On Obsession (1)
I crouched in front of the toilet, explaining the most embarrassing and awkward thing imaginable. “Okay, Som. From now on, you have to do your business right here, got it?”
Even as I spoke, waves of self-loathing crashed over me again and again, but I couldn’t stop. “And once you’re done, you have to wipe with this! Multiple times! Then throw the used paper in here!”
After rolling out a length of toilet paper and demonstrating the motion, I finally dragged my exhausted body out of the bathroom. But before I could even let out a sigh of relief—
“Ugh… Owner… I can’t wipe properly….”
“Huh…?”
Beyond the bathroom door came a desperate voice that sounded on the verge of tears. I froze for a second. In the end, I gave up on everything with a long sigh.
“Som, close your eyes! Oppa’s coming in!”
After what felt like a war, Som was once again strolling around the house with a perfectly relaxed face, as if nothing had happened. I was the only one left dizzy from the surreal experience I’d just endured. Still, seeing that innocent face made the anger that had been boiling inside me melt away on its own.
The days that followed passed in a frantic blur. Som now had a set of training utensils, and one corner of my closet held women’s clothing I never thought I’d own in my lifetime. Maybe it was thanks to my desperate lessons—Som now walked the tightrope between calling me “Owner” and “Oppa,” and although she still wobbled, she had gotten pretty good at walking on two legs.
Materially, I was definitely poorer. The fridge packed with all kinds of ingredients and the ever-growing shopping cart full of women’s clothes on the internet shopping site proved it. But strangely, my heart felt more abundant than it ever had.
That day at lunch, I opened the fridge only for my hand to hesitate. Chicken breast, blanched vegetables, sweet potato, and kabocha squash again. After days of this bland diet, both Som and I were getting tired of it. Som no longer looked at me with those expectant eyes when mealtime came around like she used to.
She really is human now… I can’t keep feeding her only this forever.
The memory of her getting sick last time flashed through my mind. At the same time, I remembered the face she’d made when she tasted dog food and cried, “It’s yucky.” Was it really right to keep her trapped in a safe, flavorless world?
“Ah, screw it.”
I finally decided on a tiny act of rebellion. I cooked the rice until it was soft and finely chopped the vegetables. Even while double-checking whether rice was safe for dogs, my hand trembled when I added that final pinch of salt.
“Whew… Som, time to eat!”
“Okay!”
It took her a while to come even after I called. Som walked up to the table and stopped in front of her bowl. Instead of the usual food, there was an unfamiliar dish steaming in front of her. She looked like a person whose tail would be wagging if she still had one.
“Wh-what is this…?”
“This… is called porridge. It’s hot, so you have to eat it slowly.”
I scooped up a small spoonful, blew on it several times to cool it, and carefully brought it to her mouth. I swallowed hard. I waited for her reaction like someone who had just fed another person poison.
Som closed her eyes for a brief moment, savoring the taste. Then her eyes flew open wider than I thought possible.
“Mmm…! Owner! What is this?! My tongue… my tongue feels weird!”
Som flailed, completely overwhelmed, as if she had fallen into the ecstasy of “umami” and “saltiness” for the very first time.
“It’s so delicious… I’m crying….”
Only then did I let out the breath I’d been holding. Seeing her so happy over something as simple as lightly seasoned porridge made all my worries feel utterly pointless. She snatched the spoon from me and began shoveling the porridge into her mouth on her own.
“Whoa, whoa… Som!! Slow down. Chew properly.”
Watching her, I took a spoonful for myself. The vegetable porridge was almost completely unseasoned and bland. But that one happy expression on Som’s face made it taste better than any feast in the world. The fact that I had given this small being her very first taste of the real world flooded me with overwhelming emotion.
I stroked her head. “That’s right, Som. There are so many delicious things in the world. From now on, I’ll let you try all kinds of stuff.”
“Really? You promised!!”
Som finished her meal with the happiest face I had ever seen.
After we finished eating, we went out for our usual walk. The air had grown noticeably warmer, and the park was filled with the faint scent of grass and the unmistakable energy of spring. I held Som’s small hand tightly as we walked. Just the fact that she was now walking naturally on two legs like any other person loosened the constant tension in my chest, if only a little.
“Wow! This smells really good!”
Then it happened. Som suddenly yanked her hand free and ran toward a flowerbed. Without hesitation, she dropped to all fours just like she had in her dog days and buried her nose in the flowers on the dirt.
“Som!”
The sense of relief I’d felt moments ago shattered. I grabbed the thread of tension once more and rushed over, quickly glancing around to make sure no one was watching.
“Som, stand up. You can’t do that.”
“Why not? It smells nice….”
I sighed and crouched in front of her. All my hard work teaching her seemed pointless—her instincts still ruled her completely.
“Look, Som. You can smell them like this, just like me.”
“L-like this?”
I knelt beside the flowers, bent at the waist, and demonstrated how to smell them properly. Som awkwardly copied my posture. Squatting on two legs seemed uncomfortable for her; she wobbled several times but eventually managed to bring her nose to the flowers.
“That’s it! Good job, good job!”
At my praise, Som beamed with a bright “Hehe!” and smiled. After that, she wandered around the park, which was bursting with spring energy. She still lowered her body whenever she saw other dogs, ready to bolt, but my persuasion that “the dog friends might get hurt” seemed to work. She stopped at just growling.
But the real ordeal came from somewhere else entirely.
“Hey, Lee Seung-ho!”
While I was walking and struggling to keep Som under control, an unexpected voice called out. It was Chan-uk. Standing beside him was a woman I had never seen before.
“Oh… Chan-uk? What’s up?”
“Just felt like coming to the park after a while. But you…”
Chan-uk’s gaze shifted to “Som,” who was glued to my side. The confusion on his face was obvious. From his perspective, it probably looked like I was taking a walk with some woman I’d never mentioned, practically teaching her how to walk.
“Ah! She’s my niece! My niece! She came up from the countryside for the first time in a while, so I’m looking after her!”
My mind went blank, and an absurd excuse tumbled out before I could stop it. Som, wary of the strangers, shrank behind my back.
“Ah… she’s really shy around new people. Anyway… who’s this?”
“This punk? My little sister. Say hi.”
His sister? Looking closer, her refreshingly sharp eyes did resemble Chan-uk’s.
“H-hello!”
“Hi! Nice to meet you~ I’ve heard a lot about you from Jeong Chan-uk~”
“Ugh, acting all prim and proper in front of my friend… what a load of bullshit.”
“Shut up, seriously… I’ll kill you.”
The way they bickered felt exactly like real siblings, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Hey, Jeong Chan-mi. What do you think seeing him in person? You said he was super hot in the photos… mmph!”
“Oh my god, will you shut up…! Hoho… I’m so sorry, Oppa. Jeong Chan-uk is talking nonsense… I mean, saying stupid things….”
“Ah… it’s fine, haha.”
I laughed awkwardly. At that moment, Som, who had been hiding behind me, lifted her head. It started the instant Chan-mi called me “Oppa.”
Chan-mi took another step closer, her eyes sparkling with curiosity as she spoke to me.
“Oppa, but… why are you even friends with Jeong Chan-uk? I heard you’re really good at coding. Jeong Chan-uk is on a completely different level.”
“Ah… well, you see….”
Right as I was about to answer—
“Grrrr…”
A low, threatening growl rumbled from behind me. It was on a completely different level from the wariness she’d shown toward the dogs earlier—cold hostility like a sheet of ice. Som was staring daggers at Chan-mi alone.
At that intensity, both Chan-uk and Chan-mi took a startled step back.
“Ah… sorry! My niece is really shy around strangers, so she’s probably feeling awkward. Chan-uk, let’s grab a meal soon, okay? Call me. And you too, miss—get home safely!”
I spouted more nonsense excuses and practically dragged Som out of the park, almost running away.
“That wicked woman, seriously…”
Even after we had completely left the park, Som was still huffing and growling.
“Som, she’s gone now. It’s okay.”
“Hng… Owner… there are so many bad people here. They all try to take Owner away….”
She buried her face in my chest. The memory of her growling at that passing jogger flashed through my mind. It seemed that to Som, any unfamiliar woman was now permanently categorized as someone trying to steal her Owner.
I stopped walking, crouched down, and met her eyes.
“Som! No matter what happens, I’ll always be by your side, so don’t worry! I’ll never leave!”
“…Really…?”
“Of course! We even promised to live together for a long, long time, remember?”
At my firm words, Som stared at me for a moment before slowly lowering her guard. Then she looked up at me quietly, wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, and hugged me.
“Hehe. I won’t leave either!! Oppa… I love you….”
“…Yeah, Som. I love you too.”
I answered out of habit, the way I would to a dog, and patted her back. But Som hugged me with far more strength than usual. It wasn’t a simple expression of affection. It was a declaration of ownership, a possessive desire that allowed no compromise. The burning heat of that obsession, transmitted through her human arms, sent a chill down my spine even in the warm spring air.