from Lena’s face. The marquis had risen from the sofa and knelt down.
“Father…”
Lena startled to her feet as well.
“I’m sorry.”
But the marquis spoke first.
“Forgive me.”
It was a truly sorrowful voice. Lena gazed silently at the kneeling marquis. Seeing her father, whom she had always looked up to, brought so low for so long, a long sigh escaped her lips.
“What are you sorry for?”
“I turned my back on you. No, I sold you off. To that dangerous man.”
The marquis’s voice was monotone yet desperate. At her father’s confession, Lena murmured in a daze.
“…I’ve imagined moments like this.”
Then, after hesitating, she continued.
“But seeing it for real isn’t as enjoyable as I thought. Why are you doing this all of a sudden? Yesterday, you pretended not to know me.”
“I couldn’t believe it.”
“Believe what?”
“That you had come back. I thought I’d never see you again.”
As he said this, the marquis lifted his head. Their eyes met, and tenderness filled Lena’s gaze as well.
“What a shame. If you hadn’t tried to poison me, I might have believed you.”
At Lena’s whisper, the plea that had welled up in the marquis’s eyes vanished as if it had been a lie.
“You wouldn’t poison a mere impostor, and you sent the butler to confirm, right? To see if it was really me.”
The marquis’s face stiffened at her words that struck at the core. Watching him, Lena murmured bitterly.
“Was it such a bother when I came looking for you?”
“What are you…”
“It’s fine, I’m not blaming you. I’m just curious.”
As the marquis searched for an excuse, Lena instead comforted him gently. A smile played on her lips. It wasn’t a sharp sneer or mocking derision. It was the genuine smile she wore during everyday conversations. Seeing it, the marquis belatedly recalled Clavis’s words.
—I recognized her. And she smiled.
—How could she smile at the person who pushed her into hell?
—You get it? The child we sacrificed has returned as a monster.
A chill of fear crept up his spine. Until just moments ago, he had thought Lena knew nothing of the poison. Because yesterday at the ball, she had approached him without hesitation. That wasn’t the reaction of someone whose life had been threatened. Anger at a threat was the natural instinct of any living being. But he could find no such sign in Lena. Thus, her serenity felt endlessly eerie, like a fragment of a nightmare where cause and effect were reversed. As the marquis recoiled in silent shock, Lena asked her lowered father.
“Why did you go that far? Or… is that just who you are?”
When Lena was young, her father had been terribly busy. She hadn’t seen him often, but even so, she truly loved him. Because he was a kind, warm, and wonderful father. He would occasionally play silly pranks. Like poking his ink-stained finger on his daughter’s face and playing innocent, or swapping Lena’s apple juice for gin and watching her reaction, or carrying the doll she had dropped as if it were his own treasure. With his dignified face, he would pull off unexpected pranks to earn his daughter’s pouts and laughter. Lena remembered vividly the time he taught her to dance by placing her feet on top of his and waddling along together.
“I really loved you, Father.”
“…I loved you too.”
“Then why did you do it?”
Lena whispered.
“We weren’t bad to each other, so why did you go that far?”
“Because we were lowly.”
“Lowly?”
“Just as the emperor said, we were as lowly as insects and had no choice. Die together, or cut off one finger.”
“You don’t mean that finger was me, do you?”
Lena asked with a laugh. At her detached attitude, the marquis felt a strange sense of despair. No words would matter.
“Stand up. You don’t need to do this. It won’t change anything.”
Sure enough, Lena spoke with her usual gentleness.
“I’m an adult now too, Father.”
“What…?”
“Exactly eighteen this year, an adult by imperial law. You’re not still mistaken about my age, are you?”
Lena teased her father, who hadn’t even known his daughter’s age. But the marquis looked as if he didn’t understand. Enjoying his bewilderment, Lena continued.
“So treat me like a person, not a finger. Don’t kneel and make it uncomfortable.”
At Lena’s request, the marquis finally rose. Then, with a sigh, he said.
“I received your letter well.”
It seemed pointless to pour out his feelings to Lena. Deciding so, the marquis chose to converse rationally instead. It was the right choice, as Lena smiled faintly.
“You asked the reason yesterday too.”
Just yesterday, Lena had written in her letter: —I’m just as curious. Why did you do that to me, Father? —So tell me the reason, and I’ll tell you as well. —Why I came to you, and what I can do.
Even rereading it, the letter read like nothing but a declaration of war. He had thought it was gritted-teeth resolve, but knowing it was written with knowledge of the poisoning gave it a new weight.
“Isn’t the answer I gave earlier enough?”
“No, it’s sufficient. Now it’s my turn to explain? Why I came, and…”
“What you can do.”
As the marquis finished her sentence, Lena replied as if she had been waiting.
“I want to exist.”
It was a statement hard to comprehend easily.
“I don’t exist in this world. Everyone has forgotten me, and even if they remember occasionally, they think of me as dead. But I didn’t die. I’m alive here right now.”
With smiling lips but resolute eyes, Lena declared.
“That’s all I want. For the me you erased to exist again in your eyes, Father.”
“Exist…”
“Recognize me. Officially.”
“…You mean confess my wrongs?”
“I’m not interested in your wrongs. I just want me.”
The marquis drew a deep breath at Lena’s demand. To officially recognize Lena Rubel. That meant admitting she was his daughter, that she hadn’t died of illness, that she had been Clavis’s sacrifice, and yet she had returned. Ultimately, it was a confession of treason, a command to abandon everything he had built and die.
“I’ll give you a new life.”
The marquis said in a solemn voice.
“I promise you a life you’ll be satisfied with. Not as the daughter of a marquis, but a noble existence rivaling imperial blood.”
“It’s fine.”
But Lena humbly declined.
“I keep saying, I just want me.”
“That can’t be done.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s treason.”
The marquis exhaled slowly as he confessed. Lena’s eyes widened, and at his daughter’s shocked face, the marquis smiled bitterly. He had pondered all yesterday. His daughter had come with clear intent. What card did she hold? What means allowed her to challenge the cardinal and the Northern Marquis? There was only one possibility. Treason. Overlaying treason to move the emperor was the only way Lena could shake him and the cardinal. So the marquis decided to play that card first.
“You didn’t know this.”
He didn’t know if her surprise was genuine ignorance or dismay at having her move preempted. Either way, it didn’t matter.
“The cardinal took you to stand against the emperor. If that becomes known, not only I but you too will be the child of a traitor.”
Like all kings, Nihil was especially merciless toward treason. Nihil Grasha was the man who branded even slander against himself as treason and exterminated entire families. He showed no mercy even to informants. Thus, the card of treason was a double-edged sword that would fatally wound Lena as well. But there was a chance she might charge in rage like a moth to flame. Bearing that in mind, the marquis continued.
“I understand your resentment toward me. I have no face to show you, but…”
The marquis paused and looked at Lena. Then, meeting her eyes, he murmured lowly.
“Your mother is innocent.”
At the word “mother,” Lena’s eyes wavered. She seemed truly flustered, unable to continue speaking easily. Seeing this, the marquis quietly felt relieved. Now he sensed humanity in his daughter, as if he had found her weakness.
“…I’m innocent too.”
Lena murmured only after a long while.
“Rest assured. I have no intention of reporting you. It’d be a waste of the time I’ve invested to end it that way.”
Time invested. The marquis found the expression intriguing. Yes, six years was no short time. Especially harsh and long for a child abandoned alone. Indeed, it would have been better if she had died. The marquis thought this with genuine pity for his returned daughter. And as if reading his mind, Lena said.
“So I’ll give you a chance.”
“A chance?”
“A chance to be forgiven by me.”
At the unexpected words, the marquis’s eyes narrowed.
“Even if you don’t acknowledge me, even if it becomes evidence of treason, I will remain Lena Rubel. You want to erase this reality, don’t you, Father?”
The marquis couldn’t answer. She had struck the mark. Lena smiled wryly, as if she had expected it.
“Try it. If you succeed, you can keep your position as you have.”
“Try?”
“Kill me. Like you did before.”
Lena’s voice remained calmly composed as she said this.
“The deadline is until the Tomb Conquest ends. Until then, I won’t retaliate or expose you. But if you can’t kill me by the final day, then I’ll do exactly as much as I’ve received.”
Do exactly as much as received. Simple words, but the chill within them was icy blue. It was no different from saying they should kill each other. As the marquis stared with a hardened face, Lena added in an even softer voice.
“But if you acknowledge me before that, I’ll forgive you then.”
Kill her, or be killed, or confess. This was the chance for forgiveness Lena offered, and also the chance to commit sin again.
Understanding the meaning, the marquis sighed deeply.
“Did you come two days ago for this talk too?”
“Yes.”
“I see.”
Yes. I see. The marquis murmured softly. His daughter’s resolute determination felt vividly against his skin, and he mulled it over for a long time. As the marquis couldn’t continue, Lena lightly joked.
“The deadline should be plenty, right?”
A bitter smile spread on the marquis’s lips too. Lena joking while telling him to kill her was bizarre. He still couldn’t tell if she was strong or broken.
“Must it be this way?”
“I want to ask the same. Must you have done it that way?”
At Lena’s firmness, the marquis reluctantly nodded.
“I’ll consider your proposal carefully.”
“Please review it positively.”
“Lena.”
As Lena moved to end the conversation, the marquis called her. In the exact voice he used to call his daughter in the past.
“If only for a moment, I can let you meet.”
“Meet who?”
“Your mother.”
The marquis’s voice was solemn. And gentle. Thus, Lena’s expression turned oddly inscrutable. She gazed at her father with a look that seemed to smile or not. Her eyes held words unsaid. But in the end, Lena said nothing, rose quietly, and turned away.