Chapter 100
Chapter 100
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 100
Chapter Title: Possibility
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Lena came and sat beside him, but Lin remained silent. Staring at his quiet back, she whispered softly.
“It got dark so quickly.”
“...It’s a forest.”
“You must be tired. We ran a lot today.”
“A little.”
Lin’s voice, barely managing a reply, was huskier than necessary. The atmosphere grew heavier because of it, and Lena tried to lighten it with a playful remark.
“Why are you so tense? Are you thinking something naughty?”
She expected him to jump in surprise and deny it. But what she got instead was Lin’s gaze filled with guilt. Staring at this unusually subdued Lin even after being teased, Lena blinked in bewilderment and asked again.
“No way, really?”
“No.”
Only then did Lin slowly deny it. He hesitated, then added.
“...I was worried. About hurting you.”
About hurting her. Lena mulled over the words for a moment, then asked with an innocent expression.
“Isn’t that basically naughty thinking in the end?”
“That’s...”
Lin was at a loss for words. Strictly speaking, she was right. Right now, he was tense about the possibility of hurting Lena, and harming her presupposed sensual sensations. Though she had pinpointed it, Lin didn’t feel embarrassed like usual. That would require composure, after all. In truth, he had been serious ever since she appeared in her white robe. Alone together in the dark and quiet. So close, yet the clothes they wore were woefully inadequate. Fresh from washing, she looked more vulnerable than usual, and Lin lacked the confidence to face it impassively. Even the flickering lantern light stirred his heart into disarray. What he felt in that moment wasn’t ordinary lust, but fear. He knew well what such an atmosphere led to. The lovers he had known would approach him eagerly in moments like this, testing him. And it always ended disastrously. Recalling that, Lin suddenly grew afraid.
“...We should sleep separately after all.”
Hesitating, Lin finally stood up. He had felt a spark of courage earlier, but now facing it, he lost his nerve. To him, Lena was too beautiful a person, and he didn’t want to wrong someone like that. Especially not have his lecherous inner thoughts exposed. He tried to leave, but couldn’t.
“Where are you going?”
Lena grabbed him and pulled him back down. He plopped down with a thud, and then his heart plummeted. Because Lena, who had yanked him, buried her face in his back.
“Lena...?”
“Don’t go. Even if you get a little rough, it’s okay.”
As Lin groaned, Lena whispered softly. It wasn’t consideration or permission—it was a demand. Or closer to a plea. The sensation of Lin vanishing overnight still lingered for Lena. So she wanted him to stay by her side. Only then could the emotions from that time dilute, even a little.
“Stay here.”
At Lena’s earnest plea, Lin groaned lowly. He wanted to be close, too. Feeling Lena lean gently against him, he asked softly.
“You’re really okay with it?”
“I’m okay.”
Lin took Lena’s hand on his shoulder and turned his body. Then he leaned in to close the already short distance. That was when Lena spoke with a resolute face.
“Anyway, it’s you who’ll get hurt, Lin. But even if that happens, I won’t hit you too hard, so don’t go—stay here.”
Lin twisted his leaning body and sat back properly as if that had been his intention all along. The hand that had been about to cup her cheek calmly veered off course to brace against the floor. The “okay” Lena meant was utterly different from what he had imagined, and realizing it just before acting, Lin inwardly despised himself as naturally as possible. I’m shameless. An utterly idiotic shameless fool.
His heart raced for an entirely different reason than before, on the verge of a major blunder. But oblivious to it, Lena just asked anxiously.
“You’re not leaving, right?”
Feeling a pang of conscience, Lin nodded obediently in the end. Seeing her relax made his guilt deepen further. Resigned to whatever now, Lin slipped into the blanket spread on the floor and lay down. No—not into the blanket, but curling pitifully at its edge. At this blatant distancing, Lena muttered in exasperation.
“...Do you really have to do that?”
“I don’t want to bother you...”
Lin made a lame excuse, curling his body and mind tighter.
“Come in a bit. It’s cold outside the blanket.”
“I can handle the cold.”
“What are you talking about...”
Dissatisfied with the distance he created, Lena lay down beside him. Even as she rustled into position, Lin’s mind was filled with torment, but she had no way of knowing. In the end, Lena and Lin lay side by side, an arm’s length apart. Nestled in the soft blanket, sleep came quickly. Exhausted from moving all day, and with the floor warm, their bodies soon grew languid. But instead of closing her eyes, Lena gazed at Lin’s broad back. Somehow, she didn’t want to fall asleep like this. It felt like a waste. So Lena spoke again.
“Did it hurt?”
“Hm?”
“Earlier today, when I hit you.”
“Mm...”
Lin didn’t answer. It meant it hurt too much to claim otherwise. So Lena admitted her fault and apologized humbly.
“I’m sorry. For getting mad without knowing the circumstances.”
“...You don’t need to apologize.”
He hesitated briefly, then confessed honestly.
“Actually, I was glad. That you came looking for me.”
And he was glad now, too. That she held him back. That she asked him to stay together. At Lin’s calm voice, Lena’s heart inexplicably swelled. Glad that she came looking. The phrasing felt familiar to her. So she realized it. That he, too, was someone who had always waited. Knowing no one would come, yet still waiting amid disappointment and resignation. It was impossible not to love someone who shared the same pain.
“Wasn’t it hard all this time?”
Unable to contain her overflowing emotions, Lena asked. Lin let out a laugh like a sigh. Saying it wasn’t hard would be a lie. But his answer was set.
“I’m fine. It was my choice.”
Choice. Could leaping off a cliff when cornered truly be called a choice?
“What’s your dream, Lin?”
“Dream?”
“If it were possible, would you want to go back home?”
“...No.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not there.”
Lin’s answer was simple. But not light. The heavy sincerity hurt Lena even more. Unthinkingly, she reached out a hand. But stopped before her fingertips touched his back.
“...Do we really have a chance?”
Lena asked without thinking.
“Even being together is this hard—what chance do we have?”
She asked absentmindedly. Not seeking an answer, not lamenting. It was a thought she had mulled over endlessly spilling out as a question. Possibility. It was something Lin had said before. To Lena, who hid her feelings, he had called it a waste. At her question, Lin, who had turned onto his side, finally turned his face toward her. Gazing at her face found in the darkness, he answered like a whisper.
“We can always find each other. No matter where the other is.”
Finding each other. Even if masked as a Crow, even sunk into the Abyss—they would crawl there and meet. Yes, if it was that kind of possibility, it was worth staking everything on. Mulling over Lin’s answer, Lena closed her eyes. The sound of crickets came from outside. The moonlight was clear, the air sweet. A sweet spring night, cozy blanket, and the breathing of the person beside her. All of it made Lena feel strange. There had been a night yesterday, too. But then, she had been alone, desperately searching for one person. Tormented not knowing if they lived or died. Now that person lay beside her, breathing steadily. This moment felt like a miracle; unable to hold back her surging emotions, Lena reached out and stroked Lin’s cheek. At the same time, her heart stirred, and she whispered in a husky voice.
“I asked before, right? If I like you.”
“...Yeah.”
“I won’t like you.”
“Why...?”
“Because we can’t be together.”
Lin’s gaze shook at Lena’s calm confession. It was a wounded face. At the same time, a face that already understood everything. So Lena added with a bitter smile.
“But that’s not because of you.”
It was sincere. Lin’s situation, unable to touch a lover, wasn’t a big issue for Lena. She thought she could just hold him tighter herself. But she couldn’t bring herself to, because it would be something she couldn’t take responsibility for. Because taming him and then leaving wasn’t right.
“...I have to go back.”
“Where?”
“To the grave.”
It was the first time. Speaking this story aloud. Originally, she hadn’t planned to say it until the end. She intended to vanish without anyone knowing once her task was done. But now she couldn’t. The sense of loss when Lin disappeared had hurt too deeply to even consider it. So, like a confession in absolution, Lena told the person lying beside her.
“Because I already belong there.”
“What are you saying?”
Lin’s voice trembled. Trembling came through even at her fingertips touching him. He asked again like someone who had never once imagined her leaving—like someone robbed of everything. So Lena caressed his face and continued.
“It’s not that special a story. How many people are in their rightful places now? From the emperor who defied time to the wraiths who crossed death’s boundary, and the people of nations swallowed by the empire.”
Even Clavys, who impersonated a cleric so implausibly, or my father, who had been a hunter.
“We all have places we originally belong. Me, too.”
“That place is a grave?”
At Lin’s question, Lena smiled silently. It was affirmation denser than any words. Lin grew impatient.
“Why? Didn’t you come back to meet the marquis?”
Whether for revenge or closure, Lin thought her goal was her father, the marquis. At his misunderstanding, Lena shook her head, still smiling.
“It’s true I came to meet my father. But that’s not the goal—it’s just a step. What I want has always been one thing.”
To exist. To declare to the world that erased me and us. To inform, awaken, and imprint. But saying it like this, you wouldn’t understand now. Not unless you know what Lena Rubel saw and endured.
“...I don’t know where to start.”
“Tell me everything.”
“It’s too long a story.”
“I want to hear it.”
Lin placed his hand over Lena’s on his cheek. Unable to resist that warmth, Lena whispered softly.
“Then will you listen? To my story.”
A story she had never told anyone. Perhaps sharing it with you is a possibility, too. Clinging to the possibility Lin spoke of, Lena began her story for the first time.